Cheap Laugh
by WhiteLadyDragon
Summary: As if Zane's quest for victory and heart problems don't occupy him enough, there's a girl and bird that go out of their way to try to kill him, with laughter! Zane x OC *frienemieship*. COMPLETED!...for now.
1. Act One

_**DISCLAIMER! **_**All fictional entities in this segment belong to Kazuki Takahashi; I just rent them. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed; they're mine.**

**This is my first-ever OC fic for this site. I've wanted to do one for the longest time. Don't worry, I'll try sticking to the show's plot (this begins roughly near the end of season two, in Zane's side of the story; and since the show doesn't get into detail about his daily life, I look at it as a free-for-all). **

**PS: "Frienemieship" is a word I made up. It's when two people are friends and enemies at once. **

**PPS: This has been edited, and probably will recieve more edits in the future. **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH"**_

**_ACT ONE_**

"Give me a glass of water. With ice."

That was all Zane had to say. In a fatal neck-snap, all the waiters in the café dropped everything and scurried to the kitchen, plastic glasses held high over their heads. This happened, no matter where he went. If he didn't get served right when he entered the place, even if there were people waiting for their orders before him, heads were going to roll. Well, he never actually threatened to roll any heads, but who was complaining? He got the service, with a little respect on the side. That was all he'd wanted, after all.

Almost ten seconds after he made his order, a waitress hopped over to his seat, bouncing the glass back and forth between her hands and spilling some of its contents to the left and right. For some reason, however insignificant to Zane, she wore plastic green sunglasses that were almost as large as her head, concealing her face. Zane paid no attention to this. All he came in here to do was get a drink and shuffle off.

She clapped the glass onto the table. "There you are, sir! Enjoy!" She pranced away, leaving the rest of the staff sighing with relief…and realizing that number seven's order was now shriveling up into a smoking, charred raisin.

Zane grabbed his glass, shut his eyes and took his water in a series of light sips, concentrating on the refreshing liquid coolness. Just three seats away, the "waitress" sat, peeking out of her glasses and biting her upper lip, to suppress her sniggering.

Having the ears of a Harpie's Brother, Zane stopped sipping and blinked. Was somebody _snickering _at him? Woe to the worthless maggot that had the gall to do such a thing! His icy teal eyes scanned the whole café, before moving back to his drink. Whoever that maggot was, they must've ducked under a table to cower in fear. He didn't go looking for them; that would be a plain waste of energy.

The girl had swiveled around and had her back turned from the duelist. By this time, her face had gone red and puffy, but not from embarrassment. No, it was from all her giggling, which she wasn't sure she could hold back much longer. Holding back a laugh was not one of her strong points. She felt her toes curl up in her boots, while her fingers gripped the edge of the table.

Five seconds later…

"_BWA-HAHAHA! Woo!" _

Zane set his glass down and glared daggers, clutching the glass so tightly that he could've crushed it to bits. One side of his conscience--yes, he had a conscience--told him to go up there and bitch-slap that girl like he'd never bitch-slapped someone before. His other side told him to just turn around and ignore her. At this point, he couldn't afford to have his blood pressure blast through the roof. He decided to follow the latter.

The girl rested her head on the table, heaving for oxygen. Her novelty sunglasses slid down until they perched precariously on the tip of her nose. "Oh, ho, ho, man! I got ya good, didn't I?" She blew a stray lock of brown hair out of her face.

She sat up and made a toothy grin. "What's the matter? Didn't you get it? Huh?"

_What is there to get, that you're a moron? _

She scooted from chair to chair, doing a full swivel in each one, before plopping in the seat right next to him. "Aw, don't tell me you didn't notice your drink!"

The girl began trembling with laughter again. "You asked for a glass of water with ice, right? So, when I gave you it…I didn't put in one cube! You just swallowed the whole thing, plain and WITHOUT ice!" She rapped her knuckles against the table like a drummer: _ta-ta, RAP!_

Looking into the cup, Zane noticed that there really was no ice. You probably would've expected him to go right ahead and slap this stranger into next month (this was what all the employees in the café expected when they saw the whole thing through the window and held their breath). But instead, he stood up and headed for the door, without leaving a single penny of a tip. These people weren't good enough for his money. And besides, they wouldn't demand a tip; they were far too chicken-livered.

"Hey, where're ya going? Aren't you gonna laugh?" To his dismay, she got up to follow him. Why, oh why, didn't he have any pepper spray?

He found himself muttering, "Aren't you supposed to be back there, working?"

She shoved her tongue in her left cheek. "Oh, I don't work there. I just hang out, to stir up a couple of laughs. It helps to take the load off of their shoulders, those poor guys."

Either it was his imagination, or Zane noticed that this nameless nobody was donned in a uniform. The standard Duel Academy girls' uniform, to be precise.

"You're a student at Duel Academy. Why aren't you over there with the other ass-pains?" He didn't know why he was even asking this; it wasn't like he'd care. He tried to shake her by increasing his pace by a bit.

But she just jogged after him. "Well, you know, it's a nice Saturday, and all the Pros were going home from this big tourney that we've just had. And Silph and I thought it wouldn't hurt to, say, sneak onto the ferry, play a little harmless hooky, see the sights…"

If what happened in the cafe was supposed to be a joke, it was a very lame one. Even Yuki would yawn at that. He leaned over just so, tried to pick up a little more speed. He couldn't go too fast, though; his health wouldn't allow it.

"I don't get it, that joke worked on Spongebob," she murmured.

"Hate to burst your bubble, but this isn't…_Spongebob._" He felt a sharp, bitter taste in his mouth just by mentioning that obnoxious cartoon sponge's name. "This is reality. And in reality, no one cares if you cry."

"I wasn't crying. I was just trying to make you laugh, Cap'n Sunshine."

Cap'n Sunshine? He was Zane Truesdale, not a cheesy, pirate hat-wearing cartoon mascot for a sugary, tooth-rotting cereal. "No one cares about that, either. Now leave me alone." If only he could vanish into a puff of smoke and leave a log in his place. But since he lived in a universe of card games and not in a universe of wacky black ninja magic, yet since he lacked the energy and time to slaughter this pest in a duel, he did the next best thing:

"…Is that Pegasus doing the Macarena?"

"Who doing the what, now? WHERE?" She stopped in her tracks and glanced the other way, giving Zane enough time to slip behind a corner and melt into the shadows.

"I don't see any Pegasus! Or any Macarena! Maybe you should get your eyes—huh? He's gone. Oh, man! Looks like the Joker has had the wool yanked over her eyes." She snapped her fingers in frustration.

"But then, he did make a joke…maybe that means I'm cracking him up? Silpheed! C'mere, boy!" Most likely, you would've thought she was calling for a dog. From out of her jacket, she pulled out a small, yellow kazoo. She puffed out her cheeks and blew into it:

_ZOOOOOOO! _

Silpheed perched on the gutter of the café, attempting to pick up a lady-pigeon who nonchalantly pecked at the bread crust she held under her tiny, pink feet.

"_RAWK!_ Come here often, pretty bird?"

_ZOOOOOO!_

At the second blow, the cockatoo ruffled his white feathers. "Hold it, hold it, _RAWK!_" Hopping off the gutter, he fluttered down and landed not-so-gracefully on his owner's shoulder, almost knocking her sunglasses off in the process.

"_RAWK!_ Sara, Sara!"

"There you are, you cocky cockatoo! Were you trying to score with a hot chick?"

"Pigeon. _RAWK!_ You ruin everything."

"Aw, sticks and stones. Listen, I think today's the day that we're gonna make Truesdale crack up! Poor fruit loop's in denial."

"Sad sack, sad sack."

"Yeah. But, when I'm through with him, not only will he be happier, but it'll also further my career! If I can make _Truesdale_ smile, then I can make _anyone _smile! Everybody wins! If anybody sees anything wrong with that, I'd like to hear what!" Sara rubbed her palms together confidently.

"_RAWK!_ Flew the coop! Flew the coop!"

"I am aware that he just flew the coop. That is why…we're gonna try out the element of surprise! Know what I mean?"

"No_. RAWK!_" The bird scooted over and leaned his feathery head in, as if expecting a secret to be whispered into his invisible ears.

* * *

Zane had never felt so relieved to have a hotel room to shut himself up in; he had the door locked and the shades pulled. No, he wasn't hiding, because that's what cowards do. He called it "keeping all the morons outside so they wouldn't kill him before his time". Okay, _maybe_ that's the same thing as hiding, but one wouldn't want to point that out to him, unless he had a death wish.

There in the darkness he sat, shuffling through his deck. Even if he couldn't actually see his monsters, he could feel their razor-sharp and hungry gaze. As he ran a thumb over the top card, it felt like trailing it over a blade, grazing his skin. A tiny bit of his essence dripped out of this imaginary wound, in the form of phantom blood. Not that he was crazy or anything, but he thought he could hear their tongues softly lapping up his essence, yet growling for more. They'd been like this ever since he snatched them up from his ex-master's dojo, but it'd gotten worse since the duel with his little brother.

With his free hand, Zane clutched his chest. His heart curled up in dull, throbbing kind of pain. "I know you want more. But don't you think I should scrape around for the right opponent, first?" He set his deck on the night stand and pinched the spot between his eyes, feeling dizzy, and drained. He'd marched around Academy Island to leave the impression that he gained immense pleasure from electrocuting himself like a toaster in a bathtub.

But there was a deeper, darker use behind those electric collars.

_Defibrillators. Battery chargers. The Vault energy drink in the form of forty-five hundred-some volts. Not to mention, Frisbee-like tools to throw at people and intimidate them. _

Zane lay on the bed, as stiff as a board, grunting in discomfort. Maybe he could take the collars out now? Tonight's Underground duel was still hours away…

Nah, that would look too suspicious. Maybe he could just watch TV instead? That should distract him, if only for a while. He reached for the remote that sat on the nightstand.

_Click! _

"How could you betray me, Darryl? With my _father?! _I thought you were freaking straight!"

_Click! _

"How could you betray me, Darlene? With my _father?! _I thought you were freaking gay!"

_Click! _

"God bless us, everyone."

"Why're you saying that? You're a crippled brat who won't live to see ten."

_Click! _

"Gosh, Big Bird, I hope Snuffy will be able to clean up."

"I hope so, too. When I heard they caught him poking himself with a needle behind Hooper's Store, I was shocked, and very sad."

Zane cringed. He just started to remember why he didn't watch T.V.

_Click, click, click, click, click! _

"You're watching the Card Game Channel! Card game goodness, twenty-four hours a day!"

_Hn, looks like there's still some wholesome material on the tube, after all. _

"Today, we witness the face-off between Jimmy Moldy and Phil Cheerypit!" The camera switched to a bird's eye view of the arena, the stands melting into a moat of heads turning violet from their anticipating shrieks. Zane, on the other hand, fell right back into boredom. These two yahoots looked more like people who spent their time picking their noses and wiping the boogers on their decks, rather than play with them. Another peeve was that it was much more exhilarating to be part of a duel than to watch one, especially when he knew that he could beat either of the two blindfolded, with his foot behind his head, and while having a heart attack. Why, if circumstances ever made it so, he could be handcuffed to a pole, or worse, a crazy broad, and he'd still emerge victorious.

If there's one lesson that he hadn't picked up on his journey, it's that he should never tempt fate, even if he wasn't not doing it out loud. He didn't believe in fate; everything that had happened to him had all been according to his free will. He _liked _it that way. A bunch of scholars could cut in right now and discuss whether life is determined by fate or free will, but they'd have to talk an enclycopedia set's worth on the subject, so...

_Moving on! _

Anyways, he lay on his bed, sulking and mutely criticizing the duelists' two-bit strategies, when—

_BRRRRRIIIINNG! _

His cell phone rang it's plain and boring tone. For the first two rings, Zane wondered if he should answer. He hated to think of who had the gall to call him, or even how they got his number. At the same time, if he didn't answer, they were just going to keep trying to call him until his ears would ring as much as the phone.

…Unless, of course, he stuffed under something to muffle it out.

So he did. He took out the ringing phone and stuffed inside one of the fat, fluffy pillows, then stuffed the pillow under the bed. He barely heard anything now, save the T.V.

Wonderful.

* * *

"_Please leave your message after the beep." _

_EEEEEP! _

"Yo, Cap'n Sunshine! If you're there, pick up the phone! I have to pay a quarter for every minute I stand here! Yeah, you may not know me from Adam, but I just called to...challenge you! You and me, one on one, good clean fun! So much fun, that we'll both be drunk on laughter! I give you the one-hundred percent Scinner guarantee! Now, if you just answer, Sunshine! Sunshine? Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine…Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine! I know you're there, buddy, you can't fool me! I'll bet you're just sitting on your doomy-gloomy—"

"_Please pay to continue your call." _

"What? Nuts, I ran out of coins! These payphones are robbers!" Sara slapped the receiver back in place, pouting. "He doesn't just need his eyes looked at, he needs his ears checked, too! How else can I get his attention? Got any ideas, Silpheed? Silph?"

As usual, the cockatoo was too preoccupied to answer. He was underneath a bench, with another pretty pigeon. She pecked the dirt for a morsel, while he leaned against a bench leg, poofing out his crest.

"_RAWK! _Pretty bird, pretty bird! Wanna know why I'm called a _cock_atoo?"

Well, that got the pigeon's attention; except it wasn't the reaction Silpheed had been aiming for. Three seconds later, he shot out and landed at Sara's feet face-down, scattering more white feathers all over the sidewalk. Right after him, that furious pigeon somehow managed to toss a brick, which flip-flopped across the sidewalk like a domino and landed on top of Silpheed with a _POW! _

"Whoa! Silph, you okay?" She glanced to the bench, where Silpheed's assailant fluffed up her feathers in disgust and took off.

Upon realizing what had just happened, Sara clucked her tongue in sympathy. "Tsk, tsk, tsk! Silpheed, what'd you say to that girl?" She leaned over to lift the brick off of the poor bird and scoop him up into her arms. "Judging by the growl in her coo, I'm guessing that you crossed a boundary."

"_RAWK!_ Women. Hard to get."

"They may be, but they ain't much better than emo kids. I'm sorry, but they're so sad, that the gloom's pouring out of their ears. If not that, they're drowning it out with their iPods." She eyed the brick lying on the ground.

Sara couldn't be classified as the sharpest thinker, or the most logical, but when it came to _quick _thinking, she was a pro! Any time she was in the process of cooking up a scheme, she crammed her tongue into her left cheek.

"Hmmm…"

Patting Silpheed on the top of his head, he sat him on top of the pay phone and opened up her jacket to take out her notebook.

* * *

_Thump! _It wasn't a very large thump, just a small, soft one, as though a sparrow or an object of similar size had hit his window. Zane kept his steely teal eyes glued to the T.V.

_Thump! _

_Thump! _

…

_Thump! _

_Just keep watching the T.V., Truesdale. Whoever's out there's going to have to give up some time. _

"Ooh, I can feel the victory coming in the air tonight, and you know why, Moldy? Because I activate the Spell, Prohibition! I call the name of a certain card, and as long as Prohibition is out on the field, neither one of us can play said card! And I prohibit—"

_**CRASH! **_

Something whooshed through the curtains and landed on the floor with a soft thud. Thousands of shards of glass littered the carpet. Most people would've had a heart attack in this situation, but not Zane. He was used to having things thrown at him, especially since he had to endure this treatment when he struck rock bottom. He just sat up, as alert and erect as a cobra. He took a glance at the destroyed window, swearing to himself that he was _not _going to pay for that, either.

He scooped up the object, inspecting it from top to bottom. It turned out to be a dark red brick, with a folded sheet of loose-leaf paper taped to it. With a brisk twist of his wrist, he ripped off the paper and unfolded it, revealing a mess of dark words that were just above total chicken scratch on the legibility level:

_What time is it when the cards are flying and the munstirs are frying, _

_And the kids are crying teers of laffter? _

_(Over)_

A crooked arrow at the bottom pointed at the paper's other side.

…_It's time to DULE! _

_(P.S: Cleen out the gloom in your ears!)_

Stripping the corny joke in his mind, Zane guessed that someone was calling him out to a duel. This stranger must've had plenty of nuts to challenge someone of his caliber. That, or they were just really stupid. They had to be really stupid, if they couldn't even spell "duel".

Creeping over the glass, he peeked out from one corner of the curtain. The same girl from the cafe stood four floors below him with crumpled pieces of paper at her feet. She grinned and waved at him, as though they were old chums.

"Took you long enough! Sorry I broke your window, but hey, it got your attention, right?"

"…How do you keep following me?"

She put a hand behind her head. "I can smell sadness a mile away. You could say I'm a gloomhound…which is like a bloodhound, only I don't smell blood. Plus, you wear more leather than any loop I've ever met! I dunno what you treat it with, but it smells funny."

"_RAWK! _Chemicals!"

He suspected that somehow, she was the idiot behind the phone call. His suspicions were confirmed:

"Oh, um, if you're wondering how I got your number, Phoenix gave me it. I bumped into him and asked if he knew it, because you guys are buddies and all. Had to pay a fat chunk of my allowance for it, though."

Zane and Aster Phoenix were _not _buddies; they never were. That snooty brat in the monkey suit must've poked around in his cell phone when he left it behind during the tournament (when you're caught up in the rush of victory, it's quite easy to forget other, less important things). That was, after all, how they met each other again in front of the school, before his little brother appeared to foolishly challenge him. Though Aster had willingly given up the phone, he continued to taunt him, asking if he wanted revenge for their last duel with that sly twinkle in his eye.

But it wasn't in his nature to get revenge. He always looked forward, never having the time or energy to seethe about the past. But Phoenix might've done this, just to torture him indirectly. What a sadist.

He made a mental note to change his number when all of this was said and done.

"Well? Did you read my note? Are you going to come down and duel me?"

One should not suspect that he would shrug off a duel; Zane never backed down from an opportunity to win, usually. But putting his health in consideration, he wasn't sure if he should squander what was left of his strength on a petty duel with a silly schoolgirl. When he dueled, he gave it his all, or else there was no duel at all.

"Come on, I'm not asking you to marry me! I'm not even asking you out on a date! Is one stand-up duel too much to ask for?" she huffed.

"Chicken, chicken! _RAWK!_"

The raw _nerve! _That alone would be enough for Zane to march right down there to hurt them both! He wasn't the kind of guy whom you could poke with a stick and live to tell the story! But as mentioned before, he wasn't a vengeful person. He just stood there, trying to kill them both by glaring daggers at them.

Sara pinched the bird's beak shut. "Now, Silpheed! We don't want any trouble, honest. We just want a smile, that's all. Maybe a chuckle?"

_A smile? _If there was one thing in this world he could not do—well, _would not_ do, really—it would be to smile. A smile was a sign of affection, which he didn't feel for anyone, especially not for this joker. This didn't make him hateful, mind you; he simply didn't like people. To hate and to simply dislike are two different things.

Nevertheless, he wouldn't smile, even if it could cure his heart problems.

He turned around and slunk back inside.

"HEY! Where're you going? Don't turn around when someone's talking to you, Mister! Tch, you really are the anti-respect duelist of the League, aren't you?"

But in ten seconds, Zane reappeared, with the brick in his hand. He could've thrown it at the preposterous pair and smashed their faces as much as they'd smashed the window. Instead, he stretched his arm out and dropped it.

_THUD! _

Sara cocked her head to one side, confused. She reached over and picked it up. On the top of the brick was a crude doodle of a smiley face in black marker (it nearly killed Zane just to draw it). It had two tiny dots for eyes, and an even tinier U-shape for a smile.

"You want a smile? There you go." He turned and disappeared again, this time drawing the curtains.

"Oh, a wise guy, aren't we? We'll come up there, if we have to! To the elevator!"

_You think I'm scared? I just stocked up on pepper spray before I checked in here. _

From out of his jacket, he pulled out two cans, one for each hand, and expected the pair to bust through the door. He had to stand and anticipate for a considerably long time. That's because when the pests reached the elevator, they got a tad side-tracked and stayed to fool around in it.

* * *

"Going _uuuuuuup!_"

Sara punched the button with the highest number on it, "eight". No, not just "eight"; hell, why not punch _all_ the numbers on the pad? The two held on to the grab bars and snickered as it climbed up to level two. She was usually a persistent girl, except when it came to elevators. She HAD to play if circumstances landed her in one, just like one may stop to smell the roses if a bouquet of them happened to be nearby. Besides, Truesdale wasn't going anywhere.

To their right was a concierge who slumped against the wall, wishing that they'd just drop dead. She had an important errand to run, and time was money.

When the door shut again and proceeded to climb to level three, the employee grumbled, "Ma'am, this elevator isn't a toy. You either get to the floor you're intending to go to, or security will get involved."

"Aw, security, shmecurity! Everybody turns to those guys to untangle their knots nowadays! Give the poor fellas a break, why don't you?"

The concierge eyed Sara suspiciously. "You're a student at Duel Academy, aren't you? Aren't you supposed to be at school? You know, stuck on an island out in the middle of nowhere? And not over here…making me late, and crazy?"

"D.A. just had a big tourney. Silpheed and I see no harm in taking a teeny little break. Besides, school's kind of overrated: it feels more like an anti-glee zone than a learning establishment, half the time. Did _you _ever go to school?"

Sara didn't mean anything malicious by that last statement—she just had the tendency of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time—but either way, the employee turned around and faced the wall, head hung over and shoulders bent, like someone stuck in the rain without an umbrella.

"Why do you think I'm a concierge?" she muttered.

"Oh." Sara clapped a hand over her shoulder. "Don't feel bad. In fact, I'd count my blessings, if I were you. You didn't have to go through the glee-killing torment I wrestle with every day. The teachers over at D.A. all got a sense of humor that's dryer than saltine crackers. Like in math class, this one time, the Prof asked a math problem involving Life Points, and I made an astonishing discovery about calculators! If you punch in certain numbers and turn the thing upside-down, they spell words! And you know what I got when I came up with 8,008?"

"_RAWK! _BOOB, BOOB! BOOBIES!"

Silpheed tapped the buttons on the pad with his beak: _tap-tap, TAP! _

"After that, I got sent to the Principal's office. He said, 'Honestly, that's something I would've expected Atticus to do'! Now, how's that MY fault if 8,008 reads as 'BOOB'? Unless he was punishing me for stealing Rhodes's material, then I can kind of see that. Hadn't meant to. Nevertheless, those people might mean well, but they can be real buzz-killers."

_Ding! _The doors slid open at level five, and the concierge shot out of there like a bullet, huffing something along the lines of, "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"

Taking it that she had freed the lady from her sadness, Sara grinned and waved. "Glad we could cheer ya up, pal! We'll be here all week! Remember: laughter prevents cancer!" She noticed a cart that the concierge left in there in her hasty attempt to escape. A silver platter sat on it.

"Uh, hey! You left something back here!" It was too late; she'd already turned the corner and vanished. Sara's eyes fell back onto the platter. Even though one should know better than to poke their nose into other people's platters, Sara's tongue jabbed into her left cheek.

"Silph? As fun as the elevator is, I'm afraid this is where we get off."

* * *

_Knock-knock-ka-knock-knock…RAP-RAP! _

The moment he heard the tune on his door, Zane got up on his toes, not that he wasn't already on them to begin with. This could've been _her, _or a bell boy. Only one way to find out...

Armed with pepper spray, he slunk to the door and opened it, only by a crack. He peeked out with one eye and one can's nozzle. To his surprise, and suspicion, he could only see an abandoned cart with a platter on it.

His instincts warned him that this was another trap. For two minutes, he looked it over, up and down. It didn't look like something that would blow up if he poked it with an electric collar. He opened the door a little wider, until his whole head stuck out.

Freeing one hand of a can of spray, he cautiously reached out…grabbed the top…

…and _yanked it off! _

With the door fully open now, he aimed the can at the hero underneath. The sandwich, I mean.

Zane raised an eyebrow. He certainly didn't recall ever ordering a sandwich, or anything, for that matter. He only slept in hotels, nothing more. He didn't even dare to touch the contents in the mini-fridges. One brush of your finger against one of those moist water bottles, and _BOOM! _Twenty-five bucks appeared on the bill! Well, since everyone feared him too much to charge him extra, he could probably touch anything he wanted, including the bell girls. Still, he never took the chance.

He wondered if they planned to charge him for this. Ooh, they better not. And to assert this, he clapped the lid back over the hero, turned the cart around until it faced the right end of the hall, where the stairs were, and gave a kick with the sole of his boot. It creaked and rolled all the way down the hallway until it reached the stairs, where it—

_**CLANG-CLANG-CLANGITY-CLANG, SPLAT! **_

He dusted his hands and "Hmph"ed back into his room, unaware of the shaky cockatoo who'd snuck onto his broad, leathery shoulder. In fact, he didn't realize this until he was about to shut the door, when suddenly it felt as though a pair of scissors were trying to cut off his ear lobe!

"_AH!" _With a twirl and a swipe of his arm, he tried to knock the frenzied bird to the floor, spraying pepper clouds at it. Before you could say "sniff a stir and snafu", the entire room was polluted with eye-watering spray and eardrum-shredding shrieks, the floor littered with stray ruffled feathers.

Silpheed barely managed to flutter out of the broken window as Zane stomped after it, cussing like a soldier who'd just got shot in the foot by the moron sharing his foxhole.

Just when he stuck his head out the window to shoo the feathered fiend away, and to get some fresh air—

_Click! _

Zane froze. _Almost _afraid of what he'd find, he turned around. And found _her_ behind him, linked to his wrist by a pair of handcuffs.

"I don't like the handcuffs, either, buddy. But if it'd make you stay put for just one—"

_SSSSSSSSSSST! _

"_Ahhh, it burns us, it burns us!" _

"Un-cuff me this instant, goddamn you!" he snarled, grinding his teeth so much that they could've shattered. He dove for the tiny silver key that she held over her head, shoving her backward by at least three feet. She didn't put up much of a fight compared to his masculine might—and because she'd been blinded—but no sooner had he yanked the key out of her hand, he'd yanked too hard, and that sent the key flying out of his own hand and out the window.

Down, down, down it plunged, until it landed in the open garbage dumpster with a soft _thud. _

This probably wouldn't have been such a big deal in other circumstances; he'd just have to storm down there to get it. But this time, as though some cruel higher being was trying to toy with him, a garbage truck was backing into the parking lot.

_Oh, no. _

"_RAWK! _Sara, Sara!" squawked Silpheed, perched on the sill of the window to Zane's right.

"Silpheed! Is that you? Where are—WHOA!"

As swift as his little brother at a school dance, Zane dashed out the door and down the flights of stairs, with the blind joker trailing behind him, who was too busy blinking out the spray to ask what was going on.

"_WAIT!" _

But by the time he had rocketed out of the lobby and into the parking lot, the truck had set the dumpster down and was now trudging out, into the bustling streets.

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**


	2. Act Two

_**DISCLAIMER! **_**All fictional entities in this segment belong to Kazuki Takahashi; I just rent them. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed; they're mine.**

"_**CHEAP LAUGH"**_

_**ACT TWO**_

Despite the futility that exists in chasing after a moving truck, Zane rushed after it anyhow, with Sara hopping behind him, calling "Whoa, hey, hey, whoa! Where're we going?"

Unfortunately, the driver must've seen Zane's leathery image in his mirror, feared for his life, and stepped on the gas, because the truck rolled faster and faster until it made that sharp turn around the curb and disappeared into the river of automobiles, leaving the two trapped in a cloud of fumes.

"Aw, man! Just when the pepper spray was clearing up!" coughed Sara. Zane said nothing; he stood there and watched his only way to free himself speed away. That, and no sooner had he braked, he felt that dreadful twinge in his chest, like someone was jack hammering his heart from the inside. Taking a sharp inhale, he clutched his chest and winced. Having suffered from this twinge for a while now, one would think that he'd have gotten used to it. But no one can ever get used to chest pain, not even a tough old bird like him.

Meanwhile, the fumes cleared, and Sara took a deep, relieved inhale. "Ah, fresh air! How sweet you are when you greet my airways! Huh? Hey, what's the matter, Zane? You look constipated."

"I'm…not…constipated," he grunted through clenched teeth.

"Then how come you're grinding your teeth like that? And how come you're grabbing your chest?"

Miraculously, the pain began to subside. He exhaled lightly, releasing his chest. "That's none of your business."

Sara raised an eyebrow. "My grandpa used to be constipated, I mean _royally _constipated, so constipated that you'd have probably thought that he polished off a couple of those blocks from Stonehenge. He'd be in the bathroom, squealing as if he was in labor. I actually thought that I'd have to jump in there and help deliver my new, brown baby uncle…or aunt. That'd be kind of weird, don't you think? Having to change your aunt or uncle's diaper?

"Eventually, we took him to the hospital, where they stuck this long camera-thingy up his hoo-hoo, and found a polyp in his colon, the size of a mango."

She scratched her head, as if trying to recollect her memories. She did this with the hand that was cuffed to Zane's, resulting in his fingers brushing against her greasy brown hair. He cringed.

"As a matter of fact, the thing wasn't a polyp, at all. It _was _a mango! And to this day, Grandpa still denies any knowledge of how that big, juicy fruit got in his muffler and not in his gas tank. Did you do that, Zane? Did you stick a mango up _your _muffler?"

…_I should think not. And if you're trying to be funny again, it's not working._

Sara shook her head. "Poor guy, his mind seems to be whizzing away, as of late. Like his ability to control his bladder." She folded her arms, which resulted in Zane's hand getting pulled over to her chest. _AWK-ward! _

Zane sucked in his cheeks. He'd never gotten into this kind of contact with a girl in his life. No, not even when he used to hang out with his old lighthouse mate, Alexis Rhodes. If one tried to ask about this, he'd adamantly deny it. It took practically all the self-control he had not to blush as he yanked his wrist back, taking Sara's along with it.

Overhead, Silpheed fluttered, squawking, "_RAWK! _Pervert, pervert!"

"Put your money where your beak is, you cocky cockatoo!" called Sara.

"Will you quit doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Crossing your arms and whatnot. In case you've been brain-dead for the last two minutes, we're stuck together. Thanks to you, I may add."

"Okay, okay, don't get your leather in a twist. I'll get us loose…if you promise that you'll duel me."

What could he say? What if he keeled over in the duel? Judging by the girl's appearance, he could safely assume that she wasn't a worthy last opponent. On the other hand, if he refused, he'd be cuffed to her for an unbearably long time, if not forever. His mind would be subjected to torture from an endless whip of lame jokes in a vain attempt to get a cheap laugh out of him. And as much as he liked bondage, he could certainly do without this kind!

He considered promising to duel her, then making a run for it as soon as he broke free.

Wait…he couldn't do that. He'd never stoop down to the level of a liar. If he made a promise, he made sure to keep it, which was why he usually refrained from making commitments in the first place.

Or what if he _did _decide to duel her, but muster enough nerve to not put as much effort into it? She looked flimsy enough to kill in one move, two, at best.

Zane couldn't be classified as the _quickest _thinker, but when it came to sharp and logical thinking, he was a pro! Slow-thinkers usually have that advantage.

"…All right, fine. I'll duel you, _after _you unlock these cuffs."

Glad to have received an answer after three minutes, Sara grinned. "Awesome-nity! Now, allow me to think of a solution!" She crammed her tongue into her left cheek for three seconds.

"Silpheed!"

"_RAWK!_"

She pointed down the street. "This road's got traffic lights that're real slow, like they're _painted _red! See if you can find that truck and get the key!"

The bird made a face. "_RAAAWK, _do I hafta?"

"Would you do it for a Silpheed Snack?"

Silpheed fluffed up his crest excitedly. "_RAWK! _TWO Silpheed Snacks?"

"Sure, why not? In fact, how's about I sweeten the deal with THREE?"

That was enough for Silpheed to squawk like a rooster at sunrise and shoot down the street like a white bullet, leaving behind a trail of loose feathers.

"A _Silpheed _Snack?"

"Yep!" She pulled out a zip-loc bag filled with dried banana slices. "When my feathered friend is being stubborn, I can coax him into doing anything with these babies! He eats these up like I eat up candy! If you ever saw me with candy, you'd know what I mean."

"Uh-huh. And you think he's going to get that key back, girl?"

"Ahem, believe it or not, I've got a name. It's Scinner, _Sara _Scinner. Remember that when you see my face in the laughing limelight!"

"…The laughing limelight?"

"Yeah! I'm a stand-up duelist! Y'know, the guys that make people laugh while dueling? That's what I am! Or at least, what I'm training to be."

_That's a pretty useless profession, _thought Zane. _But at least I won't have to see you in my league when you graduate. _

"_Riiiight_. So, how do we know that your bird's coming back with the key?"

"He'll do it! He may be kind of perverted and easily distracted, but he's still a smart boy! With the proper motivation, of course. He should be back in a freckle past a hair!"

* * *

"A freckle past a hair" melted into five minutes, then fifteen, then fifty and beyond. The two waited by the far right side of the building; it'd been Zane's idea, as he didn't want people seeing him with a girl and getting the wrong idea.

Zane peeked into the clear azure skies. "Hey, Shiner?"

"Scinner."

"Whatever. I don't think your bird's coming back."

"Well, he ain't Sonic! You can't expect him to travel at the speed of sound."

"But we've sat here for an hour and a half. I suspect that _he's_ gotten lost."

Sara shook her head. "He hasn't gotten lost before. Maybe he stopped to hit on another pigeon?"

He fought off the increasingly strong urge to slap himself in the face. There was no way that he'd sit here until night fell. He was scheduled for an Underground duel, later that night. It's needless to verbalize just how bad it'd be if he showed up with a schoolgirl cuffed to his wrist.

"All right, that's it. I'm through waiting on that brainless birdbrain."

"Now how can he be brainless if he's a birdbrain, Sunshine?"

He glared at her with the ferocity of a dragon. Even though she probably wouldn't listen, he hissed, "Stop calling me that."

"Calling you what?"

"Stop calling me Sunshine! The name…is Zane…Truesdale!"

Sara smirked. "Well, why didn't you say so…Ziti!" She punctuated the joke by rapping her knuckles against the wall: _ta-tap, RAP! _

"…Ziti?"

"Yeah! 'Cause your initials are Z. and T.! Z and T spells _ziti!_" she chortled, bending over and slapping her knees like she'd just cracked the cleverest joke in the world. Zane, on the other hand, couldn't decide which was worse: being nicknamed "Sunshine," or being nicknamed after an Italian casserole. He never liked nicknames in general.

_She's lucky that I don't kill her where she stands. Ugh, now just stay calm, Truesdale. This'll be all over, soon enough. _

He waited for Sara to catch her breath and wipe the tears out of her eyes. "Right. So, where'd you buy these handcuffs?"

"From a joke shop," she replied, still trembling with residual laughter. "Not my regular one, though. One day, my regular shop was closed on account of Zoey was out with a bad appendix. So, I found this new shop, and lemme tell you, their gags are something else! Why d'you ask?"

He was going to suggest buying another pair of cuffs of the same brand so they'd use the key to unlock theirs, but he got an awful twinge in his chest, just from hearing the words "joke shop." He wouldn't be caught dead in a joke shop.

Unfortunately, Sara seemed to pick up on the idea before it was even spoken, because immediately, she lit up. "Ohhh, I get it! Nice thinkin', Ziti! I remember just where it is, too! We could even try finding Silpheed!" She sprung up and began trotting out for the street, except Zane didn't move a muscle, so she just trotted in place.

It took her ten seconds to figure out that she wasn't going anywhere. "That's weird! I'm walking as fast as I can, but I ain't going anywhere! Ziti?"

He didn't know whether to tell her to stop calling him "Ziti," lest she'd go back to "Sunshine," or worse. Nevertheless, he stated, "I'm not going in a joke shop."

"…Why?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Why?"

"Because they're unnecessary."

"Why?"

"Because they're stupid and pointless."

"Why?"

"Because they're for half-witted dolts who don't have a life. And cut it out with the fucking whys."

Sara pouted. "Oh, we comedians don't have lives, huh? Well, we may not have lives, Cap'n Ziti Sunshine, but at least we aren't miserable for twenty-four-seven!"

"You can't win at life by being a skippy, happy-go-lucky dipstick, all the time. Pain is the substance of life, the greatest friend and teacher you can ask for." He muttered the last sentence with his free hand over his chest.

"I beg to differ! Pain is like a bad duel: for every turn that you're sad and angry, you lose 500 Points' worth of happiness. And that's not even a joke! That's called _Philly cheese_!"

Zane rolled his eyes. "Don't you mean _philosophy?_" He wished he hadn't said anything, because all this arguing flicked away what precious daylight they had left.

For perhaps the first time all day, Sara fell silent. She put her free hand behind her head and grinned sheepishly. "D'oh, philosophy, Philly cheese, what's the difference? So, you tagging along or not?"

She crammed her tongue into her left cheek. "On the other hand…if you're that insecure about what the people think of where you go, then we could put on a disguise!" She whirled around and started pulling something out of her jacket; she kept all her tools in her jacket, since her uniform had no pockets. Naturally, she yanked Zane over to her side, much to his discomfort. He shut his eyes so he wouldn't have to see anything.

"No comedian is complete without her kit!" she exclaimed, holding out a baby-blue wool shawl and a powdery grey wig. "I'll dress up like an old lady, and you can pretend you're helping me do errands! And this shawl can cover up the handcuffs!"

Zane went stony-faced at that idea. He may not hate people, but it wasn't like him to help old ladies across the street; going into a joke shop was bad enough. If an old lady had to get to the sewing store, they could ask Phoenix to help them.

"Pretend I'm your grandma. Even bad guys are nice to their grandmas, right?"

Silence.

"Okay, smarty-pants, YOU put on the disguise! Then no one will know it's you! Besides, you look old enough to pass off as an old lady!"

"No."

"Excuse me, but do you want to get the key, or not? You WILL put this on!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"No!"

"Yes. Wait a minute…"

"HA! I pulled a Bugs Bunny on you!" To pull a trick like that on Zane, and to succeed, was not impossible, just incredibly and excruciatingly rare. If he hadn't thought about what would happen if he lugged a dead girl around the town, he would've strangled her at the moment she slapped the itchy, matted wig on his head.

* * *

So the reluctant pair marched side by side down the street, with Zane wrapped in the shawl and wig. The costume even came with a pair of giant novelty glasses with dark lenses, so at least no one would be able to identify him. Nevertheless, he felt like an idiot, almost as idiotic as he felt when Phoenix had defeated him.

It didn't exactly help that every forty seconds, Sara would bellow out on her kazoo, attempting to find Silpheed. To Zane, it was like rusty nails scratching on the chalkboards that were his eardrums. And strangers turning their heads to see what the matter was…humiliation! Despite this, he tried to keep his head up and keep on his tunnel vision glasses behind the novelty ones, vaguely believing in the back of his mind that maybe, if he could ignore her long enough, she'd go away and all of this would have never happened.

_ZOOOOOOO! _"Silpheed-Doo, where are you? Did you find our key?"

_ZOOOOOOO! _"Mister, if I catch you hitting on another pretty bird, no more Silpheed Snacks for you!"

_ZOOOOOOO! _"Silpheed, I—am really thirsty. Looking for keys is thirsty work, ain't it, 'Grandma'?" Sara winked.

Zane rolled his eyes, but remained silent.

"Look! That stand over there's selling fruit smoothies dirt cheap! Got any loose change on ya? I'm as broke as my mother's hump!"

Zane snorted and looked the other way. Why should he lend change for a lousy smoothie?

"Come ON! I'll take it to go, so we can keep going! And I'll share!"

_Oh, sure. You can have my loose change. Over my dead, depleted—_

"Thank you, have a nice day!"

"Thank you, keep smiling!" Before he realized it, Zane and Sara were outside the stand, as she received her treat in a moist, clear plastic cup and fat green straw.

"Thanks for the money, Ziti!"

"But I didn't give you any…"

He patted his pants to see if she'd—

Yep. She'd swiped his wallet, and was in the process of handing it back to him. "Here you go!"

It was one thing to be stuck with a silly schoolgirl, but with a pickpocket? He slipped his wallet into his _other _pocket, but not before preening through its leathery folds. "Did you take anything else out of here?"

"Of course, I didn't! I'm a comedian, not a crook! I'll pay you back as soon as I can, promise!" She took an eager slurp of her icy banana, strawberry and pineapple concoction. "Unless, you count the knowledge that your middle name is Sheldon, because I took that, too."

He cupped his free hand over her mouth. Oh, the many years he spent trying to keep that a secret! But then, maybe a threat would save the day? "You tell _anyone _about my middle name…and I will hunt you down and kill you, with my bare hands." he whispered in his own menacing, spine-chilling way.

Sara gulped, but not in fear. She still had smoothie in her mouth, and it's rather difficult to answer when one's mouth is full.

_Gulp! _"Oh, relax! Your middle name is nothing to be ashamed of!" she tried to assure him as they continued on their way. "Everyone's got a funny middle name! Y'know what mine is?"

Though Zane did not ask, she stopped, stood on tiptoe, and whispered into his ear:

"…Pecker." Her breath fell cold on his ear lobe, a result from her icy drink. He pushed her back.

"Pecker?" _Is that even a name?_

"Well, that's _my _middle name, and I'm proud of it! Mom and Pop say they called me it because I'm their little woodpecker."

_More like _skull_-pecker, if you want my opinion. Someone who's got nothing better to do than to peck at people's heads to drive them crazy._

"And another thing: how come you didn't smile when you got your license? Did you have to get your teeth pulled before then, or what? Me? Heh, I'll be grinning ear to ear when I get my license! If I ever get it, of course. Teachers, how 'bout them? Last time I took my test, by the time I skimmed through the whole course, the proctor melted into a puddle in the shotgun. Then an ambulance took him away. You might say that my driving was _heart-stopping!_"

She rapped against a telephone pole: _tap-tap, RAP! _

One corner of his mouth twitched at the two words he really didn't want to hear right now. _Wonder why? Because you were too busy cracking lame jokes to pay attention to the road? Or did you freak out and floor it?_

* * *

_SLUUUUUURP!_

Sara smacked her lips contentedly. "Ah, nothing like the revitalizing taste of mashed fruit and ice! Here, want a sip?"

He stared at the straw, the drool-coated, germy straw that'd just been in her mouth. She expected him to drink out of that?

"I'll pass." Turning his attention to the streets, he began to notice the shut-up, dilapidated buildings and strangers in trench coats. They seemed to have crossed into the shadier, slummier, not-so-friendly part of the city; strange place to run something as benign as a joke shop.

"Hey, Seether?"

"Scinner."

"Whatever. Are you sure we're going the right way?" This street made him feel odd, but not odd as in fearful and anxious. No, odd as in, had he been down these streets before?

"Yep! Just a couple more blocks, unless if we cut through a couple of alleys to get there faster! Like that one!" She pointed to a path between two buildings and took another slurp.

_This looks familiar…but why? _

Suddenly, it hit him, like forty-five hundred volts: _this was the street where the Underground Circuit nested! _

"Oh, shit."

"_AAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!" _

He almost had another heart attack. "What, what is it?" His wrist was hoisted up to his companion's head.

Sara dropped her smoothie and pranced around like a Dark Rabbit, her hands clutching her temples. "_BRAAAAAAIIIIN FREEEEEEEEEZE! MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP! IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAY, MAKE! IT! STOOOOOOP!" _

"Kid, chill out!"

"_CHILL OUT?! I'M AS CHILLED OUT AS A NEANDERTHAL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" _With that, Sara shot down the cracked sidewalk, turn sharply, and scrambled in circles in the middle of the road, forcing poor Zane to hold onto his wig and try keeping up. Well, actually, he tried more to pull by the handcuffs, in order to make her stop. It felt like trying to get a horny dog to heel.

Eventually, she did stop, as soon as she quit running in circles and sped down the road, when her run slowed to a jog, then a walk, then a trudge. Panting for air, she swerved for a streetlight and hugged it. At least she hadn't discovered the Circuit. But even if she did, she'd probably be too stupid to recognize it.

"Are you done?" Zane gasped, wiping his sweaty brow with one corner of the shawl. His chest ached again, but it was duller than it had been previously.

"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry about that." As though nothing had happened, she combed her fingers through her tousled hair and grinned. For the second time that day, Zane got to touch her hair. Not that he liked it.

"That's it? You have a full-blown meltdown in the middle of the road, and then you're okay?"

"Ah, no, I did NOT have a meltdown. I had a _freezeup! _Screaming and running in circles always remedies a freezeup, gets the blood flowing through the head. Is it my fault that freezeups always come to me as severe and sanity-draining? Huh? Huh? Oh, look! I see the joke shop, up ahead!"

Zane glanced in the direction she pointed, and instantly, his already weak heart sank. He didn't see any tiny, gaudy shop with funny faces in the window or however it was that joke shops displayed themselves. What he _did _see was a medium-sized brick building, with three giant neon red X's on top.

"…Yeah. Hey, Scinner?"

"Hooray, you remembered my last name!"

"Whatever. Just to make sure we're on the same page here…where's the joke shop?"

She clucked her tongue sympathetically. "You really need to get your eyes checked! It's right there, with the giant red X's on it. Like emoticons!"

"O…kay. So, you're telling me that you got these cuffs from _that _store?"

"Y'know, I may be a little forgetful in some aspects, but I don't forget the shops I go to! It's an innate female instinct."

Her idiocy had reached a new low. At this point, Zane would've rather leprechaun-danced up and down aisles of prank peanut brittle cans and whoopee cushions, than to walk into a _sex _shop! And with a _girl, _too! To make it worse, it was a girl he hardly knew, or liked!

"It's got a funny name for a joke shop, Xest." Sara explained, emphasizing the X. "Only it's spelled with three X's instead of one. But as a comedian, I must say, their gags are unlike anything I've ever seen!"

Zane didn't know whether this was an honest mistake, or just another crappy joke, and he also didn't know whether he should point out that "**XXXest**"was not a joke shop in the least bit. It didn't feel right talking to a girl about anything related to sex, particularly since she had to be at least two years younger than him. On the other hand, _shouldn't_ he say something?

He did not blush, and he did not turn wan. His expression turned flat and blank. And as he went blank, Sara kept tugging him along.

"I didn't just get these cuffs here! I also got a bunch of these gag hot dogs and slipped a couple into some people's buns during lunch. I got sent to the Principal's office for that one, and not only that, but some of the kids called me a sicko. And Sheppard asked these weird questions about where I got the dogs. I kinda had to stretch the truth a little, so he wouldn't know that I'd skipped class. I told him that I found them in the locker room, all by themselves. After that, he had everybody searched."

"I'm not going in there."

"Aw, not this again! Quit acting like a baby, why don't you?"

Zane planted his feet firmly on the concrete and glared forks and knives. If either one of them was acting babyish, that'd be Scinner! "That's not a joke shop, jackass."

"Scinner."

"Whatever! Where's your common sense? Why would anyone put up a joke shop in the middle of the slums, honestly?"

Sara jammed her tongue into her left cheek. "To spruce the place up, a little? To spread a little light for the folks who live in the dark?"

One can only handle so much optimism from his peers, and today Zane had handled much more than his share. He hadn't met anyone this cheerful since Jaden Yuki from school, but even _he_ wasn't _this _irritating!

He didn't usually take the time to smash people's rose-colored glasses—their wearers are rather difficult to reason with, and therefore, are a waste of time and energy—but either that, or he'd probably wind up smashing her face.

"Didn't they ask if you were eighteen, or something?"

"Actually, they did. I told 'em I was twenty-five." He supposed that the clerk didn't ask for any evidence of this, like an I.D. or something legitimate?

"Yeah, the triple-X is NOT an emoticon. Triple-X is just a nicer way to indicate that you're looking…at a…sex shop." He said this as slowly and calmly as possible, so she'd get it. "If it's got naked mannequins, vibrators, and dirty videos, then it's a sex shop, _NOT _a joke shop. Oh, and those 'gag hot dogs'? Those are actually…dildos."

A momentary and awkward silence fell between them. Sara had her tongue back in her cheek again, as though contemplating what he'd said. Though judging by her behavior, Zane guessed that she wasn't thinking too hard.

Finally, she shook her head. "Dang, Ziti, I had no idea you were such a pervert." See, this was the reason he didn't talk to people: they always took his words and twisted them out of context.

"Well, I'm not the kid who bought handcuffs and dildos from said store. Forget it, there's no way I'm stepping in there by even a toe." He whirled around and started stomping off in the opposite direction, dragging Sara along with him. The sooner they left the slums, the better. Hopefully, no one from the Underground would see and recognize him.

"But what about the key? Don't you want to get unstuck? Yoo-hoo, Cap'n Ziti Sunshine!"

Suddenly, he stopped. A bulky green truck rumbled up the street, and judging by its stench, Zane guessed that it was a garbage truck. It wasn't likely that this was the same truck from before, but still…

He had an idea. Hastily, he dashed for the nearest streetlight and waited for it to lumber past.

"Uh, hey! What're we doing?"

"Ssssh! I've an idea, just follow my lead."

_RRRRRRRRMMM…_

Squinting his eyes against the fumes, he leapt out as soon as the truck passed and caught footing on the bumper. Sara, however, still ran on the ground, trying to keep up.

"Woo-hoo, running after a truck! What could be better?" she gasped.

"Swing up here," he hissed, his free hand clutching the grab bar. After thirty seconds of jumping up and down and almost tripping them both up, he gave a sigh, and swung his cuffed arm. Instantly, he hoisted her into the air, while she found her footing behind him. With her free arm, she wrapped around Zane's middle and hugged him tightly. He tensed up under this touch. He wasn't used to getting hugs. When he was hugged, by his mother or Atticus, he wouldn't respond, nor would he resist. He'd just stand there and wait for it to be over.

Though he supposed that they'd be stuck like this for a while.

"Wow! Thanks for that, buddy! I could've winded up like Beavis when Butthead pushed him out of a moving car! Uh-huhuhuh!" Sara's cuffed hand found its way to the top of Zane head, and before he knew it, she was giving him a noogie. It was a light one, but he still didn't appreciate her knuckles in his scalp.

He shook her off his head. "Don't…touch…the hair," he snarled. It was bad enough that they had to be this close to each other until they got to the dump.

"Okay, okay, don't melt down on me. So, where are we going?"

"…Where do you think?"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

**_Special thanks to dear old ChazzyLuverGurl for her beta-reading services! I'd sound like a moron--or in this case, more of a moron--without her guidance! _**


	3. Act Three

_**DISCLAIMER! **_**All fictional entities in this segment belong to Kazuki Takahashi and pretty much anyone but me; I just rent them. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed; they're mine.**

"_**CHEAP LAUGH"**_

_**ACT THREE**_

"Now, I might be full of snot, but sometimes I get one of those 'who the hell am I' moments, and I've got a theory: do you think that maybe we're all just a bunch of figments of somebody's imagination? Like we're just the by-products of paper and ink, trapped in a humungous box, like a T.V., for the sole entertainment of giant people? Like maybe the whole world is just one big cartoon?"

"…You're right."

"I am?"

"You _are _full of snot."

Ever since they'd hopped on the truck, they'd been cruising through unfamiliar streets at ten miles an hour. All Sara had done during that time was breathe down Zane's neck and chatter a hundred words a minute into his ear, just to break the ice. All Zane had done was think that if they weren't bound by the wrist, he'd toss her off like a bucking bronco. He shut his eyes to shield them from the clouds of fumes that emitted from both the truck and its contents.

"Well, I did say that it was a theory, Ziti. Why do YOU think we're here?" At this point, he'd given up on getting Sara to just call him Zane. For all he cared, she could call him "Sunshine" or "Ziti" or "Fruit Loop" or anything that crossed her scatterbrained mind until the Red Bulls flew home.

When he was still a student at Duel Academy, he'd possessed a strong belief in respect. But he'd picked up from the Underground that the world was one big steel cage of hurt: there were those who _got _hurt, and those who _controlled _the hurt so as to inflict it on the weaker existence. Lately, however, he'd begun to question his beliefs as he had before finding the Underground…mostly because nowadays, he had become one of those people who were constantly hurt with a kind of pain not inflicted by others, but by himself.

He didn't feel that he had to explain himself to a stranger, especially not one who wouldn't get it anyway. But if he didn't answer, she'd keep pecking him until he did.

So, this is what he replied: "Life's a game. We either win, or lose. Then we die."

"_PPPHHHBBBTT! _And you say _I'm _full of snot!"

Zane could've swore that she'd spat in his hair. If only he could sock one right between her eyes…

But even as the way he was, he couldn't do anything more to a girl except bop her harmlessly on the head, no matter how klutzy or kooky she was.

"That doesn't explain where we came from! Just what's the prize for winning? What happens to the losers? And what about when we die, is there some victory party at the end?

"Or are you implying that we are actually one big _video game_?"

"…Yes."

Another transitional silence elapsed, save the truck's growling engine and Sara's nose-whistling. For Zane, the silence was broken far too soon:

"So if we're one big video game, does that mean that we've got super powers? Y'know what super powers I'd want? To be able to fly! But then, who _doesn't _want to be able to fly? Then no more putting up with traffic jams when you're trying to be the first in line for the rides at Pegasus World! I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea, baby! I mean, why do you think I don't clip Silpheed's wings? Anything that can fly, _should _fly!"

_Well then, don't be surprised when your bird finally gets tired of you and flies away. _

"Another power I'd like is to see cartoons, and talk to them. Like maybe, what if Pegasus died unexpectedly, and he willed his brain over to charity? Um, not that I'd _want _him to die, because I idolize the man! I'm just being hypothetic! Anyways, what if I got hit by something big, like a train or something? Then I'd probably get that genius-man's brain, and all of his one-of-a-kind 'toon friends! I wonder…if that happened, do you think that would make _me _the creator of Duel Monsters?"

_I don't know. Why not jump in front of a train and find out? _

"What kind of super-powers would YOU want?"

_I don't need super-powers. I've got all the power and glory I could ask for. Though sometimes I think, if I was ever offered the ability to blow people up by just staring at them, I don't think I'd turn that down—_

_What am I thinking? I'm not buying into this. _

"Oh, you're one of those guys who feel good about being just the way they are? That's cool! Heck, maybe we _already_ have super-powers! I have the power to make people laugh! I've got the power!"

_No, you've got the power to drive people crazy. _

More silence. Even chatterboxes need a break from chattering. But a minute later:

"Knock, knock!"

Oh no, not the Knock-Knock Jokes of Doom!

"Come on; say 'Who's there?'!"

"No."

"I'll tickle you if you don't."

Zane wasn't exactly what you'd call a ticklish person. But in order to avoid having her touch him anymore than necessary, and possibly forcing them both off the truck, he grunted, "Fine. Who's there?"

"Jinzo."

"Jinzo who?"

"Jinzo cracked Trap cards and I don't care! _Bwa-hahahaha! WOO! _Knock, knock!"

"…Who's there?"

"Thermos."

"Thermos who?"

"Thermos be some way to crack you up! Hee-hee-hee-hee!"

_Give me a break. _

"Hey, hey Ziti! Knock, knock!"

"Who's there?"

"R.V."

"R.V. who?"

"R.V. there yet? R.V. there yet?"

Just then, the pungent smell of assorted garbage assaulted Zane's nostrils. They were rolling alongside a tall, wired fence with mountains and molehills of trash sitting on the other side. They had finally reached the dump; hopefully, the one that their key had been taken to. Thick, black tails of smog choked out the sunshine.

"Hooray, we're here!" Sara cheered, inhaling deeply. "Ah, nothing like the stench of discovery, eh, Ziti?"

"Mm-hm, real nice." The truck slowed down from ten miles per hour to two and a half, giving the two the perfect opportunity to jump off once it'd crossed through the gates.

"When I give the word, we jump, all right? Ready?"

"Ready, Freddy!"

"Yeah—"

"_GERONIMO!" _

Zane couldn't get in another word as Sara leapt backwards off the truck, pulling him with her. Like a pinball, they tumbled off to the right and bumped back and forth between four small, mucky molehills. They wound up rolling on top of a broad, tattered mattress with several rusty springs protruding here and there.

When Zane managed to recover from the shock, he ached practically all over, and stank, too. He really couldn't put up with much more of this abuse. As though to add insult to injury, he realized that he was in a rather compromising position, on top of his companion.

_AWK-ward! _

Muck caked Sara's disheveled hair, and bits of sticky tin foil and paper clung to her clothes, but she did not seem at all shaken. In fact, she looked rather _thrilled_. "WOOOO! Let's go again, let's go again!" she panted. She looked up and noticed Zane kneeling on top of her. Most girls in this position would've probably fainted or spazzed up or at least turn as red as a tomato. This was Zane involved, after all. Not Sara. She just grinned and found another opportunity for crack a joke: "Well, this is sudden! Except, where are the flowers?"

He rolled off of her as quickly as possible and landed next to her, his expression as stony as an Easter Island head. Had she _no_ shame? "Why'd you jump? I said jump when I gave the word," he breathed, hand over his chest to check if he'd just had another heart attack. He sure felt dizzy enough to have one, like he'd just got off of a speeding carousel. And not because he'd _enjoyed _being in that position, no sir.

"I did. You said 'Yeah'! That's a word, right?"

"Oh, forget it. We're off, now. Let's get to work." He sat up. She sat up, as well, brushing a couple stray strands of hair out of her face. She clipped them back into place with one of her yellow barrettes. On each of them was a tiny, purple plastic face with its tongue sticking out.

"All righty, then! Let's split up! I'll go this way, and you go some other way!" She jumped to her feet and started trotting in a random direction. Once again, Zane stayed fixed to his spot, so she just trotted in place.

"We can't split up, Scinner. We're cuffed together." But if they weren't, Zane would've ran like hell and ditched this joker here, not caring if she got lost in this malodorous maze!

"Oh. Oh, well! You know the saying: two heads are better than one!"

_Actually, from the looks of things, it looks like only one of the heads is functioning. _

* * *

"KEY! Oh, Key! Where are you, Key? Hmm…"

_ZOOOOOOO! _

"_Oh where, oh where has our little key gone?" _

_ZOOOOOOO! _

"_Oh where, oh where can it be?" _

They'd traversed into the heart of the jungle of junk, and as far as Zane was concerned, he was the one doing the most digging through trash, collecting enough grime underneath his fingertips and everywhere else to fill up a ditch for mud wrestling. How fortunate it was that he wasn't a pansy who feared getting down and dirty when necessary, if it did not involve cheating, of course.

Sara, however, was busy belting off-key and blowing on her kazoo, as if the key would come back like Silpheed would. If he hadn't gotten eaten by some dogs or something, of course.

Seeing that he was too impatient to protest, he simply plucked out two pieces of cotton from a shredded pillow and stuck them in his ears. This didn't completely block her out, but close enough. He went back to work.

Meanwhile, about six inches away, Sara pulled out a little three-wheeled wagon, whose red paint was chipped and rusted away. "Ooooh…awesome-nity! Look at this cool wagon I found! Poor thing; just needs another wheel and a little paint, and it'll be as good as it was, the day it was manufactured! Hey, what's that? And that? Man, this looks nice! Who in their right mind would throw_ these_ out? Dang, I _love _these guys!"

Zane was about to move on to the pile of soggy garbage cans, when Sara unintentionally jerked him back.

"Scinner, what're you—"

He turned around and came face-to-face with a broken wagon, bending under the weight of a pile of assorted junk that had grown up to his height. Among its contents was a cracked toilet seat, several old Yardbirds records, a baseball cap that looked like Pac-Man, a pair of smeared roller skates, and a T.V. set on top.

"We didn't come here to help ourselves to this crap."

"But it's all FREE! Free is my favorite price! Ever heard of the saying, one guy's trash is another guy's treasure?"

Nothing.

"I said IT'S ALL FREE! Clean out your ears, honestly."

"Scinner, all this is going to do is slow us down."

"_PPPPPHBBT! _Slow us down? You're talking trash! Heh-heh, you're talking trash, in a dump. Anyways, it's not like you have some pressing engagement to attend to, right?"

Nothing.

"I said IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'VE GOT SOME PRESSING ENGAGEMENT TO ATTEND TO, RIGHT? What's in those eavesdroppers, anyhow?" She scooted over to peek in Zane's ear. He nudged her away, but not before she got a glimpse of the cotton.

"Did you know you've got cotton in there?"

No response.

"I said DID YOU KNOW YOU'VE GOT COTTON IN THERE?"

Still no response.

"Dang, it must be stuck real deep in there. Did somebody plant dandelions in your ears, or something?" She leaned over and tried to blow on the cotton. Zane ended up reaching up and pinching her lips shut. He didn't care how filthy his hands had become.

When he let go, Sara spat, "Okay, okay, so you like your dandelions, or cotton or whatever! You just had to say so! But it won't be too good when you can't hear what people are saying. Like what if one of your friends came up to you one day, and you're busy signing your name on people's duel disks, and they shout, 'Yo Zane, how're you doing, we miss you to tears' and stuff? If you couldn't hear them, they'd think you were ignoring them and get steamed. Then you'd probably never see them again! I don't know what I'd do if I never saw _my _friends again. We all need somebody to lean on, you know."

_That doesn't bother me, because I don't need friends. _

Suddenly—

"_RAWK!" _

Sara perked up like a prairie dog. "Did you hear that? That sounded like…"

"_RAWK! _Pretty birds, pretty birds!"

"Oh my God! SILPHEED!"

Like a triggered bear-trap, she sprung to her feet and started to climb on top of the hill, dragging Zane along with her. By the time they'd got to the peak, he had banana peels, apple seeds, part of a melon rind and a lemon wedge stuck to his face. She just had to keep pushing him, didn't she? But she'd taken out the kazoo before he could do anything:

_**ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **_

She blew until she grew as blue as a Smurf. "Silpheed, old buddy, old pal! If you can hear this kazoo, please acknowledge it by showing yourself!"

She didn't have to look too hard. The cockatoo was alive and well, and perched on top of a discarded love seat with two lovely girl-seagulls. Naturally, he was trying to pick them both up. But guess what he had loosely hanging around his neck by a shoe lace?

"Ziti, look! It's the _key! _I told ya that he was a smart bird! Told ya, told ya, told ya!"

He spat out two or three seeds before replying: "Yeah. But what's he doing with it? Tell him to give it here."

"Silpheed! Here, boy! Give us the key!"

But Silpheed was too busy swaggering around the two gulls and fluffing his his crest to listen. See, once he had found the key, he thought he could wear it and pretend to look rich for the lady birds at the dump. Chicks loved rich and handsome studs, right?

He failed to notice, however, that these two particular gull girls were too busy to notice his display. They nuzzled and preened each other's feathers and picked at a rotting salmon piece that sat between them.

"Um, Silpheed? I think you better leave those two lovebirds alone." This was coming from a girl who refused to leave Zane alone.

"_RAWK! _You ladies like _cock-_atoos?"

"_CAW! CAW, CAW!" _

"_CAW!" _

Before Silpheed had the slightest clue on what had just happened, the gulls leapt on him and tied a plastic six-pack beer ring around his neck. They took him by the rings and whirled him around in their beaks before flinging him to the bottom, landing in a heap of his own feathers.

Zane raised an eyebrow. _That's something you don't see every day. _

"Silpheed, hang on! We're coming!" Zane barely managed to get back on his feet when Sara went diving back to the ground. Along the way, one of his boots sunk a tad too deeply into the trash—

_POP! _

Off it came. Because Sara was discourteous enough not to stop to let him retrieve it, he wound up with squishy, smelly food remains squeezing between his toes.

When she finally braked, Sara scooped up her beloved bird. "Silpheed, are you okay? Speak to me!"

"_Rawk, _I see doves, I see doves," he choked, but tried to manipulate his claws into a thumbs-up sign, anyhow. Too bad that birds don't really have thumbs.

"Silph, let me give you two pieces of advice. Number one, not all females dig the cock-atoo line. People start to turn their noses up at material when it gets old, like they would at cheese. Number two, _never _mess with a pair of lesbian seagulls! In their heads, it's all about them."

Zane reached out with his free arm to get at his boot, only to be pulled over to Sara's side as she attempted to rip the rings off of Silpheed, with her teeth.

"_Puh-tooey!_ There you go, Silph! You're as free as a bird!" She turned and grinned at Zane. "I can open lots of stuff with my choppers, like bottles and nuts and stuff. Who needs a can opener when you've got your jaws? Here, look at 'em!"

Silpheed fluttered out of her arms as she pulled back her lips. "Look at these pearly whites! Have you ever seen any sharper than these? I've got a bite like a termite, probably! Or the smile of a crocodile!" Zane said and thought nothing of this.

"Well, I'll confess that I broke one of my canines once. My neighbor Roxy said she'd pay me to open a pickle jar with my teeth, so I took up on her offer. Dang, I thought fitting it in my mouth was tough, but I barely wrestled with the thing for two minutes before _BAM! _Out went my tooth!"

"_RAWK! _Like a light!"

"So I ended up getting a cap. When I heard the part about the cap, I asked the doc real nicely if my tooth could have an Orioles baseball cap. But he ended up stiffing me. Look at my tooth, that doesn't look like an Orioles baseball cap, does it? I think he gave me a White Sox cap."

No comment.

She added with a sigh, "That's when he also noticed three cavities in the back, all lined up in a row like a nice cavity garden. The week after, he shot me up with this stuff that numbed practically my whole face, and pulled them out. Ooh, I remember the blood, but I was too high to care. I had become comfortably numb.

"I barely even had enough consciousness to say good-bye to my lost teeth. After the operation, it felt like I'd lost three of my closest friends. Three and a half, really. Hey, did you know that you're missing a shoe?"

"…Can I have the key, now? The sooner we do this, the better."

Sara nodded. "YEP! Here yo—"

She froze. Her left eye twitched slightly.

"What's with you?"

"D-Did you…h-h-_hear that?_"

Other than a can clanking somewhere in the background, Zane heard nothing.

"It sounds…l-l-like the p-pitter-patter of…of…_little paws,_" she whispered hoarsely. Silpheed joined in by shaking like a leaf. He swooped for the nearest shoebox and sealed himself in it, leaving the key in Sara's clenched, sweaty fists.

Zane decided to just reach in there and take the key, when from amongst the garbage heaps emitted a tiny, fragile…

"_Mew." _

"_WAAAAAAAAAH! SANCTUARY, SANCTUARY!" _The silly twit ran around Zane and ducked behind him, lifting up the bottom of his coat to cover up her head. He yanked his coat back.

"Don't touch the coat."

But she only did the same thing again. "Did your dandelion ears block that out? That terrible, bloodthirsty, flesh-hungry snarl?"

An ominous, beastly silhouette loomed in between two tattered sofas: something furry, with a long, whip-like tail, gnarled pointy ears, and…

…whiskers!

"_Mew, mew." _

"A cat? You two are freaking out because of a _cat? _It doesn't even look like a cat, more like a kitten…aren't girls supposed to dote over kittens or something?"

"Ziti, have you no idea about the evil behind these…f-fiendish felines?" she gulped. "They just stare at you with their big, round eyes that burn like headlights in the darkness! Makes you feel like a rabbit in front of a car, doesn't it?"

"…No."

"And they have this magnetic thing in their eyes that freezes you, spellbinds you, even! It makes you wanna march over to them and scratch their velvety ears and stuff…then _WHAM! _They pull a fast one on ya! They spit and they bite and they slice and dice your face up until you look like a lump of pre-sliced ham! The horror, the HORROR! Don't look directly into its eyes, in the name of all things pretty and witty and gay!"

Silpheed's muffled squawk echoed, "_RAWK! _And they eat birds, feathers and all! _RAWK! _I'm too young to die, too handsome to die!"

_I'm going to guess that someone's had a traumatic encounter with a cat that I'm probably going to hear about when this is over. _

"Can you just give me the key?"

But Sara was so paralyzed with fear, he had much difficulty turning around to grab it out of her fists. She even dropped down to the ground and lay there, face down. This forced Zane to kneel down to her level.

"What're you doing now?"

"_Sssh! _I'm trying to play 'possum. If this works for them, then it can work for me, too!" she hissed, then stuck her tongue out to look like she was dead. She tucked her hand underneath her belly, making it almost impossible to reach the key.

_Good grief. Guess it's up to me to save the day. Yippee. _

"_Mew?" _

The tiny, ginger kitten with brick-red paws pitter-pattered up to the anti-hero. It stared at him with its head cocked to one side and an innocent, cat-like smile on its lips.

"Shoo. Go on, scat. Scinner won't give me the key unless you go away." He tried to wave it away, but it just rubbed its head against his palm. Then it trotted up to his stray boot, wrapped its sharp teeth around the mouth, and pulled it out of the trash. It lugged it all the way to Zane and dropped it.

"_Mrow." _

"Well…thanks, I guess. Now go away."

Sara opened one eye and looked on in horror. Did Zane not know fear? Or was he simply clueless like that? Either way, she needed to intervene, before the kitten unleashed the Thousand Shredders of Doom!

"RELEASE MY BUDDY FROM YOUR SPELL, DEMON KITTEN!" She screeched, getting back on her feet to rush back up the garbage heap, and of course yanking Zane along behind her before he got to put his boot back on.

_Is she not able to say in one place for two minutes? _

She wound up taking everything that she'd piled into the wagon and chucking it at the startled kitten: from the toilet seat, to the roller skates, to even the T.V. set! Everything she threw, but the old Yardbirds records! Because they were too valuable to just fire like nuclear missiles.

"Take that! And this! And some up your nose!"

"_RAWK! _Do it, Sara!"

_**CRASH, CRASH, CRASH! ZZZT! **_

With a frightened yowl, the kitten dashed for its life, disappearing between the sofas and nearly getting its poor hind paw caught in a spring.

"_OOOOOWAAAAAHH! I AM SARA SCINNER, DESTROYER OF EEE-VIL-UH!" _

"Take it easy, kid. It was just a cat," Zane grumbled, picking off as much garbage off of his foot as he could before slipping on his boot. "And I thought you wanted to be a stand-up duelist?"

Sara flopped down on her bum and panted for a minute. "Well, now that we're safe, we can unlock these cuffs, now! What'd I do with that key…?"

"What do you mean, what'd you do with it? Didn't you just have it in your hand?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't get your leather in a twist! Key, key, where can it be?" She patted herself all over, but Zane realized what had happened to it. Somewhere in the chaos, she'd tossed it.

This time, Zane set out to regain control and retrieve the key. That way, it wouldn't get lost, _again. _Dusting himself off, he stomped down the hill and dragged Sara behind him, who was still searching herself. Silpheed fluttered out of hiding and attempted to perch on his broad shoulder.

"Touch me, and I will pluck off every feather you still have and make a pillow for myself," he hissed. So the cockatoo just fluttered a safe distance behind the two.

"Where are we going, Ziti?"

"To get back the key that you lost, _again_."

"Wait…we're going back over there? Where that k-k-k…we're so scared of them, we get jittery by just thinking about them."

Zane rolled his eyes. _I suppose now you're going to tell me the marvelous story of how cats scarred you for life?_

"It all started with Grizzabella, I guess. She was my grandma's pet, and she was old, man. I mean, as old as my granny, only in cat years. _MAYBE _in human years, too. You just had to look at her one time, and you'd think, 'Dang, did Granny take this furball to show-and-tell when she was little?' Grizzie was scrawny, grey, real crabby, and smelled like the grizzle at the bottom of the frying pans. She was the first—and last—cat I ever got into intimate contact with. One time when I was four, I tried to play with old Grizzie by putting a sock over her head. I was hoping to play Cops and Cat Burglars with her, and make her the robber, because she was a cat. Get it, _cat _burglar?"

Silpheed stopped to rap his beak against a tomato can: _tap-tap, RAP! _

"Oh, but I barely got the sock over her ears when…_YEEEOOOW! REEEEE-OOOOOW! SSSSSS!" _Sara flailed her arms this way and that, imitating the howls and hissing of a furious feline. Silpheed almost had a stroke up in mid-air.

"I didn't even know what hit me until she finished and sulked off into the yarn basket! I felt like my pop's reports that I'd tossed into the shredder! Oh, and the blood…I thought I'd have to go to the adult hospital and get all stitched up! Would my friends in preschool recognize me? What if I looked like Frankenstein's kid? What about my hair, would they have to shave it all off?

"And you know who Granny blamed the whole thing on? Rock 'n' roll. She thinks that rock 'n' roll is evil and that my brains are all scrambled because my folks used to have it on all the time. Where do you think I got my quaint taste in music?"

While Sara ranted, Zane picked through the soggy cereal boxes and pretended to hear not a word. And he believed he was the verge of finding the precious key when—

"_Grrrr…"_

"Was that your stomach, Silpheed?"

"_RAWK! _Had no Silpheed Snacks today, but…no."

"Ziti?"

"What're you talking—"

The next time he turned around, he was staring into a white mongrel terrier's eyes. In fact, he was staring into the infuriated eyes of a terrier, a saluki, a bulldog, a Great Dane, a Chihuahua, and the same ginger kitten from not too long ago. They all had their teeth bared, the fur on their backs bristled.

"Hey! Aren't those the same mutts from that one movie? What was it called again? _Ollie and Chums_?"

"_Areow! Thp-thp!" _

That alone was enough for the dynamic duo—and disgruntled uno—to break for the hills.

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**

**_This goes out to my buddy AlukaKaiserin...for her BIRTHDAY! Happy Birthday, Emmy! Calloo-callay! _**


	4. Act Four

_**DISCLAIMER!**_ **All fictional entities in this segment, and anything mentioned in my countless and unnecessary allusions belong to Kazuki Takahashi and pretty much anyone but me; I just rent them. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH"**_

_**ACT FOUR**_

They barely managed to make it back to the gates with the mutts snapping at their heels. Their pursuers didn't bound beyond the fence, but continued to bark at them from the other side. It seemed that chasing them out of the dump was good enough for the animals, and eventually, they all pranced away with their mangy tails held high.

"Phew! That was a close shave, huh, Ziti?" Zane was too busy scowling and dusting himself off to answer. They'd practically charged right into the garbage heaps just to get out of there. And their key was still lost in there.

He noticed something small and scrawny gnawing on the edge of his coat, which turned out to be the Chihuahua. It did not take much effort to pluck the runty canine and drop him on the other side of the fence. It yapped at him indignantly, baring its stubby, almost-nonexistent canine teeth.

"Oh, look! That little guy's got a bone to pick with you," chuckled Sara. She did not mind dogs at all. It was cats that made her squeamish.

_Yeah, well if only we still had that damn key to pick these cuffs with, _thought Zane, examining the tiny tooth marks in the leather.

"_RAWK! _Fine and dandy. Silpheed Snacks, now?"

"Well, you did find the key…"

"And then _you_ lost it, again."

Sara crossed her arms and pouted, completely unaware that by doing this, she brought his wrist over to her chest. Zane noticed, however, and tried to bend his hand into a certain angle so he wouldn't touch her.

"It ain't my fault that cats are evil, Sunshine! _Ohhh-hohoho_…c-c-cats."

"_RAWK! _Lost my brother to a cat! Was a good bird, but he hogged all the snacks. _RAWK!_"

Zane pulled his hand away. Why had he left his electric collars back at the hotel? "Well, it's not my fault that you're a jackass."

"It's Scinner! Scinner, Scinner, Scinner, Scinner, SCINNER! _Skin-errr! _Dang, you're more forgetful than I am."

"I don't care. You don't call _me _by my real name." He could've gone off on a big, angry rant about how they'd traveled all over the city on a pointless quest for a key. But he was tired, tired and disgusted and stinky. So he just scowled, turned the other way and glared straight ahead, as though aiming to blow up a building just by staring at it.

Sara noticed this, and her pout instantly melted into a frown. As airheaded as she could be, she hated to see people miserable, no matter what the cause. After all, the whole reason they were stuck in this jam was because she was trying to cheer him up. So far, however, she hadn't even gotten a chuckle out of Zane, not even with the knock-knock jokes. And knock-knocks were supposed to be classic ice-breakers!

It looked like he needed a stand-up duel more than anything. If only they had some way to undo these cuffs…

But there was no way she was going back in there, not with a killer kitty on the prowl!

She jammed her tongue into her left cheek, being the quick thinker she was. Glancing to the other side of the wired fence, something gleaming caught her eyes.

"Ziti? Hey, Ziti! Do you see what I see?"

Zane did not answer. Thinking that he hadn't heard her, Sara stood up on the tips of her toes and gave him another noogie. "Hey, Ziti! Ziti, Ziti, Ziti, Ziti, Ziti—"

He grabbed her with his free hand, rather roughly. "What did I tell you about touching my hair?"

"Come on! Look over there! You see what I see? Do you?"

_Is it the key to getting me out of this hell? _

"Somebody threw a couple of perfectly good duel disks in there! Why they'd do that, I've got no clue, but that sure is convenient for us, and you know why? Because I say, we _duel _us out of these cuffs! Dueling solves all of the world's problems, right?"

"…Just how is dueling going to do that?"

"We'll blast 'em off! You're a big old Pro dueling powerhouse, yeah? If you can kick someone's ass so hard that they'd need real live medical attention afterwards, then I see no reason why your giant metal snakes can't blast through a lousy pair of cuffs!

"Oh, and if you're worried about little old me, I'll be okay! I've suffered quite a few injuries for the sake of comedy, and whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Ain't that right, Silpheed?"

"_RAWK! _I should know, I should know!_"_

Sara started pointing at all different parts of herself, such as her legs and nose. "Like when this kid at school said that people were gonna duel on motorcycles in the future! So I hopped on Zoey's bike and took it for a spin, you know, to start getting ahead of the times before they happen! I think I still got the scar on my thigh, if you wanna see it. Or the time I tried to put my foot behind my head because it looked cool! Ooh, and how could I possibly forget about the nosebleed I got at my Aunt Clara's wedding? Don't even get me started on _that _story!"

_It's not your safety that I'm concerned about. It's my health. _

"Silpheed, fly over there and get us those duel disks!"

_Gulp! _"I hafta? But—"

"If you did it real quickly, maybe the cat won't get you? I'm sorry, Silph, but I've already been torn to shreds by a fiendish feline!"

"_RAWK! _B-But—"

"Would you do it for three Silpheed snacks, plus the three that I promised earlier? Would you do it for _six? _Hm?"

If three Snacks were a large quantity, then six were virtually irresistible! The bird zoomed over the fence, doing two or three loop-de-loops along the way. It was like watching Superman making his big entrance, only far less gracefully and with more feathers. Since he lacked Superman's super-strength, he took one disk at a time, picking up each by the sleeve and hoisting it into the air in his black feet.

He lost quite a few feathers in struggling with both loads. Judging by the twisted expression on his face, he looked like was ready to pass out in any minute. But the promise of Silpheed Snacks, combined with the chance of the killer kitty coming back, motivated him enough to flutter back to the other side. And drop both of the disks on Zane's head.

_CLUNK! PLUNK! _

He tried his hardest not to wince, or reach up for the bird's throat. If he was going to get out of this alive, he decided that he'd have to put all of his effort into making as little effort in this duel as possible. Confusing, yes? So is distinguishing the difference when _using _a card and _playing _one. Besides, this was just a dumb kid. It'd be different if she were the last opponent he was looking for.

"Now gimme Snacks! _RAWK! _I risked my life!_" _

"All right, don't get your feathers in a bunch! Here's your reward!" Sara opened her jacket to pull out the zip-lock bag. She flicked out six dried banana slices, all of which Silpheed caught in his beak. They were all gone in six seconds, one second for each, and he still picked at the ground for scraps.

Sara shook her head. "For a bird, Silph, you sure eat like a pig!" She slipped her duel disk on her free arm. Zane did the same.

"Can we just get this over with?"

"Keep your leather on, Leatherhead! When I'm about to duel, I need to suit up!" Zane tried to look away as she dove back into her jacket for a plastic blue pail, a latex beak, a red scarf and a cape decorated with fake green feathers. Just how did she keep everything in there, anyway?

"I should think about getting a backpack," she mumbled. "Hey, Silph! I'll give you four more Snacks if you dive back in there and get a backpack!"

_Why can't you bribe him to do something more useful, like get the key back? Then I wouldn't have to duel you, or worry if I'll kill myself, doing it…_

Sara strapped on the broad plastic beak over her nose, tied the feathery cape and scarf around her neck, and slapped the pail on her head, like a hat. "Yo, Ziti! How do I look?" It seemed that she was trying to dress like the monster, Sonic Duck.

"…Stupid." Obviously, Scinner was not the type to take dueling seriously.

She rapped her knuckles against the pail, looking quite pleased. "Awesome-nity! That's exactly what I was aiming for! Dressing up _quacky_ draws the people's attention!" She chuckled at her own joke, with Silpheed squawking along with her. He had returned with a tattered, holey backpack that was shaped like Sonic Duck's head; it'd been the first backpack that he'd laid eyes on when he'd gone back over the fence.

Wiping a tear out of her eye, she heaved, "But enough of that! Which one of us is going first? Does a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors sound good?"

"Whatever."

"You know how to play?"

"Who doesn't?"

"You sure? Because it'd only be fair of me if I told you that—"

"Can we just get this over with?"

Sara shrugged. "Suit yourself. Ready? Three, two, one…_SHOOT!_"

Not surprisingly, Zane won by drawing Rock. Sara drew Scissors. The real surprise followed with two fingers being jabbed into his eyes.

_Boink! _

"_Ah!" _He shielded his eyes with his cuffed hand. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"I thought you said you knew how to play?"

He kept his hand over his face so she wouldn't see him tearing. "I've played Rock, Paper, Scissors before, and no one tried to poke anyone's eyes out."

Sara grinned. "Well, in the Scinner version, you do! The loser beats up the winner in a way that depends on what they drew. Since I got Scissors, I had to poke you in the peepers. Now if I drew Paper, then I'd have to slap you across the kisser, like this!"

He hardly got his hand off of his face when she reached up and smacked him.

_SLAP! _

His cheeks throbbed, both of them as red as two tomatoes. He was about to say something when Sara cut him off with:

"And if I drew Rock, I'd have to clonk you over the cranium, like this!"

_CLONK! _

"…And if there were a _draw?_" Zane asked through clenched teeth.

"Then we hit each other at the same time. That's how my two great-uncles ended up spending the rest of their days being blind and with their faces as swollen as rutabagas."

As much as he'd like to pound her in the head as though it was a nail and his fist was a hammer, he couldn't.

"Forget it, Scinner. Let's just duel. Besides, the only kid that's ever made a draw with me is Jaden. And you are certainly no Jaden."

Sara shrugged. "Okie-dokie, old Smokey! Let the laughs commence!"

"I thought we were dueling to break the handcuffs?"

"Who says we can't laugh a little while we're at it? Laughter prevents cancer! Like my catchphrase? I'm especially proud of it because it's true."

"True, true-dilly, true! _RAWK!_"

So they unlocked their dirty disks and the duel began. Their current condition turned out to make the game rather inconvenient and uncomfortable; this was the first duel Zane could recall that ever made him feel like this. Not even the duel with Phoenix had been this stupid. Sure, Phoenix had defeated him and sent him spiraling down a pit of despair and shame, but at least he'd done it like a real duelist would.

For each of their turn, Sara would prance all the way to one side of the field, then back again, dragging Zane behind her. He almost felt like a moron doing this, but at least no one else was watching.

Since Zane started first, she ran over to his side. "Okay, Ziti! Your go!" She pulled the pail down over her eyes and turned around, so she wouldn't cheat by looking at his hand. She flashed a thumbs-up.

He rolled his eyes. "I play the Spell, Graceful Charity! It lets me draw three more cards, and discard two."

Before he drew his extra three cards, Sara cut in with, "Well now, if it gives you three cards and takes away two, then I wouldn't call it Graceful Charity! Sounds more like Government Funding, to me!"

She rapped her knuckles against her head: _ta-tap…_

…and finished it with a _"QUACK!" _

Normally, Silpheed would be the drummer for her acts, but for his duel, he sat at the sidelines, polishing off every dried banana slice in the zip-loc bag that Sara had carelessly left on the ground. After what he'd been through, he deserved the whole bag.

"Scinner…"

"World's future funniest stand-up duelist, you're talking to, here."

"…Right, I forgot." He drew his three cards: Cyber Kirin, Cyber Phoenix, and Overload Fusion. Already in his hand were Cyber Ouroboros, Future Fusion, Proto-Cyber Dragon, Call of the Haunted, and Infernal Dragon. He discarded Ouroboros and Cyber Phoenix.

"Next, I summon Proto-Cyber Dragon, in Attack Mode!"

**ATK: 1100 **

**DEF: 600**

"Behold, Silpheed! The beginning link to the Cyber Dragon evolution chain! You can tell because it's got no eyes, no teeth, and no wax! And it ran on steam! Then it lost its job to all the bigger and better Cyber Snakies that ran on electricity. Proto-Cyber: the Mary Anne of the Cyber Dragons!"

_Ta-tap! "QUACK!"_

_Are you going to make a stupid comment every time I play a card?_

"You know, you shouldn't talk when the opponent's trying to make a move. That's—"

"Disrespectful? I thought you were an anti-respect duelist? Do you even have your own theme song? _A-N-T-Y R-E-S-P-E-K! Find out what it means to me…'kay?_"

_Ta-tap! "QUACK!" _

"_RAWK! _Bring down the house!" Silpheed squawked with his beak stuffed with Snacks.

For a moment, Zane wondered if you could duel without saying what you were doing. He'd never tried it, nor had he seen anyone try it. Was it absolutely necessary to yell about everything you were doing?

On the other hand, what if Sara _was_ trying to shut him up? Was that part of her game, too? Well, he'd just see about that!

"…Then I play the spell, Overload Fusion! By removing all Machine-type monsters on my field and Graveyard from play, I can Fusion-Summon a Machine-type monster. By sacrificing Proto Cyber, Cyber Kirin and Cyber Ouroboros, I summon my Chimeratech Over Dragon!"

**ATK: ?**

**DEF: ?**

"Dang, for a Dragon, that beastie's a pansy with stats like that!"

"There's more. Chimeratech has a special ability, which lets it gain 800 Attack Points for every monster I sacrificed to summon it! Oh, and it can attack you directly three times per round, because I sacrificed three monsters."

**ATK: 2400**

Sara counted on her fingers. "No fooling? So that means…one, two…uh, what's eight hundred times three, times three?"

_If your math's as good as your spelling, the answer is: enough to wipe you out in one move, that is, if this wasn't the very first move. _

"So, are you gonna attack?"

"I would if I could. But this is the first move."

"So, are you finished?"

"No. My Ouroboros's special ability activates, now. Since it's out of play, if I discard one card from my hand, I can draw a new one." He discarded Infernal Dragon, and drew a new card: Limiter Removal.

"Are you done yet?"

"No."

"Dang, is this how you win all of your duels, by boring your opponents to death? We could've watched a whole hour's worth of _Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo_ in the time that it's taken you to finish your move!"

"Or gotten more Silpheed Snacks! _RAWK!"_

_Ta-tap! "QUACK!"_

"…I place a card face-down, and end my turn. Jackass." He mumbled the word "jackass" as softly as a breath as he set down the Trap, Call of the Haunted.

"Is that your favorite nickname for me, Ziti?" asked Sara, lifting the pail over her eyes. Apparently, he hadn't said it softly enough. She tried to dash back to her side of the field like the monster she was cosplaying, only her path was more of a zigzag as opposed to of a straight line. Her cape whipped into Zane face, with several of its feathers flying up his nostrils.

She skidded to an abrupt halt, nearly making poor Zane trip up over himself. "Sonic Duck's the name, speed's my game!" she cheered. Suddenly, she frowned.

"Hey! No looking at my hand, Beaker the Peeker!" She reached over to the backpack and pulled it out from underneath Silpheed. The bird was just getting comfortable, too!

"_RAWK! HEY!"_

She slipped it over Zane's head. "There! I shalt not cheat, thou shalt not cheat, either!"

_I wasn't looking at your hand. I was vaguely wondering if I should chew my arm off to escape. It's too bad that this is my drawing arm. _

Sara drew her hand close to the edge of her latex beak; it contained Roc from the Valley of Haze, Lightning Vortex, Sonic Duck, Sakuretsu Armor, and Lady Ninja Yae.

"I'll kick it off by summoning my Lady Ninja Yae, in Attack Mode!"

**ATK: 1100**

**DEF: 200**

Suddenly, Zane thought he heard someone fart:

_PPPHHHHBBBT! _

"P.U.! Who broke wind? That's not very lady-like of you, Yae! Or very ninja-like."

He peeked out from under the backpack. Silpheed was on the sidelines, sitting on a whoopee cushion.

_Is this part of the comedy routine? Hmph, real mature. _

Zane didn't think this was funny, but Sara sure did. In between chokes of laughter, she set a card face-down. "Oh, and here's a face-down, to keep ya in suspense! You could learn something from me, Ziti! Observe how much time that took, compared to how much time your move took!"

_PPPHHHHBBBT! _

She escorted him back to his side, pulling the pail over her eyes.

Zane drew a card: the notorious Spell, Pot of Greed. "I play Pot of Greed, so that I may—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know! To draw two more cards! And I should know because I've got that card, too. Everyone does! Why do you think that is? Are we all, like, spiritually tied together like ribbons on a kite's tail by that little card? Is it because we're all greedy or something?"

He glared more forks and knives.

"Just more Philly cheese to chew on."

Zane decided against correcting her, and drew his extra cards: Samsara Dogma and Power Bond. He could probably wipe Sara out right now; the shorter this duel, the better. But what about her face-down?

_My face-down is Call of the Haunted. I could activate it to bring back Cyber Phoenix, which will protect one Machine-type monster on my side of the field from the effects of all Spells and Traps…_

…then _I can wipe her out. _

"Chimeratech Over Dragon, attack Lady Ninja Yae!" At his command, Zane's metallic beast began charging energy in each of its three jaws.

"HOLD YOUR HARPIES! I've got a Trap, and I ain't afraid to use it! Behold, Sakuretsu Armor!"

She ran them both back to her side of the field. "When you declare an attack to blast me out of the sky, your attack is negated, plus it's the attacking monster that gets blasted, instead!"

_PPPPHHBBBT! _

Zane trudged back to his side. "Well, I activate _my _Trap, Call of the Haunted! With it, I can bring back a monster from my Graveyard. I choose my Cyber Phoenix!" The sleek, four-winged bird materialized by Chimeratech's right flank.

**ATK: 1200**

**DEF: 1600**

"And that's not all. My Phoenix has the ability to negate the effects of all Spells and Traps that target one of my Machine-type monsters on my side of the field. So it looks like I'm keeping my—"

"Oh, yeah? Well, did I tell ya that Lady Ninja's got a super power of her own, Leatherhead?"

Back to her side.

"I just have to discard one Wind-type monster from my hand, and all Spells and Traps on _your _side of the field go back to _your_ hand!"

_PPPPHHBBBBT! _

With one swipe of the Ninja's blade, the wind blew back Call of the Haunted into Zane's hand. Because of this, Cyber Phoenix burst into flames and returned to the Graveyard. Since Sakuretsu Armor remained, it blew up Chimeratech like an old gas station.

_PPPPHHHBBBT!_

Since Zane was stuck on Sara's side of the field, he didn't have to brace himself for the smoke and impact. But he sure wasn't happy about this.

"Ooh, and remember how I tossed out a monster to activate Yae's effect? That monster was Roc from the Valley of Haze, and he's got an ability of his own! If he's sent directly from my hand to the Graveyard, he doesn't go to the Graveyard. He just goes back into my deck. Then, I shuffle."

Sara pulled her deck out and shuffled it as quickly as possible, probably attempting to make another farting noise. She made a "silent-but-deadly" kind.

"Y'know, it feels almost like we're playing tennis, doesn't it? Except I haven't busted any windows, or lodged any balls into people's eyes, and no one's screaming like they're having an orgasm."

Silpheed fell to pieces at the mentioning of "orgasm." He pounded his head against the cushion, producing a loud, erratic string of farts.

"Why, we've countered each other so much, I forgot whose turn it—_OW! Ow, ow, ow, ow!" _

Zane stormed back to his side of the field, accidently-on-purposely trying to yank Sara's arm out of her socket along the way. It served her right, after all the torture she'd put him up to all day.

"It's still my turn," he snarled. "And we are _not _going to run back and forth like chickens. From now on, we're staying on _my _side. Got it?"

"But I _like_ running back and forth! It gets the blood flowing! You know what happens when it's _not _flowing?"

"_RAWK! _Blood clots, blood clots!"

Zane stayed rooted to his spot.

"…Is this 'cause you're constipated?" She pulled out a small red packet of Senokot. What _didn't_ she have in her jacket? She tried to hand it to him, but he waved her off.

"Will you just let me finish my turn? And I'm not constipated." He looked over his hand to see what else he could do. With Yae out on the field, he couldn't do very much, unfortunately.

"Hn, I summon Cyber Kirin in Defense Mode."

**ATK: 300**

**DEF: 800**

"I end my turn. And you're staying right here."

Sara gave a pout. "Awright, sourpuss. But no looking at my hand!" The backpack found its way back on his head.

She drew a new card, which turned out to be her best one: Simorgh. It wasn't her favorite, but it was certainly the most destructive.

"Okay, first I'll summon my Sonic Duck!"

"_Quick-Quack!" _

**ATK: 1700**

**DEF: 700**

_PHHHBBBT!_

Silpheed blinked four times, believing that he was seeing double. "_RAWK! _Which is which?"

"Oh Silph, you card! Now, where was I? Oh, right. I attack your Kirin with Lady Ninja! GO!"

_PPPHHBBT! _

The green-haired ninja leapt into the air with the grace of a panther—though the graceful effect was somewhat ruined by the whoopee cushion—holding the sword high over its head.

_Not if I've got something to say about it. _

"I activate my Kirin's special ability! By sacrificing it, I take no damage at all for this whole turn."

Zane's Kirin vanished in a cloud of dust, and Ninja Yae wound up with her blade stuck eight inches into the ground. _AWK-ward! _

Sara snapped her fingers. "Ah, well! GO GET 'IM, SONIC DUCK!"

…_What? But I won't take any damage for the rest of this turn. Why is she—_

"_QUICK-QUACK!" _quacked the feathery beast, charging at full-throttle at them. That's when Sara tried to get in the way, stretching out as far as she could.

"What're you doing?"

"Hold still, buddy!"

But the Duck simply passed between them as though it were a ghost, before making a clumsy U-turn around them and dashing back to its place. The trail of wind it left behind blew off the backpack and mussed up the duelists' hair by a bit, but Zane's fell back into place after three seconds. That was the unique thing about his hair.

"What was that for? Did you forget that I won't be taking any damage for the rest of this turn, or what?"

"Yeah. But I said we were gonna blast the cuffs off, didn't I? What do I look like, a moron?"

"…Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Well, I guess that's it for my turn, then!" she combed her hair with her fingers and grinned. She pulled the pail back over her eyes.

Thus, Zane drew another card: Cyber Dragon. Because of the circumstances and its effect, he did not need to sacrifice anything to summon it. Plus, he could attack with it to blow away Ninja Yae, leaving him free to play any Spell or Trap he wished.

"I summon Cyber Dragon!"

**ATK: 2100**

**DEF: 1600**

"Ooh, it's so shiny that I can see it through the pail!" Sara marveled, as if Cyber Dragon was some sort of fancy sports car.

"Mm-hm. Cyber Dragon, attack Lady Ninja Yae! Strident Blast!"

Raising its massive metallic head, the Dragon opened its jaws and prepared to fire, when—

"_WAAAIIT!" _

Sara sprinted for the center of the field, right before Zane could lace his fingers around the fence to stay in place. She held up their arms.

"Okay, let 'er rip!"

Cyber Dragon let 'er rip, all right. In a blink, stark white flames engulfed them, and the screeching Ninja. It did not burn them like a real fire would, but it sure knocked the wind out of them both. The Ninja, however, wasn't so lucky. It disintegrated like a sheet of burning paper.

**Sara's LP: 3000**

**Zane's LP: 4000**

Though it was Sara that received the Life Point damage, both were on their bums. Silpheed cowered behind the whoopee cushion.

Sara wheezed, "Aw, man! Still no dice!"

"What did I tell you about running around?" Zane panted, feeling another dreadful twinge in his chest.

"I wasn't running around. I was trying to blast these cuffs off! Big difference!"

Zane tried his best to get back on his feet without stumbling, or showing any signs of chest pain. He marched back to his spot and dusted himself off.

"Whatever. With your Ninja gone, you can't use its ability to get rid of my Spells or Traps. With that in mind, I play the Spell, Future Fusion! All I have to do is take Fusion-material monsters from my deck and drop them in the Graveyard, and by my second Standby Phase, I can summon a Fusion monster."

In the past, he would've used Future Fusion to summon his signature card, Cyber End Dragon. This time, however, he would summon another monster, Cyber Dark Dragon. With the Trap, Samsara Dogma, he could power up Cyber Dark and end this damn duel.

So, he took these three monsters and discarded them: Cyber Dark Horn, Cyber Dark Edge, and Cyber Dark Keel.

Finally, he set Samsara Dogma as a face-down. "I end my turn."

"Cool!" She was about to slip the backpack over his head, but he brushed her off.

"And I'm not putting that thing over my head anymore, thank you."

"Then how do I know you're not gonna look at my hand?"

"…I may not be as respectful as I once was, but I still have my dignity." He turned away and scowled.

Sara made a face, but drew a new card: Silpheed! The monster, not the bird. She smirked.

"Awright, Ziti! Hope you ain't flying a kite today, because things are about to get electrifying! I play the Spell, Lightning Vortex! I just discard a card from my hand, and all face-up monsters on your side of the field go _zzt-zzt_!"

Oddly enough, the card she threw away was Simorgh. Why would one throw away the best card in their hand? A funny thing to do, right? Exactly.

Nevertheless, a ring of lightning split the blue sky, and made quick work of Cyber Dragon.

_BANG! _It exploded like a bullet shattering a window. Zane let the smoke blow over him, for he was too grumpy to care.

"But I'm not done yet! Get this…you listening? I'm going to remove two monsters from my Graveyard…in order to summon—are you paying attention?—in order to summon…_CHAOS EMPEROR DRAGON! DUM-DUM-DUUUUUM!_"

Just from having that forbidden card's name mentioned, Silpheed (the cockatoo) fainted, with his twiggy legs twitching in mid-air. Zane, however, didn't buy it.

"Mm-hm. Do you actually have any Light-type and Dark-type monsters in your Graveyard? Or the card itself, for that matter?"

Sara gave a pout. "Aw, man! That was supposed to be a joke! I don't get it, that killed back over at Duel Academy. I pulled that on the little Truesdale—you two are related, right?—and he was on the ground with his feet high in the air. Though I don't think I actually heard him laugh…"

Zane rolled his eyes.

"Okay, fine, don't get it! I'll just summon a monster that I _do _have, by taking Lady Ninja Yae from my Graveyard and removing it from play, because she's a Wind-type. Say hello to my good friend…_SILPHEED!_"

**ATK: 1700**

**DEF: 700**

As if by magic, Silpheed (the bird) regained his senses. He fluttered onto Sara's shoulder and fluffed up his crest.

"_RAWK! _Me, me, me!"

"No, silly bird! I'm talking about my _other _Silpheed!"

"…Oh. _RAWK!_" He flew back to the sidelines, grumbling about Silpheed (the monster). Plopping himself on the cushion, he gave a loud, obnoxious _PPPHHHBBT! _

"He does that every time I summon Silpheed," she whispered with a giggle.

"Are you going to finish your turn, or not?"

"Geez, keep your leather on! What are you, anxious to watch _Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo_? You'll wish I'd taken my sweet time after I do this! Silpheed! Sonic Duck! Attack Ziti directly! Or shall I say, the _cuffs _directly!" She scooted away as far as she could.

Instantly, the Duck charged head-first at the duelists, little green wings aflutter, while Silpheed (the monster) shot an array of white pin missiles from its wing-shaped staff. The pins shot the poor dark duelist right through his chest, each of them sending a wave of searing pain throughout his whole system. Despite this, he tried to resist flinching.

Too bad that Sonic Duck's giant bucket-head collided with his gut afterwards.

**Sara's LP: 3000**

**Zane's LP: 600**

"You holdin' up all right? These dumb cuffs sure are doing just that. Since I've got nothing else to do, I guess my turn is over!"

"_RAWK! _Sara, he don't look too hot!"

"No, I'm…fine. Mind your own business, bird," he growled through clenched teeth. Just one more turn, and Cyber Dark would be out on the field. He'd be able to hold out for that long. When he drew his card, the pain almost completely faded away.

Another Cyber Dragon!

The first thing he did was summon said monster. The second thing…well…

"Cyber Dragon, destroy her Sonic Du—"

"Ooh, you're gonna attack again?" She headed for the center of the field, but this time, Zane snatched her by the collar of her jacket.

"Not this time, Scinner."

"HEY!"

"_QUICK-QUACK!" _

_FWWOOOSSSSHHH! _

**Sara's LP: 2600**

**Zane's LP: 600**

The girl didn't seem to care that she's lost one of her monsters and 400 Life Points. Instead, she whined, "We could've gotten these off with that attack!"

"Face it, Scinner: if it doesn't work once, it's not going to work at all. I end my turn." He would've done something else, but since he didn't really have anything else to play, he called the turn quits. He was going to get a powerful monster after this, anyhow.

"Hmph! Wet blanket. Well, here goes!" Right when she drew a card, a grotesque, serpentine creature with massive mandibles materialized on Zane's side of the field.

**ATK: 1000**

**DEF: 1000**

"Mother of Silpheed, where the hell did that come from?!"

"Future Fusion. Remember?"

"…Oh yeah. So, does this mean that we're in the present, or future?"

Just so they could avoid wasting time babbling about time—for it is a very dreary subject all by itself—he hissed, "Will you just make your move, already?"

"Yeah, yeah. Silpheed!"

"_RAWK!" _

"No, I mean my other Silpheed. Pluck out that giant mutant worm, Cyber Dark!"

Right when the feathery figure was about to fire, Zane revealed his face-down, Rebirth Judgment!

"Rebirth Judgment lets me name one type of monster, and as long as this card is out, all monsters from both of our Graveyards become that type. I choose _Dragon-type!_"

"Why that type?"

"Because of my Cyber Dark's ability. When it's summoned successfully, I can select one monster from either my Graveyard or yours and equip it to Cyber Dark. Now, what's in your Graveyard?"

Sara took out all of the dead monsters: Simorgh and Sonic Duck.

_Simorgh? It's got 2700 Attack Points. Perfect. _

"I choose Simorgh, Bird of Divinity!"

The giant bird found itself trapped in the creature's embrace, screeching as its power was added to Cyber Dark's.

**ATK: 3700**

"And that's not all! Cyber Dark gains 100 Attack Points for every monster in _my _Graveyard. Since I have eight, it gains an extra 800 Points!"

**ATK: 4500**

"Wait…doesn't that mean that Silpheed's _weaker_, now? And didn't I just declare a—"

It was too late to call back the attack. By this time, Silpheed had fired the missiles, only to have Cyber Dark counter it with its blood-curdling screech.

_AAAAAAAK! _

For a moment, all was bright, as though they were flies in front of a light bulb. It became so bright, that Zane's coat seemed to fade out to white!

**Sara's LP: 0**

**Zane's LP: 600**

When everything came back into focus, both duelists were on the ground. Silpheed (the bird) had rolled off at least twenty feet away from the impact, and was now trembling like a leaf. A giant hole gaped within the fence.

Zane had claimed the victory, but this day wasn't over yet. For one, they were still cuffed together, so he couldn't just walk off like he always did after winning a duel. For another, he was on the ground…with Sara on top of him.

_AWK-ward! _

She shook almost as much as her pet, but not in fear or surprise. She shook with _laughter. _

"That…was…_AWESOME-NITY TO THE FIRST DEGREE!_

"…Did you know that you've got pretty eyes?"

_Pphbbt! _

Hastily, he pushed her off. "Can you tell your bird to stop doing that?"

"Um…that wasn't Silpheed, this time."

Just from hearing that, his face went stony.

Sara paid no heed. She simply reached for her pail, which had fallen off of her head. "What's the matter? Didn't you have fun? Aren't you gonna chuckle? Or chortle? A smirk would be good."

"I _don't _duel for fun, Scinner. I duel to _win._"

"To win? Preposterous, I say! Who wants to win?"

_You've got to be kidding me._

"It is the holy way of the dueling comedian, my good man. We play tough, then we blow it and make retards out of ourselves, all in the name of laughter."

Now, this did not cause Zane to doubt his abilities, for he was always sure of himself, no matter what the circumstances. Even if she was playing at her best the whole way through, he'd have still beat her.

Still, he couldn't help but growl, "You're a disgrace to duelists everywhere."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," she replied absentmindedly, combing out her hair. She was about to snap one of her loose barrettes back in place, when she paused. She glanced down at the handcuffs, then back at her barrette. She jammed her tongue into her left cheek.

Suddenly, Sara undid her barrette. She jammed it into the keyhole and fiddled around with it for a good fifteen seconds.

_Click. _

"_FREEEEDOOOOM!" _she cheered.

Zane looked down at his freed hand, then at Sara, then back to his hand. Out of all the unfortunate events that had happened all day, this had to take the cake.

"…And you couldn't do that earlier, because…?"

"Well, think about it! If I had, we wouldn't have had a plot for the last three chapters! Then we wouldn't have gotten to know each other, nor would I have gotten you to laugh!"

_After all of this, she still expects me to laugh? Jackass…_

He only said this just to get away: "Shouldn't you check on your bird? I think he's having a fit."

"Having a _what? _Oh my gosh!" No sooner had she sprung up and dashed for her beloved cockatoo, did he get up and vanish behind several old buildings from across the street, leaving nothing behind but that stinky duel disk and wig.

In the condition he was in, he had to swerve into a dark alley and catch his breath. _First thing I'm doing when I get back is taking a shower. I'm going to wash away this filth, and the memory of any of this ever happening. _

Somewhere in the distance, just before he traveled on, he heard her voice:

"Ziti! Hey, Ziti, where'd you go? Ooh, slippery old snake, he is!"

"_Rawk…_maybe it was a bad idea to…_rawk,_" wheezed the bird.

"Truesdale, wherever you are, mark my words! I _will _crack you up! Even if I'll have to _kill _myself to do it!"

…_Actually, that's not such a bad idea. _

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	5. Act Five

_**Disclaimer! **_**All fictional entities featured in this segment belong to Kazuki Takahashi. I rented them. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed; they're mine. **

**Since this begins near the end of season two, I think it's safe to assume that Zane participated in the Underground for a **_**little **_**while longer, at least until sometime in season three. Hey, I only go with what I know. **

**I'm also guessing that the kids might've started re-painting the Blue dorm at the end of the second year, and finished it when the third year began. That makes sense, right? **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH"**_

_**ACT FIVE**_

"Password?"

"Cyber End Dragon."

With a grunt of approval, the guard shuffled aside to let Zane into the basement, tipping his shades in greeting. The Underground based the password on the signature card of its current champion. When they got a new champ, they would change it.

When Zane appeared in the dim-lit arena, all masked eyes were on him. On the way to the cage, he shoved aside the burly custodian, Mad Dog, who had been the former top dog until he had first joined the circuit.

"Hey! Watch where you—oh my gosh! Don't hurt me!" Mad Dog pleaded, hiding behind the broom clutched in his giant hands. His self-esteem had dropped quite a bit since his duel with Zane.

_That's what I thought you said. _

As quietly as a ghost, he glided into the ominous cage arena. The door clicked shut behind him. As it was every night, there was no turning back once entering the cage. If he ever wanted to break free, he'd have to win, preferably by blasting the opponent through the fence. Being a duelist of his caliber, this posed as no problem.

Said opponent was already on the other side, staring him down with a smug smirk creasing his white face, flickering his tongue every ten seconds. Both men donned their electrodes.

"Mmm…do you ssssmell that, Truessssdale? I ssssmell a new champion in the midsssst. And ocean breezzzze shampoo. Why do you sssssmell like ocean breezzzze?"

Chuckles popped from various members of the audience, probably because many of them had sipped a little too much wine.

Zane scowled. He had had to take a quick shower before arriving here, and his hair wasn't completely dry yet. But in his book, smelling like an ocean breeze was better than smelling like he'd spent the whole day in the dump with a girl and her cockatoo.

He unlocked his duel disk and snarled, "Shut up and duel, Snake." _After a day like today, a healthy Underground duel should help me forget about it. _

* * *

Sara and Silpheed had managed to sneak back onto a ferry back to Duel Academy, for many ferries sailed back and forth between the island and mainland. By the time they had returned, the dimming sun had sunken halfway into the horizon. Shades of pink and orange splashed across the sky. At the same time, the roof of the Obelisk Blue dormitory—formerly known as the White dormitory, or rather, formerly known as the White dorm formerly known as the Blue dorm—was partially coated with smears of royal blue paint.

Since the fall of the invasive Society of Light, the students of Duel Academy had begun pitching in to restore the Blue dorm to its former glory. But given that the end of the year was now dangerously near, as were the finals, and these kids were not very used to doing much more than dueling…they didn't really get much done.

By the end of the day, they'd only managed to get the corners of the rooftop. Chazz Princeton, the "supervisor", was not pleased.

"Just what are you guys, pansies?" he roared through his megaphone. "It's the end of the year, already! I refuse to come back here next year to a white dorm!"

"But you're not even gonna live in this dorm," whined an Obelisk boy, wiping the paint smears off of his sweaty brow with a rag.

"Yeah, and we've still got next year to repaint it, right?" said another.

"Excuses, excuses! Is that all you people produce? Excuses are like butts: everybody has one!"

Alexis Rhodes appeared by Chazz's side, folding her arms. "Chazz, take a chill-pill. We probably could've gotten more work done if you had just pitched in."

"Are you insane? I'm the GX Tournament champion!"

"And…?"

"Hey, folks! What'd we miss?" As though everything was hunky-dory, Sara pranced up to the two, with Silpheed perched on her shoulder. On her back was the smelly Sonic Duck backpack they'd dug up from the dump.

Chazz turned back to Alexis. "Well, at least_ I_ was here to make sure _something_ got done! Scinner, where have you been all day?"

She and Silpheed cocked their heads and tried her best to look innocent, though honestly, they didn't know that the class would spend the last few days redecorating…how fun! Did these people actually notice they were gone? They must've missed them! Sara grinned at the thought.

"You were redecorating without us? You guys are cruel!" Sara joked.

"_RAWK! _Cruel as a pool filled with gruel! Or the rule book of the school."

Chazz rolled his eyes. "What, did you forget?"

"No, I think we missed the memo."

"Well, you probably would've gotten the memo if you weren't busy frolicking in Neverland, or wherever the hell it is you always vanish to!"

Sara crammed her tongue into her cheek. As silly as she was, she knew better than to let people know that she and Silpheed had skipped school, again. So, she gave a shrug.

"We were in the bathroom."

"Mm-hm, sure you were, for twelve hours? What happened, did you flush yourself down the toilet and explore a wondrous sewer-world? Because if you did, that would explain why you stink." Chazz pinched his nose and grimaced.

"_RAWK! _D'we look like rats? We spent the day in a dump!"

Instantly, Sara pinched her feathered friend's beak shut. "What he meant to say, Princey-Pants, was that we _did _explore a wondrous sewer-world! We even met the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" Of course, none of that ever happened, but Sara did love to tell stories, whether they'd actually happened to her or not. Did this make her a liar? Maybe, maybe not. That depended on what the definition for "liar" was.

"And we saved Master Splinter from the evil kitty, Shredder! See this backpack? Mikey gave it to us, as a token of our newly established friendship! So there!"

"Shredder and those dumb turtles don't even exist, moron! And even if they did, Shredder would _not _be a cat!"

"Hey, if it can shred you up into a pile of shreddle, then it must have some cat-like qualities to it! We should know. Plus, he hates rats."

Alexis peered over Sara's shoulder and made a face. That Duck-shaped backpack had quite a few tears and holes in it. Either it was her imagination, or she saw a roach crawl in between two holes. Now, having bunked in the Red dorm in the beginning of the year, she did not mind bugs very much. Then again, she didn't exactly _sleep_ with roaches, as most of the residents of the dorm did.

Eventually, Alexis got in between the two. "All right, that's enough! Sara, stop making up stories! Chazz, stop screaming through that megaphone! Tomorrow's the last day of school, and the day for finals. Let's just call it a day, all right? We'll finish painting the dorm when we come back next year."

"Ah, yes, Alexis," mumbled Chazz, hiding the megaphone behind his back. Though Chazz was not the type to like being ordered around, he also wasn't the type to like seeing Alexis looking so tired and grumpy. He suspected that she had yet to forgive him for converting her to that blasted Society.

Silpheed jumped off of Sara's shoulder and hovered in mid-air. "_RAWK! _Chazz and Alexis sitting in a tree, with Chazz squeezing her big boobies!"

"_AAAUGH! _Damn it, I've had it with that bird's mouth!" The Slifer threw the megaphone at the poor bird, but Silpheed—for the first time all day—received no damage. He dodged it, and the megaphone wound up striking an Obelisk boy who was just coming down with a bucket of paint. Thus, the bucket plummeted to the ground, splattering paint all over Chazz.

_KER-SPLAT! _

"_RAWK! _Bull's eye!"

"Hey, Chazz! You look like one of those guys in the Blue Man Group!" Sara reached out and rapped on the bucket that'd lodged itself on Chazz's head:

_Ta-tap, RAP! Rap-pa, rap-pa, rap, RAP! _

Chazz pulled the bucket off of his head, trembling with rage and dripping with lukewarm paint. He opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it back shut. With a wave of his hand, he turned and marched away with as much dignity as he could muster to clean himself up.

* * *

With all the girls back in their uniforms and their regular dorm, Sara deemed that since the year was ending, she should gather all of her friends and have one big shindig! She and Silpheed adored parties; in fact, they even held the self-proclaimed titles of "Biggest Party Animals in School".

Unfortunately, the responses she got from her fellow peers were along the lines of:

"Ah, no thanks."

"Go away! Can't you see I'm busy kissing Zane's picture? I mean, studying?"

"We've got finals tomorrow! Did you forget?"

"After what you did to Chazz? No way!"

"Your stupid bird commented on Lexi's body! Why should we?"

"Er…maybe some other time? Sorry, Sara."

So much for the girls. Not the type to give up, she and Silpheed tried to invite the _boys. _She never paid much heed to campus rules. Their replies were along these lines:

"Get out of here, or I'm calling security!"

"If I don't study for finals, I'm gonna get left back!"

"A party? Oh, boy! Sounds like fun!"

"Jaden, we can't! She's a girl! We could get in trouble!"

"_YEOW! _Hey, your bird bit me!"

"Oh, that means he likes you!"

"Really?"

"Away with you, Jaden-hater!"

The boys managed to chase her away by holding up the cat, Pharaoh:

"_Meow."_

In the end, it became a party for two. No matter. As long as the two had each other, they could party as hard as a _hundred _people, _two hundred, _even! They cranked the Weird Al music up to the highest it could go and sang along at the top of their off-key voices. They spent a good two hours dancing on top of the furniture in their room.

They glugged down six and a half bottles of soda between them and made music by blowing into the empty containers. They held a contest to see who could listen to the most jokes without cracking up. They even had a contest to see who could stand on their hands the longest. (Silpheed, having no hands, simply hung upside-down from the door knob, like a bat.)

Naturally, the other female residents were not pleased with the commotion. Eventually, Alexis and her two best friends, Mindy and Jasmine, pounded on the door. The music was up so high that the walls shook, and the floor trembled underneath their feet.

"Excuse me, Miss Inconsiderate Much!" shouted Jasmine. "There's life outside your room, and it's getting a major migraine!"

"I'm this close to passing out!" added Mindy. "We can't braid hair in these conditions!"

But their pleas fell on deaf ears and sour notes:

"_What is this song blah-blah-blah, _

"_Man, I can't blah-blah-BLAH-blah—" _

"_RAWK!" _

Sara was never very good at remembering lyrics. But that didn't stop her from singing.

So Alexis turned the knob, unwittingly making Silpheed lose his footing and fall on his head. When she swung the door open, the force of the music knocked the wind out of the three! Before they knew it, they were all on the floor, screaming because the music was drilling holes into their eardrums. Sara stood in the middle of her room, standing on her hands and belting out a long string of "blahs".

The supervisor of the dorm, Miss Fontaine, ran upstairs, hands clapped over her ears. "WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?" she called amongst the din.

"MISS F., SCINNER WON'T TURN DOWN HER MUSIC AND SHUT UP!"

"HUH? OH, HEY, GALS! DID YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND? WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF ROOM!" Sara cheered, kicking her legs high in the air.

"SARA, PLEASE TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC!"

"WHAT?"

"_TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC!"_

"_WHAAAAT?!" _

"_**TURN DOWN THE STUPID MUSIC!" **_screamed the three students.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SILPH, COULD YOU TURN OFF THE MUSIC, PLEASE?"

When the cockatoo collected his bearings, he did just that. Immediately, all was quiet. Sara tumbled backwards on her rear, giggling, "That was cool!"

"Yeah, but I think shouting in caps lock left my throat a little raspy," murmured Alexis.

"Okay, so what were you saying?"

"Sara, do you have to make so much noise? This kind of misbehavior can get you suspended, or even expelled."

"But Teacher, we were just having a party! And how can you expel me when it's the end of the year?"

Fontaine sighed, "A party? All right, there are no rules that say you can't have a party, but there's no reason why it can't be a _quiet _one."

"But we like noisy parties. Don't we, Silpheed?"

"_RAWK! _I like 'em mostly for the chicks. And here they are!" Silpheed whistled.

"…Yes. But the other girls don't like the noise. It's very distracting…"

"And migraine-inducing!"

"Don't forget a pain in the—"

"Mindy!"

"What? I was gonna say 'ears'."

Sara gave an indignant pout. She didn't appreciate party-poopers. But this party-pooper was a teacher, a teacher who could send her to the Chancellor's office. But then, at such a late hour, would Sheppard even be in his office? Perhaps he slept in there? Did he sleep on the desk and snore like a giant bear? What did his pajamas look like?

Hmm…

She smirked. "Well, aren't you gonna send me to Sheppard's office?"

The girls raised their eyebrows. Just how childish could Scinner get?

"It's too late to do that. The bottom line, Sara, is that you should just try to find something _quieter _to do. For now, I'll just give you a warning. Okay?"

"Oh. M'kay." She tried not to sound so disappointed.

Miss Fontaine whirled around and went back downstairs. The girls went back to their room.

"God, that Scinner is so—"

"Don't, Jas. Just, don't."

"Yeah, don't encourage her."

* * *

Well, Sara and Silpheed found something quiet to do. But come the next morning, when everyone could see, Miss Fontaine would wish that she'd let her blast her music.

See, once the two were left alone, Sara had an idea, being the quick thinker she was. The kids didn't appear happy about leaving the Blue dorm unfinished for the whole summer. No one should be miserable on the last day of school, in spite of how cruddy the whole year had been. Besides, they still needed an outlet for the sugar rush they'd gotten from all of that soda.

Thus, the duo smuggled as many cans of paint and brushes as they could carry and snuck out to the building. By the break of dawn, they figured, the dorm would have color again, from rooftop to floorboard, and everyone would be happy.

This would've been a wonderful idea…if they weren't so high on sugar. And if they could actually see where—and what—they were painting.

They only had enough sense to know that two people, a complete labor force does not make. But even then, Sara just had Silpheed fly all across the lake and into the woods and entice any animal he met with the promise of free snacks…except anything cat-like, of course. Animals were hard workers, and they didn't ask for much in return.

He managed to get two flocks of birds into the cause, plenty of squirrels, a couple of frogs, and a family of chimps, including an intelligent dueling chimp named Wheeler.

Professor Banner would've been proud…if he were still alive, that is.

"Feast!" cried Sara, scattering pieces of candy corn all over the building (and pre-peeled bananas for the chimps). Since none of the animals could actually hold a paint brush, she just splattered paint all over them and let them crawl all over.

The birds hopped from nook to cranny with their feet coated in wet paint.

The squirrels used their swishing, bushy tails as "brushes" and smeared paint wherever they scampered.

The chimps painted with their fingers and toes, or simply tossed paint onto the surfaces as people would if they were putting out a fire. They never turned down the chance to make a big mess.

The frogs used "water"-color.

Silpheed glided across the rooftop with a dainty little paintbrush.

And Sara dashed from corner to corner with her favorite paint applicator: a paintball gun!

They were so much in a hurry to color the whole dorm, they never bothered to see what colors they used or where they used them. In fact, it could be said that they didn't actually get the job done. They did much worse.

By the time the rooster crowed at the crack of dawn, Sara lay on the rooftop, exhausted and a little queasy, for after the sugar rush comes the sugar _hangover_. She was about to fall asleep, when—

"_**AAAAUUUUUGGGH!" **_

That scream was so shrill and ferocious that all of the poor animals dropped everything and stampeded out of the giant doors…or windows, or off the roof. They stampeded right over the source of the scream, which turned out to be Chazz.

From behind the building, four mutant ninja turtles in headbands froze. They weren't actually invited, because they were elusive and allegedly "non-existent" creatures; even Sara didn't notice them. But they couldn't resist an offer of free food. Then again, who could?

"Aw, shell! Somebody's coming! Let's go!"

"But what about the free snacks?"

"Forget it, Mikey!" As swiftly as a morning breeze, the four leapt their way through the trees and splashed into the lake. They never showed up again.

Just then, Chazz regained consciousness and stumbled back onto his feet, his face and chest branded with tracks of all sorts of colors.

"H-H-_How_ could this happen?! Who's the Snow White behind this?"

Sara sat up and yawned, stretching out her arms as far as they could reach. "Ah, good mornin', Chazzie!" She bounced down the ladder and wobbled over to him, still feeling rather dizzy.

"I take it that you like the color?" She looked back at it and smiled contentedly.

It turned out that instead of painting the dorm blue, the animal artists just left their tracks all over the walls and roof, in a whole potpourri of colors ranging from red to yellow to green to purple and even pink…with only ten percent of it being blue. There were crooked stripes shooting in all directions, wiggly spots of three different colors, and funky loop-de-loops. And all the work the kids had done was all painted over.

Lord knows what damage they did to the inside…

Why, they didn't even stay inside the lines! Basically, it looked like a mural painted by preschoolers. Or a protest painting by hippies who'd gotten stoned before then. Or the result of an animal art show expo, which most accurately described what this mess was.

On the front of the doors were two large, thin circles that dripped pink paint. In the center of each circle were two purple squiggles.

"Are…are those _eyes?_"

Silpheed fluttered out of the sky and landed on Sara's shoulder. "_RAWK! _Nope! _Boobies!_"

Well, that did it for Chazz. He collapsed on his knees and buried his head in the dirt. Whether it was from despair, or from the image of "chesticles" scrawled on the door, he started to shake. But it was certainly not from joy, which Sara mistakenly assumed.

"Wow, Silph! He must really like our work! He's so overwhelmed with joy, he's bowing to it!"

Not much later, everyone came out to see what'd happened to their beloved Blue dorm. They all basically had the same reaction Chazz had. Even the Ra and Slifer students had to see for themselves. Most of them laughed. Others stood close to it, appreciating it like it was real art. Others still gawked at the door.

"Holy Neos! What happened to the dorm? It looks _awesome!_"

"You just need to believe in animal instinct, my good man!"

"Lexi? Are those what I think they are on the door?"

"How insensitive!"

They probably could've painted over this, except that when all the animals had departed, that mischievous primate Wheeler had made off with all of the paint cans. All that remained were all of those cans of _white _paint. The color that the school had hoped never to associate itself with again.

* * *

That is why the entire student body—including the teachers—was forced to skip the finals to whitewash the entire thing, so that they could start from scratch in the next year. It was one thing to leave the entire building white, but it was another to leave it as an orgy of colors.

As for Sara and Silpheed…in order to make sure that they couldn't ruin anything else, they were sentenced to spend the last day of school in Professor Sartyr's kitchen. He didn't mind this; in fact, he greatly appreciated the company. What he _didn't_ like was that while he tried to show them how to cook curry, they kept staring out the window.

"Aw, man! Why're they painting over all our hard work? I thought they liked it!"

"_RAWK! _Ungrateful buttcracks!"

"Hey, hey! Dirty mouths are as unwelcome into the kitchen as dirty hands! If you want food to reach its highest potential, you must treat it with love. Now, watch closely. Cooking curry is very much like summoning the Curry Fiend: you need the right portions of the right ingredients, simmering at the right temperature." The teacher dug into the cupboard above his head, plucking out several jars of spice, one by one.

"The spices are especially important. For you see…"

Sara didn't hear the rest of that. She was never the best listener in the world. This was not because she was inconsiderate, but because the length of her attention span left much to be desired, especially when it came to learning something that wasn't fun or adventurous. In fact, it wasn't much longer than Silpheed's. If they were aiming to make the world's biggest pizza pocket or something like that, that'd be a different story.

She picked up a carrot from a basket and twiddled it between her fingers, her tongue in her cheek. "Hey, Silph, you think if I took a bunch of these carrots, I could be like Freddy Krueger? That would be cool."

"_RAWK! _Or Wolverine!"

"Nah, Wolverine looks too much like a…c-cat."

"No, wolverines are dogs. I think. _RAWK!_"

"Excuse me, are you paying attention?"

It was the perfect opportunity to turn around and flash her "claws", which were really the carrots gripped in between her fingers. "_Grrr, _I'm Freddy! I attack people in their dreams! Prepare to die!" Harmlessly, she poked Sartyr in the forehead with her "claws".

But he only replied, "Oh, the carrots! We mustn't forget those! Thank you, Senorita." He snatched them out of her fingers as effortlessly as picking flowers.

"Hmm…they look rather dirty. You can't cook perfect curry with dirty vegetables. Senorita Scinner, can you apply the spices while I wash the carrots? You'll find them in front of the pot. Remember, just a pinch of each!"

"Eh, sure thing."

She loomed over the steaming crock pot, a jar in each hand. The scent of the spicy tan mush wafted through her left nostril and left through her right. She had to admit, it didn't smell as boring as it looked.

How much was a pinch, exactly? She held the jar over the potpourri and shook it like a rattle. Not a speck came out. Maybe the holes were blocked? She held it up to her eye to take a peek. This time, she slapped the bottom of the jar with her palm…and wound up with a eye-full of spice.

"_YEOW!" _

She dropped the whole container into the pot with a _splat! _

"Aw, nuts." With one eye shut, she yanked out a pair of tongs from the drawer and fished the jar out. Unfortunately, she held it upside down, and before she knew it, all the contents spilled out and into the curry.

"_RAWK! Oooh!"_

On the other side of the kitchen, Sartyr was scrubbing the skin off of the fifth carrot, humming a merry tune. He looked like he was ready to turn back around. Hastily, Sara took all of the jars into her hands, unscrewed all of their caps and dumped all of their contents in. It was a very big pot of curry; it seemed reasonable, right?

"There! Sugar, spice and everything nice!" Sara proclaimed, slamming the jars down and dusting her hands.

"Make way for clean carrots! Ooh, I see you've added the spices? Lovely! I can't wait to feel my taste buds salsa across my tongue!"

"Yeah! They'll cha-cha and mambo and do the twist! Heh-heh-heh…"

Once Sartyr chopped the carrots up and added them into the concoction, he stirred it all together and clapped the lid back on. "After all that hard work they're doing out there, I'm sure the children will be grateful to fill their bellies before they leave for vacation! It will sure be lonely without them, though…"

* * *

That night, since the Blue dorm was still drying, and the Red dorm was too small to house everyone, they held the good-bye party in the Yellow dorm, much to Sartyr's delight. No one was in a very festive mood, however. Well, _almost_ no one.

"How come we couldn't have the party at the good ol' Slifer dorm?" said Jaden. "This dorm is roomy, but I think the Slifer dorm has more character! Oh, well. A party's a party. So, where're the munchies?"

"I just want to put this year behind us," mumbled Syrus. "May the new year be better than this one!"

"Agreed!" chimed Hassleberry.

Sartyr entered the dining hall, pushing a cart in front of him that held the enormous crock pot. Silpheed perched on top of the lid, and Sara trotted at its right side, playing a triangle. "Yee-haw! Soup's on!"

Hungry for nourishment, everyone lined up with their bowls, plates, spoons and forks. Grinning from ear to ear, Sartyr pulled out his ladle and began to fill up all of their platters.

"Here you are! How wonderful it is to have you here! I will miss you all! _Bon appétit! _The pleasure's mine! Oh, not to say that Senorita Scinner didn't help, of course!"

Chazz stared down at his serving of curry. "Did any animals get involved in making this?" he sneered. He had yet to forgive Sara for the whole paint incident.

"What a strange question. Do you not like my curry, Chazz?"

Usually, people did like his curry. But two minutes later, everybody had taken a least one slurp of it. And not only did everyone dislike the stuff, but they were all dancing across the room, screaming for help. All of their mouths had been set on fire! Well, not literally, but there was sure smoke.

"_Le gasp! _It feels like my mouth's been sent to the Inferno!" squealed Bonaparte.

"I've got heartburn!"

"Somebody call the fire department!"

"Somebody get me some water!"

Poor Sartyr, oblivious and rather indignant, scratched his head. "What on earth? What's wrong with my curry? It's supposed to be spicy, isn't it?" He took a ladle-full and sipped, and instantly he began to wheeze and water from his eyes.

"Merciful mother of Curry Fiend! This has too much zing! Senorita Scinner, how much spice did you put in this?"

"Just a pinch of each, like you said! They were just really big pinches! Hang on, I'll get some liquid relief!" She ducked under the cart and pulled out what she _thought _were giant bottles of soda. She held them high in the air.

"Awright, everybody get on over here if you want to live!" On the sidelines, Silpheed was rolling around on his back, literally laughing his tail feathers off.

"Are you nuts? I'm already living!" yelled Jaden. _"WOO-HOO!"_ Not very much could slow down that spunky Slifer. Nevertheless, everyone else dashed over and snatched the bottles out of the cart, making quick work out of them. Some even hit each other to get just an ounce of relief.

Turned out that instead of soda, Sara had given them all _hot sauce. _She just added gasoline to the fire, so to speak.

That is why everybody stampeded out of the doors one minute later, and had a huge dunk-fest in the lake. And Jaden only partook because it looked like fun.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	6. Act Six

_**Disclaimer! **_**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. The Mehoo and Exactlywatt joke was originally written by Shel Silverstein. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **

**I understand that Missy is Kochou Ran in the Japanese version, and her dubbed name is Missy, which is what I'm going with. But since I don't recall the dub giving her a last name, I'll give her one…how 'bout Mandible? **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT SIX**_

"…And then everyone ran outside and stuck their heads in the lake, like a bunch of lemmings!"

"_RAWK! High-_larious! Should've had a camera. Would've been a big hit on DuelTube." Silpheed remained outside the window, as no animals were allowed in the café. But he squawked loud enough for everyone inside to hear him.

"Oh, but if you think I'm nuts, you should've met the Society of Light! Ha! They were this fancy club that some old dude started, and it only lasted until the end of the year, as most school clubs usually do. But they sure made a meal out of Duel Academy, let me tell ya!"

The waitress, whose nametag indicated that her name was Babs, listened with her arm propping up her head. Honestly, she couldn't care less about the escapades of some high school student. But trying to stay true to waitress etiquette, and because Sara was a regular, she stayed put.

Judging by the annoyed looks on the rest of the occupants, they didn't appreciate Sara's loud chortling and chattering, either.

"Let me guess, you were in this club, yourself?"

"Nah! All those guys did all day and every day was rant about the color white and how they were gonna 'cleanse the world' and stuff. We could hear their pep rallies all the way across the lake! They painted the entire Obelisk dorm white, and they had no sense of humor, whatsoever."

"You don't say."

"No, really! Once, when all the kids went on a field trip to Domino City—it was one of those few times that I could get away with skipping class—I threw a cherry pie at a bunch of them that were standing outside a hotel…and wound up sniping Alexis in her pretty little kisser. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothin' at all against the girl! I just wanted to add a little color to those guys, you know? It was a completely random thing that I got Lexi, I swear! I wasn't throwing a 'smart pie' or anything. I'm too broke to buy one."

"_RAWK! She's my cherry pie! She wore a scowl that was ten miles wide!" _

"Anyways, I took off like Sonic Duck. Those guys looked mad, man, they were steamed! And that's not even the worst part, because while I was running _away _from them, Lex's brother was strolling _towards _them, with ukulele in hands and a big grin on his face. To make a long story short, Atti got the ass-kicking that was meant for me."

Sara trailed her finger around the counter in a circle. "Can't say I didn't feel a little crummy for that one. I may be persistent, but after that, I never screwed around with them again…at least, not in the straight-up, pie-throwing kind of way. If 'cleansing the world' means not having any sense of humor, then I will never clean my room again. Plus, white is such a boring color. Eventually, I guess all of the members realized how dull the Society really was, because they all started dropping out when the tournament started."

"…Interesting."

"Yup!" She pulled out a box and set it on the counter. "Here, I brought some curry from the party! I even helped make it! Want a sip?"

Babs was silent.

"No, no, don't worry. It's in a Styrofoam cup, which is _in _the box! I'm not as stupid as I look."

Babs sucked in her cheeks. "Er…no thanks, hon. Curry gives me gas."

"Oh, you mean a giant, smelly toot-fest?"

Babs's face turned as red as her loosely-hanging hair bun.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's cool! I'll just give this to old Ziti, instead!"

"Eh, who's Ziti? Is he a friend of yours?"

"Well, we aren't bosom buddies, more like vague acquaintances. Most conversations we've had have involved my attempts to get him to laugh, and his telling me to get a life."

"Well, that doesn't sound too friendly."

"Aw, you know the old saying! Anybody can be a buddy! You just have to treat them like one. If everyone lived by that rule, we'd all be as happy as canaries, the free kind!"

"_RAWK! _Or as happy as me, once I get laid!"

Several people shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

Ignoring this, Sara continued, "And we only got that close because he forced me to use cuffs! Then we lost the key and set out on an adventure all across town to find them. We traversed the slums! We rode on a giant, smelly green monster! We climbed mountains and dug through caverns that smelled like dirty diapers! We battled a pack of mutts and a ferocious feline that had claws as long as my pinkie! And we dueled, the perfect way to end a perfect day…ooh, that sounds catchy.

"But get this: even his Cyber Dragon couldn't bust the cuffs! I mean, come on! He can blast someone off of their feet for months, but he can't break a pair of dumb cuffs? What's that called, irony?"

As chance would have it, another girl from Duel Academy was sitting at the far end of the table. No sooner had she heard the words "Cyber Dragon," did the two antenna-like locks of magenta hair on the top of her head perk up, like a cockroach who had found food. Quicker than a moth towards a light, she scooted her way into the seat to Sara's left. It wasn't very hard to do, because no one wanted to sit next to someone so loud and talkative.

"Did you say 'Cyber Dragon?'"

Sara looked to her left and grinned. "Oh, hey! Yow, your hair's shaped like a bug! How'd you get it up like that? Awesome-nity!"

"My hair does look wonderful, doesn't it? As lovely as a butterfly…but enough about that! You said something about Cyber Dragons, right?"

"Y'know, now that I'm looking at you, you seem kinda familiar. Aren't you that girl with the insects? Misty Lowerjaw? The one that Syrus squashed like a bug in front of every—"

Instantly, the girl clapped a hand over Sara's mouth. Her fingernails were smooth and long, each as red as a ladybug, with a tiny black dot in the center. "The name is Missy Mandible, and I prefer that we don't talk about that duel, thank you. Now, did you mention Cyber Dragons or not?"

Sara nodded.

"You said your friend, this dork Ziti, played with Cyber Dragons. But that can't be right! Only one man controls the Cyber Dragons, and his name is Zane Truesdale! It's what the holy canon intended!"

"_Ooh! Mmph pphmmph phoo!" _

Missy pulled back her hand. "I didn't catch that."

"I said, oh, they're the same guy. And your hands smell like flowers."

Missy's eyes became as wide as a dragonfly's. "You're…you're joking. You must be. Th-This is another wild story of yours, isn't it?"

"Not all of my stories are made up. In fact, all stories have a grain of truth to it, I think."

The insect princess whirled around in her chair. "But that can't be! You, of all people, spent the whole day with my future husband?! And with your _hands cuffed! WHAT THE HELL?!_"

"Hmm, funny, he didn't say anything about getting hitched."

Babs took it as a signal to make like an egg and scramble away.

As Missy continued to question Sara's honesty, a certain callous duelist had half of his foot in the doorway, aiming to grab a quick bite. But the moment he recognized that girl in the silly barrettes from just three days before, he stopped. He wasn't afraid of her; just really, really annoyed. And it's only natural to avoid the things that annoy you.

_Shit. I better go somewhere else. _

He was on his way back out, when Silpheed fluttered over his head to say hello.

"_RAWK, RAWK!" _He swooped down and gave Zane a friendly nip on the ear lobe. It didn't feel all that friendly to him.

"_Ah!" _He hardly got a chance to wave the bird off when both girls looked in his direction. One smiled, the other fell into a brief, quivering fit of ecstasy.

"There you are, bud! Here, Missy, if you don't believe me, ask the guy himself!" In the snap of fingers, she ran between the tables and grabbed him by the wrist as though they were good pals. Everyone else in the café took the time to duck behind chairs or hide in the bathrooms.

"Let go of me. I've got somewhere to go," Zane grumbled, trying to pull his way out the door.

"Come on, where'd ya gotta be that's so important?"

_Anywhere, but here. _

"Here, take the load off!" cheered Sara, pushing him into a chair. He would've gotten right up, if it hadn't been for the fact that in just one blink of the eye, he was now face to face with someone's cleavage, with a tiny silver locket swinging in front of it.

"My God, you're even hotter up close. I didn't think that was possible." Missy pulled up a chair and sat backwards in it, facing Zane with her chin resting on her hands. She fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously, making sure to open her locket so that he could see his image inside and realize how devoted she was to him. Just from sitting next to him, she'd forgotten all about that argument with Sara.

_Oh, great. Instead of a rock and hard place, I'm caught between a fan girl and a joker. Well, if I sit here, they should get bored and be on their way. Otherwise, I've got the salt and pepper shakers behind me…_

Sara pulled out the box and set it in front of Zane. "I've been meaning to give you this. It's some leftover curry from the good-bye party at school! I helped make it! This oughta add a little _zing _to your lunch hour, if you know what I mean." She tore it open and fished out a Styrofoam cup. Zane glared at it as though it were an Ojama. Anything made by Scinner had to be poisoned, explosive, or just plain awful. Not that he accepted food offerings from _anyone_, though.

Missy pried the plastic lid off for him.

"What's the matter? Forget how to eat?"

"Well, he's got to keep himself sexy somehow, right?"

"_RAWK! _You said 'sex'!"

"Want me to take the first sip so you know how to eat curry?"

_Just how stupid do you think I am? No, the proper question is, just how stupid are _you_?_

"Can I spoon-feed you, Zaney?"

"To heck with silverware! The proper way to eat curry is by slurping it, like this!" Sara picked up the cup and slurped out of it, as though it were a mug of hot coffee. But even though it was three days old, it was still the same curry that'd practically set the whole school on fire. Thus, after ten seconds of noisily smacking her lips, her eyes watered like two leaky faucets.

"_YIIIAAAAH! _FIRE! FIRE! 9-1-1! SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1! I'M GONNA BURN TO THE WICK!" She jumped out of her chair so fast, it toppled over to its side. Round and round the table she zipped, screaming for help.

"Sara, the soda machine! The soda machine! _RAWK!_"

Sara wasted no time in rocketing around the tables, and stumbling over a terrified customer, to reach the soda dispenser. She didn't even bother to take a cup; she simply wrapped her lips around the spout and guzzled Sprite directly from the machine, as a piglet suckles its mother. She didn't just settle for Sprite, either; she switched to Sunkist, Pepsi, Root Beer, Hi-C, Dr. Pepper, and back to Sprite.

Missy slapped herself in the face. "With manners like that, there is _no way _Zane could ever like you, seriously."

_Who said that I liked her? _

By the time Sara was finished, there was a huge puddle of soda at her feet, with some dribbling down her face and onto her clothes. She wiped the mess off of her face with her forearm and smiled contentedly, as though nothing had happened.

"Ahhhh…now that, my friends, was a _meltdown. UUUUUUUURRRP! _Ooh, 'scuse me!" she giggled, lightly pounding her chest with her fist. "Dang, I think I've got heartburn. Anyone got any Tums or something?"

Zane stared at the curry, then pushed it away with his finger. _In my condition, I can't afford to get heartburn. I'll pass. _

"Well, this has been something," he mumbled as he arose from his chair, much to Missy's dismay. "But I'm out of here."

Suddenly, a young cook popped out from the kitchen. He had seen the whole commotion through the window, but only came out to ask, "Wait, sir! Aren't you going to pay for your girlfriend's soda?" He was a new employee, obviously.

Zane turned back to glare steak knives and forks at the cook. "She is _not _my girlfriend. She's a _leech_. I _don't _pay for leeches."

That was enough for Jeffrey—as indicated by his nametag—to shrink back into the kitchen. "Okay, okay, you don't have to pay! Ju-Ju-Just don't hurt me!"

"You're right! She's not your girlfriend!"

_Click! _

"_I AM!" _

_Don't tell me…_

He looked over his shoulder. To his upmost disgust, he was handcuffed again, this time, to an enamored Missy, who waved her fingers and dropped the key in her mouth. She had enough sense not to swallow it, but instead, hid it under her tongue.

"If she can spend the day with you in handcuffs, then damn it, I'm just as entitled to it, if not more! Of course, if you _really_ want the key back, you'll have to get it from under my tongue. Know where I'm getting at? _Hmmm_?" She puckered her glossy red lips in anticipation.

Oh, what hormones will make people do! Unfortunately for whom Zane considered "that pink mosquito," she would be getting no tongue from him. Instead, he reached behind him and grabbed the pepper. He held it over her nose and applied but one pinch.

"Hey, what're you—mm—ahh…ahh…_ahh-CHOOOO!" _

Like a tiny torpedo, the key shot into the table, bounced into the ceiling, shot for a window, ricocheted into the kitchen window, zoomed off the wall and headed back out, struck another table, and finally—

"_AAAUUGH, my eye! MY EYEEEE!" _Sara slipped on the puddle and toppled backwards on her rear, with both hands over her right eye.

"_RAWK! SARA!" _

Well, now everyone in the café was all riled up. They all stood up and began to shout at once:

"Oh my God, that poor girl!"

"Someone call an ambulance!"

"Daddy, did you see how that key bounced all around? It was like a cartoon!"

"Yes, well, this is reality! And people get hurt when they pull stupid stunts like that!"

Zane snorted. There was no way that key had lodged itself in her eye. But if he wanted to get out of these cuffs, he'd have to get it himself. So he slithered his way between the confusion, thinking, _Next time, I'm ordering takeout. _

Missy dragged along behind him, terrified with the possibility that she'd be arrested for shooting someone's eye out. "I can't go to jail! Orange makes me look fat!"

When he reached Sara, he bent over and held out his hand. "All right, Scinner, give me the key."

She stopped wailing like a banshee and looked up at him. "Whatever you wish, Sunshine." She dropped the key into her palm…with an eyeball lodged in it!

"_AAAAAAAA!" _

That was enough for poor Missy to scream bloody murder and pass out. She almost pulled Zane down with her in the process. Several other by-standers squealed, as well, and one even threw up his chicken sandwich all over his wife! Silpheed fainted.

But it wasn't an eyeball lodged in the key. It was merely a _marshmallow treat _dyed like an eyeball, like the kind one would find in the dollar store at Halloween. Only this wasn't Halloween. Zane was not impressed.

Sara, on the other hand, thought her little trick was ingenious. She pointed at the marshmallow and howled with laughter. "_BWA-hahahaha! WOO! _I got you guys good, didn't I?"

To punctuate the joke, she rapped her knuckles against the counter: _ta-tap, RAP! _

_Well, you made a guy barf. I almost feel like barfing, myself. _

"…Uh, hey! Aren't you people gonna laugh?"

"You expect us to laugh after that, you pain in the ass?"

"What kind of psycho are you?"

"Look at my dress, it's ruined!"

"I'm never eating here again!"

Sara looked all around and grinned sheepishly, as though someone had thrown a tomato in her face. She seemed to shrink a little, from all of the negativity of the place. "It was just a marshmallow. It's not like I used red food dye for blood or anything…"

_Finally, she recognizes the taste of humiliation. _

Without making a sound, Zane unlocked the cuffs and let the key clatter to the floor. No later than that, he headed out the door, acting like nothing had happened.

* * *

Zane never cared much for summer, because every season was pretty much the same, different from each other only by the weather changes each brought. But after that incident, he began to loathe summer a little more. He had several personal reasons, but one of the biggest reasons was that summer meant that there'd be no school, which meant that Scinner and her sex-crazy cockatoo could take all the time they liked to harass him.

And they did. One day, he was just minding his business and ordering a pizza from the sanctuary of his _new _suite. Thirty minutes later, the delivery boy knocked on the door in the tune of "Shave and a Haircut":

_KNOCK-knock-ka-knock-knock, RAP-RAP! _

He answered, with the sole intention of getting his lunch, paying the boy, and shutting the door. But no sooner had he opened the door, did he realize that the person bearing the moist pizza box was not a delivery _boy. _

"Howdy, Ziti!" cheered Scinner, donned in a red uniform with a broad, latex duck-beak over her nose. For a moment, he stood here, caught between the tight and uncomfortable space between mild dismay and disgust. Not that this showed on his face, of course.

"Yeah, I would've put on the whole Duck ensemble, too. Except the boss only let me wear the beak. But I still look funny, right? Laughter prevents cancer! And it helps maintain an appetite!"

_Suddenly, my appetite's gone. _

"Oh, you're wondering why I'm here, huh? Well, it's summer! I got a summer job, so I can practice on making people happy, with the nice bonus of some cash in my pocket! Besides, the guys at the café won't me back there, anymore, after the whole eyeball incident. 'I'm a good girl, but I'm bad for business,' they said. Oxymoronic, much? Lessons learned: save the eyeball gag for Halloween, and don't do it in a place where somebody's sitting across from his wife and eating a chicken sandwich.

"Anyway, here's your pizza-face! Customized it myself!" Sara held out the box at arm's length and flipped it open to reveal a large pizza with a silly face on it. It had two pineapple slices for eyes, a slice of green pepper for a nose, two black olives for nostrils, anchovies for a broad grinning mouth, a mushroom slice for a bucktooth, a tiny red shrimp for a protruding tongue, and pepperonis bordering the entire thing for hair. The whole thing was rather crooked, and greasy.

Zane's face twisted into the slightest grimace. How nauseating!

"The bucktooth was Silpheed's idea. And you don't even have to tip me, either! I'll take _this _as a token of appreciation!" She threw back her head and pointed to her smile.

"…Kid?"

"Yeah?"

"Life. Get one."

_SLAM! _

Pizza was a disgusting kind of food, anyways.

_SPLAT!_

With the door slammed on the girl, the pizza flipped out of its box and smashed warm, slick, melted mozzarella and spicy tomato sauce all over her face. It stuck here for a second or two before sliding its way onto the floor like a face-down card.

As though people had thrown pizzas in her face all her life, Sara blinked her eyes open, peering at the door through the pineapple slices. She snorted a stray olive out of her right nostril, licked the cheese and sauce off of her lips, and piped up:

"Jeez, why didn't you just say you were allergic to anchovies?"

* * *

The next day, Zane was occupied with a list he had compiled of competent duelists he'd known throughout the course of his career. Which one of them would make a worthy last opponent? He crossed out his old friend Atticus and his little brother Syrus with a fine black pen. Both of them were far too concerned for him to give it their all. That would not do. Besides, he would _never _tell Syrus that he had become a competent duelist…not directly, at least. Maybe if they were caught in some life-shattering situation, where one of them was probably going to die—and he was quite sure that he himself would be the one to do that—he'd say so. But in other cases…nope.

By his side was his dreaded Cyber deck. Not that he was crazy, but he thought he could hear the faint, thirsty hissing of his monsters echoing in his ears. They were not in the least bit satisfied with that duel with Scinner. Frankly, he couldn't blame them.

He had the tip of the pen next to Jaden's name, when suddenly—

_BRRIIIINNG! _

Only so whoever the caller was would not try calling anymore, he answered his cell: "Hello?"

He heard the soft but grating wheeze of a bird, followed by a person whispering, "Shhh!" They cleared their throat and spoke in a low, hoarse voice that was obviously fake:

"Hey, bud! It's me!"

Zane should've hung up right then and there, and would've, if it hadn't been for the fact that he wanted to know how the hell this kid got his number. He had changed it after the first phone incident, and there could be no way Aster leaked this one out.

"Scinner?"

"No, it's me!"

"How'd you get my number?"

"Come on, ask who this is!"

"Why should I? I already know it's you."

"You're not cooperating!" Sara whined, speaking in her real voice now.

I'm _not cooperating? _

"How did you get my number?"

"…From the caller I.D. at my old job when you were ordering a pizza."

_That's it. From now on, I'm hiding my number. _

"Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"Oh, I got laid off, for blowing up the oven to smithereens. Is it my fault that I just wanted to speed up production by baking twenty pizzas at 950 degrees in one sitting?"

"_RAWK! _You said 'laid'!"

"_Now _will you ask who I am?"

_Click. _Zane slapped his cell phone shut.

But fifteen seconds later…_BRRIIIINNG! _

If he hadn't had his eyes glued to that list, he would've looked at the caller I.D. and realized that she was trying to call him again.

"Hello?"

This time, she tried to make her voice sound shrill. "It's me!"

_For the love of…_

"Scinner?"

"No, no, no! You're supposed to say 'Me, who?'! It's part of the joke!"

_Prank call. I should've known. _

"Just say it once! If you do, I'll never call you again! Scout's honor!"

"That's what they all say."

"No, really! Look out your window, and I'll prove it!"

_Oh, that's a real smart thing to tell a person you're trying to prank call. _

So he stepped over to his window and cracked open the curtains just so. Sure enough, there she was beside a pay phone, forming an L-shape over her head with her free hand. Silpheed perched on top of the machine.

_Loser. _

As much as he hated jokes, he either had to "play along", or she was just going to pester him until he did. And it'd look mighty suspicious if he tossed one of his electrodes at her from the window.

"…Fine. Me who?"

"That's who!"

"What?"

"That's it! I'm Mehoo! And I've got with me an Exactlywatt!"

"You mean the cockatoo."

"No, no! Say 'You have _exactly what_?'!"

_Ugh. _

"…You have exactly what?"

"Yep!"

_Click. _Zane drew back the curtains and slunk back to the desk. That'd be the last time he humored somebody just to get them off of his back. Back to what really mattered.

He examined Jaden's name. Well, he sure was more than just a competent duelist, but they'd already dueled each other twice. Besides, Jaden would probably have no time to duel him, what with his role as a hero and all. Thus, he crossed his name out.

_BRRIIINNG! _

_Oh, what now? _

"Hello?"

"Cap'n Sunshine says what!"

"What?"

_Click. _This time, Sara had hung up. He pinched the spot between his eyes.

_BRRIIINNG! _

"What?"

"_RAWK! _Cyber Weenie says what!"

"What's the meaning of—"

_Click. _

It was one thing to call him Sunshine. But it was another thing to make fun of his deck. No duelist likes to be ridiculed for his deck, and even if he may have never showed it, Zane was no exception.

So the next time his cell rang, he snatched it up and hissed in the softest but most menacing tone he could muster (for screaming would do no good for his health):

"Look, you. Try to call me _one more time, _and I will personally get out there and I will _hurt _you. Then we'll see if you still feel funny."

For a moment, he got no response. Then, a faint sob echoed through the receiver.

"Zaney, how could you! Your own mother tries to contact you after almost two years, and that's all you have to say to her?" This new voice sounded much older, maternal, and distraught.

"Stop changing your voice. Pretending to sound like my mother will get you nowhere. Now get a life."

_Click. _

Afterwards, he wrapped a washcloth around his phone and stuffed it in a drawer. Getting back to his list, he crossed out the names of anyone from the Underground. In his state, it'd probably be the best idea to finally quit that circuit. He couldn't waste what was left of his strength blasting the same steel cage virtually every night. Not that he intended to give back the electrodes, though. He considered them gifts, and gifts are things you get to keep.

Unbeknownst to him, Sara and Silpheed had already left before he received that last call, because they'd run out of change.

* * *

Two days later, he was at the supermarket, standing at the check-out counter while the cashier scanned all of his groceries. Among the items was a bottle of shampoo and conditioner. Everyone else cowered at the back, for they had let him cut in front.

A certain girl at the end of the counter bagged all of his things, a sneaky smile growing under her latex beak. She snatched up the shampoo and replaced it with another bottle, one of similar likeness.

"Will that be paper or plastic, Grand Puba?" she chuckled, quacking around as usual. The cashier held his breath, as though expecting Zane to pick up the whole magazine rack and throw it at them.

_Her again. She'll most likely get fired from this job, too. Just let that go through one ear and out the other. _

He glared at her. "I've got my own bag, thank you very much."

"Wow! I didn't know you were a tree-hugger! Your threads say otherwise. You know, if you starred in an environmental ad, I'll bet the whole country would go green!"

Without giving a response, he snatched the bag out of her hands and headed out the automatic doors.

* * *

The day after that, fat brushstrokes of grey blotted out the sky, and the streets were slick with rain water. The runoff trickled down the sides like miniature rapids into the sewers. It had rained sheets earlier that morning, but around the time Zane had gone outside, it had lightened up into a drizzle. The cool atmosphere smelled of moisture.

The only reason he had gone outside was because he had been called—no, _forced_—to shoot for a commercial for Selsun Blue. He hadn't even agreed to do it; his sponsors took on the deal without consulting him. The only reason he took an umbrella with him was so no one would see what'd happened to his hair. Had it fallen out? Had he caught lice? Had he acquired dandruff?

No, it simply…_changed color. _

_Here I thought that Scinner was too stupid to know how to make hair dye. Not that that excuses me for not watching out. _

Was he ashamed, humiliated? Not exactly. The only time he had ever truly felt ashamed was when Aster had handed him his first real loss. Still, no one likes having their hair change color against their will. Under that umbrella, and under a stony face, he simmered with fury.

His day was only about to get worse. Trotting down the sidewalk under his own white umbrella was none other than the classy Aster Phoenix. Noticing Zane trudging his way, and how he tipped his black umbrella so that his face could remain hidden, he stopped.

"Well, well. Funny chance to meet you out here, Truesdale. What's the matter, are you so afraid of me as to cower whenever you see me?"

Zane gritted his teeth, but remained quiet.

"Or is it for some other reason? Hmm?"

Did Aster have to do this every time they crossed paths? Why didn't he just pull out a carrot and say, "Eh, what's up, Doc", already?

"Mm…hang on, I think I recognize that look. Having problems with someone? A _girl, _perhaps?"

"…What are you, some kind of psychic?"

"You could say that. But then, who hasn't had problems with a girl? I remember one girl in particular who was _really _obsessed with me. She used to break into my suite when I was touring in France and raid my luggage for my…_ahem_."

Zane didn't feel he should involve anyone with his business, especially not an asshole like Phoenix. It would also be futile to confront him about leaking his number to random people. He leaned over a little to see if there was a way around him.

"So you know what I did? I hired someone to…take care of her."

"I didn't think you had that in you, Phoenix."

"I'm joking. Since when do _you_ take what I say seriously, anyway? All I did was take off my jacket and let it blow away, one day. Being the loyal fan girl she was, she chased after it. Wasn't a big loss, because I've got a garage-sized closet full of jackets. Still, I'll never know if she caught it, because the next day, I left France. I almost felt bad pulling that trick. Oh, well. _C'est la vie,_" Aster shrugged.

"That's nice. But I've got somewhere to go." He slunk past Phoenix without trying to shove or push him aside. The only physical contact was the brushing of his trench coat against the younger one's leg. That couldn't be helped, really, for his coat defied gravity!

But once he got ten feet away, Aster called, "Hey, not that I really care, but aren't you supposed to be a winter? Because either I need glasses, or you look like a summer! Not that it looks good on you."

If he hadn't been so busy keeping his cool, he would've whacked some sense into that kid.

* * *

"Mr. Truesdale! We were getting worried! Well, now that you're here, we can prep you up for the shoot!"

Once he had entered the studio, Zane still kept the umbrella open and over his head. Honestly, he would've rather had another heart attack right then and there than sit on a leather couch and say "Never wear black without the blue. Selsun Blue."

The make-up artist wagged his finger and scolded, "Mr. Truesdale, don't you know that it's bad luck to have an umbrella open indoors?"

"I don't believe in luck," grumbled Zane, but he closed his umbrella anyway. Three seconds later, the entire staff threw a group panic attack, even the camera guy.

"Good Lord, what happened to your lovely hair?!"

"This won't work! Only _winters_ look good on a Selsun Blue commercial!"

"Wow, is that chartreuse?"

"No, I think that's floss-green."

"He looks like Seto Kaiba when_ he_ dyed _his _hair green!"

"I know! They're like, identical twins, now!"

"I admire a man that has the guts to go out in public with a gaudy dye job like that!"

"He could take over the night traffic with a do like that!"

"Here, we'll fix that mane up as good as new—"

The artist reached up to grab a lock of Zane's hair, only to be seized by the wrist and meet with fierce teal eyes.

"Don't…touch…the hair." All these people were going to do was make it worse. He'd fix it himself, and that was final.

With that being said, he wound up leaving the upset studio, without having to sit on any couches or be prodded to at least _attempt _to smile.

_I'm not sure if you intended to or not, Scinner, but you actually did me a favor. But you're still a jackass. _

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	7. Act Seven

_****_

Disclaimer! **All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine.**

**Okay, I'll confess, this is kind of a filler chapter. But since some of you seem to want to know Sara's back-story so badly, I decided to include a story within a story: a flashback! **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT SEVEN**_

"Oh, try this on for size! What's the capital of Montana?"

"Aaaah…trivia sucks! _RAWK!_"

"No, no, it's just a joke. Wait for it, wait for it…give up? It's _Hannah!_"

Silpheed tossed his head back and nearly fell off of Sara's shoulder. "_RAWK-KA-KA-KA-KA-KA! _Don't get it. Who's Hannah?"

"I dunno. She must be important, though, because I heard a bunch of girls talking about her at the store. Plus, she's named after the state of Montana, so she must be a pageant queen from over there, or something."

"_RAWK! _Does she have big cans?"

Sara chuckled, "That depends if you're talking about cans of spaghetti sauce or cans or peaches."

The pair stopped to take a breather in front of a bridal shop's display window. The white wedding dress in the centerfold caught Sara's attention. It glistened like a curtain of diamonds under the lights. She pressed her nose against the glass. Silpheed did the same.

"Hmm…hey, Silpheed, doesn't that dress…you know?"

"_RAWK! _Turn me on? Not really. Needs more shortening around the hem and collar. Maybe a little tear down the middle, showing off cleavage. Maybe even hips, too. _RAWK!_"

Sara frowned. "No, you dirty bird! Does it make you think? Like, remember something? Because that dress reminds me of my sweet Aunt Clara and her wedding…well, more like her 'almost-wedding'. Then again, you probably wouldn't know, because you weren't in our family yet."

"Flash back? _RAWK!_"

"Yeah, we could. Flashbacks are fun! Just need to look into the lights."

Silpheed pressed his soft, feathery head against her temple, so he could watch the flashback, too. The two of them peered up into the lamps inside the window and stared into the fluorescent white light, until they both heard a _click _go off in their minds.

* * *

_When Sara was seven and a half, and acting solo, her Aunt Clara sat with her at the table and asked her to be the flower girl at her wedding. It hardly took two seconds for Sara to accept the offer. She'd never been to a wedding before, but the thought of playing a part in the happiest day of Clara's life made her tingle all over. Plus, this meant she could throw petals all over the place and make a mess without getting in trouble. What kid would turn that down? _

_The two weeks before the wedding were admittedly busy and boring, to say the least. They'd gone and visited virtually every store in the mall except the toy store, the one place that Sara wouldn't have minded spending two hours in. She never did like dressing up in fancy clothes, either. Her frilly dress was tight and a little itchy around the sleeves and collar, and her shiny shoes pinched her heels. Plus the whole outfit was white; apparently all the women had to attend the wedding in white. If she spilled even the tiniest drop of juice on that dress, it'd NEVER come out! Even her pantyhose was white (she didn't see why she couldn't wear socks)._

_But if it made Clara happy, it would be worth it. Besides, her shoes made a clicky-clack noise when she marched across the linoleum. If it wasn't so uncomfortable, she would've galloped up and down the aisles like a horse. _

_Finally, the big day reared its head. It was a clear August morning on a Sunday, warmed by the gentle glow of the sun. Not a speck of cloud marred the robin egg-blue sky. With conditions like these, there was no way anything could go wrong! _

_Sara held on to her mother's hand and glanced all around the church. There were so many people, most of them she didn't even recognize! The smell of flowers and perfume and cologne wafted all around, almost making her faint. _

"_Where's Auntie Clara?" she piped up. _

"_She's with the other bridesmaids, getting dressed. Which means we'd better join them." Her mother was a bridesmaid, her grandmother the matron of honor. _

_That was when, out of the corner of her eye, Sara caught a glimpse of the most beautiful, radiant, and positively delectable thing she's ever seen in her entire life! No, not her aunt. _

_The wedding cake. Her grandfather and father were on either side of it, their faces as red and puffy as beets. It was at least three feet tall, adorned with pink and green flowers. On the very top sat a figure of a bride and groom, locking arms and standing under a tiny white arch with an even tinier silver bell. Its snow-white frosting glistened like a wedding dress. It was love at first sight; the only time, Sara recalled, when she liked the color white._

_Without warning, Sara released her mother's hand and dashed for the cake, with not a trace of doubt in her mind that it'd taste as heavenly as it looked. It felt like trudging through an obstacle course, what with having to bump into so many butts and thighs. _

"_CAAAAAKE!" _

"_Where are you going, you little woodpecker?" her mother scolded playfully, snatching her up just before she could trip up her grandfather and father. _

"_NOOO! Mommy, don't stand between me and my precious!" _

"_What, the cake? Sweetie, that's for your Aunt and Uncle-to-be. But don't worry; we'll all get a slice at the reception." _

"_What's a reception?" _

"_It's a banquet and dance that happens right after the ceremony." _

_Sara cringed at the word "ceremony." From her understanding, ceremonies took two hours to complete, at the minimum. Two hours of sitting in a hard bench and doing nothing…she couldn't possibly wait that long for something as marvelous as that giant pastry! _

_As her mother carried her into the dressing room, she reached out for the cake, which continued to sink underneath the sea of people. _

"_I'll be back for you…my love." _

_With help from her mother, Sara was soon donned in her flower girl outfit. Around her arm, she bore a small wicker basket filled with white rose petals. Personally, Sara preferred sunflowers to roses, but this was Clara's wedding, not hers. Besides, just looking at those frosty white petals made her mind drift back to that cake, sitting all alone in the reception hall with no one guarding it. Her lips moistened with hunger. _

"_Now, don't you look adorable?" cooed her mother, stroking her hair back behind her ears. She didn't notice that Sara had her tongue jammed into her left cheek. _

"_Mommy, I gotta go to the bathroom." _

"_Do you need help?" _

"_NO! I mean, no, thanks. I'm a big girl." _

"_Okay, but be sure you wash your hands after using the toilet. You're always forgetting to do that." _

_Sara nodded and slipped out into the hallway, careful not to make too much noise with her shoes. She had no intentions of going to the bathroom. Instead, she let her instinct guide her to where she was really headed, all the while creeping on tiptoe. This pinched her toes something fierce, but her hunger distracted her from the pain. _

_At long last, after sidling against walls, crawling under chairs, and holding her breath when it looked like she'd been caught, she made it. Rows and rows of long tables greeted her in the spacious dining hall, each lined with a white tablecloth, flowers and tableware. Each seat had a white, gold-trimmed card on their plate. _

_But the table at the very front was the most gorgeous of them all…in Sara's eyes, anyway. In the centerfold was the mother of all cakes, glowing as though it had its own halo behind it. She could've sworn that an angelic choir sang in the background. _

_Sara wasted no time in dashing across the room for her prize, in spite of how much her feet hurt. "Finally! You and I are alone!" She reached out with one finger to swipe a bit of icing off, and was a mere two inches from its surface when she paused. _

"_Wait a second. This is Auntie Clara's cake. What's she gonna think if she sees that I ate her cake on the happiest day of her life? She'll probably be anything _but_ happy! _

"…_On the other hand…maybe, if I just take a _tiny, _quick lick, she won't notice. Yeah, that should keep me alive until the reception!" She never wasted very much time when it came to matters of the conscience. So with one swipe of her finger, she dug into the base of the cake and trailed along the side, gathering as much frosting as her finger could hold. This left a mark about four inches long. _

_Now, Sara had eaten cake before, but all of the cakes she'd ever devoured didn't hold a birthday candle to this one. How smooth, how creamy, how high her blood sugar rose the moment her palate made contact with her iced finger! She felt like a bubbling bottle of soda, ready to blow her top! Time melted out of her mind as one lick turned to two, two to four, four to eight, eight to sixteen…_

_By the time she was finished, the cake was stripped of its lovely coat, and almost half of it was gone. It didn't even look like a cake anymore! Sara lay on top of the table, her face and the front of her dress smeared with crumbs and icing. She held her bloated stomach and groaned in pain. _

"_Oh man…how can something so good feel so bad? UUUUURRP!" Using all the strength she could muster, she sat up and looked around for some kind of relief for her stomachache. Usually, when her tummy ached, her mother gave her ginger ale and saltine crackers. She didn't see any crackers, but the glass bottles that sat over on the far side of the table might've had ginger ale in them. Actually, they were bottles of champagne, but Sara had never before heard of that. _

_Stumbling on her feet, she hobbled over to grab a bottle. She shook it. It sounded fizzy like ginger ale, so it had to be ginger ale. Wait, what was this, a cork? What a strange thing, closing a bottle with a cork. Oh, well. It was nothing her teeth couldn't pull out. _

_Yanking the gold paper off and seizing the cork with her canines, she turned her head to the side and started to pull. No dice. She took a deep breath and tried again, this time swerving her head from side to side to loosen it. Her eyes widened when she felt the cork shift out of position. _

_She got more than she bargained for. _

_SSSSSSSSSSS! _

_The bottle gushed like a geyser, splattering champagne all over Sara's dress and launching the cork up into the atmosphere. She was so surprised, she dropped the bottle. It all happened oh so quickly; one second she looked up to see where the cork had gone, and the next—_

_WHAM! Right in the nose! The blow sent her tumbling backwards and landing head-first into her flower basket. There she remained for about two minutes, dazed and sore and achy from head to foot. Only when she regained her senses did she feel something wet dripping from out of her nostrils. Was it champagne? _

_She touched the warm substance with her fingers and looked at it, her expression changing from confused to horrified. _

Blood!

"_AH! I-I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding! 9-1-1! 9-1-1! I'm bleeding!" She tried to stop it by holding her hand over her nose. It didn't help when she looked into her basket and realized that all of those beautiful white rose petals were now stained with blood. _

"_Oh man! That's just my luck! Honestly, why couldn't these petals be red instead of white? Then maybe the blood wouldn't show! Now they're gonna see my leaky nose and not let me be flower girl! Auntie Clara will be so disappointed!" She'd forgotten all about what she'd done to the cake. _

_Closing her eyes, she crammed her tongue into her cheek and cooked up a plan. Taking several petals into each hand, she shoved as many as she could into her nostrils, deciding that she'd just have to wing it and breathe through her mouth. She didn't bother to clean anything else up; she simply hightailed it out of there. _

_Everyone was already seated by the time Sara had showed up. It seemed that they were waiting for her, for the flower girl was supposed to walk down the aisle before the bride. There stood her lovely Aunt with her grandfather, grandmother, mother and father, none of whom looked at all happy. _

"_Sara! Where on earth did you go?" _

"_Um…the bathroom?" _

"_Oh, dear! You're a mess!" her grandmother chided. "You can't go out there looking like that! Were you playing in the toilet?" _

_Clara gazed at the doors with anxiety clouding her hazel eyes. "Sara's not the only one that hasn't shown up yet." She drummed her fingers on her wedding duel disk. _

"_Now, now, dear. Arthur will show up, I know he will," soothed Sara's grandfather. "It's not like a man to not show up to his own wedding." _

"_And we've paid at least all of our limbs for this whole thing, too," said Sara's father. Everyone glared at him. _

"_What? I'm only stating the obvious." _

_Suddenly, Sara's eyes began to water, but not because the groom hadn't shown up. It was because her nose began to twitch. She sucked in her cheeks and tried to hold it in. She puffed out her chest. Danged velvety petals!_

"_What's wrong, little woodpecker?" asked her grandfather. _

"_N-Nothing, Grandpa! Hon—ah—ah—ah—AA-CHOOOOOO!"_

* * *

"I spewed nose-blood all over my poor Aunt Clara. I've always been a really messy and loud sneezer," she recalled. "It echoed all across the church, as did my Aunt's scream. She never liked blood. Believe me, when I thought about making a mess, that was _not _what I intended."

"_RAWK! _One messed-up wedding!"

"Yeah. In the end, I didn't get to be flower girl. But then, we didn't get to have a wedding, either, because Arthur never showed up, after all." Sara frowned at that sad memory. "I remember people leaving in a huff after waiting for two hours. Even the priest got bored and played Duel Monsters with the best man until it was clear that Arthur wasn't coming.

"As much as I'd like to, I'll never forget the look my poor aunt wore on her face. She looked like a window that someone shattered with a BB gun. Everyone was so busy trying to comfort her that I didn't even get confronted about the cake. Not that that made me feel any better. She was so upset; she took off the duel disk and threw it in the trash can."

They were so engrossed in these memories that they didn't notice Missy Mandible next to them with her own nose against the glass. She, too, eyed the bridal dress, but not for the same reason. She imagined herself in that dress, on Zane's arm.

"You hit yourself with a stray cork and got a nosebleed? That's weak!"

Sara wagged a finger. "If it's ever happened to you, you would think otherwise, missy."

"Oh, now you remember my name! Still, too bad about your aunt. But that won't happen at _my _wedding, no sir! Because Zane is crazy for me! I could tell by the way he pinched pepper over my nose! As soon as I get my career established, I'll use my salary to buy the biggest and most beautiful ring money can buy and propose to him!"

"I may not know diddly-squat about weddings, but isn't that bad luck when the girl proposes? My aunt did the same thing."

"Maybe, but he's too shy to propose. I'll have to make the first move. And I'll wear my lucky locket when I do it." Missy opened up her locket and kissed the image inside lovingly.

"Eh, whatever floats your boat, buddy."

"_RAWK! _What about the flashback?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, believe it or not, that little incident went on to spark my aspirations!"

_Click._

* * *

_Sara remained hidden behind the corner, listening in on her mother trying to console her aunt over the phone. She couldn't decipher what her aunt was saying on the other end of the line, but she could hear her distorted sobbing from her hiding place. Her stomach ached as it had when she'd eaten all that cake, only this time it felt worse, because her heart had sunken down there. _

"_There, there, sis, it's okay. You've been like this for a week. The bills are no big deal, really. Trust me, if I knew why he stood you up on your wedding day, I'd tell you. Don't say that! Do you know how many people I've overheard say that they'd never know love again, and yet they're smacking lips with a new guy two weeks later? Okay, so maybe those are just rebound relationships, but who's to say that you can't find something in that? I beg your pardon? What do you mean I'm just telling you this because _I'm_ happily married?" _

Poor Auntie. Is she upset 'cause I ate up her cake? Or 'cause I spewed blood all over her dress? Or is it 'cause of Arthur, wherever that guy is? Well, the fact is that Auntie Clara is miserable. I should cheer her up. But how?

_Sara squeezed her eyes shut and jammed her tongue into her cheek, concentrating until her head hurt as much as her stomach. This always happened when she thought too hard, so she hardly ever did. The plan she formulated was to get a cake! Cake made people happy; it certainly made her happy until she'd bitten off more than she could chew. Plus, it would make up for her crime at the wedding. _

_But where could one get a cake? Sara hid under her bed to shake all of the loose change out of her piggy bank. All she had was a paper clip, a small ball of lint and a coin so eroded out of recognition that she couldn't tell how much it was worth. She couldn't even buy a Twinkie with that. Oh, well. She would _bake _a cake! Homemade things had more value, anyway. _

_Since she was too little to use the oven, she whipped out her Easy-Bake oven and got to work in the secrecy of her room. _

_The next day, her family went out to the park for a picnic. Sara could tell by the despondent blankness on her aunt's face that she hadn't wanted to go out. Her mother had made her come along. _

_Sitting in the back of the van, Sara held a shoe box on her lap that left a moist spot on her shorts. She took a quick peek of her creation that sat inside it. It was small, and didn't look at all like the exquisite desserts in her mother's cookbooks, much less like that wedding cake. It was stacked like a crooked pile of checker pieces, and the pieces had come out rather crispy. Since they had no icing around the house, she had improvised with Cool Whip, which was now running and starting to smell a little funny. For decorations, she had drawn all over it with chocolate syrup and slapped mounds of grape jelly. _

_To say the least, it was a very modest cake, but Sara stilled beamed at it. Once Aunt Clara had a taste, she would be beaming too! _

_At the park, while the adults set up the picnic, Sara hid behind a tree with her cake. She was going to surprise Clara with it, and she giggled at the thought of her aunt grinning from ear to ear by just looking at such a lovely pastry. _

_Presently, a lean, ginger man happened to be taking a walk in the park, and stopped to say hello to her family. Sara recognized him as Bert, a friend of her aunt's from her job. _

"_Why Bert, why don't you join us? There's plenty to go around!" cheered her mother. _

"_Now that you mention it, I do feel rather famished. Thank you," smiled Bert, pushing his wire-rimmed glasses up on his face. He'd often apply a big word or two to his sentences. Most people called him "nerdy." At the time, Sara didn't know what that meant. Maybe they were referring to his freckles? They did look a little like tiny red Nerd candies. _

_Bert took a seat next to Clara on the grass and frowned. "How are you feeling, Clara?" _

"_I'm all right," she sighed, not sounding the least bit all right. _

"_I really am sorry for your loss. What a disgraceful thing to do, abandoning your own bride at the altar. He must've been insane!" _

"_Oh, it's no big deal, Bertie." Clara unwrapped a soggy tuna sandwich and took a bite, chewing on it pensively and staring at the ground. _

_Bert put a finger to his lips. "Oh! I-I-I didn't strike a nerve, did I? R-Really, I didn't intend to!" _

_Sara's father cupped his hands over his mouth. "Sara, time for lunch!" _

And that is my cue!

_As swiftly as a Sonic Duck, she scrambled out from behind the tree, holding the shoe box out in front of her. She had almost made it to the blanket, when suddenly—_

"_WHOA!"_

Man, maybe I should've tied my shoes before we got here!

_The instant she lurched forward and landed in the grass face-first, her cake flew out of the shoe box and soared through the air like a messy missile. And like a missile did it crash into poor, unsuspecting Bert's face. _

_SPLAT! It sent bits and morsels of cake and Cool Whip all over the blanket and everyone's lap. _

_Aunt Clara clapped her hands over her mouth. "Oh my gosh! Bert, are you okay?" _

"_BWA-HAHAHAHA! WOO! The little woodpecker got you good, buddy!" hooted Sara's father, slapping Bert's knee. "Only instead of a pie, you got CAKED! Nice twist to an old classic, if you ask me!" _

_Bert was too surprised to respond. He simply wiped a smear of Cool Whip off of his temple and stared at it, while Sara's mother dove into the basket for napkins. _

_Sara pushed herself back on her feet and dusted herself off. All of that time spent slaving over an Easy-Bake…only to be foiled, once again! "Oh, shoot! Sorry, nerdy Bertie!" _

"_Sara! It's not nice to call someone nerdy!" chided her mother. _

_This came to her as news. She raised an eyebrow and chirped, "Really? But Mommy, Bertie's nerdy 'cause his freckles look like tiny red Nerd candies. Why would that be mean?" _

_For a moment, everyone was quiet. Was it something she'd said? Sara rocked back and forth on her heels, as silence made her quite uncomfortable. _

_Then, Bert popped into a soft, squeaky laugh. Her father followed suit, then her mother, and even her Aunt Clara couldn't stifle a chuckle! It was a miracle! At least in Sara's ears, it was. Listening to people laugh always make her tingle all over, in a pleasant and ticklish kind of way. She wanted to laugh, too! _

"_No one's ever compared my features to candy, before! I must say, Clara, your niece is quite the ice-breaker! And this cake is actually quite good!" Bert licked all of the mess around his lips and cheeks. "Although I don't believe I've sampled a cake with grape jelly." _

"_Nope, she's an ice-pecker, when she isn't busy pecking wood," corrected her father with a grin. _

_Clara took a stack of napkins from Sara's mother and wiped around Bert's cheeks. She leaned in for a closer look. "You know…now that it's been brought up, your frecks do look a little like Nerds." _

_From hearing this the second time, Bert's face reddened until he looked as red as a bell pepper…or his exposed cheek did, anyway. _

* * *

"Almost three months after that, Aunt Clara and Bert started going out. And in the year afterwards, they got hitched! And no one stood anybody up at _that _wedding!" Sara smiled at that fond memory. "I even got a second chance to be flower girl!"

Missy sneered. "Ewww, your aunt married a geek? That's even weaker!"

Ignoring that comment, Sara looked back at the dress and continued, "So after those two started hitting it off, I thought to myself, 'Hey, if I can spark a little happiness for my aunt and uncle, who's to say that I can't do that for other people?' Thus, I began my _spiritually_ _uplifting journey_." She clapped her hands together and bowed like a Tibetan monk, only to make contact between the window and her forehead.

"Ow!"

Silpheed jumped off of her shoulder and hovered in mid-air. "_RAWK! _No, you mean_ 'Owwwwww…'_" He drew out the "owwww" until he became hoarse and started coughing.

Missy rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh, sure. Well, I'm on a spiritual journey, myself, and it involves making Zane _mine_. That involves eliminating all possible competition." She hissed the last sentence menacingly, turning to leer at the girl who was rubbing her forehead.

"It doesn't look bruised. What do you think, Silph?"

"_RAWK! _You can't get bruises! Got upper-body strength!"

"Yeah. Hey, you know? Getting this bump on the bean just gave me an idea! See ya later, Missy! We've got a cake to bake!" With a wave of her fingers, Sara ambled off with her cockatoo perched on her shoulder once more.

Suspicious of Sara's intentions, Missy looked back at the duo. "Wh-What's that supposed to mean?"

Silpheed turned his head to glance at Missy's cleavage one last time, and simply whistled. For just a second, Missy couldn't help but feel uncomfortable about a bird hitting on her (she'd always been more of a bug—and Zane—kind of person).

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	8. Act Eight

_**Disclaimer! **_**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT EIGHT **_

_There has to be some way to shake off that kid. I've got enough problems without having to worry about her popping from out of the blue and trying to crack me up. She's got as much chance of doing that as Jaden has the desire to advance to Ra Yellow._

_Let's see. Threats don't scare her off, the cold shoulder doesn't work, pepper spray only works for ten seconds, and all-out violence never solved anything. I could have her arrested for stalking me…but if she can run in and out of Duel Academy as effortlessly as opening and closing a door, then she'll probably break out of prison. Or they'd let her out early, just to get rid of her. That'd be no surprise to me if they did that. _

Zane reached up and laid a finger on his hair, which he had restored to its regular, canon, teal color. Nevertheless, that prank had been the last straw, even though it did get him out of starring in a commercial for dandruff shampoo.

"Hey, Cap'n Sunshine!"

_Great. _

Sara popped out from the blue—or rather, from behind a lamp post—with a box in her hands. Silpheed stayed perched on top of the post, trying to charm yet another pigeon.

She looked up at his hair scratched her head quizzically. "Hey! Didn't you use the shampoo I gave ya? It was supposed to turn your hair into a summer color, 'cause I figured if you were a summer, you'd feel happier! I mean, look at my hair! Well, actually it looks more like a spring, but…you know what I mean, right?" She twirled a lock of her hair around her finger.

Behind Zane, Missy materialized from behind a stoop, with a much smaller box encrusted with images of bugs. Having heard Sara mention something about a cake, she assumed that she was trying to win him over. That would never do. So she had taken the liberty to give Zane a gift far grander than a lousy cake.

"Wait, Zaney! My gift is at least fifteen times as good as what she's got!" She closed in on him from behind, as Sara did from the front.

Suddenly, Sara's foot became caught in a bump on the sidewalk. Losing her footing, she plummeted towards the concrete, launching her box in mid-air and in not Zane's direction—thankfully—but Missy's.

_SPLAT! _

_THUD! _

Missy landed on her rear, her entire face marred with green frosting and crumbs. In the process, she dropped her box, which skidded about three feet away and opened to reveal a card inside it, Insect Princess.

"_Waaah, _it's not fair! What's the world got against a girl who actually takes the time to look nice in the morning?"

"Oops! Sorry, Missy," Sara blushed, rubbing the back of her head.

"That's all you can say? _Sorry?_" the insect duelist fumed, furiously wiping off the mess with the tips of her fingers in a windshield-wiper motion.

Sara got back on her feet and trotted over to Missy to help her up, in spite of her skinned knees. "What else can I say? I've got two right feet."

Missy spat out small chunks of cake. "_Pft! _Don't you mean, two _left _feet?"

"No, that's for dancing. For everything else, I've got two _right _feet. See?" Sara pointed to her feet, both of which she had turned to point to the right. "And if you think I'm klutzy now, wait 'til you see me on a dance floor, when my feet turn left! Everyone else's toes will get squashed like grapes at least once!"

She reached out and swiped a bit of icing off of Missy's eyebrows. She popped her finger into her mouth and smacked her lips. "Mmm…needs more cowbell."

Missy sneered, feeling a bit violated from having frosting eaten off her face. "What does a cowbell have to do with anything?"

Sara shrugged. "I dunno. But you must admit, it sounds funny. Don't you think, Ziti? Ziti? Yoo-hoo!" She and Missy looked all around, and Zane had indeed vanished, in that discreet and mysterious way he was notorious for.

Realizing that she'd lost her beloved again, tears welled in her mahogany eyes. "Oh, that's just swell! Thanks a lot, you spastic, you scared him away! I didn't even get a chance to prove my love by offering him my best card!"

"Spazz-stick? Heh-heh, that's a good one. Spastic, spazz-stick! Spazz-stick, spastic! Don't you just love playing with words?" But upon noticing the tears in Missy's eyes, the grin on Sara's face faded. She clapped a hand over Missy's shoulder.

"There, there, buddy. I've been missing him by a mile, too. I think it's that slick leather getup, if you ask me."

Meanwhile, Silpheed continued to charm the pigeon by trying out a new pick-up line he'd heard on television:

"_RAWK! _Will you bear my children?"

The poor cockatoo failed to notice the larger male pigeon sitting next to his girlfriend. Before long, he'd landed on the concrete on his head with a bone-cracking _THUD! _Feathers scattered all around like autumn leaves. Seeing her pet in trouble, Sara let go of Missy and bent over to pick him up, patting the bump between his crest feathers.

"Silpheed! If you keep falling on your head, you're gonna start forgetting things! And then Mom and Dad will probably make me send you to the zoo!" Silpheed paid no heed. He had his head cocked to an angle so he could have a good look at Missy's cleavage. That helped him forget his pain.

"…What? _RAWK!_"

"Oh, no! You're already starting to forget! Hang on, buddy!" Sara set him on his feet to reach into her backpack for that zip-loc bag of Silpheed Snacks. Pinching one between her fingers, she dangled it over his head. "Quick! What's your name?"

"_RAWK_! Boobies."

"What species are you?"

"…Hooters." Just the fact that he wasn't looking at the dried banana slice troubled Sara.

"Come on, man, don't leave me, now! What's the card that I named you after?"

"Harpie Lady, before 4-Kids edited it. _RAWK!_"

"What's _my _name?"

"…Titty-lator."

"Where do we live?"

"Bosom Village. _RAWK!_"

"What do I make your snacks out of?"

"Melons."

By now, Missy had noticed the bird's black beady eyes fixed on her chest. Scowling, she turned around and folded her arms over her chest, contemplating whether she should just kick that dirty bird.

Almost on the edge of despair, Sara covered her face with her free hand. "Please, Silpheed, I don't wanna lose you! Can't you at least remember what our mission is?!"

"_RAWK! _To get a piece of those big buns."

That was the last straw! It was one thing to comment on her chest, but to call her butt big…was _inexcusable! _Missy whirled around and shrieked, "Hey, jackass! Tell your bird to stop looking at me!" She pulled her jacket as far over her butt as she could (which wasn't very much, since the jacket itself was so short). "If there's anything wrong with him, it's a major case of perversion!"

Sara stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Perversion…but then that means…Silpheed's still his old self! Right, buddy?"

"_RAWK! _Silpheed Snack, Sara?"

"Anything for you, my feathered amigo!" She let him snatch the treat out of her fingers with his beak. In six seconds, it was gone. In the meantime, as she stroked Silpheed's disheveled crest feathers, she glanced to the ground and found one of his stray tail feathers lying there. Being the quick thinker she was, she crammed her tongue into her left cheek.

"_Heeeey_, I know what'll cheer ya up!" Sara plucked the feather off the ground and started to brush it against Missy's forearm, much to the latter's discontent.

She wiped off whatever was left of the mess on her face and grumbled, "Oh, now what're you—heh…heh-heh…h-h-hey—heh-heh—c-cut it out! This isn't—heh-eh-eh—funny!"

Sara moved on from her arm to the back of her neck, to the tip of her nose, and to her sides, tickling her with the feather. Watching Missy tremble with laughter made her grin from ear to ear. "Behold! I call this Gift of the Cockatoo!"

Silpheed hopped around, trying to evade the girls' shuffling feet. "_RAWK! _Not exactly. Got something better to give her. _RAWK! _And it ain't feathers."

* * *

As Zane predicted, Sara came back the next morning. He could tell because as he sat on his bed doing breathing exercises—for it was important to keep as calm as possible in his condition—he heard peeved whispers on the other side of his door.

"What kind of door doesn't have a bell?"

"This is a hotel. _RAWK!_"

"But it can't be Ding-Dong-Ditch without a doorbell. Oh, well. We'll just improvise, and call it…um…Knock-Knock-Now-Get-Outta-Here!"

"_RAWK! _Lame."

"_Ssh! _Ready…?"

_Knock-ka-knock-ka-knock-knock, RAP-RAP! _

He heard a small _thud, _as though they'd dropped something by the door. Footsteps followed the knocking, with a little giggling in between. Once everything fell silent again, Zane stood up and slunk over to investigate. Sure enough, a tiny package sat at the threshold, with a note taped to the top. It read:

_The cake was a lei. _

Zane rolled his eyes. He never liked memes; they were unnecessary, pointless, and out of context. But really, if she was going to use one, the least she could do was take the time to spell everything correctly. Unless that was part of the meme, as well, but whatever.

Instead of blasting it to bits with his electrode, he picked it up and opened it. At the bottom of the package sat a circle of donuts, covered in chocolate frosting and with crooked smiling faces printed on each of them with custard. One of them was half-eaten.

He could feel her watching him from around the corner, waiting for him to react.

_SLAM! _

Back in the safety of his hotel room, he held out the box at arm's length and noticed something on the back of the note. With a brisk twist of his wrist, he tore it off and examined it. A scribble of a running Sonic Duck graced the back, with a phone number underneath it. Scrawled over the Duck were the words:

_**Need a laff? Don't be daff! Free of charge! Here's our card!**_

**_Sonic Sara and Silpheed, Comeedien Extrodinairs! _**

**_Laffter prevants canser!_**

_How nice...a business card. I'll call her…when they start putting girls in Slifer or Ra, _thought Zane, swiftly tossing the donuts and card into the nearest wastebasket.

"HA! I knew you didn't like her!"

_Click! _

Missy Mandible had ambushed him! She'd climbed in through the window using a ladder she had "borrowed" from a couple of painters, and had proceeded to cuff herself to his wrist, _again. _

…_I'm getting real sick of girls and their handcuffs._

"It's me again, hottie!" she cooed, flirtatiously fluttering her eyelashes. "Now that Duck Girl out of the way, we can finally be alone!"

"…I am _not _giving you any tongue, girl. Hand over the key, and no one will get hurt."

Missy flashed a devious smirk. "Who said that I've hidden it under my tongue, this time?" Suddenly, she cringed, her face flustered and twisted with discomfort. She started to dance around in place.

Instantly, Zane had a pretty clear idea on what was going on, and his expression went blank.

"Shoot! Just when things were getting good…I-I gotta use the ladies' room!"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

**_I'm probably not going to be updating any more on my stories for the next few weeks. I have to study for the all-important ACT. _**


	9. Act Nine

_**Disclaimer! **_**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT NINE**_

So Zane never called, and oddly enough, Sara didn't come back. The first three days after that incident, however, he found himself checking every curb and corner before crossing it. He did not do this because he was afraid; he was just wary of any unwelcome surprises (either from Sara or Missy, who had unlocked the cuffs herself just to go to the bathroom, giving him the chance to get the hell out of there). In his condition, he couldn't stand many more surprises. He even avoided the store he usually went to and walked five extra blocks to buy groceries from another place (seeing ambulances, police cars and a fire truck in front of his usual store triggered this tight, uncomfortable feeling in his gut that told him that something awful had happened in there, and that Sara had been involved).

She hadn't even called, or at least tried to. Three days melted into a week, and Zane began to relax…as much as he could afford to, at least. He decided to rest in an apartment; moving from hotel to hotel every day had become too tiresome and laborious for him. Besides, no matter where he went, rabid fans—especially the female ones—managed to find him. When one is dying, they tend to stop caring about anything except two things: their unfinished business, and their ability to stay alive so they can finish said business.

On the bright side, he could go back and focus on more important things. He meditated on these things as he entered his kitchen and put away all of his groceries.

The temperature outside was sweltering; if he had felt like it, he could've fried a steak out there on the concrete. He wiped the sweat off of his brow with a cloth. In the far back of his mind, he wished that he had something a little lighter to wear on days like this. When Mr. Shroud was his manager, he had seen to it that everything else in his wardrobe except his black attire had been disposed of. Sure, he could've gone out and bought more clothes, but he never had the time. All of his time was dedicated to dueling and winning. Now that he was dying, though, he didn't think it mattered anymore if he had any more clothes.

Besides, he liked his outfit. Dying in leather sounded much better than dying in a tuxedo fit for a chimpanzee. Phoenix would probably die in a monkey suit, but not him.

The only question was this: who would it be that he'd see on the other side of the field when he would die? This would be something he would spend grueling months trying to answer.

* * *

"Well, Silpheed, that's the second job I've lost. But there's a bright side to this! I've managed to earn enough dough for these babies!" Sara glided down the sidewalk, gesturing to the ugliest and rattiest yellow roller skates one could ever lay eyes on. She'd purchased them at a garage sale. Silpheed fluttered behind and cringed at the shoes.

"They're as comfy as bean bags! Plus, now we can deliver happiness as twice as fast as before! That should help, what with all the apology baskets we have to give everybody." Indeed, she had baskets crammed in her backpack and about a dozen more piled in a little red wagon she'd borrowed from a neighbor. Its wheels squeaked like tortured mice over the bumps on the sidewalk.

Presently, the two stopped at an intersection and waited for the signal to cross the street. Silpheed took the opportunity to plop into the wagon, between two baskets, and take a breather. "_RAWK! _How'd ya get laid, anyhow?"

"The term is 'laid _off,' _my feathered friend. And the story's a lot funnier if I used a flashback." She and Silpheed stared up into the red traffic light.

_Click. _

* * *

_A short, stout old man in overalls and wild grey hair tapped on Sara's shoulder. "Excuse me, miss, but can you direct me to the aisle where they keep the prune juice?" he wheezed. He clung to his shopping cart almost in the same way a little boy would. _

_Seeing a chance to be helpful, Sara smiled. "Right down Aisle One, sir! Here, I'll show ya!" She had learned from her own grandpa that old people had poor memory and sense of direction. With this in mind, she led him to the aisle, where they kept the juices that didn't need refrigerating. _

_She gestured to the bottles of prune juice at the very top of the shelf. "Prune juice!" _

"_How wonderful!" The old man reached up to grab a bottle, but being the short and stout old man he was, he could hardly reach halfway up the shelf. He tried standing on tiptoe. No avail. "Oh, fiddlesticks! Don't these store people ever think about little people like me before shelving their products? If only my grandson were here…he could grow a foot taller in a snap when the circumstances called for it." _

"_Hey, no prob! I'll get it for ya!" Sara reached up as far as she could and tried to stretch her fingers, but her fingertips barely brushed against the tip of the top shelf. Cramming her tongue into her left cheek, she stood up on tiptoe. She even hopped up and down, grabbing at the tantalizingly close bottle of prune juice. _

_Eventually, she stamped her foot and huffed, "Fiddlesticks is right!" She eyed the grocery cart the old man clung to. _

"_P-Perhaps you could pull out a stepladder?" _

"_Even better: can I see that cart?" _

"_Er…all right?" _

_He handed it to Sara, uncertain on what she was about to do with it. Grasping the handle with both hands, she started to back up by about fifteen feet, all the way into the stand where they displayed their peaches and cherries. She stood still for a moment, shoulders hunched and eyes squinting at the shelf. Her foot tapped the floor, almost in the way a bull would. _

"…GERONIMOOOOO!"

_She dashed for the shelf as swiftly as a Sonic Duck, the soles of her sneakers slapping against the linoleum. The wheels of the cart shrieked in anticipation. How fortunate it was that the old man had enough sense to stay well out of the way! How unfortunate, however, that Sara toppled more than just a bottle of prune juice off of the shelf. _

WHAM!

_She struck it square-on. It all happened in a flash: the entire shelf trembled from impact, tumbling over on its base and scattering food all around like an avalanche. Like a line of dominos, every shelf behind it—right up to Aisle Fifteen—toppled! Glass shattered! Liquids marred the clean white linoleum! People screamed bloody murder! One shopper even had the misfortune of getting caught by the leg under the land—scratch that, _food-_slide! Once the dust cleared, the entire store looked like a demolition area. _

_The old man's violet eyes widened as he clutched a hand over his chest. "It's the end of the world! Call my grandson!" He made a mad sprint for the automatic doors and didn't come back. For an old man, he could sure run. _

_Sara surveyed the mess with a finger to her lips, eyes wide with shock. "…Whoops! Wait, sir! You forgot your prune juice!" _

* * *

"Man, did I get the tongue-lashing of a lifetime. Mr. Kister told me that luckily, the only thing I killed with my little stunt was my job. Thank the Lord of Laughter for the half-off sales on seafood."

"_RAWK! _Why not a stepladder?"

"Sure, I could've just used a ladder and kept my job. But don't you think that sounds a little cliché? Any average Joe can use a ladder. It takes a real genius to knock stuff out of place!"

Silpheed rolled his beady eyes. That Sara: always doing things differently.

Along the way, their throats turned as dry as blackboards with thirst. They happened to be passing a joke shop, The Gay Clown, which was the place Sara bought all of her gags from. They had a water fountain inside, so the two stopped to get a drink. Imagine her surprise when she barged in and rang the bell, only to find a boy at the counter instead of her friend Zoey.

The boy looked up at the two and waved. "Good afternoon! Welcome to The Gay Clown!"

Sara leaned to the side to whisper to Silpheed, "Hey Silph, either we walked into the wrong joke shop, or there's a stranger-guy at the counter."

The boy smiled at them. "Don't be shy! Feel free to look around!" Sara had to admit that for a stranger-guy, he had quite a pleasant smile. She believed that you can figure out a little bit about a person by the way they smiled, and by judging his, she guessed that he was a nice stranger-guy.

Still, she had to ask, "Who are you? Where's Zoey?"

"She's in the hospital with a broken leg. There was some freak accident at the store. Poor girl wound up on the wrong side of an anchovy avalanche."

Sara jammed her tongue into her cheek. Strange, that sounded awfully familiar…but poor Zoey, indeed! She made a note to visit her with a basket.

"Anyway, I'm a friend of hers that's running her store while she's away. The name's Farley."

Ever the type to be eager to make friends, Sara trotted up to Farley and offered her hand. "Awesome-nity! Any friend of Zoe's is a friend of ours! I'm Sara! This is Silpheed! Put 'er there!"

Farley put her there, all right. He ducked into the counter and pulled out a Barbie doll in a tiny cotton bikini. He dropped it into Sara's palm.

"Awww, put 'er there!" she hooted. "You're a real joker, aren't ya?" Silpheed remained silent, mostly because he was eying that sexy Barbie and undressing it in his mind. Dolls always let people have their way with them.

Farley grinned, twirling a lock of his muddy blonde hair around his finger. "Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? You can't run a joke shop with a pole up your butt, can you, now?"

Sara shook her head, still quaking with laughter, and set the doll aside. This gave Silpheed the perfect opportunity to hop off of her shoulder and carry it off to the bathroom. In the meantime, Sara and Farley drained the time like soap under running water, just chewing the fat as though they'd known each other since they were both in diapers. They babbled about everything, from pranks each of them had pulled (the harmless ones), to about which was the funnier dueling comic (Farley vouched for Sagi Sal, while Sara praised Cory Boh). Farley even enlightened her on the history behind several gags.

"Y'know, joy buzzers don't actually electrocute the victim. When they press the button, all it really does is release a spring that rapidly unwinds and creates a vibration that _feels _like an electric shock."

He held out a whoopee cushion at arm's length and beamed. "And did you know that the whoopee cushion—also called the raspberry cushion—was invented in the thirties by a Canadian rubber company after several of its employees experimented with scraps of rubber? When it first made its debut, they initially thought it was too gross to make any sales." He set it on the counter.

Sara lovingly stroked the rubber sack with her index finger, as though it were a puppy. "Ding-dong, were they wrong! We really gotta give those Canadians credit for _something_! I honor this baby in all my duels, y'know!" She pressed down on the cushion with her thumb.

_PPPPHHHBBT! _

"One time, I even used it in this duel with my buddy! It didn't make him laugh like I intended it to, but it was sure a barrel of fun! And when I lost, I fell on top of the guy and I tooted for real! Of course, I hadn't meant to, but you know how it is. Things _slip out. _I'm surprised he didn't kick my ass for that one."

Farley cocked his head, his eyes forming question marks in them. "Why would he kick your ass? I thought you were buddies?"

"Well, technically, he's _my_ buddy. But then, _everybody's_ my buddy, even you! It's that he doesn't seem to consider _me _as _his _buddy. He doesn't think of _anyone _as his buddy. Heart-breaking, really. I've been trying to cheer him up for weeks. Know what I always say? Laughter prevents cancer!"

Farley frowned. "Wow. Have you succeeded?"

"Well, I tried to give him a package of donuts, but he locked himself in his room again; I couldn't see if he was smirking or not. A crazy fruit loop, that Truesdale is."

Suddenly, the boy's eyes widened into the size of Frisbees. "Oh, no effing way! _Truesdale? _The emo kid? You're trying to crack _him _up?"

"Well, someone needs to! And don't kid yourself: no man is incapable of laughter!" Sara exclaimed with a wink. "I think we got pretty close, though. We even wrote 'The cake was a lie,' on account of we'd tried to give him a cake before and it hadn't really worked out. Here, ask Silpheed; he was there! He was even the one that thought about the donuts, right, boy? Silpheed?" She turned around and scanned the aisles behind her.

Then, Farley perked up. "Did you hear something? Sounded like it came from the bathroom."

The two ambled around the corner to find two bathroom doors: one for "comedians," and one for "comediennes." Peculiar grunting noises emitted from behind the comediennes' room. Sara stepped in front of Farley and opened the door. "Silpheed, are you in—whoa!"

Farley peeked over her shoulder. "What, is he in there—oh my God."

They found the dirty little bird on the floor, on top of the Barbie doll, up against the wall, beneath the automatic dryer. They appeared to be going at it doggy-style, with his beak wrapped around the doll's neck. The instant he realized that he was being watched, he stopped what he was doing and let go of the doll. His beady eyes were now as wide as marbles, and his feathers were all in disarray.

And what did he have to say for himself?

"…This is exactly what it looks like. _RAWK!_"

Sara wagged her finger. "Boy, if you knock Barbie up, I _will _make you get a job, and you _will _pay child support! Also…do you know what Ken will do if he finds out?"

Just for kicks, Farley pulled out a shirtless Ken doll with a skull tattoo and angry eyebrows drawn on it with a black marker.

"_RAAAAWK! RAWK, RAWK, RAWK, RAAAAAWK!" _Panicking, Silpheed hopped in circles, scattering feathers all around the floor. His claws click-clacked against the linoleum in a rapid, frantic rhythm. Finally, he crawled underneath a stall and hopped into the toilet.

_FLU-SSSSSSSSH! _

Sara covered her mouth and went pale, as though her bird had been cornered by a cat. "Oh no, not again! Hang on, Silpheed!" She slid into the stall after him, almost tripping up over herself along the way. Farley just stood there holding the dolls (he held Barbie up by the ankle, for fear what exactly that cockatoo had been doing with it). His face twisted into something that looked like a grimace and a grin at the same time, but he remained quiet. After all, what could he really say?

* * *

_God, I could've had a heart attack in the time it's taken those jackasses to get me my prescription. But at least I can get out of here, now. _

Zane slunk down the hospital hallway with a tiny, brown paper bag in his hands, his boots squeaking against the waxed linoleum. His black attire looked so out of place against the sterile white scenery. Why, if anyone there was crazy enough, they probably would've mistaken him as Death.

The lobby was just up ahead. A little farther and he'd be on his way home. Suddenly, a girl skidded through the automatic doors in the ugliest yellow skates he'd ever seen, bearing a bouquet of sunflowers and a cockatoo on her shoulder. Zane recognized her right away, and immediately wished he hadn't.

_Great. What's _she_ doing here? Come to torture all of the weak and pathetic, I assume. Ugh, forget it. Just keep walking. She probably won't even make it past the desk before getting the boot. _

In a way, Zane was right. Sara had barely gone past the desk, when the receptionist reached out and grabbed her by the shirt. "Hold on there, ma'am. Unless your pet is a service pet, no animals are allowed in the hospital."

"_RAWK! _I do service!"

"Yeah, he does! He's my partner in the funny business!"

"I could also do you some service in the bathroom, if you want. _RAWK!_" Silpheed didn't actually learn from the whole Barbie incident. He never learned.

The receptionist narrowed her eyes. She pointed to the exit. "We don't allow roller-skates here, either," she grumbled. She and Sara stared at each other for a moment.

Then, with a shrug, Sara leaned over and untied her skates, slipping them off of her feet. She set them on the table, leaving herself in her socks. "There. Now we can go see Zoey!" Before the receptionist could protest any further, she and Silpheed twirled away, almost as though they were ice-skating.

"_RAWK! _Band on the run, band on the run!"

"Hey, you! Get back here!" the receptionist demanded, jumping out of her seat and taking off after them. _"Security!" _

Fortunately for Zane, he'd seen the whole thing, and managed to side-step the parade before they could run him over. Seeing Sara laugh along the way made him roll his eyes. At least she hadn't noticed him. The sooner he could get out of this nuthouse, the better. Along the way out the doors, however, an old lady with a walker was being helped into the building. She only had to look at Zane for two seconds to make her shriek bloody murder.

"Oh my Lord, it's _DEATH! _I'm too young to dance with you!" She made a one-eighty degree turn back to her car and stumbled in it. For an old lady in a walker, she sure could move quickly.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	10. Act Ten

_**Disclaimer! **_**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **

**You might have noticed that I have edited several chapters of this story. It's one of my habits: I keep changing the material so it's better—even after it's published—and I might edit more in the future. Please bear with me; I'm just striving for excellence (the Lord of Laughter knows I can't be perfect). **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT TEN**_

Self-preservation can be a rather dull business. If he were in a healthier state, Zane would probably be out there, kicking ass and scratching names, squeezing out all the strength he had. Instead, there he was, cooped up in his apartment. He'd dueled just about everyone in the league, and as far as he could recall, none of them had been worthy…save Aster Phoenix. Although those two hadn't dueled each other since last year. What he was looking for was a new guy, someone whose strength rivaled Jaden's, Aster's, and his own.

But since there were none, he did the only thing he could do to occupy his time while he waited.

He dueled online. Personally, he didn't think Dream Dueling was as rewarding as the real experience. But it beat sitting in a chair all day, watching flashbacks of past duels; even if they were memorable ones, it got boring watching them over and over after a while, even for him. He always played with a different deck whenever he was on. That way, he could hone his manipulation of various strategies and techniques. Plus, it didn't make his heart curl up in agony.

On top of that, their database didn't have information on most of the cards from his deck.

Anyhow, this time he had assembled a new virtual deck, called the Aggro Deck. It wasn't quite as advanced as his real deck, but he sure didn't mind the style: savage, yet strategic. In two hours, he'd kicked ten virtual butts and had just begun his eleventh duel. His opponent called himself "Thunder Prince 10000," as everyone on Dream Dueling went around with usernames. Zane had won the virtual coin toss, giving him the first turn. Six cards, his "hand," were displayed at the bottom of the screen: Zaborg the Thunder Monarch, Horus the Black Flame Dragon Level Four, Level Up, Sakuretsu Armor, Pot of Greed, and Torrential Tribute.

He moved the mouse over to Horus's image and clicked on it. A tiny gold window immediately popped up and gave him several options to choose from: _Face-up Attack Position, Face-up Defense Position, _and _Set_. He selected, _Attack Position. _

**ATK: 1600**

**DEF: 1000**

In a puff of black flame, a tiny, white sprite of the monster materialized on the "field." Next, he clicked on the Spell, Level Up.

_Do you want to activate this Spell, or set it face down?_

He selected, _Activate_. With it, he could tribute Horus for its Level Six version. The Level Four sprite fizzled out, and a larger, leaner version of it took its place.

**ATK: 2300**

**DEF: 1600**

He selected to set both Torrential Tribute and Sakuretsu Armor face down. Finally, he clicked on the red icon at the top-right corner of the screen, _Turn End_, before leaning back in his chair to wait for his opponent, a scowl adorning his lips.

"Thunder Prince 10000" summoned a small, black, grinning sprite of Ojama Black in Defense Mode.

**ATK: 0**

**DEF: 1000**

Thankfully, he ended his turn by setting three cards face down. The "deck" at the bottom-left corner of the screen automatically added a new card to Zane's hand, Horus's Servant. He clicked on the monster and selected _Face-up Defense Position_.

**ATK: 100**

**DEF: 100**

With Horus's Servant on the field, Horus the Dragon was immune to the effects of Spells, Traps or monsters. With that in mind, he played Pot of Greed to obtain two new cards: Dust Tornado and Marauding Captain; a decent draw, if he said so himself. He set Dust Tornado face down, and clicked on the Dragon. A small, gold window popped up with two options: _Attack _and _Defend_. He chose _Attack_. Another window popped up and showed him an image of his opponent's monster. He clicked on it. From his Dragon's beak, a jet of black flame fired across the "field." Ojama Black flashed electric blue before fizzling out like a dying cinder.

_Time to evolve Horus. _

In exchange for Level Six, Level Eight stormed the field, silver wings outstretched.

**ATK: 3000**

**DEF: 1800**

Instantly, one of Thunder Prince's face-downs shattered to slivers like a crystal plate. Thanks to Level Eight's ability, Zane guessed that it had been a Spell card. _Child's play._ He clicked on _Turn End_, leaning back in his chair.

Just then, words appeared in the chat-box at the top of the screen:

_Lucky shot, punk! But that's gonna be your only one! _

Of course, no duel would be complete without a dose of trash-talk. If this kid only knew who he was talking to, he would've taken it right back.

Thunder Prince summoned Armed Dragon, Level Three in Attack Mode.

**ATK: 1200**

**DEF: 900**

After setting a face-down, he declared battle on Horus's Servant. The stout, orange beast almost made it to Zane's side of the field, but his reflexes were quicker than the Dragon's. He clicked on his Trap, Sakuretsu Armor, with the intention of destroying the assailant.

But Thunder Prince had a trick of his own.

_HA HA! _

He revealed his face-down, Trap Jammer, to negate and destroy the Armor. Sure, Zane could've used Dust Tornado to stop it, but he deemed it a waste to do this. He would have to let the Servant go; that was what Servants were for, after all. The Armed Dragon slammed the Servant with its spiny, blade-like arms.

His instinct proved to steer him right. Right after Thunder Prince had made his attack, he activated the Trap, Ring of Destruction. By attaching it to Horus, he would destroy the creature and inflict the number of Attack Points it had to both of their Life Points as damage. Not if he had something to say about that. He clicked on Dust Tornado. A broad, swirling vortex formed on his side and skimmed to his opponent's side, shaking the screen.

What happened next had Zane raise an eyebrow. Another whirlwind formed on Thunder's side, colliding with his own. The screen quaked like a kite caught in a storm.

The Tornadoes neutralized each other, and faded out in two wisps of dust. Unfortunately, Zane had no more Spells or Traps in his hand to set in response to his Dust Tornado's special ability. Thunder did, however. Zane gritted his teeth.

_BOOM! _

**Zane's LP: 1000**

**Thunder's LP: 1000**

All he had left were Torrential Tribute, and 1000 Life Points. Big deal. Just then, Thunder's Armed Dragon faded away, leaving its larger, redder Level Five form in its place.

**ATK: 2400**

**DEF: 1700**

It didn't stand a byte of a chance. Just before Thunder ended his turn, Zane clicked on his face-down, Torrential Tribute. Not only could he wipe out Level Five, but he also wouldn't have to worry about Level Seven or Ten; that was probably what his opponent was going for, the cad. The moment he activated the Trap, a foamy surge of water gushed from it, engulfing the monster.

_...Another fluke! It takes more than flukes to win a duel, Fluke Boy! _

Thunder could do nothing more; thus, he ended his turn. Zane received a new card for his hand. Imagine his mild contentment when he discovered that it was his golden beast, Cyber Dragon! With nothing on his side of the field, he could summon it without having to make any sacrifices.

**ATK: 2100**

**DEF: 1600**

Unfortunately, the only other cards in his hand were Marauding Captain and Zaborg. The only other thing he could do was select to make a direct attack. On his command, the sprite threw back its head to charge a ball of white energy in its metallic jaws.

Suddenly, just as it fired, four tiny sheep appeared on Thunder's side of the field. The energy ball bulleted across the field and swallowed the red sheep on the far left. His opponent must've activated Scapegoat, in order to protect himself with four Sheep Tokens.

**ATK: 0**

**DEF: 0**

Zane scowled. This kid was only trying to delay the inevitable. Too bad he couldn't do any more.

On Thunder's turn, he set a card face down and summoned Ojama Yellow in Defense Mode.

**ATK: 0**

**DEF: 1000**

From his hand, he played the Spell, Quick Summon, using it to summon another monster in Defense Mode, Ojama Green.

**ATK: 0**

**DEF: 1000**

"Hn."

For his draw, he gained a Quick Summon card for himself. Time to utilize what was left in his hand. Whenever he dueled, no card would be wasted. He summoned Marauding Captain in Attack Mode.

**ATK: 1200**

**DEF: 400**

The warrior wouldn't be around for much longer, though. With Quick Summon, he bought himself an opportunity to make another Normal Summoning. By giving up the Captain, he was able to summon the Thunder Monarch, Zaborg.

**ATK: 2400**

**DEF: 1000**

Since Zaborg had been summoned successfully, its ability could destroy one of his opponent's monsters. Thunder had three Sheep Tokens and two Ojamas; he would have to tear down his defenses, piece by piece. He chose to obliterate the blue Sheep Token on the left with a golden flash of lightning.

_SSSSH! _

Zane's lips creased into the tiniest of smirks; now for the onslaught. Onslaughts were his favorite part in any duel. Figuring that his opponent could've been planning something with those two Ojamas, he decided to wipe out Yellow with Zaborg, and Green with Cyber Dragon. Both creatures charged up—one in its arms, one in its jaws—and make quick, electrifying work of the shrieking Ojama sprites, though Thunder would take no damage.

_SSSH! SSSH! _

For a moment, the screen went white. Zane's smirk crumpled into a scowl. He had nothing left in his hand and had to call this a turn. With nothing to defend him but two monsters, that could be a problem, however slight.

Thunder began his move with the notorious Spell, Pot of Greed, to draw two more cards. One of them turned out to be Poison of the Old Man, a Spell that gave him two options: either increase his Life Points by 1200, or inflict 800 Points of damage to Zane. He chose the former.

**Thunder's LP: 2200**

**Zane's LP: 1000**

_HA! I expected you to blow up my Ojamas! Everyone does!_

Next, he revealed his face-down, Ojamandala. His Life Points receded to 1200, and instantly all three of his Ojamas were back on his side of the field, as pitiful as ever.

His second card was Polymerization. For five seconds, an image of a vortex dominated half the screen, swallowing the three Ojamas. A giant, grinning sprite version of Ojama King, in Defense Mode, remained when the screen stilled.

**ATK: 0**

**DEF: 3000**

Zane gritted his teeth as three red X's slashed out three spaces in his Monster Zone. Thunder ended his turn.

_I've punched out three of your Monster Zones, and all you have are two. Not feeling so hellish now, are we? _

Zane grunted. If this kid insisted on insulting him, the least he could do was cut down on the redundancy. Normally, he wouldn't bother responding to trite chatter, but for just this once throughout the whole duel, he clicked into the box and entered a reply:

_And in other news, water is wet. My move. _

The card Zane drew wasn't something that could eliminate Ojama King, or pump up his monsters' powers, but it would help keep him in this duel. He played Don Keto the Cure Master, giving himself an extra 1000 Life Points.

**Zane's LP: 2000**

**Thunder's LP: 1200**

The only other thing we could do was select his monsters to attack the remaining Sheep Tokens. At least he'd be chipping away Thunder's defenses further.

_SSSSH! SSSH! _

"Hn." Zane didn't particularly like brief turns, especially ones that felt half-assed.

On Thunder's turn, he drew a new card…and ended the move by setting it face down. Was he planning to trap him?

Frowning, he gained a new card: Mystical Space Typhoon; not a bad card. Whatever Thunder was planning, he'd at least be ready for it. He selected to set it face down, and ended his move.

Thunder simply drew another card. Another thing Zane detested was inertia; he was, after all, a man of action. But as much as he hated waiting, sometimes it was better to wait. Thunder was cooking up something, and he didn't like the smell of it.

Anyway, Zane's new card was another Cyber Dragon. As he already had two monsters out, he couldn't use its effect to summon it without sacrificing. He'd have to save it. With a deeper scowl, he clicked _End Turn_.

Finally, Thunder took some real action again. From his hand, he played the Spell, Monster Reincarnation. With it, he could take a monster from his Graveyard and add it to his hand. A quivering feeling in Zane's gut told him that that monster was Armed Dragon, Level Five. That was all he did.

On Zane's turn, he drew a monster card: Raiza the Storm Monarch. If his intentions were to bring forth Armed Dragon, Level Ten, he needed to get Cyber Dragon out of the way. And if he could summon Raiza successfully, he could do just that.

So he paid Zaborg as a tribute in order to summon the breezy beast.

**ATK: 2400**

**DEF: 1000**

Sure, he could've used the Monarch's ability to send Ojama King back to the top of Thunder's deck, but he still had that face-down to contend with. It certainly wouldn't solve the problem with Armed Dragon, either. So he selected to put his Cyber Dragon on the field back to the top of his deck, instead. He ended his move.

Thunder only summoned Masked Dragon in Attack Mode and set two cards face down.

**ATK: 1400**

**DEF: 1100**

On Zane's draw, he received the same Cyber Dragon he had returned to his deck by Raiza's effect. He knew very well that Masked Dragon had an effect that could be utilized, should he destroy it in battle. But it wasn't a very significant one, and if he attacked, he'd reduce Thunder's Life Points to 200. Just another step closer to victory.

He clicked on Raiza's image and selected to attack Masked Dragon. However, Thunder had a Trap waiting for him: Gravity Bind! Raiza stopped in his tracks.

No matter. Zane had set Mystical Space Typhoon for a reason. Upon activating it, the Trap disappeared in a cyclone of wind, letting Raiza resume his gusty assault as though nothing had happened.

Well, almost. Thunder revealed the second of his face-downs, Threatening Roar. Ojama King opened its wide, grinning mouth and let loose a shrill shriek. Raiza stopped again, but not to attack again for the rest of Zane's turn, due to Threatening Roar's second effect. Zane's lips curled into a sneer. This kid may not have been as easy as he had thought. With nothing else to do, he ended his turn.

After drawing a card, Thunder then revealed another face-down, Reckless Greed. At the cost of skipping his next two Draw Phases, he could two draw two more cards. Next, he used Masked Dragon as a tribute to summon…Armed Dragon, Level Five!

**ATK: 2400**

He probably could've gone after Raiza with his Dragon, but he instead ended his turn, what with both monsters having the same number of Attack Points.

_You better hope that you can pull a miracle out of your ass. _

The new card Zane drew was another drawing card with a bonus: Pot of Avarice. It was just like Pot of Greed, but with the ability to also take five monsters from his Graveyard—Horus: Levels Four, Six and Eight, Zaborg, and Horus's Servant—and put them back in his deck. His new cards?

Cyber Kirin and Power Bond! Excellent.

Zane wasted no time in fusing the two Cyber Dragons in his hand with Power Bond to create the Siamese metal snake, Cyber Twin Dragon.

**ATK: 2800**

**DEF: 2100**

And because of Power Bond, Twin Dragon's Attack Points doubled!

**ATK: 5600**

Not seeing any need for Raiza any longer, he selected it to attack Armed Dragon. What with their being equally matched, both would be blown away. His Monarch unleashed a massive whirlwind that blurred the entire screen, while Armed Dragon charged head-first into the din.

_BAAAM! _

No sooner had the screen cleared, did Zane initiate to attack Ojama King with his Dragon. Even if it was in Defense Mode, and Thunder would not take damage, it did not matter. For Twin Dragon could attack twice in a round: one for Ojama King, another for his Life Points. The entire screen flashed in a spectrum of colors.

_**SSSSSSSH! **_

**Zane's LP: 2000**

**Thunder's LP: 0**

_**YOU WIN! **_

For a fleeting moment, Zane made the tiniest of smirks, which quickly gave away to a frown. If he could win eleven duels in a row, twelve was surely no challenge. "Thunder Prince 10000" was just another worthless maggot. The adrenaline rush he received for this victory was not quite as exhilarating and electrifying as it would've been had this been a real duel, but then, that rush never lasted long enough anyhow. At least he hadn't felt any chest pain.

When the rush died down, Zane felt bored again, and headed for the _Log Out _button. He felt it best to call it quits on Dream Dueling.

* * *

Somewhere on the other side of town, Chazz Princeton sprung from his chair and began to tug on his spiky hair, his face as red as a radish.

"_What? GAAAAAH! _How can this be?! I'm not supposed to have a blemish on my record!"

The Ojama trio appeared on either side of their human partner, trying to console him. _"Come on, Boss! It's just one little duel online!" _squeaked Ojama Yellow. _"It shouldn't count on your record." _

"_Yeah, you're still a champ to us,"_ piped Ojama Green.

Chazz rubbed his temples, leaning in to scowl at his computer screen that blinked: **You Lose!** "D'oh, who asked you chumps? More importantly, who the hell is _'Hell Kaiser'_?! I'll--I'll find him and kick his ass!"

"_You mean like the way you're gonna do Jaden?" _growled Ojama Black.

With the reflexes of a cougar, Chazz whirled around and swiped at his monster friends as though they were gnats. "Shut up!" he panted through clenched teeth. "No one messes with the Chazz—"

"_Or Thunder Prince 10000…?" _

"…or Thunder Prince 10000, and gets away with it!" Somehow, every time Chazz had one of his moments, a bolt of lightning struck out of the blue, or in this case, ceiling. Sure enough, a lightning bolt cracked the atmosphere in Chazz's room, proceeding to shatter his computer screen in half!

_**ZZZZZZZZZT! CRASSSSHHH!**_

Sparks flew halfway across the room, while smoke fogged up the windows. The hissing voices of this brothers emitted from downstairs:

"Chazz, you crazy punk! Did you conjure up another lightning bolt?!"

"Yeah! The TV's not turning back on! I was just getting to the good part of my cosplay porn-flick!

Silence.

"_Excuse me?"_

"Ah, nothing!"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	11. Act Eleven

_**Disclaimer! **_**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT ELEVEN**_

"I summon my Sonic Duck in Attack Mode! Now things will _really _go _quackers_!"

Near closing time at The Gay Clown, Sara and Farley were killing time with a duel in the most under-appreciated and old-fashioned way: on the floor, sitting around a mat. At the moment, there was no other place she'd rather be. Silpheed was busy checking out Barbie, who sat on the check-out counter as scantily dressed as ever. He would've been all over her, if it wasn't for Ken sitting next to her.

"Mm, quackers is right," said Farley, sipping on his can of Coke. He tossed a quick, sly glance at his face-down monster in Defense Mode. "Say, I hear that Zoey's coming out of the hospital tomorrow."

"Yup! It's gonna be awesome-nity to have her back! You know, I was thinking: maybe you and Zoey and Silpheed and I could get together sometime and go to Pegasus World? Ever been there?"

Farley put his drink down and smiled. "Oh sure, once or twice. I remember my first ride over there: the Ojama Whirl. I love how dizzy you feel after getting off of it, though I can't say I like the puking part, heh, heh. Yeah, that sounds like a great way to wrap up the summer break!"

Sara frowned at the words "wrap up the summer break." If she'd had her way, she would make summer vacation much longer, up to six months, in fact. The other six would be for school, because that would only be fair for all the teachers. But there's a reason why this kind of thinking is considered wishful.

She jabbed her tongue into her left cheek. "Well, I've been to Pegasus World at least _twelve _times, and I like that ride, too! Once, I rode it so many times that my brain practically flew out of my right ear! Also, I wound up going home with the wrong family, who apparently had a kid who looked just like me and went home with _my_ family. It was like that story about the Prince and the Pauper, only the cops got involved. I mean, really, what _are _the odds?" she hooted, stopping to take a sip from her can of ginger ale.

Farley almost shot Coke out of his nostrils. "W-wow, no kidding?! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!" he snorted.

Sara gargled and swished her ginger ale around a little before swallowing and continuing, "Hey, maybe the Ojama Whirl can be our first ride? You and me, riding side by side? It's even better when _two _people get dizzy together, you know. In fact, while we're on the subject of two, I've got a joke for you." Her smile broadened into a grin as her cheeks turned rosy.

"Really? Awright, shoot."

Sara tapped her finger on her Sonic Duck card. "Why did Sonic Duck cross the field?"

"To attack my monster?" Farley asked, lifting his drink to his lips once more. Sara paused to listen to his slurping. She liked how he slurped; he sounded like the popping of bubbles blown on a summer day.

With the boldest face she could muster, she blurted, "More than that, it's so she can tell her buddy Farley that she likes him."

_Phhhhhhtt! _No sooner had she delivered the punch line, he fired a jet stream of fizzy drink out of his nostrils and all over poor Silpheed, who'd been too fascinated with Barbie to pay a cent of attention! Before he knew it, his lovely white feathers were drenched and dripping with brown.

"_RAWK! HEY!" _

Farley clutched his chest, choking out an apology. "G-g-gosh, s-sorry, Silpheed, I--_ow_!"

Silpheed dove in and pinched his knee with his sharp black beak before waddling off to the bathroom, shivering either from rage or from having been doused with a cold soft drink. Sara leaned in and murmured, "He's awfully touchy about his feathers, 'specially since he keeps losing a fistful of them."

Farley wiped his nose with his forearm and sniffed, "Oooo-kay. But that-that joke…what do you mean by that? That Sonic Duck likes me, o-or that you do?"

"I do!"

"Oh? Oh…oh! _Oh. Oooohhhh, boy._" Farley fiddled with a lock of his muddy blonde hair. A momentary silence draped over the entire shop, save for the humming from the lights hanging overheard and a running faucet from the bathroom.

Sara cut the silence. "What's the matter? Don't get the joke?" For perhaps the first time since they'd met, Farley made no reply. Not being the type to enjoy silence, she decided to explain.

"Hey, come on, you know that I've always liked you like a friend, right? Friends like each other. And yet, despite how long we've known each other, I can't help but feel a kind of, like, connection that's a lot like friendship, only deeper." She paused to squeeze her tongue into her cheek again, as if she was looking for the words to convey what she meant. "It makes my stomach do the worm, my heart do the bump, and my liver do the watusi. You could say that you're the keg that turns my whole being into a shindig from the sixties. Farley, I think I might, like, _like-like _you." A huge grin still crowned her lips. Her cheeks remained rosy, but not so much from embarrassment as it was from elation.

Farley's face crumpled. Seeing the look on her face must've made him feel almost sorry for what he was about to say. "I…see. You, uh, sure have a way with words, don't you? Well, I guess it was only a matter of time before you dropped the double-L bomb…"

Question marks appeared in Sara's eyes. "Really? You knew all along?"

Farley rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, his face fading into an apple-red shade. "Well, you've kinda been dropping hints for the past week or something, big hints. Here, I'll prove my point with a montage of flashbacks, if that's okay." He pointed up towards the ceiling.

"Awright, I love montages!"

* * *

_Farley trudged up the sidewalk at six in the morning with keys in hand. The sun was just crowning over the rooftops, dabbing the purple sky with strokes of pink and orange. Even though it was early, he wiped the beads of sweat off of his forehead, mumbling to himself about the humidity. To his surprise, he found a wide-awake Sara leaning against the door, grinning like a jester. Silpheed perched on her shoulder, blinking rapidly to fight off his tiredness. _

_He rubbed his eyes out with his knuckles. "Huh? Sara? What are--how long have you been--?" _

"_Ha-ha, good thing the doc's arrived, 'cause I've got the Farley Fever!" She trotted over to him and snatched the keys out of his hand. "Allow me to get the door, mercy. That's French for thanks, by the way." _

_Farley scratched his head, a bemused smile creasing his lips. "Uh, actually, I think the term is _merci_." _

____XP____

_Farley pounded his fist against the vending machine, glaring at the bag of Doritos that dangled precariously from its slot. "Come on, I'm paying good money for this. I just want a bag of chips!" _

_Suddenly, from out of the blue--_

"_YAAAAAAAGH!" _

"_Whoa!"_

_Bucket over her head, Sara charged head-first into the machine--WHAM!--like a football player; before long, she was a dazed, scrambled and twitching mess on the ground. The machine didn't move an inch, but the Doritos miraculously did. _

Plop!

_Farley sucked in his cheeks. "Are…are you okay? You…really didn't need to do that." _

_She raised her head and flashed a weak thumbs-up. "Either this, or the fire crackers, buh-buddy. Here are your Doritos, Ta-Tantalus." She pawed the inside of the flap until she pulled out the bag. _

____XP____

_On a particularly sweltering day, the air conditioner was cranked to the max. Sara and Silpheed leaned into the threshold of the shop and luxuriated in the artificially refrigerated gust. Like two dogs in the back seat of a car, their tongues hung out. Sara held out her arms like tree branches. _

"_Phew! Man, is it hot! Hey, Farley, come over here! It's nice and breezy by the door." _

_From out of the comedian's room, Farley emerged with a half-full water bottle in one hand, and his long-sleeved shirt bunched underneath his other arm. He was in a white undershirt, stained here and there with perspiration. "Zoey probably wouldn't like it if I took my shirt off, but God, I'm melting! If I'd known there'd be a heat wave, I would've dressed a little lighter…did you say something?" _

_Sara sucked in her lips so tightly; it looked like she was trying to swallow herself. This time, a different kind of heat branded her clammy cheeks. _

"_Farley!" she whined without even giving a second's worth of thought. "It's already too hot!" _

_Silpheed's crest feathers fluffed up with intrigue, and to get some more of the cool air underneath his plumage. Here he'd thought that sexy jokes were _his _specialty._

* * *

"Yeah, that last flashback kind of gave it away. Oh, then there's this morning when you tried to sing a kazoo rendition of 'Octopus's Garden' in front of my house…but I think I'm going to refrain from showing that flashback. I'm not trying to humiliate you, really, I'm not. I kinda suspected that you, er, like-liked me, but I wanted to wait until you came out and said it directly. While we're on the subject of saying things, I've got a joke of my own." Farley flipped over his monster, which turned out to be Wall of Illusion.

"Why did Wall of Illusion return Sonic Duck to your hand?"

Sara jabbed her tongue into her cheek. "Um, because Sonic Duck was just another brick in the Wall?"

Farley's lips folded into a sad smile. "It's so he can tell his friend Sara that he's sorry."

The grin on Sara's face faded. "That the Wall's sorry, or that you're sorry?"

"…I am. Listen, you're a swell girl, a funny one, too. I appreciate your bravery in telling me how you feel, and I like you and all, but…I don't like you like _that_."

"What, you don't, like, like me, or you just don't, like, like-like me?"

Farley sighed, growing weary of the overuse of the word "like." "To be frank, I only like you as a friend, nothing more, nothing less. I'm really sorry."

Pause.

"…I thought your name was Farley? Is Frank your alias? 'Cause I've got an alias, too, for when I get my big break." She took a moment to slip on the bucket and latex beak that she'd packed in her backpack that rested beside a shelf. "_Sonic Sara! Quick-quack, quick-quack!" _

Farley clapped a hand over his face. He couldn't think of another way to convey his message any clearer. "Oh, for the love of Pete--"

Sara cocked her head to one side and passed her friend a funny look. Pete? Who was Pete? Before she could ask about this Pete character, however, Farley had cleared up the mat and was now folding it up. "Uh, you know? It's getting pretty late; I think it's time that I closed the store." Before she knew it, he had literally swept her off her feet and taken her outside, only to hand her her backpack and her deck.

He took the keys out of his pocket and locked the door in a manner that Sara noticed was much hastier than was characteristic of him. The searing red look on his face made it seem as though someone had thrown a cherry pie at him, one that was fresh out of the oven. Farley whirled around with a finger entangled in his hair, lips pursed into a semi-forced smile. "I don't want to be redundant, but once again, I'm really sorry. I…I hope that we can still all go to Pegasus World, _as friends. _Ah, better shake a leg! My, uh, biscuits are burning!" Jamming the keys back into his pocket, Farley raced down the sidewalk like an Olympic sprinter, leaving Sara underneath the expanding shadow cast by the rooftop.

Sara watched him go; what else could she do? Chase him? She felt too dizzy to, out of confusion and out of how quickly he'd pulled her outside. On top of that, it felt like someone had thrown a rotten tomato in her face. She could practically feel the metaphorical fruit dribbling down the sides of her nose, its pungent odor pricking the inside of her nostrils. She'd gotten familiar with that feeling on a number of occasions, but she never liked it.

Out of all the things she could've said about this whole incident, she wiped her face and murmured, "Dang, I don't know who Pete is, but whoever he is, he's one lucky duck. Don't you think, Silph? Silpheed?"

She looked over her head, under her feet and every direction in between for her companion, but found no sign of him…that was, until she glanced into the window of the darkened joke shop.

_Tap! Ta-ta, ta-ta, tap-rap! _He tapped against the glass with his beak.

"_RAWK! _Hey! Don't leave me with Ken!"

"Holy cow! Farley, wait, come back!" She took off like her signature monster after the boy, who for some reason seemed to pick up speed for every time she called him. His biscuits must've been cinder cakes, by then.

* * *

It didn't matter if he had anywhere to go or not; Zane was always an early bird. When he was in school, he would get up precisely at six to watch the sunrise. In his current condition, though, he'd wake up at six and simply lie in bed and think. An hour or so later, he'd carry out his morning routine: shower, groom, dress, pills, and breakfast.

In the shower, the steaming, warm cascade was a comfort, however slight and temporary. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to last. For one, if he wasn't so conscious about wasting water, he probably could've stood there for hours and brooded while the needle-sharp drops pierced his clammy skin. For another, well, no sooner had he shut the water off and threw back the curtain, a shrill, parrot-like shriek severed the early morning silence.

"_RAAAAAAWWWWK!" _

Zane shot an icy glance to the window. Even though the shade was down, it was open. Through it, a black, beady eye scanned his dripping nakedness from crown to toe, but appeared to be especially interested in the place in between. It gleamed with hunger.

"_CYBER DRAGON! RAWK!" _the cockatoo whistled.

Zane was too tired to care about what Silpheed was doing at his window sill so early in the morning, or about chasing him off. He simply wrapped a towel around himself, and then reached out to twist the shade shut.

"Aw, bananas! _RAWK!_" Silpheed tapped on the glass with his beak. Almost predictably, Sara wheeled up behind him on her skates. She was wearing her Sonic Duck costume, with a bag full of newspapers slung around her shoulder.

"C'mon, Silpheed! These papers aren't gonna deliver—say, what'cha looking at?"

The bird squinted at the window. "Cyber Dragon…_RAWK!_"

"Cyber what? Ooh, wait, are you talking about Zane? Wow, he's on our route? Awesome-nity!" Sara cheered. "We should stop and say hi!"

Silpheed trembled a little, as though he'd just seen something marvelous. "Four Cyber Dragons…"

Sara tapped a finger against her bucket-hat. "Four? Funny, I thought he only had three?"

"One's too big for his deck. _RAWK!_"

Sara squeezed in next to her pet and rapped on the window. "Hey, Ziti! Are you in there? Silpheed says you have four Cyber Dragons! Is that true? Hello? _Huh-looooo?_"

But Zane continued to glare forks and knives into his reflection in the foggy mirror, cycling his sudsy toothbrush around his molars. He couldn't find it in himself to care about Scinner's question; if he ignored them long enough, they would have to go back to their business, which apparently was now paper delivery.

"He must be dropping a duck egg," he heard her mumble as she placed something on his sill. "Okay, we'll just come back later, then! Here's your paper, by the way. I put the comics on top, 'cause, you know, when you read the funnies first, the news doesn't look as depressing. And laughter prevents cancer…as well as help with your bowel movement. I know it helps mine," she snickered. "Anyway, good mornin'!"

"_RAWK! _Bye, Cyber Dragon!"

Their departure was as abrupt as their arrival, but Zane couldn't care less. He spat in the sink, repeating this mantra over and over in his head:_ That didn't happen. That didn't happen. That didn't happen. _

With his bathroom duties out of the way, he dressed himself in his usual black attire and headed for the kitchen to make breakfast and apply his medication. From the top shelf of the fridge, he retrieved the milk and orange juice. From the pantry, he pulled out the Bran Flakes. Setting them all on the table, he then opened the dish-washer to pull out his dining ware--washing dishes by hand put awful stress on his lower back, so he washed them in a machine. So is but one of the setbacks of being tall.

As soon as he'd set everything up for the most important meal of the day, Zane sat down, poured himself a bowl of cereal, and reached out for the milk, just before a vision clicked on in his head. He was at Duel Academy, in the middle of his graduation duel with Jaden Yuki.

* * *

"_And now, I call forth Cyber End Dragon!" _

_By the effect of Time Fusion, Cyber End once again loomed overhead, looking as ferocious as ever, no matter how many times he had summoned it. So far, Jaden hadn't exactly played at his very best, and it rubbed him something fierce. He had wanted to go out with a bang, after all. There was only one effective punishment that he could deal Jaden, and that was defeat. By the second effect of Time Fusion, however, Cyber End could not attack until the next turn. _

"_I finish my turn by laying one face down." _

_Everyone in the stands was sweating bullets, especially Dr. Crowler. What miracle could Jaden possibly pull out of his deck, this time? _

"_I activate Fusion Recovery! This brings back Polymerization and Burstinatrix from my Graveyard. Sorry, Zane, but you're not the only one who can re-summon a monster!" The fiery femme fatale graced Jaden's side of the field, ready for action. _

_**ATK: 1200**_

"_Next, I'll activate Miracle Fusion! I just remove Burstinatrix and Avian from play…and I can summon my Elemental Hero: Flame Wingman!" His own signature beast took Burstinatrix's place, dragon arm aimed like a cannon. _

_**ATK: 2100**_

"_But wait! I'm not done yet! Go, Polymerization! Merge Sparkman with Flame Wingman to create the Elemental Hero: Shining Flare Wingman!" _

_**ATK: 2500**_

_The glow from the winged warrior's armor bathed the arena in an ethereal green light. Not a bad move, Zane had to admit. _

"_And here's the cherry on top! For every Elemental Hero I have chilling in the Graveyard, Flare Wingman gains 300 Attack Points! Now let's call off. Hero role call!" Eight Heroes added their power to Flare Wingman's. He glowed ever brighter with every new Attack Point. _

_**ATK: 4900**_

_Zane could notice that twinkle returning in Jaden's eyes as he immediately declared an attack on Cyber End Dragon, that determined glint that accompanied every duel he'd seen Jaden compete in. He should've known better than to doubt the boy. _

SSSSSH! _Cyber End went out like a giant stained glass window. The Obelisk graduate braced himself as his Life Points were drained to a meager 1100. _

"_Oh, yeah! But Flare Wingman's not done, yet! 'Cause when he destroys a monster in battle, you take damage equal to the number of your monster's Attack Points! That's 4000, right there!"_

_Miracle, indeed._

* * *

Of course, that wasn't how the duel had ended, for Zane had nullified the effect with his face-down, Damage Polarizer. The really _real_ ending was to be saved for another flashback for his reminiscing pleasure. Unfortunately, the rush from the memory ended in the instant he took his first spoonful of Bran Flakes. It tasted like wood shavings drowning in fruit pulp and seeds, like he was munching on hamster food.

He stopped in mid-chew to glare down at his cereal, to realize that while he'd been dreaming about duels gone by, he'd poured orange juice into his Bran Flakes instead of milk. He rolled the mush around the inside of his mouth with his tongue while deciding what to do with this flaky, orange mess.

_Forget it. I'll just have toast, instead. This storyline had better hurry along, so I can find my final opponent. _

Grunting in disgust, he spat into the bowl, then cupped the bowl in his hands and trudged for the garbage can. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But there is an unspoken fact that however one's breakfast goes, the rest of their day goes that way, as well. For example, if one pours orange juice into his cereal, the rest of their day tends to go rotten. Not that this was new to Zane.

So later on, with a piece of crumbly dry toast in one hand, he sat with the paper that he had gone outside to retrieve from his window sill. He placed it on the table and scanned every word of it, from the bolded titles to the periods. Fortunately, he found no news about himself; he was the kind of man who sought discretion about his private affairs. But none of the articles held his interest for too long, not even the one reporting rumors about a final Destiny Hero card being manufactured by a group that sponsored Aster Phoenix, or the one about some professor from West Academy becoming a teacher at Duel Academy when the new school year would begin. He hadn't spared even a passing glance at the comics, which lay on the farthest right corner of the table.

At least he was alone.

_Zzzzt! _

Never mind.

Zane looked up from the paper and across the kitchen, to the front door. The doorbell continued to hiccup like a gas-intoxicated bee. Getting up to investigate, he shuffled towards the door and peeked through the tiny window in the center of it. Sara was outside, ringing the bell again and again with that moronic grin scrawled across her face. Her perverted pet perched on her shoulder, trembling for some reason that he honestly couldn't care less about.

_Predictable. Doesn't she have anyone else to harass? _He turned his back towards the door. From his pocket, he pulled out a pair of plugs and applied them to his ears. Sure enough, he could no longer hear his doorbell, or anything but the sound of his pulse, for that matter. He slunk back into the kitchen. She could ring his doorbell all day long, but he had no intention of answering it.

That was, until she whipped out a fog horn.

_Bwooooow!_

This didn't bother him in the sense that it was too loud; with his ears plugged up, all he could hear was a faint noise that sounded like a cow's lowing. What did bother him was the stomping of footsteps in the apartments above him, and he didn't need to hear it to know it was there. He felt it in his backbone. Sometimes one didn't need their eyes or ears to sense negative energy in their surroundings. Why, bones could possibly be the sixth sense, or at least be part of it.

His instincts warned him that a riot was about to ensue: the last thing he needed this morning. In the end, he swallowed his reluctance and headed back to the door. No sooner had he opened it, he almost had his nose snapped off by the yellow clapping toy she waved around in one hand, while the other continued to blow that fog horn like there'd be no afternoon.

Sara noticed him in the doorway and stopped immediately. She moved her lips in every frantic direction, but he didn't hear a word. He just stood there, looking as sour as he felt. He took note of the pair of floppy, black rabbit ears she wore on her head. Heaving a mental sigh, he reached into his left ear to pull out the plug.

"Cheese Louise, we've been trying to get your attention for ten minutes! Are you going deaf? 'Cause if you are, I think you should see an otterologist. That's a guy that looks at ears. And otters, because they keep getting swimmer's ear, I guess."

_You mean an otologist, _Zane corrected, though not out loud.

A woman whose hair was in curlers shuffled out from next door in a robe and purple slippers. "Hey, jackass! Tell your girlfriend to cut the noise pollution or I'm calling the police!"

If Zane's eyes had been pistols, he would have shot his neighbor dead in a heartbeat just by glaring at her. Unfortunately, this wasn't so. "She's not my girlfriend," he snarled.

"Of course, I am. I'm a girl who happens to be your friend, silly!" She jammed her clapping toy into her pocket so she could reach up and give him a noogie. Zane snatched her by the wrist to pry her off. The woman simply gave a snort before shuffling back indoors.

"Don't touch the hair."

"Pfft, relax! We only came around to ask to borrow your friendship."

"…For how long?" He meant this in the context of, "How long are you going to stand here, wasting time?"

"Oh, just 'til one of us dies."

_In that case, we won't be 'friends' for very long. If we were, to begin with. _

Sara slapped her knee, chuckling at her own joke. "No, seriously, we came over to--"

"See your Dragon! _RAWK!_" Silpheed's beady eyes wandered until they found the spot between Zane's legs. If it were in his character, he probably would've strangled that feathered freak.

"--give you this." Pulling the rabbit ears off of her head, he stood up on tip-toe and set them on Zane's head like a crown. Then she took two steps back to admire how he looked. "There! Now you look like Dark Rabbit."

"_RAWK!_ Or a Gothic Playboy bunny," added Silpheed.

Scratch that. He would've strangled them both. But he couldn't. Or was it that he could've, but wouldn't? Either way, he should've just slammed the door on them right then and there, and he did, but she slid her foot in the doorway.

He ripped the rabbit ears off of his head. "Look, kid, why don't you go pester someone else about the details on your escapades?"

She stuck her tongue out. "We would, but all our friends went to Pegasus World with us. You didn't. But you ought to; you won't regret it. You've got a ton of time on your hands, don't you? 'Cause you don't go to school and all? I mean, Peggy World dances circles around being cooped up in an apartment on your lonesome, doesn't it?"

Sara dug into her pockets to fish out a handful of photos. "Allow me to show you proof of this."

"Allow me to slam the door on your face." This time, however, both of her feet were in the doorway. In fact, she and Silpheed were now literally up in his face. They failed to notice as he began to grind his teeth. The first photo depicted a beaming Sara sitting next to a pink-faced boy with muddy blonde hair in a roller-coaster car. She had him in a head-lock, nooging him like she'd never noogied anyone before.

"Sitting around doesn't let you ride the Toon Terror with good ol' Farley, does it? Though I'm not sure why he didn't invite Pete to come with us. Must've had a bug or something…"

Zane couldn't see anything in the second photo, for thick, icky brown globs of foodstuff blotted out the imagery. Sara held it up like it was something to be proud of. "Yeah, I threw up when we were taking this pic. My advice: don't polish off a chili dog before mounting the Ojama Whirl. Still, you can't do _this _when you're sitting around, can you?"

The third photo showed Silpheed fooling around between someone's legs, eyeing their rear with that devious glint in his eye. "Sly dog here horsed around with a pretty girl…who turned out to be the big man himself!" She switched to a fourth photo, where Maximillion Pegasus rubbed his sore backside, surrounded by bodyguards who had their hands on their gun holsters and gave Sara, Farley, and Silpheed evil looks.

"Seriously, what are the odds of bumping into _the _maxi-millionaire Pegasus at his own park? Heh-heh, I didn't know whether to faint or pee myself. So I did a little of both. He was such a good sport about the whole thing, too."

"_RAWK! _And his butt was fabulous!" Silpheed seemed to lick his beak.

Sara put away the pictures and placed a hand on her hip. "All in all, that last day of summer was a blast! What'd _you _do all summer, hm?"

_Try to avoid morons like you. If you're not going to go away, then I'll make you. _

"Did you go to Kaiba Land? We would have, but after the, uh, incident last year, we've kind of been ba--_whoa!_"

Unable to take any more, Zane gathered enough nerve to shove Sara out of the doorway, while slamming the door shut and locking it. She did look crazy enough to break into someone's home uninvited. He may have had locked her out, but she managed to scamper over to the kitchen window and press her face against the glass. She refused to quit pushing it.

"Have you ever been outside, ever? And I don't mean to be outside just to duel. I mean, come on, you look all grey and pasty! My little cousin would probably try to eat you if he met you. And don't you get lonely in there?"

"_RAWK! _He's got his four Dragons." The cockatoo's eyes darted right back to Zane's crotch.

Zane's veins simmered with acid, roasting him from the inside-out. He felt that infuriating chest pain flare up again; he turned his back so she wouldn't see him clutch his chest. _Lovely. On the inside, I've got pain in my chest. On the outside, I've got a pain in my head. At least school's tomorrow. _Stiffly, he shuffled towards the window to draw the blinds and twist them shut.

"Hey! Y'know, hiding never solved anything, Sunshine. If you never come out of your shell, one day you might look back on your life when your blue hair turns grey and you won't find anything to laugh about and say, 'Wow, my life was cool.'"

_She wants to be a stand-up duelist? How about a preacher, instead? My life is memorable enough, _thought Zane, re-applying his ear plug. _It will be, when I find that special opponent and challenge him. _He reclaimed his seat at the kitchen table, this time to shuffle through his deck. This time, he didn't care if she started a riot outside. If the police dragged her away, at least then she'd leave him alone.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	12. Act Twelve

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT TWELVE**_

Chancellor Sheppard peered out the window in his office, staring at the dingy Red dorm on the far side of the island. Jaden Yuki and the gang appeared to be acquainting themselves with the new student, Blair Flannigan; judging by the way she and Chazz were leaning so close to each other, he assumed that they were already getting along well. But that was not what he was concerned about. He turned his attention to Jaden, who leaned against the wall and looked as carefree as he'd ever been. Having been a Slifer for two years already, one who wasn't from Duel Academy probably wouldn't guess that he was the most gifted student in the school.

Sheppard pulled out his PDA and stared at a picture of the biggest, most muscular man he'd ever seen, with hair as slick and sharp as a fang and narrow, snake-like eyes. To no one in particular, he murmured, "Jaden, you need discipline from someone new. Someone who wouldn't be impressed with your victory over the Shadow Riders, and wouldn't know about your defeat of the Society of Light. Someone who could hone your skills and push you to the very limits of your ability. You need a hard-hitting man like Professor Thelonius Viper. I'm afraid your third year will be far from--"

"G'mornin', Shep!"

"Whoa!" Surprised by this sudden intrusion on his thoughtful summary of the third year, Sheppard found himself juggling his PDA between his thick fingers. When he regained a solid grip on the device, he whirled around and hid it behind his back. It was only Scinner and her pet bird.

"Sara, I--don't do that!"

"Do what?"

"Sneak up on people. You should know better. Er, shouldn't you be outside with the others, painting the Blue dorm? Or did you get in trouble just before the year began?" He shook himself off and made a half-smile, noticing the kazoo she clutched in one hand.

"Well, the guys told me that we'd be much more helpful if we stayed out of the way and made up a song for the rally tomorrow. We want to make the new kids feel welcome, don't we, Silpheed?" Silpheed bobbed up and down on her shoulder, like he was trying to nod.

"_RAWK! _Make the chicks feel _real _welcome!"

"Oh my, is that so? How'd you know that we were receiving new students?" He had hoped to keep that a surprise until the following morning.

"Heard through a bunch of grapes at lunchtime," said Sara.

"You mean, through the grapevine?"

"No, I mean through a bunch of grapes; this bunch, to be exact." She pulled out a half-eaten bunch of purple grapes. "They said that the new guys are transfer students from other schools or something. And that one of them is a hot Steve Irwin wannabe with a big crocodile. Oh, and another one is an even hotter Euro-Texan with fancy jewels." She held out the grapes at arm's length, adding in a whisper, "These grapes sounded pretty horny. Must be the hornones…"

Silpheed snickered, "Yeah, horny, horny, _RAWK!_" His crest feathers curled upright, until they were as straight as horns.

"Uh, _hormones, _you mean?" Assuming that Sara was only experimenting with prop comedy and hadn't actually heard voices from fruit, Sheppard took all of the folders on his desk and headed for the cabinet. "Well, Sara, that's very thoughtful of you to want to welcome the new students. But I'm not sure if we'll enough time for a song."

Being the persistent pest that she was, Sara totted after the principal. She stopped right behind him, as he slid the folders back into their places. "Come on, Sheppy, it won't be a really long song! I'll even bother to memorize all the lyrics. And it'll be one hundred and eleven percent original! _Pleeeeaaase?_ Pretty please with grapes on top?"

"And bananas? _RAWK!_"

Sheppard bit his lower lip. Despite being the principal, he was a kind old man at heart. Unless it was absolutely necessary to, he often found difficulty in saying no to people, especially if these people were students. It didn't help when Sara folded her hands and flashed a hopeful smile. Even Silpheed eagerly ruffled his feathers.

Finally, he heaved a sigh of surrender. "All right, Sara, you can sing at the rally. But only for a minute, no longer. If it could be thirty seconds, though, that would be lovely."

Sara made a peculiar squealing noise that sounded like a cross between a piglet and a dolphin before locking her arms around Sheppard and proceeding to squeeze the air out of him. "_Awesome-nity! _Thank you, Sheppy, thankyouthankyouthankyou, _thaaaaank yoooooou!_"

"You're…welcome," he wheezed, his face turning blue from the lack of oxygen. "Ah, perhaps you should start working on that--_yowch!_" Silpheed had thanked him by nipping his ear lobe.

Sara pulled away and made an L-shape over her head with her hand, grinning like a dopey sailor who was last to get up. "Yes, sir!" Before Sheppard could say anything more, she and Silpheed were out the door, puffing on the kazoo in no tune in particular. He sank into his chair to catch his breath, while one hand rubbed the oh-so-tender spot on his ear lobe. Was it bleeding?

"It's just a little welcome song. I'm sure it won't cause any harm…now, back to the matter at hand." He swiveled his chair around so he could face the window overlooking the campus.

* * *

Normally, Sara didn't show up early for school--on the contrary, she had the tendency to be tardy due to her fondness for ducking around--but the next day, she made sure to get up before anyone, even the sun, to get ready for the rally. By the time Sheppard and the others had collected their bearings and assembled in the auditorium, Sara had already claimed a seat in the front row of the Obelisk column with her feet propped up on the table. Silpheed hopped back and forth across the floor, jittering like a wind-up toy from the ginger ale they'd drank in order to stay awake. She was occupying her time by blowing into the empty ale bottle like a hillbilly in the marsh.

She looked up, speaking in the most authentic hillbilly accent she could achieve, "Wet took y'all so long? We been up since th' wee ours 'fore the cock crowed, mm-hm."

"_RAWK! _Cock, cock, cock!" chanted Silpheed. Miss Fontaine had just entered the room and was now blushing like mad.

All that Sheppard had to say was, "Sara, please put your feet down. Is something wrong with your bird?"

"Nope, he jus' had hisself a swig o' ale. He been goin' all mornin' like a bobtail nag, mm-hm."

"_RAWK! _Tail, tail, who wants tail?" Silpheed squawked, hopping towards Blair, the first-ever and only girl in Slifer Red. "Hey, baby! See my tail? _RAWK!_" She looked about ready to kick him, but instead stepped around him in a huff.

Dr. Crowler loomed in behind Sheppard, already sensing trouble brewing. "Sir, maybe we should take that bird outside? We don't need it fouling up the place with its big mouth, do we?"

"_Oui, oui," _agreed Bonaparte.

"Oh, he's only…hyperactive. I'm sure he'll calm down by the time the ceremony begins."

Sara popped in between the three proctors, still puffing into the bottle through half-lidded eyes. "Yup, dem new boys is gonna like dis 'ere school. We's as colorful as m' pappy's vocab when he's out on the golf course, mm-hm," she snickered.

Through narrowed eyes, Crowler pointed to her seat. "Scinner, go sit down and control your bird. And stop talking like that! Honestly, you sound like we haven't taught you anything."

She shrugged, dropping the accent as abruptly as she'd picked it up. "Okie-dokie, Mr. Artichokey! P.S.: you're gonna love the song Silph and I made up!" She headed off to fetch Silpheed, who was now lying on the floor with a nasty sugar hangover.

Soon everyone on the school attendance sheet, student and teacher alike, was clustered in the auditorium, the atmosphere alive with intrigued chatter on what this assembly was all about. Sheppard took his place on the stage, while the other teachers stood behind him. Clearing his throat, he addressed the students with his most serious face. He wore it whenever he had something important to say.

"All right, settle down! As you may know, it's the start of a new school year. Does anyone remember their summer break? Because I don't, heh-heh-heh." His belly jiggled like gelatin whenever he chuckled: only one of the reasons Sara liked him. He wasn't afraid to chuckle a little, even when he was trying to be serious. As far as she was concerned, he was her pal, though this was mostly based on the fact that he was the princi_pal_, that she wasn't picky about friends, and that she kept getting sent to his office for disrupting class.

"Ahem! But I digress."

_"Attention!"_ called Bonaparte. "Reciting the Academy Pledge is our freshman representative, Blair Flannigan." Out of assembly protocol, everyone clapped as Blair strolled up to the front. Facing the teachers, she raised her right arm and recited:

"We the students of Duel Academy solemnly promise to abide by the academy regulations, to resolve all conflicts by dueling, and to show respect for our professors and our fellow peers…unless they plan to take over the world." She ended the pledge with a courteous bow, then turned to walk back to her seat. On the way, she spared a flirtatious wink to Jaden's direction. The poor boy's face became as red as his old jacket.

Silpheed, on the other hand, must have gotten some sort of charge from seeing the young girl wink, because in spite of himself, he raised his head to squawk, "_RAWK! _Take it off, take it off!" Stifled snickers erupted here and there, mostly among the male students.

Sara poked her bird on the top of his head. "I hope you know that she's only ten years old, you dirty bird. At least, that's what the grapes told me."

"Ooh…jailbait, _RAWK!_"

Trying to turn a deaf ear to the cockatoo's remark, Sheppard resumed making announcements. "Now then, with each new year comes modification and improvement. Here at Duel Academy, we strive for perfection. So to keep each one of you at the top of your game, we've invited a few new students to join you. In fact, they represent the top students from each of our four world-wide Duel Academy branches."

The auditorium once again buzzed with chatter. "Duel Academy has world-wide branches? Golly, you learn something new every day!" exclaimed Tyranno Hassleberry.

"Sweet, I've so got to get my game on!" said Jaden with a grin.

Sara started to shiver with excitement. She could hardly wait to meet the new kids so she could sing to them the welcome song. Her kazoo and a tiny silver bell were spread out in front of her, ready whenever the new students came in.

Sheppard stepped aside to give the new students space in the spotlight. "Time for introductions! Visiting us from East Academy…Adrian Gecko!" The chatter escalated into applause as a young man in glasses and a rich brown uniform entered the room with a wave and a casual smile, his wild flame-shaped hair a vivid mahogany. No sooner had his name been mentioned, a bolt of recognition struck Sara.

She stood up and waved her arm around. "Hey! I've heard of you!"

Adrian stopped at Sheppard's right flank. "Oh, you have?"

"Yeah! Your family sells car insurance, doesn't it? You know, Geico? Fifteen minutes saves you fifteen percent?" Her stupidity managed to spark a few derisive chuckles from the audience.

Adrian made an amused half-smile. "Sorry, I think you have my name confused with someone else's. The _Gecko_ Group sells _card _insurance." That wasn't true, but everyone who knew about the Gecko Financial Group--which was pretty much everyone but Sara and Silpheed--knew that this was just a witty crack, and laughed accordingly. A befuddled Sara was left with her tongue in her cheek.

"…And hailing from West Academy, please welcome Axel Brodie!" More applause rippled along the columns as a burly brown-skinned boy marched onto the stage. His face was as hardened as a stone, and he looked like he just came out of the military. He even held a large, yellow gun-like device in a holster on his belt.

Sara stood back up again. "Do you know Freddie Durphy? 'Cause you look a lot like him, but with a lot of hair! I love Durphy." Axel made no response, for he was a man of action and little words. He fixed his gaze straight ahead, ignoring her question.

"Next, joining us from our branch in the South, it's Jim Crocodile Cook!" A smiling third boy joined the group, with a bandage over his right eye. He appeared to be dressed up to go on a safari…or perhaps had just come back from one, judging by the huge, green crocodile he held high over his head. Although he was one of lean stature, he made it look as though the beast were as light as a gecko! A chorus of gasps pierced the air. Was that creature for real?

"Hi, mates!" he cheered, seeing nothing unusual about bringing a crocodile to a school rally.

"Whoa! Hey, hey, do you voice the gecko for old Geico, over here? Is that the real gecko you've got over your head? Wow, he sure looks a lot bigger and fatter in person…and toothier," she muttered with a finger to her chin.

By now, most of the students were getting sick of her stupid comments. "That's a crocodile, you moron!" someone called out. "Sit down and shut up, already."

Jim, on the other hand, looked almost as amused as Adrian had. "Why, thank you. But no, I don't voice the ol' Geico gecko. And Shirley's a croc, awright." It was strange enough to bring a stuffed crocodile to school, but to give it a name, too?

Sheppard continued with the introductions: "And leading the pack at North Academy, it's Jesse Andersen!"

Everyone roared with applause…but Jesse Andersen did not appear. All fell into a bemused silence. Sheppard glanced to the back door, expecting for the student to burst in at any moment.

"Well, this is awkward," mumbled Dr. Crowler.

"No, it's just plain rude," chided Bonaparte.

"That's weird. A no-show?" said Adrian.

Sara drummed her fingers against the table. This wouldn't do; she and Silpheed couldn't sing the welcome song unless all of the newcomers were present. Otherwise, the missing one wouldn't feel welcome. She raised her hand. "Hey, Sheppy! Maybe Silpheed and I could go look for this Jesse Andersen guy?"

"Oh, I don't think that'll be necessary," said Sheppard. "He probably needed to use the bathroom."

_Swish!_

Suddenly, a flash of white light spilled into the top rows of the auditorium. Everyone turned their attention to the front door to find the panting silhouette of a boy standing in the threshold. When the light re-adjusted itself, his face became distinguishable. He trailed his fingers through his messy turquoise hair and made a sheepish smile. "Sorry, folks! Guiss I got lost. This school's a lot beeger thin ours," he apologized. His voice had a bit of a Southern drawl to it, but unlike Sara's, it was genuine. His blue and light attire looked very much like a cowboy's, in fact, minus the ten-gallon hat.

Jaden stood up and waved an arm. "Hold on, I recognize you!"

The boy trotted down the steps to Jaden's row. "Well, now, I guiss this is that pep rally thang."

Jaden nodded. "Yep. By the way, just wondering, have you seen a guy named Jesse Andersen?"

"Shore have."

"What? You've seen him? Where is he?" asked Sheppard.

The boy's hand found its way back to the back of his head. "Ya'll are lookin' at 'im. I'm Jesse," he chuckled. "Sorry, guiss I di'nt properly innerduce myself. I was so excited to meet you, I plum fergot." Not knowing what to say, no one said a word, except Jaden.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," he confessed.

Sheppard cleared his throat a second time. "Let's start over then, shall we? Joining our school from North Academy…here's Jesse Andersen!" Jesse climbed onto the stage and took his place among the other three boys, waving to the crowd as they welcomed him with applause.

"Hooray! Now we can sing our song, Silpheed," Sara whispered. "I got your bell out and everything."

"Thanks for wasting everyone's time, pal." said Adrian through half-lidded eyes. Jesse looked taken by surprise by the sarcasm in that statement. Axel said not a word, but simply glared at the late student.

"Just kidding," said Adrian. Jesse could only laugh.

Jim stepped forward and tipped his hat. "G'day! The name's Jim Cook." As he offered a handshake, he added, "And this is Shirley." To Jesse's wide-eyed bewilderment--and everyone else's--the crocodile blinked at him, a growl emitting from the back of her throat. So much for her being only a stuffed animal, no?

Crowler and Bonaparte huddled closer together. "Please tell me that was your stomach," whimpered Crowler.

"I-I can't!" The two men got another scare when a burly, hard-faced man loomed behind him. His dark hair was slick and pointy, like a snake's fang; his stony eyes narrow and foreboding, like a cobra's.

"Oh yes, and last but not least," said Sheppard, "I'd like you to meet our visiting professor from West Academy. Say hello to Professor Thelonius Viper!" Professor Viper marched to the front of the stage, his lips pursed into a thin line. His stride was as stiff and orderly as his attire, like a general's. He met Sheppard and bowed his head.

"It's an honor," he said gruffly. He then turned to face the students, just as Sara was in the process of hopping out of her seat. He opened his mouth again to address the students when she cut in:

"Hey, Sheppy, can we start singing now?"

Viper passed them a venomous look. He hated it when students tried to interrupt him, especially if it was with a trite song and dance. "Sorry, but I don't want to be sung to, thank you very much."

The grin on her face faded. "But Sheppard here promised that we could welcome the new guys with a song. Didn't you, Shep?" She looked at the chancellor with the same hopeful face she'd displayed back in his office.

"Well, er, yes, I did, but if Professor Viper doesn't want--"

It was too late. Sara had already placed the bell on the floor for Silpheed to tap with his beak, while she puffed her cheeks and heaved on her kazoo:

_VOOOOOO! _

At once, she started to jitter in place in a kind of movement that was supposed to be tap-dancing, but to the audience, looked like she had just come down with a nasty case of St. Vitus's Dance. At the top of her voice, she belted out a string of lyrics while Silpheed maintained the rhythm on the bell:

_"Welcome to Duel Academy,_

_The more, the merrier!"_

_DING!_

_"We always stick together when_

_It's swell or hairier!"_

_DING!_

_"Welcome, Mr. Viper,_

_That's some pointy cow-lick!"_

_DING!_

_"Just how many people in this series_

_Have that kind of hair, do you think?"_

_DING!_

_"Welcome, Jesse Andersen,_

_With the petting zoo for a deck!"_

_DING!_

_"Any guy that can handle cats_

_Is a pretty brave guy, I bet!"_

_DING!_

_"Welcome, Jimmy Cook, with the_

_Croc strapped to your back!"_

_DING!_

_"Do you come from a land down under,_

_Do you know Kangaroo Jack?"_

_DING!_

_"Welcome, Adrian Geico,_

_You don't have to pay rent!"_

_DING!_

_"Fifteen minutes on the telephone_

_Can save you fifteen percent!"_

_DING!_

_"Welcome, Axel Brodie,_

_Don't take this as an attack…"_

_DING!_

_"But did you notice that you are_

_The only kid here who's bla—"_

"Ah, o-okay, Sara, that's enough!" Sheppard interrupted in the nick of time, his entire face burning pink. The scowl on Viper's lips broadened; he looked even crankier than he had when he had arrived, if that was possible. Several members of the audience snickered, while others rolled their eyes. Other still rubbed their temples to dull the headaches Sara had given them.

Sara stopped tap-dancing and frowned. "But we're not done with our song!"

"And it's a very, er, lovely song, thank you for sharing it with us. But we need to keep things moving along. You may sit down now."

"But--"

Sheppard pointed to her seat. Sara gave a pout, which quickly melted into a smile. She couldn't make the new guys feel welcome by looking all pouty, could she? Besides, Sheppard had been gracious enough to let her sing at all. She could accept that. With a silly bow, she picked up the bell, let Silpheed climb onto her shoulder, and ambled back to her seat.

Adrian nudged Axel with his elbow. "Lovely, my foot. Wonder if _everybody_ at this school's a jerk?"

"I dunno, I thank that was awful kind o' 'em to sing to us, an' funny, too," said Jesse with a content smile. "Not every day that ya get that kind o' treatmint as a new kid." Jim couldn't ring in his opinion about it, for he was scratching a squirming Shirley under her chin in order to try calming her down.

Once the jokers were back in their seat, Viper shook his head. What lack of discipline! That kind of monkey business was exactly the reason he had been summoned here. Well, it wasn't the _whole _reason, though it was a small part of it.

"For those of you who have heard that my own methods are strict, you're right."

"We haven't heard! Heck, I don't think we've even heard of you from Adam! Or anyone, for that matter, not even from the grapes."

Everyone turned their heads to stare Sara down. She and Silpheed looked all around with a shrug. "What? We really haven't."

Viper ignored this and continued: "However, that being said, I believe that there's a method to my madness."

"What'cha mad about? It's okay to talk about it if you're mad." Sheppard threw an anxious look at Sara's direction. She was already pushing it, and this was only the first day of school.

"…I believe actions speak louder than words, so why not we skip the pleasantries and get down to business? How's about we kick off the year by holding an exhibition match right now?" Apprehensive murmurs echoed all along the room; even Sheppard was surprised. He certainly hadn't had a match on his agenda.

"Simmer down, so that I can choose the competitors. Jesse Andersen! And his opponent will be…"

Sara shot her hand high into the air, waving it in circles like a flag. She had no idea what an exhibition match was, but that didn't stop her from volunteering. It never stopped her.

"Ooh-ooh-ooh, me, me, me! ME!"

"…Duel Academy's top student…"

As though Viper were speaking to him, Chazz Princeton gripped the folds of his coat and stood up. "I accept!"

"…Jaden Yuki."

Just like that, Chazz toppled back down until only his feet were visible. Jaden, on the other hand, couldn't be happier. He stood up with his fists clenched in front of him. "Wow! It's the first day of school, and I get to duel a kid with a legendary deck? Can't get any sweeter than this!"

"And you'll always be number two, if you know what I mean!" roared Chazz. He had a habit of yelling at no one in particular when he was frustrated, so it'd been observed.

Jesse smiled back at his opponent-to-be. "Golly, this duel's gonna be a hoot!"

Viper called both boys up to the stage, where he handed them each a shiny white bracelet. No sooner had they put them on their wrists, the trinkets automatically clicked shut. The boys held out their arms and eyed them.

"What are these?"

A tiny, sinister smirk creased Viper's lips. "Why don't we just say they're a little welcome gift? The match begins in one hour, not a minute later."

"D'aw!" Sara slouched onto the table, her head resting on her arms. Oh, well. There'd be other chances, probably. _Probably._

* * *

Somewhere deep in the heart of the forest, Viper ventured out into a clearing on his lonesome with a briefcase in one hand and a decrepit pocket watch in the other. Scanning his surroundings as an anaconda eyes his prey just before making his move, his gaze fixed on a great building shrouded by a cluster of trees and shadows. The arms of vines entwined around it in a thorny embrace, the lush vegetation choking it from the inside and out.

He chuckled to himself. This forsaken place would be his base, the place where he'd carry out his insidious plot to drain all of the students of their energy. Before he could approach the building, however, someone tapped on his broad shoulder. Even being a man as collected as he was, he was taken by a brief surge of surprise.

He whirled around and found the girl from the rally with her bird on her shoulder, the ones who had sung that obnoxious welcome song. How on earth did they follow him all the way out there?

"Don't you know better than to stick your nose where it doesn't belong?" he hissed.

"Hey, hey, come on, we're not asking for trouble," piped Sara.

"Somehow, I've difficulty believing that," he murmured, making sure not to glance behind him, lest he draw unwanted attention to his would-be hideout.

"We just wanted to…do this."

Standing on her tip-toe, Sara pulled out an empty, lidded plastic cup. She reached up and used Viper's hair to puncture a tiny hole in the lid. Viper couldn't help but feel a smidge violated.

"What's the meaning of this?"

"After we were all excused from the rally, Silpheed said you stored venom in your 'do. I said you didn't." She leaned in to examine the contents of the cup, or rather, lack of contents. "HA! See, Silph! Told ya he didn't have venom sacs in his hair!"

"_RAWK! _You said 'sacks!'" cackled the cockatoo.

She turned to her pet and smirked. "You now owe me…your soft little forehead!" She pecked him on the top of his head with the side of her mouth. "But don't worry! I'm a good sport, so I'll give you three Silpheed Snacks, anyhow."

Having had enough at this point, he decided to drive them off. He held out his pocket watch and began to swing it in their faces. "Well, since you wanted something off of me, now I believe you should return the favor. Look at this watch."

"Okay! We're lookin'!"

The object swung back and forth at a slow and steady pace, like the pendulum of a grandfather clock. For a moment, all was quiet except for the random chatter of birds. Sara and Silpheed seemed enchanted by its motion; Viper could tell by their blank expressions.

"Listen to what I say. You will go back to the campus."

"…We will go back to the campus."

"You will attend the exhibition match like everyone else."

"…We will attend the exhibition match like everyone else."

"This meeting never happened."

"…This meeting never happened."

A smirk found its way back on his face. "Excellent. Now, go."

"Excellent. Now, go."

"You can stop repeating everything I say."

"I can stop repeating everything you say." Which of the two was supposed to be the parrot, again? He helped her out by grabbing her by the shoulders and facing her in the opposite direction, then giving her a gentle push. Before long, Sara ambled off with Silpheed, her stride considerably stiffer than usual. Hypnotism was one of Viper's secret talents, something he had picked up back in his army days. It did work, but usually only on undisciplined individuals. On his first day here at Duel Academy, he had already found bunches of the like.

"Well, that went well. Now, where was I? Oh, right." He opened his watch to reveal a small orb of flickering orange light: the foundation of his plot.

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**


	13. Act Thirteen

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT THIRTEEN**_

_**You Win! **_

Another win chalked up on Zane's Dream Dueling streak. Not that it diminished his boredom at all. As said before, virtual dueling wasn't half as thrilling as the real experience. But then, if he wasn't so sick, he wouldn't be doing it to begin with. Deciding that he'd had enough, he logged out and shut down his computer. His apartment had a thick, stuffy air about it. Perhaps he could go out for a walk, just to get some fresh air. With everyone back in school--including you-know-who--he might have had the chance to go outside without the worry of being ambushed by fan girls, or insidious pranksters.

So that's what he did. He didn't wander too far; he headed for the park. With everyone busy at work or at school, it was practically empty and quiet, save for the various cars zooming by; just the way he preferred it. When he reached the marble fountain in the center of the area, he sat on a bench to take a breather.

Arms folded over his chest, he inhaled the crisp morning air through his nostrils, scanning the tree-lined landscape, with the shadows of the skyscrapers swallowing them like massive black tidal waves. A scruffily dressed man with a leaf-blower shuffled on past and cleared the sidewalk of stray leaves, his machine humming like a swarm of hornets. As he passed Zane, he did not greet him, nor did he look up from the ground to acknowledge his presence. Not that Zane had wanted to strike up a conversation with anyone at the moment. Still, he couldn't help but notice that the leaf-blowing man lumbered off of the sidewalk and went quite a way around before returning to the path when he was a safe distance away from him. Zane guessed that he had done that on purpose, the coward.

_Hn, even when I'm just sitting around, people are afraid of me. _

He leaned back in his seat and slightly tilted his head towards the sky. As much as he relished in solitude, he also yearned for action: raw, genuine action that only an excellent duel could provide. He recalled the old days--if one could consider a year and a bit ago as old--when the League had at least a handful of tough, worthy duelists. At least, they'd looked worthy to him when he was still naïve. After that ordeal in the Underground, he had looked through the glasses of reality and seen how pathetic the whole lot truly was. Honestly! Duelists used to have real ambitions, real intelligence, and real nerve, like Seto Kaiba. These days, these runts made stupid moves on purpose just because they thought it was "funny."

Despite all of this, in his present condition, he starved for that full-blooded thrill; that one-of-a-kind feeling that he hadn't truly experienced since his graduation match with Jaden and could never experience with the competition. Would he ever obtain it again? Would his deck?

Zane was so engrossed in his thoughts that he took little, if any, notice of the silver-clad young man settling next to him.

"Well, well, well, what's old Mr. Doom-And-Gloom doing out here in the sunshine?" Aster greeted with that sardonic smirk of his. Zane didn't answer him.

"Likewise." Aster proceeded to tear the paper wrapping off of the steamy steak sandwich that he held in one hand and take a small, thoughtful bite out of it. As soon as he swallowed, he added, "If it's of any interest to you, I just got back from Duel Academy. Apparently, there are a couple of transfers attending this year, including Jesse Andersen."

Zane still made no reply. In fact, he hadn't actually been listening until Aster had mentioned the name "Jesse Andersen."

Aster took a larger bite out of his sandwich. "Though I don't expect you to know who Andersen was, since you're too self-absorbed to have awareness for what goes on." Zane's lips pursed into a scowl. He _had_ heard of Andersen and the story behind his deck. After all, who hadn't heard? But he had never met the boy.

"They had him duel Jaden, the other day. I must say, I almost couldn't tell who was who. They act _exactly_ like each other, like they could be fraternal twins or something."

"…Does he duel as well as they say he does?" Zane found himself blurting. He had probably said this because that little antenna called his instinct had started to go off. He wondered…

"Yeah, and maybe even better than that. In the end, though, it wasn't enough to beat Jaden. Not that that's too surprising. He bluffed about having a powerful monster that he really doesn't have." Aster paused to wipe off his mouth with a napkin. "Why'd you ask?"

"I can ask if I damn well feel like it. What are you, a cop? No, wait, don't even bother to answer that." He didn't once turn to look at Aster throughout their whole conversation; he was too busy mulling over this Jesse character. If he acted so much like Jaden, did he have the same kind of strength as Jaden did? On top of that, Zane hadn't yet had the chance to duel him. Could he be the one?

Of course, listening to Phoenix yammer about him wasn't enough. If he were to make any judgments, he'd have to check out Jesse himself. But how? He couldn't just waltz back to his old school without a reason that the others would think legitimate. He was no liar, but they'd never understand his personal reasons; they hadn't in the past. They'd probably go back to vainly convincing him to return to his old ways through a series of duels. Then he'd have to cut through them all as he would through thick undergrowth, just so he could get to Jesse.

If something could happen that had Duel Academy _ask _him to duel Jesse--like so they could collect enough energy to pull the students out of a dire situation--that would work nicely--

No. That possibility didn't sound realistic.

Aster shook his head. "Yeesh, touchy, much? Eh, whatever; I only came out here for my lunch break. Finding you here was complete happenstance."

Zane stole a furtive glimpse of his greasy sandwich, packed to the gills with steak and melted Swiss. Why on earth would Aster want to ruin his figure with such a fatty morsel? Come to think of it, why would he be concerning himself about Phoenix's figure in the first place?

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Maybe, but I _am_ a Pro Duelist. I can come and go as I please. Plus, I've already got two PhDs."

_Beep! Beep! _

Aster stopped to look at his watch. "Oh, would you look at that? Well, Truesdale, it's been interesting, but I'm afraid it's time for me to fly."

_Thank God for that, _thought Zane.

Aster stood up and sauntered towards the sleek white car that waited for him at the end, a jagged blue letter "D" printed on the hood. A balding, prim old man held the door to the passenger seat for him.

"Enjoy your lunch, sir?" he mumbled.

Aster nodded. "Thanks for watching the Destinymobile, Alfred." Without another word exchanged, Alfred and Aster slipped inside, their faces disappearing behind the blackened windows. Was it just Zane, or was there catchy superhero theme music playing in the background?

_VRRRRR! _The car took off like a missile, leaving nothing behind but burning tire tracks and two wispy clouds of smoke. Zane watched this with an arched eyebrow and a disbelieving frown. He pulled out a bottle of pills from the inside of his coat and eyed the label. All he could say about the whole thing was:

"…These pills must be making me hallucinate."

* * *

On the same morning, the students of Duel Academy were called into the auditorium yet again, and stood side by side in rows of fifty or so. Sara and Silpheed stood in the last row, with Sara hopping up and down on her tiptoes.

"Settle down, students," called Sheppard from the front of the room. "Professor Viper has an important announcement to make." With a nod to the visiting teacher, he stepped aside. Viper took his place in the centerfold, holding a peculiar band that looked just like the ones he had given Jesse and Jaden.

"I don't repeat myself, so listen carefully," he growled. "Feast your eyes on my newest invention…the Bio Band!" He held the band high over his head for everyone to see. It gleamed like a crystal under the lights. "And starting now, you're all required to wear one. Is that understood?"

"What'd he say that doohickey was? A B.O. Band?" whispered Sara.

Silpheed ruffled his feathers. "_RAWK! _I don't smell!" he squawked indignantly. Sara paused to lift up her arm and take a quick whiff of her armpit.

"I dunno, I smell funny…but then, I'm s'posed to smell funny." She leaned her armpit into a girl's face. "Hey buddy, I don't smell not funny, do I?"

Her neighbor grimaced and shoved her away. "Get your stinky pit out of my face, sick-o! I'm trying to listen!"

"Over the next few weeks, you'll take part in a series of survival duels. You will all begin with the same ranking, regardless of your dorm color or grade level."

On the sidelines, Crowler and Bonaparte listened to Viper's proposition, though neither of them necessarily approved of it. "What's the point of that? This oversized orangutan is ruining everything!" said Crowler.

"_Oui, oui, _and we're capable of doing that, ourselves," said Bonaparte.

Viper shot a sour glance at the two, but started to pace back and forth across the stage as he continued his explanation: "Anyway, back to my Bio Band system. These devices systematically gather and transmit data about your dueling abilities to a central computer, which then measures your energy, evaluates your decisions, and gauges overall fighting spirit." He came to a stop back in the centerfold.

"I dunno what that guy's talking about, but it sounds cool," exclaimed Jaden.

Sara clutched her head and let her tongue hang out. She didn't like it when people got all technical when they spoke; it made her brain swirl around like cotton candy in a machine.

"Once the evaluation is complete, each of you will be given a score, and failure will not be tolerated! They say you're the best of the best. They call you the elite. Now prove it," Viper mocked the entire lot.

"But _monsieur, _what if this machine determines a student's spirit to be too weak?" asked Bonaparte.

Viper turned to the Frenchman. "Simple: a dorm demotion. And should one receive a second low score…" He turned back to the kids to let them know that he meant business when he warned:

"…the next step is _expulsion!_"

A chorus of horrified gasps erupted among the crowds. Even Sara and Silpheed shared a gasp; something didn't sound right about that proposition. Immediately, she waved her arm all around in circles to ask a question. However, Viper wasn't the type to answer questions.

"For those of you who don't think you can handle this, I suggest that you go home now." When he failed to notice her, she started to jump up and down.

Meanwhile, Crowler and Bonaparte ran across the stage to complain to Sheppard. "Viper's going too far! You can't allow this! He's just a visiting professor! It's not fair; he can't change all the rules!"

"Crowler's right, this guy's way out of line!" protested Bonaparte.

To their dismay, Sheppard didn't seem to believe them, for all he did was smile. "Now, now, let's give Professor Viper the benefit of the doubt. After all, his system did wonders for West Academy! Thanks to him, their grades are higher and they out-perform almost every other school in the district."

Sheppard was not the only one who approved of this plan. "I think his plan rocks! We get to duel every day!" cheered Jaden.

"Aren't ya worried ya might git kicked outta school?" asked Jesse.

Jaden laughed, "Not a chance, bro! My scores are gonna be through the roof!"

Viper closed his announcement with a command: "Go back to your dorms and await further instructions."

"Hang on a sec!" Itching to have her question answered--and having lost feeling in her arm--Sara proceeded to charge through the disgruntled crowd like a Sonic Duck, but not without tossing random "'Scuse me's" and "Sorrys" along the way. She popped out of the sea of students between Blair and a sickly Ra boy and climbed up into Viper's face. Needless to say, he didn't appreciate that.

Panted Sara, "Yeah, only how do we get a dorm demotion when you just said that everybody starts out at the same rank? Which rank do we start out at, anyhow, as Slifers? Not that we'd mind if we were Slifers, understand, but if I were a Slifer and I got demoted, what would I be? A cat? Oooh, man…a Luigi? A Mexic--"

For the second time in two days, Sheppard lumbered over as fast as he could and cupped a big hand over her mouth. "Ah, Sara, let's be courteous when we're speaking to a teacher, shall we?"

As soon as he removed his hand, Sara tilted her head. "I was just gonna say 'Mexican hat.' Would I be that if I got demoted? Would I get beads to hang from my hair, or something? You know? _Na-na-nananana-nana, na-na-nananana-nana,_" she clapped her hands and danced in a circle.

"_OLE!" _chimed Silpheed.

Viper rolled his eyes. "You mean a _sombrero_, and no, you wouldn't. Go back to your dorm before I decide to expel you right where you stand. If you didn't get it the first time, then that's your problem."

Silpheed snickered, "You said 'expel'…_RAWK!_"

"Okay, but--"

"Now Sara, I really do think you should run along. And good luck with the survival duels!" As much as Sheppard believed that this program would be good for the students, he didn't want a student of his to be expelled right on the first day simply for acting out. He gave Sara a gentle shove towards the door, while the rest of the students began to flood out of the room like a swelling river of red, yellow and blue.

To the rest of them, he called, "The survival duels will begin immediately following fifth period. Be sure to activate your Bio Bands before then so you can be properly evaluated."

* * *

As the two headed outside into the schoolyard, Sara kept sniffing under her arm. She still smelled funny, but that meant that she smelled fine, didn't it? In her other hand, she clutched one of the Bio Bands that had been passed out on the way out.

She rubbed the Band under her arm like it was a deodorant stick, and took another sniff, paying no heed to the several passer-bys who stared at her like she'd picked her nose and flicked the boogers on each and every one of them. "I dunno about this, Silph. This B.O. Band doesn't make me smell like lilacs or an Irish spring."

Silpheed leaned against Sara's temple. "_RAWK! _Hygiene's for losers!"

With that being said, Sara chucked the Band in a random direction, clonking someone on the head with it. Not that she was looking, of course.

_"OW! Hey!"_

Adrian and Jim strolled ahead of them, murmuring to each other about the Bands. They must've been having the same problem with theirs. Perhaps finally finding someone who'd understand this whole thing, she picked up her pace, her tongue jabbing into her cheek.

"Actually, tracking animals is a way of protecting 'em, nut 'urting 'em. They need our 'elp, ain't that right, Shirley?" said Jim, reaching up to scratch his crocodile lightly under her jaw.

"Hello!" Sara cut in between them.

"Excuse me, but don't you know that it's rude to interrupt a conversation?" scoffed Adrian.

"Heh-heh, sorry, but I couldn't help but notice that you boys were having the same problem with your Bands. I rubbed mine against my armpit, but I don't smell any different. How 'bout you?" She grabbed Adrian by the arm and hiked it up with the intention of smelling underneath it. He pulled it back down and shot her a look.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Sara wrinkled her nose. "You know, you smell like money, like you bathe in the stuff. But then, when you're helping people save fifteen percent on their car insurance, you only get enough to fill up a tub, huh?"

Adrian frowned. "I am not associated with--oh, forget it. If public humiliation didn't help get the point across, then nothing will."

In the meantime, Silpheed found himself--literally--eye to eye with the crocodile on Jim's back. It didn't take him too long to recognize Shirley as a female, and since he had never been around a crocodile, and therefore had no idea of how dangerous they could be, he tried to put a bit of charm on her. He threw her a flirtatious wink and crooned, "Hey, baby! Mind if I go spelunking in your cavern? _RAWK!_"

Shirley might've been offended by the cockatoo, or he might've charmed her enough to make her want to smooch him. She might've suddenly felt that primal urge to bite something. Or she might've simply been hungry. But whatever the reason, her answer was--

_CHOMP! _

One minute, Silpheed was on Sara's shoulder; the next, only his tail feathers protruded between Shirley's teeth. She twisted her head back and forth in an attempt to swallow him, but he seemed to be fighting her. As soon as Silpheed screamed for help, everyone stopped dead in their tracks. Sara's face turned wan with terror, her eyes becoming as wide as Frisbees. By now, she had completely forgotten what she was talking about.

"Oh my God, Silpheed!"

"Shirley, what on Earth--?!"

Adrian made sure to stay well out of this mess and remain quiet.

Sara prepared to wrap an arm around the reptile's stout neck and noogie Silpheed out of there. "Hang on, bud! I'll rescue you!" But just as she was about to apply her knuckles to Shirley's head, Jim cuffed her by the wrist.

"Wait, don't 'andle 'er like that! Ya don' wanna lose yer head over this, do ya? Or a hand?"

"No, but I also don't want to lose my best friend!"

"Awright, miss, stand back." Jim carefully slipped his crocodile off of his back and placed her on the ground. He then got down on his knees to slip one hand under her jaw, while the other cupped her neck.

"Come on, girl, spit 'im out," he coaxed. "Spit the birdie out." This seemed to work, because Shirley appeared a lot more relaxed. She opened her mouth just so, allowing Silpheed to tumble down her tongue and onto the concrete. He quivered as though he were having a fit, looking like a sopping wet feather duster.

"_SILPHEED!" _Sara wasted no time in dropping down on her knees and scooping him up into her arms. "Are-are you okay? Speak to me!"

One of his twiggy legs twitched. "_Hoo, mama…_that's one hole I don't want to be in again…_RAWK!_"

Jim continued to scratch Shirley under her jaw to keep her calm. "I'm terribly sorry. Shirley's a good sheila, really, she is. Must've been 'ungry, weren't you, girl?"

"Hey, man, you saved Silph's life! How could I possibly hold a grudge? And if your lizard there was just hungry…"

"Er, crocodiles aren't lizards."

Sara jabbed her tongue into her cheek and grinned. "Gosh, I remember this one time in kindergarten when I skipped breakfast so I could watch the early morning cartoons. Man, I was so duckcrap crazy with hunger; by the time snack time rolled around, I wound up bitin' the lunch lady, right when she was entering the classroom! So as much as I don't appreciate Shirley trying to eat Silpheed, I sympathize with her…"

Sara dove into her jacket to fish out a bag of Goldfish Crackers. "So she oughta love these! They're the snacks that smile back!" Popping the bag open, she plucked a tiny, orange fish-shaped cracker and dangled it precariously close to Shirley's nostrils. A threatening hiss emitted from the animal's throat, her beady yellow eyes fixed on her fingers.

Silpheed raised his head and wheezed: "_RAWK! _I almost got eaten, Sara! And not in the good way!"

Adrian continued on his way, his arms folded across his chest. "In that case, say good-bye to your arm. I'm getting out of here before things get messier."

To avert another crisis, Jim pulled back Sara's hand. "Y-Ya know, maybe you should let _me_ feed 'er. She's, uh, kinda wary 'round strangers."

"Wasn't damn wary of me…_RAWK!_"

* * *

_SSSSHH! _

With a fatal swipe of Megarock Dragon's jagged paw, Sonic Duck was no more. It frantically fluttered its short green wings as it squealed out its last breath:

_Quack-quack!_

The impact of the blow sent Sara spinning in place before collapsing on her rear, her green feather cape flying out behind her. On the sidelines, Silpheed squeezed the whoopee cushion--

_Pphhhbbt! _

Sara tilted her bucket-hat back into place, chuckling, "Whoops, looks like my Duck is cooked!"

Instead of gloating about his new victory, her opponent, a Ra Yellow boy named Dimitri, stamped his foot. Quite frankly, Sara hadn't been half a challenge throughout the whole game. "That's it? You didn't even go out fighting! All you did was dress up stupid and crack even stupider jokes. I finally come up with a deck of my own, and I don't even get to make the most out of it! Man, it's a wonder why you're even still here, 'cause your scores must be really, really--"

He choked and froze in mid-sentence. Suddenly, he shut his eyes and fell to the ground, as though he had been struck by lightning.

Sara got up and dusted herself off. "Well, ya know, I do what I--huh? Hey Silpheed, what's with him?" She trotted up to the unconscious boy, poking him on the top of his spiky head.

"Did we knock you out with our killer jokes?"

No response. The playful smile on her lips faded out. She hoisted Dimitri up by the collar of his blazer, bringing her face close to his. "Hello? Are you taking a nap? Wake up, Sleepyhead." She tapped him on the forehead several times with two fingers. When she still received no answer, she turned to Silpheed.

"This is nuts, Silph! We've been dueling and losing to people for four days straight, almost. And every single time, the kid gets knocked out, literally! Do you think that we're over-doing it?"

Silpheed shook from head to foot. "Dunno, but why would I? I'm a sidekick! _RAWK! _We could cut down on the whoopee, though…"

Sara sighed, dropped Dimitri to the ground and grabbed his ankles. It looked like she'd have to drag another one to the infirmary. How fortunate that they were out in front of Dorothy's store. They wouldn't need to worry about rugged terrain. "All right, Silpheed, help me with this."

Silpheed hopped in and helped in the best way he could: by wrapping his beak around Dimitri's index finger. To say the least, Sara did most of the dragging, whereas Silpheed was the one being dragged alongside the boy being dragged like a deer carcass.

They found the infirmary to be as stuffed as Seto Kaiba's wallet, which turned out to be both a pain in the neck and a perplexing occurrence. There was no way Sara had knocked out this many kids. Many of them were students that she hadn't even gotten around to dueling.

Miss Fontaine appeared from the next room, her usually soft face hardened with exhaustion. Just looking at her work made Sara's gut knot up with guilt. But she had to put Dimitri somewhere. What else could she do, bury him?

"_RAWK! _Hell-ooooo, Nurse! Prod me next!" Silpheed whistled.

"Miss F.? We've got another one," Sara called from the threshold.

Fontaine glanced over her shoulder. "Oh, no, another one?" she moaned. She placed a wet rag over a boy's head and rushed over to help Dimitri into the nearest available bed. "Sara, you shouldn't keep dragging people in by the ankles. That's improper."

Sara looked down at the ground. "Sorry, Miss F. You look like you could use some hands. Mind if we stick around? I keep knocking people out when I duel them. And believe me, when I said I wanna knock 'em out with laughs, I did _not _have this in mind."

"Oh, I don't think it's just you, Sara. Ever since this program of Viper's started, students left and right have been dropping with acute fatigue." Fontaine placed her stethoscope over Dimitri's chest, while Silpheed hid underneath her chair to get a decent view of her butt.

Sara crammed her tongue into her cheek. "Really? Gee, but I feel peachy, just pretty disappointed." She shuffled over to a boy whose chest was dotted with stickers that were hooked up to a machine. Curiously, she leaned in and started to tug on the cords. Before long, she had pulled off all of the stickers and re-arranged them in the shape of a smiley face. An amused half-smile graced her lips as she stood back and admired her handiwork.

"Hey, Miss F.! Look at these stickers! Ain't this a hoot?"

"No, no, don't do that! If I'm going to find out the cause behind all of this, I need those stickers where they should be." Fontaine appeared on the other side of the bed to undo Sara's work, paying no attention to the cockatoo that trailed right behind her.

"…I've got an idea. Would you like to help out? You can…oh! The girls are making snacks to help some of the patients get their strength back. They could use another pair of hands." Fontaine always appreciated volunteers, but she could not afford any mistakes or horsing around.

Handed the opportunity to help, Sara made a clumsy L-shaped salute over her head and grinned. "Awesome-nity! We'll do our best!" She picked up Silpheed. "Come on, Silpheed!"

"_CALL ME!"_

Just then, the door swished open to reveal Jesse, Jaden and Syrus bearing two new victims over their shoulders: Hassleberry and Jim. "Mizz Fontaine! Got any room fer two more?" Jesse called.

"Yeah, Hassleberry weighs a ton!" squeaked Syrus, his skinny legs buckling underneath the burden.

Trying to hide the weary look on her face, Fontaine sprung up from her seat, just as she was taking the strain off of her feet. "Hang on, I'll see if there are any empty beds."

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	14. Act Fourteen

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT FOURTEEN**_

Near the top of the list of Sara's favorite things were parties. Mention one thing about a festivity, no matter what it was about, and she and Silpheed would be there, even if they weren't invited (and most of the time, they weren't). Adrian's soiree at the Obelisk Blue dorm was no exception. Even though she hadn't received an invitation from the East Academy champ, she had overheard two Obelisk boys chatter about it, asking each other if they had been invited, as she had passed around cups of alphabet soup…and burned a patient's lap, in the process.

Also, not very many people seemed to appreciate her jokes about Jaden's hair being shaped like Sonic Duck's butt when she tried to entertain them. She could tell because some of them who had regained a bit of strength proceeded to throw anything they could at her, like crumpled pieces of paper or pillows, since no tomatoes were available.

Afterwards, Fontaine had told her that she could help by staying out of the infirmary for a while.

"Well, Silpheed, I guess if we really are helping by staying out, we might as well get ready for that party, then, huh?" said Sara, not at all fazed by the students' reaction to her jokes. Silpheed was too peeved about getting kicked out before he could pinch Miss Fontaine to say anything. Whenever he was peeved, he looked as hunched as a vulture on Sara's shoulder, his crest feathers flat against his head.

Sara scratched him on the neck with her finger. "Oh, it's okay, Silph. Here, want a Silpheed Snack?" She reached into the backpack on her back to pull out the bag of Snacks, when Professor Viper marched from out of the corner, looking as bitter as ever. Sara smiled and waved at him.

"Hey, Mr. Viper! Why the pickled face?"

He stopped in front of her. "Scinner, is it?"

"No, my name's Sara. Scinner's my last name."

His eyes narrowed into slits. "Don't toy with me, young lady. I've noticed that several students haven't participated in a single survival duel since the program began. One of them is you." Viper had been on his way to confront a certain Gecko about his noncompliance, as well. But then, he did say that he would not let _anyone _slack off.

Sara looked at the teacher as if he had spoken in Swahili, her tongue crammed into her cheek. "What'cha talking about? Of course, we've been dueling! But what are we s'posed to be surviving, anyway? Boredom?"

Viper leaned in a bit closer and looked Sara over, from head to toe. Silpheed mumbled into her ear, "He's checking you out, _RAWK!_"

"Well, you know what I believe? Either you haven't dueled at all for the past several days, or…" He glanced at Sara's wrists to notice the lack of a Bio Band on either of them.

"…you never put on your Bio Band. Where's your Band?" he demanded.

Sara shrugged. "What Bio Band? I never got one. I did get a B.O. Band, though. But I threw it away right after I got it, 'cause it was broken. I like the way I smell, thank you very much."

Viper glared at her as though she'd spat in his face. Didn't she realize how much time and effort he had put into this plan of his, into every single Bio Band? He didn't think she did. "So, you think you can defy authority and get away with it, do you?" Sara, of course, had no idea what he was talking about. All she knew was that he looked grumpy. She never liked it when people looked grumpy.

So she answered in a way that only deepened the hole she was unwittingly stuck in. "So, you think you need to make a poo? Because you sound like you do, just like my buddy Ziti. He's always walking around with his face all scrunched up, kind of like you're doing now; you know, like this." Sara scrunched her face together and mustered the deepest sneer she could. Silpheed squawked with laughter.

Viper pursed his lips into a thin line. "What's that? You're asking for a demotion? Wish granted."

Sara froze up for an instant, as though a cat had scratched her in the face. "A-A-A demotion! Why? A-All I said was--oh, I see, now." A childish smile replaced her grimace. "You just need a hug, don't ya?" Before Viper could say a word, Sara stood up on tiptoe and wrapped her arms around his torso, squeezing with all of her might.

"There! Doesn't that feel better?" Silpheed turned his head and murmured something about Sara being a sentimentalist.

For a moment or two, Viper surprisingly did not respond nor resist. He stood there with his eyes fixed on the top of her head. To him, the girl's hug stung, in the kind of sharp and bittersweet way that made him momentarily drift back to the days when his little boy would hug him like this before he would go to work and when he'd come home…when he still had that little boy. For a moment, he felt like he was being embraced by the spiny cactus called memory.

But he soon snapped out of it, and when he did, he tore Sara's arms off of him and shot her a venomous look. "Inappropriate physical contact with a professor? Unacceptable! This school has no room for unruly and weak-spirited students like you. And no amount of hugging is going to change that! Do you know what time it is?"

Sara rocked back and forth in place like a punching bag before finding her footing again. How could this be? Hugs were supposed to make people feel better, weren't they? "Um, time to get a new attitude?"

"It is currently four in the afternoon. I want your room cleared out by eight o' clock tomorrow morning. You're taking the first boat out of here."

"Really? Awesome-nity! Did you hear that Silpheed? Viper's sending us on vacation."

"No, I'm expelling you. Which is somewhat like a vacation, only you can never come back to school, ever."

* * *

Needless to say, getting expelled was quite a bummer for the duo. As much as Sara liked to skip class, that didn't mean she hated school. She didn't do it every day; she mostly just skipped the drab classes that made her brain twitch in the bad way, like History of Dueling. When would she have to apply history to stand-up dueling, anyhow?

Besides, after a day of skipping class, she liked to have a place to come back to when she was tired. Sure, there was always her house, but her folks were always busy at work or going to "conventions." Zoey and Farley would all be back at their own schools by then, her relatives were preoccupied with their own daily lives, and her grandparents were too obsessed with chores. Her grandmother was, at least, whereas her grandfather was incapacitated in more ways than one.

Ultimately, Sara decided that if she couldn't fight getting the ax--she was a joker, not a fighter--she may as well make her last night at Duel Academy worth it. So that night, she and Silpheed invited themselves to the party; she made sure to wear her Sonic Duck costume over her uniform in order to stand out, something she had done at virtually every party she'd ever attended. After all, come the next day and she wouldn't be around anymore.

Students from Obelisk Blue and Ra Yellow stood in clusters of two and three in the spacious, gold-illuminated foyer, chatting and laughing and relishing in the variety of fancy dishes that were spread out along a long table. Only one Slifer was there, Blair Flannigan, who was busy pressuring a sickly Ra Yellow boy to eat something.

Blair held a forkful of meat up to her companion's mouth, as a mother would feed her baby. "Open wide, here comes the train."

He put his hands out in front of him and started to back away. "I-I think I'll pass."

Blair scowled. "More like pass _out_! You're weak and you need food, now eat!" This was enough to make her friend quake in his shoes.

"Y-Yes, ma'am."

Sara loomed up behind them, her bucket-hat tilted forward until it rested precariously over her eyes. "What's up, party people?" she cheered. Silpheed didn't say a word; he stretched his neck out as far as he could to ogle Blair's…well, chest.

"I'm trying to get Marcel here to eat something, but he won't."

"I think I might know what he likes. Hey buddy, are you French?"

Marcel twiddled his thumbs a bit before giving an answer. He wasn't a very confident boy. _"Oui."_

Sara yanked something out from behind her and clapped it onto the table by a platter of lamb chops. It looked like the slimy brown shell of a snail. As a matter of fact, it _was _a snail. The two young ones made faces. Blair wrinkled her nose; Marcel turned as green as a grape.

"Why the heck would you bring a real live snail into a soiree?"

Sara shrugged. "The guy at the door wouldn't let us in 'cause we didn't have an invitation. So I said I was gonna eat this snail. I had to put it my mouth and everything so he wouldn't think I was just bluffing. But it sure did the trick, didn't it, Silpheed?"

Knees buckling, Marcel puffed out his cheeks and covered his mouth. He looked about ready to upchuck Brie all over the table.

Sara licked her lips. "Actually, it wasn't bad; kind of tasted like steak. Could have used a pinch of salt, though…oh, well. You French folk like snails, right? What'cha call it? Uh…Nascar-go?" She rolled the poor, cowering snail across the table over to Marcel with her finger. "So why's it called that? Because you like to watch the Nascar races while you eat 'em? Heh-heh, ironic, much?"

Marcel swallowed hard. "M-My papa and I used to snack on snails when we watched the races," he choked.

"What was that?" the girls asked in unison.

"Ah, nothing, nothing at all! I'd rather have a baguette, _s'il vous plait_."

Sara grinned. "Oh, now, why didn't you say so? Hang on a sec!" With a twirl of her cape, she dashed for the door, knocking a couple of students off of their feet in the process. Fifty second later, she came back with a wrinkly paper bag. She dropped it on the table. "There ya go!"

Marcel stared at the bag, as Blair shot Sara a look. "Are you hard of hearing? Marcel asked for a _baguette, _not a _bag_."

Silpheed climbed down Sara's arm and onto the table. "_RAWK! _Bags, bags!" He "flexed" his wings to try to grab Blair's attention.

Sara shoved a finger into her ear and twisted it around. "What? This isn't what you wanted? Aw, shucks, sorry about that. I'll get it this time! If I can figure out what it looks like, that is."

Blair shook her head. She could hardly believe that there were girls here that were older than her, yet dumber. How did they become Obelisks, anyhow? "It's a long skinny loaf of bread. You know, maybe I should go--"

"Hold on there, missy! When you ask Scinner to do something for you, she doesn't quit until it's done!"

"But we--"

She wouldn't hear it. She scanned the table for a platter of anything that looked like bread. "Now let's see: long skinny bread, long skinny bread…eureka!" Sara noticed a plate of long, golden, crispy loaves of bread sitting on the far side of the table. Although she could've asked for someone to pass them to her, she went so far as to climb on top of the table to reach for the plate. On the way, one of her hands found its way into the bowl of hot, squishy meatballs.

"Hey, get off the table! This is a soiree, not a pig fest!" a boy snarled, who was just about to help himself to those meatballs but had since lost his appetite.

Once she wrapped her fingers around the prize, Sara slid off of the table and took a silly bow, holding out the bread at arm's length. "There you are: one faggot, hold the mayo!"

For a minute, no one said a word. Marcel's sallow face glowed red with shame. "Why do you have to be like that?" scolded Blair, bearing her fist as though she were preparing to swing it.

Sara cocked her head to one side. "What? You asked for a faggot, didn't you? Well, here it is."

"_RAWK! _It's thirty-five times as long as you, French fry!" Silpheed snapped at the French boy, who didn't hesitate to stumble five steps away.

Before she could offer it to Marcel once more, Blair gripped him by his gaunt hand and led him away, as a mother would lead her child. "Come on, Marcel! Let's eat somewhere where the people are a little nicer, and smarter!"

Still unaware of what she'd done wrong, Sara waved the baguette over her head like a wand. "Wait, don't you want your faggot?" She suddenly noticed the meatball sauce on her fingers and, not being the type to let foodstuff just sit there on her fingers, started to lick them clean.

Silpheed ruffled his feathers, his neck shrinking into his shoulders. His crest feathers fell flat against his head. "She already has one," he grumbled. "Lucky bastard, _RAWK!_"

In the midst of all of commotion, the host took his place at the front of the room, in front of the portrait of the dorm's namesake, Obelisk the Tormentor. He cleared his throat in order to gather the guests' undivided attention.

"What's up? For those of you who don't know me, I'm Adrian. And thank you all for showing up to my first-ever Duel For Jewels shindig!"

"Yeah, only it's not a complete shindig without the Yardbirds!"

Adrian ignored that remark. "This party is one part card game tournament, one part soiree, and a whole lot of kicking butt and making noise!" The whole room erupted into a thunderstorm of applause and murmurs of approval. After all, Gecko was a champ from a rich and powerful family.

Being the easily encourage-able girl that she was, Sara climbed up on the table, this time standing up on it. _"YEAH! NOISE OUT THE ASS!"_ She waved two fingers all around the place, while Silpheed mounted the handle of a gravy dish and puffed out his chest, crowing his tonsils out like a cockerel.

Adrian re-adjusted his glasses, trying to look as modest as he could. He didn't tell Sara to step down; it wasn't his table she was scuffing up with her dirty shoes. "Yes, yes, thank you. Oh, I almost forgot. What's a tournament without a grand prize?" He motioned the guests to look to his right, where he kept a mysterious object concealed under a veil.

He bent over to grab the veil with both hands, an enigmatic smile creasing his lips. "It's my family's most valuable possession. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…the Jewel Disk!"

_Whoosh! _

Adrian presented a second feast, this time for the eyes: a gold, jewel-encrusted disk that shimmered like a nebula under the lights. A momentary spell of breathlessness overwhelmed the crowds. Its beauty alone was enough to force them all into dueling one another.

"All right, it's time to duel for jewels!" Adrian declared. He needn't had to tell them twice. In fact, all of the guests were already finding opponents before he had finished speaking. Except for Sara, who was left standing on the table.

"Oh, we're s'posed to duel? Wow, a plot twist! Okay, who wants to play with us?"

"_GAME ON!" _was the reply she got, for everyone had found a partner and had already begun summoning monsters like Mirage Dragon and Trojan Horse. With a prize as fabulous as a real jewel-encrusted duel disk, they were eager to fight with all of their might. She noticed that Adrian was heading for the exit. Wasn't he going to play, too?

"Hey! Hey, Adrian! Adrian Geico!" Sara hopped off of the table and sprinted towards the host of the party. Silpheed stayed behind, still mesmerized by the prize lying on the table unattended. While the kids were busy bombing the snot out of each other with cards, he swerved underneath their heels like James Bond, but sadly without a gun or a hot chick clinging to his thigh. With everyone dueling, it almost felt like he was creeping through a minefield.

_BOOM! BOOM! _

Silpheed reached the sparkling prize and was now eyeing the windows. With all of these kids falling out of it for some obscure reason, stealing the Jewel Disk would be a Silpheed Snack. Think of all the chicks he'd snag with this kind of bling! He wrapped his talons around the sleeve. He planned to jump out the window with it, just like James Bond. When he tried to take off with it, however, he hardly got six inches away when it proved to be too heavy for him. He flapped his wings with all his might, but he still plummeted to the ground like a bowling ball.

_SMASH! _

Under his feet, it snapped into two! This, of course, wouldn't happen to any real duel disk, especially not a jewel-encrusted one. Adrian had known better than to offer his family's most valuable possession as a prize and then leave it unattended. So he had set up a cheap replica of the disk, instead.

Although Silpheed could talk, this didn't make him much more intelligent than most other cockatoos. He believed that he had broken the actual thing. Realizing that he could be put to sleep if someone found out about this, he started to hop around in circles in a panic, his loose feathers scattering all over the place.

"_RAAAAAWK! WhatamIgonnado, whatamIgonnado, whatamIgonnado, whatamIgonnado, whatamIgonna--"_

His crest feathers sprang upward, something that happened whenever Silpheed hatched an idea of his own. If he was going to keep the animal control off of his tail, he'd have to frame someone. He pushed both pieces of the disk along the ground with his head, one piece at a time, and slid them underneath the hands of the first boy he could pin this on: Marcel, who had already fallen unconscious alongside his opponent, Blair. As a matter of fact, these two were the first to collapse, while the others followed suit. Not that he cared.

Silpheed meticulously unclenched his white hands with his beak and latched them around the evidence, making sure to guide his sleeves all over it so the law wouldn't see bird tracks with its fancy forensic crap.

Before he left the "scene of the crime," however, Silpheed stopped beside Blair's unconscious body. He shot a furtive glance to the left, then to the right. Hiking up one foot, he touched Blair's breast with the tip of his toe. Every single feather on his being prickled; he looked like a static-charged feather duster.

"_RAWK! _Victory is mine!"

"_D! Double-O! L! Just have fun and we'll all do well! C! A! R! D! Forty of those and we're filled with glee!" _

Adrian didn't appear to hear her, so she skidded to a halt in front of him, much to his chagrin.

"What do you want? Shouldn't you be dueling?"

"Everybody else is taken. You're not dueling, so I guess we could play with you. How 'bout it?" She tipped her bucket-hat in a playful kind of way.

Adrian folded his arms, his silver-lined eyes glazed with indifference. He didn't recall ever inviting Sara, but decided not to confront her about it. After all, he couldn't blame people like her for wanting to attend his soirees. "Yeah, how about we don't? If you can't find an opponent, then be a mascot or something. You're already dressed like one…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just go nuts." He side-stepped around her. As much as he needed someone to duel, lest he be kicked out of school, there was no way he was going to duel this loser. Besides, he had only set up this party as a distraction.

Sara watched him go with her tongue in her cheek. Oh, well. What could she and Silpheed do with a jewel-encrusted disk, anyhow? As far as she knew, they were already blessed with the three greatest treasures of all: happiness, friendship, and one last chance to make some noise.

When Adrian disappeared, she raced back to the table to pull out three meatballs. Tossing them high into the air, she tried to juggle them, though the slippery sauce made his a bit difficult.

"_P! L! A! Y!" _She then tried to catch each of the meatballs in her mouth, but caught them in the eyes, instead.

_Plop, plop, plop! _

"_Quack! Quack! Quack! I got meatballs in my eye! _This is fun, isn't it, Silpheed?" Sara wiped the sauce out of her eyes, but Silpheed was nowhere to be found.

"Silpheed? Where are you, my feathered friend? Did you go to the bathroom?" She failed to notice the number of students who were now out cold on the floor, and the few who were dropping to the floor, moaning for help.

Hopping over two Obelisks and three Ras as though they were squares on a hopscotch board, she peeked out of the door to see if Silpheed had gone outside. As much as she loved making noise, she couldn't do it without Silpheed. It didn't feel right.

Out on the steps, Sara found a trail of feathers that looked like her cockatoo's. Her gut knotted up like a balloon animal. Why on earth would he run off? Did the cat get him? There was only one way to find out. Pulling out her kazoo, she rushed off into the night, blowing on the instrument every time she found a feather, which was about every twenty feet. It was a terrible night to be looking for a bird in the forest, with black clouds smothering the night sky. Nevertheless, she pressed onward, her face pressed to the ground in order to follow the trail.

_VOOOO!_

"Silpheed!"

_VOOOO!_

"Where are you, buddy?"

_VOOOO!_

Eventually, the trail led her to a deep, dank hole in the ground in the darkest part of the woods; it looked like an abandoned well of some sort. Sara plucked the stray feather that hung from the edge and peered into the abyss far below.

"Silpheed?"

"Go away! No one here! _RAWK!_" a parrot-like voice shrieked.

Sara cupped a hand over her mouth and called, "So you _are _down there! What'cha doing at the bottom of a dark, wet hole, mister?"

"…It's the only hole I could get into, _RAWK!_"

Sara leaned in a little closer until she was on the tips of her toes. "No, really! Why would you run out here in the dark when there's a party going on?" Squeezing the kazoo in her lips, she puffed out another eardrum-vibrating note:

_VOOOO!_

The kazoo slipped out of her fingers and plummeted to the bottom.

Unfortunately, at that instant she lurched over a tad too far as she tried to grab it, and before she knew it, she'd lost her footing and found herself tumbling into the unyielding, bottomless darkness. Well, it may not have actually been bottomless; otherwise, Sara wouldn't have landed on her rear on a pile of something soft and spongy.

_FLOP!_

"_OOF! Ooh…ow…my tushy hurts." _Sara winced in pain as she rubbed her aching bottom. With her other hand, she groped the soft and spongy pile until her fingers wrapped around what felt like a strap.

"S-Still, thank goodness for this nice, soft pile, or I would've broke like my mother's expensive vase!" She pulled on the strap and held it close to her face, for it was too dark to see the object at arm's length. Funny, this strap seemed to have two large cups attached to it--

Wait a minute.

"Silpheed, what's the meaning of this?"

Realizing that it was just Sara, Silpheed hopped towards her. She managed to distinguish his small, faint silhouette against the darkness by his beady eyes that twinkled with anxiety. "Ah…hiding from the law, _RAWK!_"

"No, I mean why did I fall on a pile of bras?"

Silpheed picked up the biggest bra in his collection--a treasure that had come straight out of Alexis Rhodes's drawer--and wore it like a cap. "_RAWK! _Need something to occupy me."

Sara crammed her tongue into her cheek. This could explain why her dorm mates had been complaining about missing their unmentionables all this time. But that didn't bother her as much as the throbbing pain that lingered in her butt; or that Silpheed had mentioned something about hiding from the law. "Hiding from Johnny Law, huh? What'd you do? Steal all of these supports?"

Silpheed seemed to shrink a little underneath the bra. "No. Broke something, _RAWK!_ Don't snitch!"

Sara reached out to pat Silpheed on the top of his head. "Hey, don't worry, pal. I break stuff all of the time. But I'm sure that if you go back and tell them what happened, they'll forgive you. Also, you probably should give everybody's bras back."

Silpheed refused to even fly out of the well. "_RAWK! _Why should I?"

"'Cause I don't see any ladder I could use to get out of here, and I'm kinda wrecked in the caboose at the moment, ow-ow-ow…" Sara continued to rub her bottom. Silpheed, on the other hand, snickered. Did Sara realize how wrong "wrecked in the caboose" sounded? Then again, she usually didn't notice if she said something wrong.

"On the other hand…"

Sara tilted her head towards the entrance, their only window to the world above them. In the back of her mind, she had juggled the idea of laying low until this whole mess blew over. I mean, Viper was only "expelling" them because he was in a foul mood, right? Honestly, she couldn't see what they'd done wrong. All she did was hug him. If they hid for a little while, say until tomorrow or something, perhaps he would forget about expelling them and cool down. The same could be for Silpheed. He couldn't have broken anything too important, right? He was just a cockatoo.

She rested her head on her knees. "You know what? Maybe we _should_ stay here for a while, at least until everything blows over. My butt could use some R and R, besides." Silpheed sighed with relief.

"The only question is, what're we gonna do down here? Hmm…ooh, I know! Let's play Twenty Questions! You think of something, and I'll try to guess what you're thinking, 'kay, Silph?"

"_RAWK!"_

The two sat in silence for a moment or two, while an owl hooted overhead. The trees' branches swayed this way and that, like they were dancing in the cool evening breeze. Silpheed reached up to scratch himself with his foot. Sara began to shiver, so she wrapped her cape a little tighter around herself.

"So, um, Silpheed, are you thinking about owls?"

"No, hooters. _RAWK!_"

Sara frowned. "Aw, Silpheed, you're not supposed to say the answer after just one question. Otherwise, the game would be called One Question. Besides, what's the difference between owls and hooters?"

"Branches support owls. Bras support hooters. _RAWK!_"

"_Ooo-kay_, I guess it's my turn to think of something, then." The two carried on like that for the rest of the night and into the following day. Surprisingly--or unsurprisingly--no one found them, not even Lassie. Not that anyone went out of their way to look for them. The denizens of Duel Academy had far more urgent matters to attend to, such as what to do about all of the students who continued to drop faster than flies.

That, and how to brace themselves for the most bizarre event to occur to the school thus far.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	15. Act Fifteen

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT FIFTEEN**_

With a lick of his thumb, Zane turned the page of an outdated magazine that rested on his lap. He wasn't at all interested in the content of the magazine, but it did give him something to look at while he waited for his turn. He had taken a seat in the corner of the bone-white room and had the privilege of having the entire row of chairs to himself. The several other patients huddled together in the row parallel to his.

A boy in a blue bike helmet sitting across from Zane started to flicker his tongue at him. His face was scrunched up, his eyes squinty, and a spot of drool trickled from his mouth: probably a retarded kid. The woman sitting next to the boy, most likely his mother, seemed horrified at what he was doing. She quickly settled the kid's chair in the opposite direction and for extra measures, pulled out a cross and wrapped it around his neck. She must've believed that Zane was some kind of vampire who was preparing to lunge into her son's neck at the slightest provocative gesture.

_Whatever, lady, as long as he isn't looking at me…_

Zane's eyes drifted towards the clock that hung over the receptionist's window. It could've just been his meds making him freak out again, but the soft ticking of its hands seemed to synchronize with the rhythm of his own weak heart. Yet another reminder of how his time continued to slip away, with each second like a grain of sand falling through an hourglass…

"Mr. Truesdale? The doctor will see you now."

The mention of his name snapped Zane out of his trance. Promptly, he stood up and placed the magazine on his chair before heading down the hall to see Dr. Noose, who was waiting for him at the door.

"Ah, Mr. Truesdale, come in and have a seat," Dr. Noose greeted. Zane stepped inside his office and sat down on the steely cold table. As soon as he let the door swing shut, Noose took a seat in a chair across from Zane. Adjusting his glasses, he locked eyes with his patient and passed him a small, polite smile.

"How are you today, Mr. Truesdale? Is your medicine working out for you?"

"No pain today. But I don't think I want to take these pills anymore." Zane pulled out the bottle and handed it to the doctor.

Dr. Noose examined the bottle in one hand, while the other propped up his head. "Is that so? Are you experiencing an unpleasant side-effect with these pills? Drowsiness? Breathlessness? Dizziness?"

"I think these pills are making me hallucinate, Doctor." Zane recalled his encounter with Aster at the park two days before, when he'd seen him take off like Batman. But that wasn't the only thing that'd brought him here to the hospital. About a day and a half later, as he'd been walking home that night, he had glanced at the ocean and seen something that had convinced him that he should switch his prescription posthaste. As ridiculous as he knew this would sound, he described to Dr. Noose what he had seen:

"Last night, I saw a pillar of white light far on the horizon. It was small, but bright enough for me to see. At that point, I realized that these pills are making me see things." At the back of his mind, he noted that he'd seen the light in the direction where his old school was nestled. Not that this made a terribly big deal to him, because it wasn't really there, right?

Dr. Noose nodded. "I see. You know, Mr. Truesdale, I think I read an article in the paper this morning about a pillar of light out at sea. They're sending out a team to investigate it; a truly perplexing occurrence, if I do say so myself. I don't think you imagined it, but if you wish, I'll switch your prescription immediately."

Zane didn't say a word. Perhaps the stresses of bustling city life were finally taking its toll on everyone's minds? When he was in school, he'd seen plenty of strange things, such as vampires and evil magic and Sacred Beasts, not to mention old men on life support who became He-Men before his very eyes…and Atticus, of course. But he did not recall ever seeing something as peculiar as a great pillar of light. When one had a career to maintain, and eventually a death wish to fulfill, they had little time to notice things like these, much less care about them. And Zane always had a single-tracked mind to begin with.

Suddenly, the door swung open to reveal the retarded kid from the waiting room, who now looked as blue as his helmet. He made grating, gagging noises that sounded like a cat about to cough up a hairball; could've been because of the cross that he'd tried to swallow and was caught in his throat.

His mother ran up behind him, shrieking like a banshee and her hair all in disarray. _"HELP! HELP! _My baby's choking!"

Dr. Noose sprang up from his chair. "Good Lord! Hold on there, Mr. Truesdale, I better take care of this!" He rushed out of his office and took off after the child, who was toddling down the hall, bumping into walls and putting on a terrific spectacle.

"…Yeah, you do that." Not the type to stick around when there was a scene, Zane slid off of the table and out the door as quietly as a phantom. He was going to get a drink of water until this blew over. But this wasn't meant to be. As soon as Dr. Noose got a grip on the squirming boy, he tried to administer the Heimlich maneuver on him. Fortunately, he managed to squeeze the cross out of the boy's throat.

"_Haaaack!" _

_Pop!_

_Un_fortunately, it soared down the hallway like an airplane until it made contact with the mountaintop that was the back of Zane's head.

_WHAM!_

Like a mighty oak tree that'd been sawed down to size, he fell to the sterile linoleum below him before he had a sliver of a clue of what had just happened. The last thing he heard was the woman's shriek:

"My son killed a vampire!"

* * *

"Hello? _Hell-ooooo?_"

"Olly-olly-oxen-free, _RAWK!_"

The island had fallen quiet, a tad _too _quiet for Sara and Silpheed's tastes. Especially after that dreadful earthquake that had literally shaken them out of sleep when they had grown tired of trying to make shadow puppets without a flashlight. They'd managed to find a way to pull themselves out of the well by hooking all of the bras together into one giant lingerie rope, then bribing Silpheed with a Snack to fly up and snag it into a hallow in a nearby tree (Sara had had a hard time launching it out of the entrance without having it float back down on her face). After they had pulled out of the ground, however, the earthquake had ceased as abruptly as it had begun.

With that horrific incident of terror over with, the two stumbled about to explore the campus and see how everyone was doing. Sara hoped that everyone was all right; she still felt wiggly in the feet from that quake, as though they had turned to gelatin. She had the rope of bras coiled around one shoulder, while Silpheed perched on the other. Around her neck hung her latex beak; it had started to irritate her skin, something that happened when one wore latex for a little too long. Dawn was breaking, bringing with it a breeze of tranquility and smears of mild orange and pink across the canvas that was the sky. It seemed as though nothing had happened.

"Come out, come out!" she called into the woods. "Anyone? Silpheed, why do I get the feeling that this isn't just a round of Hide-n-Seek?" Silpheed looked at his friend. Why would she have the feeling that this actually was a round of Hide-n-Seek?

"_WHERE IS EVERYBODY?"_

As soon as they had reached the campus, Sara expected to find a bunch of kids dueling, or trading cards, or simply loitering about in the schoolyard. She found none of such. In fact, when she and Silpheed had reached the campus…

…there _was _no campus. A massive crater as wide as the whole state of Rhode Island greeted them, instead, where the school used to stand. That was the only mark on the island left from that earthquake.

"…Hey, look, a giant hole in the ground."

"Uh…yeah, _RAWK!"_

The two stood there, ogling the hole like it was a nifty oddity one would find on the side of a highway that attracted tourists. Sometimes an emotion could be so strong in a particular situation that one couldn't process it right away, similar to the way one could drop a hammer on a Slowpoke and it wouldn't shout out in pain until five seconds later.

In this case, the shock was so intense that it took ten seconds for the wires in Sara's brain to connect before the feeling could overwhelm her like a power surge. And when it did, her scream seemed to echo throughout the deathly silent island:

"_**SWEET MOTHER OF MIRTH!" **_

Every bird within a mile-wide radius took to the skies. Even Silpheed had to flutter off into the nearest branch. Sara was on her bum in an instant, having knocked the wind out of herself. She sat there for a minute to catch her breath while her mind buzzed like a button on a game show.

"S-S-S-Silpheed!" she wheezed. "What the--where's the--h-h-h-how did this--?!"

Sara rubbed her eyes out with her knuckles to see if she was only imagining a crater in Duel Academy's place. Spending so much time at the bottom of an abandoned well could do that to someone. She rubbed her eyes three, maybe four times, but no matter how vigorously she did this, the crater was still there.

"Somebody pinch me…"

_Poink! _

"_Yowch!_" Sara winced and rubbed her forearm. "Thanks, Silpheed. But that big ol' hole's still there. So I guess I'm _not_ seeing things. Do you see it, Silpheed?" Silpheed bobbed up and down, indicating that he was seeing this, too.

Staggering to their feet, Sara and Silpheed crept towards the crater until they loomed over the edge by their toes, peering into its vast, earthly depths. Had this been the result of that earthquake, the school should've been a pile of rubble at the bottom of it, like the unfortunate houses that were trapped in sinkholes, as seen on the news. But Sara didn't see a brick of Duel Academy anywhere. It had all…_vanished, _as into thin air.

Just to see how deep it was, Sara picked up a pebble. She swung back as far as she could and let it sail through the air and sink into the crater, which swallowed it whole. Not seeing if it had landed made Sara chew on the inside of her cheek. This hole could've gone all the way to the other side of the earth, for all she knew.

"S-Silpheed, wh-what'd'ya think could've happened to everybody?"

Silpheed ruffled his feathers a little more than he usually did, as his crest feathers fell flat. "Hooky? _RAWK!_"

"No, I don't think so. The whole school couldn't have just got up and walked away; even I know that. Buildings don't have legs! Well, except maybe that old lady's house in this one story I heard that had chicken feet, but still! What if--no, that's crazy-talk…or is it?"

Sara plopped back down on her bum and started to doodle in the dirt with her finger. She sketched a flying milk saucer on one side, and three mangy cats on the other, each of them with squiggles for antennae and sharp fangs and mechanical claws and slanted eyes. Silpheed leaned in to have a look.

With her tongue in her cheek, Sara looked at her drawings. "Silpheed, this is probably gonna sound cliché, but what if the whole school's been abducted by aliens? No, not just aliens, but _cat-like _aliens? No, no, not just cat-like aliens…but _evil alien robot vampire werecats_?! And they came around in this huge-normous flying saucer--shaped like a milk saucer, of course--a-a-and they zapped everybody into their ship with their otherworldly milk-white rays?"

Silpheed made a clicking noise with his tongue. He wasn't sure whether to agree with Sara or dismiss her as paranoid. Still, the concept of evil alien robot vampire werecats sounded pretty awful. Besides, what other explanation was there for the giant crater? Unless the school had indeed grown chicken feet and walked off, there were none.

Sara pulled her bucket-hat further over her head and gulped. "I wouldn't be surprised if Pharaoh was in on it, too. I always had this vague feeling in my liver that that cat wasn't right."

"_RAWK! _Me, too!" The two huddled together for a while, scared out of their wits and unsure of what to do. They could try to rescue the school from the aliens, but they had no clue how to combat aliens. They didn't know how to fight anything, to begin with, except boredom.

Sara took a deep breath, counted to five, and crammed her tongue into her cheek. "Okay, let's just chillax. We just need to call for back-up! We gotta call the cops, or the Army, o-or the Navy, or somebody! No…there is only one group fit for a job of this kind of astronomical proportion." She stood up in a dramatic fashion, though it wasn't necessary. After all, who was watching? "We need to find a phone! Provided that there is one, that is."

Miraculously--or mysteriously--only the school building was missing. All of the dorms were still in their rightful place, without a scratch. Sara knew that there had to be a phone in Miss Fontaine's room in the girls' dorm, so that was the first place she and Silpheed looked. Under normal circumstances, she would've gotten detention for snooping around in a teacher's belongings. Every girl's room had at least one phone, except for hers; she'd had her phone disconnected after making one too many crank calls.

Diving for the phone that sat on a night stand by Miss Fontaine's canopied bed, she snatched the receiver and juggled it around between her fingers, finding it difficult to get a solid grip on the thing. This might've been because of her nerves. But once she acquired this grip, she yelped into the receiver:

"_Operator, put me through to the Men in Black!" _

No response. No dial tone. All she heard was her panicky voice echoing back to her. It took her about eight seconds to realize that she still had to punch in the operator's number. Funny, the guys on T.V. didn't have to dial numbers.

"Oh. Heh-heh. Okay, let's start over…"

Her index finger skimmed over the buttons as though they were squares on a tic-tac-toe board. In the meantime, Silpheed occupied himself by dipping into the teacher's underwear drawer.

Twirling the cord around her fingers, Sara waited for the operator to pick up, her foot tapping. Her whole being seemed to quiver like a leaf on a chilly autumn day, only she wasn't cold. It didn't help when she still heard nothing but her own irregular breath. On the phone, it sounded like the wind when it hissed through a graveyard.

So she took the initiative: _"Help! Help! My school's been abducted! I need the Men in Black, pronto!" _

Nothing.

"This is not a crank call! I repeat, this is _not _a crank call! I'm serious, man! Evil alien robot vampire werecats abducted my school! Silpheed and I are the only two left!"

…Nothing. Whimpering, Sara slammed the receiver down, only to try a different number. If the operator wouldn't answer, someone else should.

In all actuality, all of the phone lines on the island had gone dead after the events that had taken place the night before, events that she and Silpheed hadn't had a chance to see while they'd been in hiding. But Sara kept trying to call someone anyway, either out of denial or ignorance. For her, they were one and the same.

She even tried to call her parents. They would know what to do, right? They would if they would pick up, which they didn't. Sara stood there for two minutes with her cheeks sucked in, waiting to hear her father's cheerful voice, or her mother's comforting one.

Silpheed climbed out of Fontaine's drawer, having managed to wiggle into one of her pairs of panties like it was a smock. "Sara? _RAWK!_" He wasn't accustomed to seeing Sara in this much distress. He only saw her like this when her sweet tooth craved junk food and there'd be none available.

Sara's hand still shook after she'd clapped the receiver back into place, her eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Silpheed? I…I dunno how to say this, but…I think we're alone."

"Sure, we are, _RAWK!_"

"No, I mean, we're _alone_. Not just on this island…but on this whole planet. Everybody's gone. _Everybody. _We're the last two specks left on this giant marble called Earth," she squeaked. Suddenly feeling faint, she flopped onto Fontaine's bed and shut her eyes. She started to click her heels together.

"There's no place like home…there's no place like home," she muttered. Silpheed climbed on the sheets and stood next to Sara's head.

"_RAWK!"_

"_Sssh!_ Silpheed, I'm trying to concentrate," she hissed, not opening her eyes to look at her pet. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home…"

She chanted that over and over for thirty seconds, expecting to find everyone back home as soon as her eyes popped open. But as soon as she saw the room again and crawled across the bed to look out the window to see her school towering over the treetops…she still didn't see it.

Sara snapped her fingers. "Aw, dang it all! Guess it'd only work if the others did it. But how're they gonna know how to do it unless someone tells them? And somehow, I doubt there are any good witches up in outer space." She leaned towards the window until her forehead touched the glass. By then, the sun had climbed towards the center of the sky, bringing with it crystal-clear robin-egg blue skies. Considering the situation, the weather felt a bit out of place.

Silpheed looked on, not sure what to say except: "…Sara?"

At first, Sara didn't answer. She was busy contemplating how the day could be so fair, yet so bleak. Well, as far as she knew, nothing could be done about everyone getting kidnapped by alien robot vampire werecats. Though she wished that there really was something; something that she just hadn't thought of yet.

But suppose the best thing to do was carry on? Carrying on was something that Sara was good at: carrying on like the wind, like the sun, like Sonic Duck, like a…like a shopping cart.

"What should we use to fill the empty spaces? _RAWK!_"

Sara pulled away from the window. She sniffed, wiping her nose with the corner of her forearm. "Well, Silph, I guess we can't do anything…'cept, you know…carry on."

They carried on, all right, like two chimpanzees that'd had a tad too many sugar cubes. Two minutes later, the pair were jumping on beds and skating in the halls and sliding down the banister like it was a slide at the playground, backwards. Then they climbed back up and slid back down on the steps, this time on top of the mattress that they'd yanked out of Sara's room, like it was a sled.

They poured all of the bubble bath into the fountain and let the bubbles overflow until they had themselves a white hill of suds in the centerfold of the foyer, from which they shaped "bubble beards" and "bubble beehives". They drew a big nose and thick-rimmed glasses on the portrait of Obelisk the Tormentor in black marker, using the red velvet chairs in the foyer as a ladder. They even included giant gloves and a goatee, with a few blackheads here and there. Silpheed contributed to the graffiti by drawing two fat circles on Obelisk's chest for breasts.

Later, Sara harbored enough nerve to cross into the boys' quarters and explore their bathrooms, just to see what it was about them that forbade girls. Frankly, she didn't find anything different about the boys' bathroom except the strange white toilet-like devices that were mounted on the wall (these were classified as urinals, but Sara had never seen one in her whole life). They didn't have seats, so she couldn't sit on them. They didn't have a pool of water at the bottom, like regular toilets would. They had no buttons to flush them with. Why, she couldn't make heads or tails of how boys used this device.

That is, until she waved a hand over a urinal, after which water cascaded down the inside and the urinal made a gargling sound, similar to what would happen if one flushed a regular toilet. Only the phones lines had gone dead. The rest of the facilities still worked like clockwork.

Sara's eyes widened at such a marvel. "Whoa! Silpheed, check this out! This thing flushes when I wave my hand in front of it!" To demonstrate, she ran up and down the bathroom, waving her hands in front of them all. Sure enough--

_Whoosssh! Whoossssh! Whoossssh! _The entire bathroom echoed with the joyous sound of flushing. Sara took a step backward to admire the devices with her tongue in her cheek. "You know what? I think I know what these things are, Silph! They're a fancy kind of sink that you don't need to turn a faucet to use! Why don't we have this in our own bathroom? Hm, guess it's because boys are lazy when it comes to washing their hands." So she squeezed some soap out of a dispenser and proceeded to wash her hands in a urinal. Silpheed perched on top of it, shaking his tail feathers to keep the water flowing.

Sara squealed, "Gee, we gotta ask Miss Fontaine if we can have one of these installed in the girls' bathroom! Oh, wait...we can't. We're alone." Sara took her soggy hands out of the urinal and wiped them dry with toilet paper.

Afterwards, they went outside with all of the toilet paper they could carry and tossed it amongst the trees and around the gates. It didn't bother them that they were wasting perfectly good toilet paper; since they were the last two people on Earth, they had all of the toilet paper in the world to themselves.

When their stomachs pleaded for nourishment, they raided the kitchen and wolfed down every scrap of junk food they could grab. Pots littered the floor, cupboards were eviscerated, and foodstuff marred every square inch of the once spotless counters. Sara stuck two thick, red licorice sticks on her two front teeth. "Silpheed, look! I am the walrus!" she lisped. _"Goo-goo-gah-joob!"_

"_RAWK! _I'm a carpenter! Guess what I hammer?" Silpheed polished off a chocolate muffin and wore the crumb-lined cup like a helmet.

"Hammer this!" It could've been all of that sugar getting to her brain, or her desire to make noise, but whatever the reason, Sara opened a fat sack of flour. She scooped up a handful of the white powder, patted it into the shape of a lumpy snowball, and tossed it at Silpheed.

_Poof!_

"_HEY! RAWK!" _Silpheed tried to shake the powder from his plumage, wheezing all the way.

"_FLOUR FIGHT!" _Sara chased her poor bird in a circle all around the kitchen with a dust storm of flour.

"No! No fair! Don't have any flour! _RAWK!_" Scattering feathers in his wake, he escaped the kitchen, zipped through the foyer and evaded Sara by flying into the chandelier. Whipping out the rope of bras, Sara ran upstairs and tried to latch onto the hanging crystal piece by throwing it at it. She didn't get too far without the rope falling back on her face. Realizing that she couldn't reach Silpheed, she trudged downstairs, the flour sack clutched in her fist.

"Hey, Silpheed, d'ya know what the weather is like today?"

A faint squawk called to her: "Sunny? _RAWK!_"

"Nope!" Sara started to dance around, taking fistfuls of flour and throwing them up into the air. "It's _snowing! _I'm Jackie Frost and I'm making it snow!" Before long, the center of the foyer was shrouded in a powdery white sheet. Sara shook the empty sack into the air to make it look like a light snowfall before tossing it aside in a random direction. Dropping on her back to make a flour angel--or flour Sonic Duck, by the way she flailed her limbs--she chortled like a madwoman. Silpheed was almost too afraid to come down from the chandelier.

* * *

In one day, they basically did everything that they couldn't do before without getting yelled at, proving that one didn't need money to screw the rules, but the proper motivation and lack of supervision. Loneliness and boredom tended to bring out the worst side of people.

Near the end of the day, Sara sat on the bottom step with her head resting in her hands. She surveyed all of the damage they'd dealt to the building. Somehow, that crazy rush had fizzled out, and she didn't feel much better than she had that morning. The eerie silence from the morning returned, tempered only by the creaking of the chandelier overhead, from which Silpheed came down from when he deemed it safe to. He sat next to Sara, and for a while, neither of them said a word. Neither of them had bothered to clean themselves up.

Then--

"…Silpheed?"

"_RAWK!" _

Sara held her head up a little higher. "Do they got a name for this empty feeling you get when you're missing something?"

"Hunger?"

"No, it can't be that. It's not the empty feeling in your stomach. It's more like, you know, a hollow feeling in your heart when there's no one around."

"Oh. Loneliness? _RAWK!_"

Sara nodded. "Yeah, that's gotta be what it's called. 'Cause that's how I feel, right now."

Silpheed scooted a little closer. "Got me? _RAWK!_"

Sara turned to her cockatoo, stroking his back with two fingers. She made a sad smile, the type of smile that she wasn't accustomed to making, so it looked a little lopsided. "I know, boy, and I cherish that. It's just that…well…I find all of this kind of funny, only not in the nice 'ha-ha' kind of funny. It's more of a sadder, suckier kind of funny, if that's possible. I was just thinking: we've been around people all of our lives, but as much as I know we love people, I don't think we really _appreciated_ them. Know what I mean?"

Silpheed didn't say anything. What could he say? On top of that, he winced from the discomfort in his little tummy. He probably shouldn't have eaten that chocolate muffin.

"It's like, I'd wake up every day and expect to see people wherever I went, like I'd expect the sun to keep shining and dueling to be Earth's number one pastime. Sometimes I'd wish we could do whatever we wanted without authority holding us down. Authority's kinda like Beano: it won't let you fart when you want to fart. Which is kinda ironic, when you look at it again, because hello? It's called _Bean_o! Aren't beans _supposed_ to make you fart? Isn't farting supposed to be_ good_ for you? _Pphhhhbbt!_"

Silpheed wasn't sure whether she was cracking a joke or actually meant what she said. One never could tell with Sara. He ruffled his feathers uneasily.

"But now here we are: we wake up one morning and we're the last two people on the planet. That's awful funny, how a guy doesn't madly, truly, deeply appreciate something until it's gone. Like right now. Since everyone's been gone, we've been able to fart all we want…but at the end of the day, we sit on the bottom step and stink a lot. Silpheed, this is probably gonna sound nuts, but I think I miss being yelled at. Grown-ups only yell at us because they care, don't they?"

Silpheed's crest feathers fell flat against his hanging head. Somehow, he suddenly felt what Sara was rambling on about. "I miss the chicks. _RAWK! _Lingerie don't make them sexy. They make lingerie sexy."

Sara hung her head, as well. "No more Mom. No more Dad. No more Grandma and Grandpa. No more Aunt Clara and Uncle Bert. No more Zoey, or Farley, or Sheppie, or Ziti…no more _anyone! _Man, if everyone would just come back, I'd never skip class again. N-No joke," she choked out, a sticky lump forming in her throat. A single tear trickled down her flour-coated cheek like a tiny river that left a clean streak behind it.

"_RAWK! _Crying?"

"Oh, I…I just got some flour in my eye, is all." Sara sniffed and wiped her face with the corner of her cape. "Still, being the last of your kind sucks."

Silpheed climbed up onto Sara's lap. "Me, too."

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	16. Act Sixteen

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT SIXTEEN**_

"…Okay, so Sonic Duck walks into a restaurant, right? H-He sits down and tells the waiter, Silpheed--the monster, that is--that he wants a Hungry Burger. So the chef in the kitchen cooks it up with his Hamburger Recipe, and Silpheed brings it out to Sonic Duck on a silver platter, 'cause this is a fancy restaurant and all. But get this: right when Silpheed lifts up the lid--_CHOMP! _Hungry Burger eats up Sonic Duck in one gulp! 'Cause it was hungry, get it?"

_Ta-tap, RAP! _Silpheed--the cockatoo--stayed on Sara's shoulder, tapping on her bucket-hat with his beak. Sara continued to walk around in a circle, a twisted grin plastered on her face. In front of her, the monsters in her deck were propped up on the front steps on the dorm, as a surrogate audience.

The joke wasn't over yet: "Then the Burger spits up Sonic Duck's beak, on account of you can't eat the beak. And you know what Silpheed says?"

She let Silpheed deliver the punch line: "_RAWK! _This is going on your _bill!_"

_Ta-tap, RAP! _

Sara lurched over and slapped her knee, cackling like a crow with a piece of bread caught in its throat. Silpheed didn't join in, however, and neither did the monster cards. Cards couldn't laugh, and Silpheed had recoiled at the hint of insanity that laced her laughter.

Her laughter ceased as abruptly as it had begun. "Why does that joke sound all wrong? It sounds kinda violent, now that I'm running it through my head again, and dark, too. This 'last two people on Earth' business must be screwing up my head." She rapped her knuckles against the side of her head before ambling towards the steps.

"_RAWK! _Skull-screw! Speaking of 'screw'…" With the lack of women, and the hard-to-get games that the female birds on the island played, Silpheed had tried to release his tension with coconuts. He had been stuck in two different coconuts, previously (did the details on how he had gotten stuck really need to be described, or even how he had found a couple of coconuts to begin with?).

Anyway, Silpheed was getting tired of cracking so many jokes for the past two hours and a bit. Sara had insisted that they do this to pass the time; if laughter could help prevent cancer, then it should've also been able to take their minds off of the loneliness, if only for a while. It beat sniffing laundry detergent, didn't it? He didn't leave her side, though. Judging by how her jokes were dryer and more cracked than the way she delivered them, she was taking this whole thing a little harder than she'd let on. If he left her, she'd probably have an all-out meltdown…provided that she hadn't already had one, which was a little difficult to tell. She was strange like that.

Sara plopped on the bottom step, scooping all of her monsters into her hands. She held them all up to her ear, as though they were saying something to her. It had been said that there was a mysterious, magical bond between a duelist and his deck, and that the cards housed monster spirits within them. It had also been said that some duelists were more sensitive to these spirits' presence than others. Or the whole concept could have been a complete farce, proving that anyone and everyone who had ever been involved with the card game could just be schizophrenic.

Nevertheless, Sara was _not _one of those extra-sensitive folk. Still, when one was alone, it was nice to find solace in his possessions, albeit temporary.

The smile on her face drooped into a frown. "Your silence says it all. I'm sorry, Sonic Duck. I-I didn't mean it, really, I didn't. You're still my favorite bird…next to Silpheed, of course."

Silpheed looked at the cards through half-lidded eyes. "Which one? Me or the other guy? _RAWK!_"

Sara twisted her neck to shoot him a look before giving him a light noogie with the tip of her finger. "You know who I'm talking about, you silly bird." She shuffled her monsters back into her deck and looked all around the yard. Day two as one of the last two people on Earth, and the day was about as fair as the one before. Usually, sunny days were enough to cheer her up, but not this time. She fixed her gaze on the clear azure skies.

"Silpheed? Do you think that everyone will ever come back?" She didn't know why she asked that when she already knew the answer. Probably so she could ward off the silence.

"_RAWK! _Dunno."

Sara tugged on her mangy red scarf. "…I-I sure hope that those alien robot vampire werecats are nice to them while they, you know, claw their faces off." She gave a twitch at the image of alien robot vampire werecats ripping all of her friends' faces off with their mechanical claws, like one would tear old paper off of the walls.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to shake the thought out of her head. "No, no, bad thought, bad thought!" she said out loud, pinching her nose. "Think about ice cream, feathers, kazoos! Simply remember my favorite things, and then I won't feel so bad."

"I like girls in white dresses…and like them more out of them, _RAWK!_" Silpheed cracked this joke in an attempt to comfort Sara. Instead of a chuckle, however, he and Sara wound up back inside of the dorm in half a heartbeat, her back pressed against the door. All of the color in her face drained into a puddle on the floor.

"What the hell?! _RAWK!_"

Her first response was a string of incoherent and breathless babbling: "O-Oh my God--Mother of Mirth--th-th-they're back--"

"_Rawk?"_

Sara turned to her friend on her shoulder, every bone in her skeleton rattling to the rhythm of her pounding heart. Her second response was hardly above a whisper: "Silpheed, either I'm freaking out, or they came back."

"Who?"

"The alien robot vampire werecats, that's who! They must've found out that we were still here on Earth, and now they're back to get us, like two mice in a pantry!" Her third response was a full-fledged squeal.

That alone was enough to make every single feather on Silpheed's body prickle. "Where, where?! _RAWK!_"

Sara gulped, "Outside, behind a couple of bushes. I-I didn't really see their faces, but I thought I saw a pair of antennas and wings. They were…_p-p-p-pink! _Aw man, what're we gonna do?!"

Silpheed flapped his wings. "_RAWK! _Hide! Hide! The smart thing to do! _RAWK!_" For a moment, that was the plan that the two agreed on. But just as Sara dashed two feet away from the door, she screeched to a halt. Her fists clenched so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"…No."

"No? Why? _RAWK!_"

"Don't you see, Silpheed? We ran and hid last time, and look what happened to everyone. Now I know that we're peaceful people at heart, and that we don't know how to fight, but this could be our chance to save the others!"

"_RAWK! _We'll get creamed!" Sara had officially lost her marbles.

Sara reached up to pinch Silpheed's beak shut, her tongue finding its way into her cheek. "Not unless we have a plan, which I believe we do. Just follow my lead...into the kitchen."

* * *

By the time the duo had emerged out of the dorm, they were transformed. Sara had kept her bucket-hat and cape, but this time had her scarf over her eyes. She'd traded in her beak for face paint--which was actually wet baking cocoa--in order to paint her face to look like a dog's. Armed with a water gun, a bag of fish gummies and her duel disk and deck, she kept the rope of bras coiled on one shoulder. On the other, she carried Silpheed, who had a tiny green teacup over his head.

"Can't see, can't see! _RAWK!_"

"_Sssh!_ I know. We gotta be careful not to look directly into their eyes. If we do, they'll hypnotize us into submission. Earth cats can do that, so I see no reason why alien robot vampire werecats can't." She tiptoed down the--no, it was more like fumbling down the steps, since she couldn't see where she was going. She let her instinct guide her, for instinct was the perfect seeing-eye dog: it was never wrong and it never needed to stop to make a tinkle.

When she heard voices a way off, she froze. Realizing that she would need cover, Sara felt around for cover…and she and Silpheed wound up bumping face-first into a tree.

_WHUMP!_

"_Ah!" _they yelped together, but quickly regained their senses as Sara groped around the tree's trunk. All right, so perhaps instinct wasn't so perfect, after all. Realizing this as well, Sara lifted up her scarf just enough to peek out with one eye. Wincing from the throbbing pain in her nose, she scanned their environment from behind the tree, while Silpheed cursed under his breath.

Two seconds later, Sara saw something that stole her own breath away: a cluster of figures by the front gates, stepping off of a rowboat. Her tears kept their features blurry, but she thought she could see about six of them. Well, there might've been five of them, really, on account of the biggest and burliest of them had two heads. Two more of them had spiky heads--one like a steak knife, the other like an untamed hedge. The fourth had a pair of antennae and wings, and the last one…appeared to wear goggles.

"Lord of Laughter, they're even more grotesque than I thought they'd be," she murmured. "Awright, Silph, let's go over the plan again so we don't forget. Mom and Dad always said fighting is not the first answer to everything. We need to see if we can buy them over with a gift; namely, the fish gummies."

"Copy that."

Sara nodded. "And if they still want to attack us…_then _we fight like we've never fought before, and we haven't. Then we'll tie 'em up--"

"Hold 'em hostage!"

"_Sssssh! _I wouldn't call it holding them hostage. It's more like making them stay with us until their mother ship decides to give us back all of our friends." Sara clung onto the tree and shimmied up its trunk until she reached the first branch, thick and sturdy enough to support her weight. Trying to keep the rustling to a bare minimum, she tugged open the bag of fish gummies and scooped up a handful. She and Silpheed waited.

What they _didn't_ know was that these "aliens" were in fact nothing more than six of her fellow peers: three Ra Yellow boys, two Obelisk Blue boys and a girl. Missy led the group as she was the first to step out of the boat. She folded her arms across her chest and gave all of the members of the party a pouty, sour look.

"Finally, we've made it! I thought we weren't going to make it halfway across on account of Beau's giant lard ass."

"Hey, don't talk about Beau like that!" said Brier, a short lad who sat on the shoulders of his much larger friend, Beauregard. "He was the one that rowed the boat when you were afraid to break a nail!"

Missy tossed her head and snorted, "This is coming from the tater tot who rides his burger bosom-buddy like a pack mule." Beauregard's face turned red with shame as he looked down at the ground.

Dimitri got in between the three in an attempt to break up yet another altercation. "Guys, guys, come on! It's bad enough that the school's disappeared. We need to see if we can find any other kids outside of the infirmary."

Bob squeezed himself into the fray, tears staining his glasses like dew on a window. "Like Alexis! Oh, my princess! Where could she be?"

Lorenzo didn't contribute to the conversation; he stayed seated in the stern of the boat, mesmerized by the game console he had clutched in his hands. From where Sara was looking, she deemed it to be some fancy alien device that was used for keeping in touch with the mother ship. Or maybe it was some kind of radar, to detect humans with? A chill slithered down her backbone.

"What's going on?"

"_Ssssh! _They got some kind of machine thingy on them. It looks mighty suspicious."

"…What're they saying?"

Sara strained to hear what the "aliens" were saying, but the sound of her pulse roaring in her ears made this difficult to do. Her hyper imagination didn't help, either. All she heard was hissing and growling. "I dunno, I-I don't speak alien robot vampire werecat-ese. But I'll bet they're having a spat over who's gonna rip our faces off first." The gummies started to stick themselves to her clammy fingers; noticing this, Sara made a face before tossing them out of the tree.

The situation took a turn for the worse when the alien with the goggles pointed at the tree they were hiding in. The rest of them stopped bickering, then headed towards it. The alien with the device didn't follow his brethren, so the alien with the bushy hair pulled him out by the collar of his blue coat. His eyes never left the console.

"Oh, crud!"

"_RAWK! _Do something, do something!"

Frantically, Sara dug into the bag again and tossed out even more fish gummies.

"I'm telling you, I really think I saw something over there," called Bob.

"Maybe your glasses are dirty," huffed Missy.

_Plop! _Several of the gummies adhered to Bob's glasses. Taken by surprise, he stumbled backwards and found himself on top of Missy. She quickly shoved him forward, not caring about his landing on his face.

"Back off, dork! If I should let any man get on top of me, it would so be Zane!"

"…On top, on top, _RAWK!_"

Once Missy dusted herself off, she looked up into the tree, stepping all over Bob's back in the process.

"_Yikes! _G-Get off of me, y-y-your heels are cutting into my--"

Missy dug her heels even deeper into Bob's back, a small, satisfied smirk etching into her lips. All of the rest of the boys stepped back when they heard his wheezing in agony, fearing that the same could happen to them. "Quiet, you. All right, whoever it is up there, by the order of the Insect Princess, I demand that you show yourself!"

_Weird, these aliens sound much more human, up close. Oh, these guys are clever...but we are clever_er_! _She took yet another handful of gummies and tossed them out of the tree. This handful stuck itself to Missy's face. She plucked each of them off as though she were popping zits.

"HEY! Cut it out! Come down here, already! We know you're up there; your feet are hanging down."

_They are? _Sara and Silpheed looked down. Sure enough, her feet were indeed hanging out of the treetop, in plain view.

_Oh. Well…dang. _She pulled the scarf back over her eyes. _It seems that they don't like our gift. Well, I guess that there's only one thing left to do…_

"_**AAAAARRRRROOOOO!"**_

Sara's hound-like howl sent the party staggering backwards as she and Silpheed jumped out of the tree, aiming the water gun at Missy. "Drink eight ounces of liquid justice, you fiendish feline!"

"What the hell is that supposed to--"

_SSSSSSH!_

A torrent of water gushed out of the gun and into Missy's face, knocking her off of her feet. She somersaulted over Bob and found herself face down in the dirt, screeching about her face and her hair and how her make-up was running. In spite of how horrified and confused they had to be, the boys inched closer in a circle around Sara and Silpheed.

"H-H-Hey, c'mon, now, easy, girl," Brier coaxed, his voice shaking with fear. "We're not going to hurt you!"

"'Scuse me, Rambo, but why don't you calm down for a sec?" snarled Dimitri.

But instead of compliance, Sara charged around in figure-eights, blindly blasting water in every direction and howling like a mutt (she thought that howling would intimidate the aliens). Silpheed took off from her shoulder and fluttered high overhead; although he couldn't see anything either, he decided to partake in the melee with ammo of his own: poop bombs. And he didn't need a gun to fire them. With a pinch of dumb luck--the term "dumb luck" emphasized in the most literal sense--he dropped a healthy dosage of gooey green and white droppings into a muddled Beauregard's eyes.

"_YAAAUUGH! MY EYES, MY EYES!" _Beauregard shielded his messy face with his hands as he staggered backward towards the tree.

"Beau, wait! Stop, stop, stop!" Brier's pleas were in vain; before either of them knew it, they _smashed_ back into the tree. Brier squeaked out his last "Stop!" as he and his friend sunk to the ground. Having suffered a blow to the back of his head, and having been crushed under his friend's weight, Brier lurched forward and slid off of Beauregard's shoulders and onto his lap, as limp as a puppet.

In an attempt to subdue her, Dimitri lunged at Sara, who continued to fire her water gun without hitting any particular target except the air. Every single one of her shots fell back down to earth like a drizzle. Dimitri would've captured her, had it not been for her free arm flailing this way and that while the other held her gun. A cracking of cartilage rang through the chaos as her duel disk made contact with his nose. Like Bob, Brier and Beauregard, he too found himself on the ground with his face in his hand, groaning miserably about a nosebleed. Missy was struggling back on her feet, her mussed hair flopping over her face.

Only Lorenzo was still standing. Up to this point, he hadn't joined in the fray but instead stayed at the sidelines, trying to beat his high score. Silpheed fixed that by dropping an extra-gloppy bomb on the screen of his console. He could've been contacting the mother ship for reinforcements.

_Splat! _

"Whoa! Badda-bing, what gives? Who dropped alfredo sauce on my game?" Lorenzo barked, holding up a hand and clawing at the air with his fingers in a way that only video game junkies do. When he noticed the cockatoo hovering high above him, he jumped up and down and tried to grab him. In trying to evade Lorenzo's fingers, Silpheed jerked upward and made a loop-de-loop, dropping the teacup he had worn on his head onto Lorenzo's.

_Bam! _

"Yowch!" Lorenzo stopped to rub the top of his head.

"_RAWK, RAWK! HELP! HELP!" _

Hearing her comrade's cries for help had Sara reaching for her deck. "Hang on, Silpheed! I'll save you! Eat this, alien scum!" She plucked the top card from her deck, Sonic Duck, and swung back before tossing it like a ninja star. But instead of heading in Lorenzo's direction, the card twirled through the air like a chopper in Missy's direction. Just as she had managed to find her footing again--

_Whoosh! _

When dueling wasn't the answer to a problem--though in this universe, that was rarely the case--one's cards could also be used to give someone a nasty paper cut, if thrown the right way. And while Sonic Duck did not give Missy a paper cut, it did sever one of the stands of hair on top of her head that looked like antennae before crashing into a shrub. Missy watched with her mouth wide open as the lock of hair floated to the ground like a cherry blossom, for she was very proud of her hair and hated to see it violated in such a way. Or in any way, for that matter.

"M…M-M-My hair…how could…you…you…" Missy bent over to pinch her dead lock in between two fingers. Her mascara and lipstick were already dribbling from that first assault, but they continued to run further by the tears that streamed down from her eyes. She didn't have time to grieve because Sara had managed to catch her, having trampled Bob on the way just as he was finding the strength to get back up. She instantly had her in a headlock, her knuckles relentlessly rubbing the stuffing out of her hair, which only made Missy wail even louder than before.

"_Pain of a thousand noogies!"_

"Get off of me, asshole!" Missy roared, her nails digging into Sara's arm. Behind the scarf, Sara winced. Boy, these mechanical claws were sharper than she thought they'd be. But at least they had the aliens by the scuffs of their necks, she thought.

In the meantime, Silpheed made sure to steer clear of Lorenzo's gaze and dove back underneath him, leaving a cloud of feathers in his wake. His opponent grabbed at him, up to the point where he found himself literally bending over backwards and cursing all the way. In the end, Silpheed made his mark as his beak latched onto…Lorenzo's meatballs.

The resulting scream rang all throughout the yard, possibly all throughout the island. His face as red as a ripe tomato, he collapsed on his knees, hands cupped over his wound. Silpheed took the opportunity to seize the game console in his talons and carry it into the tree. With Sara's determination and Silpheed's eyes, the disoriented duo soon had all six debilitated duelists tied to the base of the tree with their rope of bras.

Sara marched around their hostages in a circle, with Silpheed on her shoulder, teacup back on his head, and Lorenzo's video game in one hand; the other held her gun. For their victory, a triumphant grin scrawled over her lips, but was soon replaced with a solemn frown. She needed to show these creatures that she meant business; no joking around, this time.

"So it all boils down to this: little old us against your entire army."

"What the hell are you rambling about?" Dimitri demanded.

_SSSSH! _Sara had intended to squirt Dimitri in the face, but with the scarf over her eyes, she shot Bob instead. "H-Hey, _he _said that, n-n-not me!" he gargled, his soggy black hair sticking to his brow. His glasses dripped like a wet windshield. "If y-you'd just take your scarf off, you'd see that!"

"No way! If I did that, you're just gonna try to hypnotize me into letting you go. That's what you alien robot vampire werecat folk do, don't ya?"

A gasp of shock and disgust erupted from the lot of them. "Aliens?! _That's _what this is about?" Missy growled through clenched teeth. "You cut my beautiful hair because you think I'm an alien? Ooh, when I get my hands on you, hon, I'll--"

_SSSSH! _Again, Sara missed the mark and struck Bob.

"Alien robot vampire werecats, and we don't just think, we know! Ain't that right, Silpheed?"

"_RAWK! _Bring back our chicks!"

Sara stopped marching and leaned into Lorenzo's face. He was suffering from video game withdrawal, and twitched like a shocked monkey. "Worry not, we will not kill you. We just want to know how this doo-hickey here works." She waved the game in front of Lorenzo's face, inciting him to drool a little from the right side of his mouth.

"That's a video game, you moron," said Dimitri, eyeing the bras to see if he could find a way out of them. He and the other boys couldn't help but turn a tad pink in the cheeks.

Sara stood up straight and tall. "At first feel, maybe…but Silph and I know better! You're using this gizmo to contact the mother ship! Why else would it beep and stuff?"

"Because my baby's batteries are dying!" Lorenzo moaned.

"Tell us how to use it so we can ask them to give back our people! Please," she added. In spite of the situation, Sara tried to retain a sense of politeness. The gang exchanged anxious looks. This girl must've sniffed a little too much laundry detergent to pass the time.

Eventually, Missy found it in herself to think of a plan; she could use Sara's density to the gang's advantage. She cut the silence with a sly, "Oh, sure, we can tell you how to use our…communicator."

Bob turned the mascara-stained girl and squeaked, "Huh? Why are you humoring her? We're not--"

Missy silenced him by stabbing his foot with her heel. As he took a sharp intake of breath, Missy continued: "But you need to do a couple of things first. First, take off your scarf so you can actually see what you're doing. Second, you need to untie us. Only we can speak with the mother ship, because they don't take orders from…life forms that aren't us?"

Sara refused, so Missy bought her over by promising that if she or any of the boys tried to "hypnotize" them, her cockatoo could bite all of their meatballs…except hers, because she had none. All five boys turned ghastly white with terror at such a proposition, but Missy ignored their protests.

"Besides, our hypnotic eyes don't work on birds, because…their brains are as big as peas. We can only hypnotize…er, life forms with brains bigger than ping pong balls."

"_RAWK! EXCUSE ME?"_

Sara crammed her tongue into her left cheek. Even though these aliens were her enemies--a word she thought she'd never have to use to describe anything--she was a rather gullible girl. Coupled with the fact that she had never actually before met any alien robot vampire werecats, this was enough to have Sara set Silpheed on the ground and pluck the teacup off of his head. He hopped around the group like a snappy Chihuahua, emulating the animal's growl.

"You don't eat birds, do you?"

Missy rolled her eyes. "For crying out--no, we don't eat birds! We eat Rainbow Fish with sparkly scales and Blind Mice with curly tails! Feathers make us break out! Now are you going to untie us, or what?"

Brier looked at Beauregard. "She's pretty good at making this stuff up as she goes along, huh?" he whispered.

Sara rocked back and forth on her feet, her head tilted towards the sky. Her tongue poked the inside of her cheek several times before she finally made a decision.

"All right, then. But I'm warning you, no funny business. And I'm not talking about the nice 'ha-ha' kind of funny business; I mean the mean 'screw you' kind of funny business." She pointed at her water gun. "See this thing? I'm not afraid to squirt you--"

Bob sighed, "Yes, yes, we get it! Can you please let us go, already?_" _

_SSSSH! _For the third time in five minutes, Bob found himself with a mouth full of water. While he gargled, Sara lifted up one corner of her scarf so she could see through one eye. When she got a clearer look at the "aliens", she could hardly believe how human they looked. They didn't look like werecats, or robots, or vampires or aliens, at all, much less a combination of the four. Why, they were the carbon copies of Duel Academy students! How could that be? Unless…

Suddenly, Sara let out a shriek that sounded like a cross between a horse, a macaw, and a chimpanzee. The gang twitched in pain as they felt their eardrums tear into two; it was even worse that they couldn't pull up their hands to cover their ears. Even Silpheed flew up into the tree.

"For the love of Zane, what's the matter, this time?" Missy demanded.

Sara pointed an accusing finger at Missy, her entire being rattling with dread. "Y-Y-Y-You _monsters! You monsters! _You've already ripped off my friends' faces! Now you're wearing 'em like cheap jewelry, and you expect us to let you go?!"

Missy's face flushed with anger. "Are you calling my face cheap? Ever looked in a mirror, lately?"

"G-Gimme back their faces, right now! If you please." Before Missy could say anything in her defense, Sara dropped the water gun and descended upon her like a kite with no wind underneath it. She grabbed her hair and one of her mascara-mottled cheeks and started to tug on her as though she were trying to pull a giant turnip out of the ground.

"What's it, _glued _on here?" she grunted.

What a scene! Sara's protesting tangoed with Missy's cursing as the two remained locked in a tug-of-face, with Missy kicking her assailant in the feet and shins in hopes of being released. The boys leaned up against the tree as helpless witnesses as they yelled at the girls to stop this nonsense immediately, while Bob rubbed it in that it really had been a bad idea to humor Sara after all. Lorenzo noticed his video game on the ground, and stretched his legs out in hopes of retrieving it with his feet. That is, until Silpheed dove out of tree and landed in between his legs to nip him again.

"_MAMA OF BIG CORE!"_

In that entire ruckus, none of the students noticed a plump figure peeking into the yard. They could've kept on screaming until their faces were purple, or pulled at hair until they were bald, had it not been for a new voice that boomed from the gates:

"What on _Earth _is going on here?"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	17. Act Seventeen

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT SEVENTEEN**_

Everyone froze in mid-sentence and mid-tug. They turned their attentions to the gates, where they found Chancellor Sheppard scratching his bald head, his lips pursed into a bemused frown. The wrinkles on his brow were etched with weariness; wherever it was that he had run off to for the past several days must've done a number on him. Or he was troubled with the school's going missing…and apparently, the remainder of the school's going mad.

Sara let go of Missy's face, her eyes as wide as beach balls. Just when she didn't think things could be any worse! The head fat cat himself was wearing her beloved principal's face! The inhumanity!

"Oh, thank the King of Games!" cheered Bob. "Bucket-head here tied us to a tree with ladies' unmentionables and she won't stop beating us up!"

"And she ruined my good looks!" roared Missy, whose face was disheveled and marred beyond recognition.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "Sara? What in the world are you doing?"

Rather than give him an answer with words, Sara let out another howl before dashing in a zigzag path towards the Chancellor. She replied instead with a head-butt to his round girth. It wasn't enough to knock him off of his feet, but it certainly made him double over, gasping for all of the wind that was forced out of him. In the meantime, Sara rolled backwards into the dirt.

"Th-This is the second time today that I get attacked," Sheppard wheezed. "What's…g-gotten into you, young lady?"

"Watch out, Chancellor, or she'll try to rip your face off!" warned Brier.

"Or sic her loco bird on your meatballs," added Lorenzo.

Sara staggered back on her feet, pulling on her bucket-hat that'd gotten lodged onto her head. "W-W-Well, gee, we'd feel pretty bad for you, mister, if you hadn't gone and kidnapped everybody on this planet and torn their faces off!" She stumbled around in a dizzy circle, tripping up over herself as she reached out for Sheppard's beard in order to pull off his face. This time, however, Sheppard gathered enough energy to seize her by the wrist. He didn't want to have to do that, but he needed her to stay still long enough to have any real sense talked into her.

"Sara, I have no clue what you're talking about, but as your Chancellor, I'd like you to settle down this instant!"

"You're not Sheppie! You're an alien robot vampire werecat! And those guys over there are your cow warts!" Sara pulled away to break free, but Sheppard's grip was steadfast. He made a funny face. This was all a stupid joke, right?

"You mean _cohorts_, and no, they're not. Heaven knows how you got that idea, but I can assure you: we're not alien robot…vampire cat…creature…things--"

Sara pouted. "O-Oh, yeah? How would I know? Your gang tried to fool me once! That means shame on you!" Sheppard had to hold her out at arm's length like she was a snake when she tried to bite him into letting her go. Silpheed felt that he should swoop in and help her, but at the same time, cowered in fear of the "fat cat".

"Why don't you prove it, if you're really old Sheppie? What's his full name?"

Sheppard bit his lower lip. Thus far, most people only knew him by his last name, because his first name was a bit embarrassing. Back when he was the master of the Cyber dojo, several of his immature protégés would ridicule him behind his back for the way his name sounded when his occupation title, "Master," was put in front of it. Zane had been the only one who hadn't laughed at his name; it was one of the many signs that pointed to him as the heir, though not the most important one.

He took a deep breath and answered, "…Baitin Franklin Sheppard." As long as he didn't say "Master," then no one could make fun of his name. Besides, his association with the dojo was to remain a secret to outsiders.

Sara stamped her foot and made a buzzing noise, the kind one would hear on a game show when a contestant answered a question wrong. "That's not his full name!"

"What do you mean? That _is _my full name."

"Nuh-uh! His full name is _Chancellor _Baitin Franklin Sheppard! Chancellor's his first name! _Duh!_ And how would you know about the rest of his name, anyhow? Unless you prodded it out of 'im while you were torturing him!" Sheppard furrowed his brow in exasperation; he didn't have time for this nonsense. He and Pegasus were set to investigate what had happened to Duel Academy. He had only stopped to visit the campus to ask any remaining students if they had seen anything that could give them a clue.

Apparently, Sara must've seen aliens, but he couldn't assume that this was the exact truth.

Keeping his face as straight as he could, he said, "Well, you can't say that I'm an alien just because I answered one question wrong--even if I didn't."

Sara stopped squirming about and jabbed her tongue into her cheek. "…You know, for an evil alien robot vampire werecat, you've got a point, there. In that case, I'm thinking of a number between one and loopillion; what is it?"

He wasn't sure how this was going to prove that he wasn't an alien. "Er…what?"

Sara buzzed again. "Wrong! You don't know what numbers are, do ya? Who's 'Ogre-Bogey,' the one who sent Miss Dorothy that mushy, gushy valentine on Valentine's Day?"

Sheppard's face faded into an unclassified shade of red. There was no way he was going to answer that in front of the students.

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "E-Excuse me?"

"_HA! _If you were Sheppie, you'd know what a woodchuck was. But you don't…because you're not from here! Now gimme back his face!"

With her free hand, Sara fished for another card in her duel disk, Sonic Shooter. With it, she gave a swipe of her arm. In spite of Sheppard's holding her back, the tip of the card skimmed against the tip of his stubby, crooked nose. Sheppard drew back and yelped in pain, releasing Sara to cup his hands over his nose. Hopping from one foot to another to regain her balance, Sara couldn't help but find it curious that the "fat cat" would be hurt by swiping a card over his face, when it was his "mask" that she had struck. She stood still, unsure what to do next. Would he attack her? Would he surrender?

"I told you to watch out!" said Brier, while Beauregard tried to find the way to unhook the bras with his teeth, despite his face burning a brick red. No one else moved a muscle.

What Sara saw next made her feel as though her heart was being sucked out of her chest through a tube, like fat in a liposuction. When Sheppard pulled his hands off of his face, a throbbing two-inch scratch remained on his nose, laced with tiny shreds of broken skin and an even tinier spot of blood near the edge of it. Red blood. Human blood. The kind that couldn't be found in robots or vampires, that looked nothing like the radioactive green acid that she imagined would flow through alien werecats' veins.

"Sara, what in the world?" Sheppard gasped, his eyes shiny with tears. In the meantime, Beauregard had finally mustered the nerve to undo the rope, and the others were hobbling back on their feet. Lorenzo scooped up his video game like it was his own child, wiping its screen with the corner of his jacket.

"Ssh, ssh, f'get about it," he cooed. "Daddy's here, Daddy's here…"

"Y…You really _aren't _an alien robot vampire werecat, are you?" she asked hoarsely. "But…b-but--but..."

"That's what we've been trying to tell you, psycho!" yelled Dimitri. "What, you want us to prove it by cutting ourselves, too?" Silpheed believed that could be arranged, so he climbed on top of Dimitri's foot when he wasn't looking and nipped his shin.

"_Augh, damn bird!" _While Dimitri tried to kick Silpheed around like a bean bag, Sara's arms hung loose at her sides. At first, she didn't make a sound. She stared at Sheppard with a face as blank as a new notebook.

Then, as though this was all supposed to be some funny joke, she began to giggle, which quickly evolved into full-fledged laughter. Her cheeks glowed a ticklish pink as she leaned backward and slapped her knees, clutched her gut, and the like. No one dared come any closer, for fear that she had gone insane, provided that she hadn't, already.

When it came to emotions, Sara was spontaneous and made no effort to conceal them if they ever reared their heads. In this particular situation, she felt many things at once: shock that Sheppard--and the others--might not have been alien robot vampire werecats. Relief that they weren't. Joy that she and Silpheed may not have been the last two people on Earth after all. Sadness for having been alone to begin with. Guilt for having hurt them all for no good reason except for her own stupidity. And for the cherry on top, mind-numbing confusion about the entire thing.

It was this potpourri of feelings that melted her hearty laughter into weeping, like butter left out in the sun for too long. When one felt six emotions at the same time, what else could they do? Like two cracked dams, her eyes leaked with tears, smearing the cocoa all over her cheeks and nose.

Though he felt rather uncomfortable (and sore in the sniffer), Sheppard did what any well-meaning principal could do when a student cried: he told her, "Erm…there, there. Everything will be all right." He cautiously reached out to pat her shoulder. "How about we all go back to the--"

Sara rocketed into his chest, nearly knocking him off of his feet. Burying her face in his coat, she stained it with tears and cocoa. She blubbered something incoherent into the fabric.

"Uh, come again?" Sheppard asked, his arms frozen at his sides.

Sara's nose made a honking noise as she blew it into his coat like it was a tissue (and he had just had it dry-cleaned!). She looked up at the principal and hiccupped, "Wh-Where the hell have you been, man? Where have you _all _been? We've been all alone as the last people on Earth! W-We thought you were all kidnapped!"

"Oh, boo-hoo!" growled Missy. "You totally ruined my hair, but you don't hear anybody playing the world's smallest violin for me, do you?"

_Poink! _

"_Yow!" _Missy rubbed her butt. Silpheed snuck underneath her, grinding his beak.

"_RAWK! _Grade-A Earth booty! You're no alien, but you're out of this world! _RAWK!_" Since the crisis had been averted, Silpheed deemed it safe to resume his flirty, butt-pinching ways.

Sheppard sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "Well, er, I'm afraid that the answer to where _I've_ been is confidential. But I can assure you that there is in fact still life outside of Duel Academy…provided that it was still here." He turned his head towards the east, where the school used to stand, his eyes clouded with anxiety.

He decided to take the children back to the infirmary, where they could stay until they were calm enough to talk to him.

* * *

"I want to go home," Zane told the nurse. Ever since the whole cross incident, they'd made him stay in the hospital, "to make sure that he hadn't suffered any severe trauma to his head." Zane was no doctor, but he didn't think he had any of this "trauma" to his head. He wasn't bleeding, he wasn't dizzy or forgetful, he had complete control of his limbs, and he didn't have any piece of cross stuck in the back of his head. As far as he was concerned, the doctors were only doing this to jack up his bill.

"I know, Mr. Truesdale, but we just want to make sure you're all right," Nurse Tinker answered, pulling out a tiny flashlight. She lifted his eyelids to shine it into his right eye before repeating the procedure with his left.

Eyes fixed on the dainty white light in front of his face, he coldly asked, "I suppose you'd like to shove your finger up my ass, while you're at it?"

Nurse Tinker pulled away and shot him a stern look. "Sir, there's no need to get snippy."

Zane didn't say another word. Once all of the prodding and poking was out of the way, they'd see that there was nothing wrong with him and have to let him go. Unless they deemed his heart condition to be dangerous, of course. But even then, he was not going to stay and rot in this stuffy white prison. Besides, wasn't it illegal to keep someone at the hospital against their will?

Almost as if she was checking to see if he was drunk, Nurse Tinker waved a finger in front of his face in all directions, to see if his eyes could follow it. As ridiculous as he thought this was, he followed her finger with a gaze so sharp that if looks could cut, he would've chopped away her finger like it was a weed and his gaze a weed-whacker.

After thirty minutes of merciless jabbing here and there--thankfully, without any fingers in anyone's posterior--and questions about his personal health, Nurse Tinker finally left the room, leaving Zane in bed. He didn't stay there for too long, though. As soon as the nurse closed the door, he climbed out to fetch his coat and boots by a chair. Overhead, a prim young reporter popped up on the T.V. screen.

"…The prestigious Duel Academy vanishes into thin air, taking with it about one hundred students."

At the mentioning of the name of his old school, Zane looked up while slipping his left foot into his boot. A bird's-eye view of a massive crater in place of the building appeared in a screen alongside the reporter.

"In hopes of finding a way to locate the missing school, Kaiba Corp enlisted in the help of Duel Monsters creator, Maximillion Pegasus, and world renowned scientist, Dr. Eisenstein, earlier today. The cause of the building's disappearance is now under investigation by Dr. Eisenstein's team…"

Zane raised an eyebrow. _Duel Academy, gone? Well…that figures. If anything like this was going to happen, it would happen over there. _

As soon as he slipped into his coat, Zane gathered his deck and slunk out into the hallway, not paying attention to the stares from starch-white nurses and green-gowned patients alike.

When he reached the lobby, he walked up to the receptionist's desk. She had her phone propped between her head and her shoulder, while she scribbled something into a book with her blue ballpoint pen. Zane didn't know whether she was in the middle of a business call or an idle, gossipy conversation with a girl friend, but he didn't stick around to find out. He did not bother to gain her attention; he simply ripped off his band and set it on the table. He didn't think he could stand being held back with paper work, anyhow, especially since there was no reason to stay here. Without a sound, he disappeared through the automatic doors. Whether anyone in the faculty noticed that he was gone was none of his concern.

The way back to his apartment was not a terribly long way away; but that could've been because while Zane kept his eyes on the street, his mind drifted back to what he had heard on the T.V. This might have impressed anyone who didn't intimately know him as a surprise, but a small part of him wondered if the students would be all right. He had experienced losses like this before, such as when his old friend Atticus had disappeared, along with others. Though he wasn't the type to cry about loss--or cry about anything in general--it'd be a lie to say that that little tidbit on the news didn't bother him at all.

On top of that, he couldn't help but feel mildly disappointed that he wouldn't get that chance to duel Jesse Andersen, who had been listed as one of the missing students. Maybe he should've quit screwing around and marched back to the school--

No. Zane Truesdale did not regret anything. Regretting never did anyone an ounce of good; why would it in this case? He'd just have to carry on; wait for another good duelist to show up, though folks like those were about as rare as the Blue Eyes White Dragons.

_Besides, they probably won't be gone forever. Jaden can fix that, _he thought. _He's a wonder child. But…what if he's gone, too? _

He would've meditated on this for a while longer, except that the deafening ring of an ambulance siren braked his train of thought. To his mild dismay, the vehicle pulled up next to him, its siren jack-hammering into his skull. Two paramedics rushed out of it, wheeling a bed in between them with velcro straps attached to the sides.

"Stop!" they called out to him. Of course, he didn't stop, so they chased after him. _Whoosh! _Before he knew it, Zane found himself swept off of his feet from behind him, and soon he was lying on the bed on his back.

"Sir, you should know better than to leave the hospital without the proper paperwork," one of the paramedics scolded.

"And I doubt that your doctor said that you could leave," chimed in the other, fastening the straps in order to hold Zane down.

"You can't hold me against my will," he protested, squirming to and fro. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"Oh, yeah? Your document says otherwise."

Before Zane could ask what the hell his document said, the two gave simultaneous grunts as they lifted him into the back of the ambulance. As soon he they climbed in, they slammed the doors and whirled the vehicle around to speed back to the hospital.

* * *

"Gee-whiz, Silph! Who would've guessed that everyone was hiding in the infirmary the whole time? Everyone that didn't disappear, that is?" Sara chirped, jumping up to pull down a string of toilet paper from a tree.

"_RAWK! _We're morons!" said Silpheed, who hopped back and forth across a branch to toss Sara any stray pieces of tissue.

"Now, Silpheed, we're not morons. We just jumped to conclusions, is all. Lesson learned: _always_ give people the benefit of the doubt, no matter what." As punishment for their disorderly conduct, Sheppard had asked them to clean up the mess they'd made while he was away, in addition to four weeks' worth of detention. Sara supposed that they should be grateful that that was all he gave them, especially after that nasty scratch they'd given him and all. She was just glad that they were no longer alone.

But her happiness was of the bittersweet kind, for it was tempered by a cup of sadness. The school and many of their friends were still missing (she was still certain that aliens had something to do with it). Missy and the boys still held grudges. Sheppard had taken off again without giving any further explanation except that he had "urgent matters" to attend to, and that he'd be back as soon as he could.

She wished that there was something more that she could do to make things right. But how?

Once every scrap of toilet paper had been harvested off of the tree, Silpheed fluttered down and gently landed on Sara's shoulder. "What now? _RAWK!_"

"I guess we'll have to put these away the same way we put away any piece of used toilet paper: we flush 'em." She kept it all balled up in her arms as she lumbered back to the dormitory. Well, she didn't go _straight _to the dormitory; instead, she took the scenic route so that she could look at the hole that used to be Duel Academy. As said before, even if she had a duty to tend to, she liked to stop and goof around.

Imagine her surprise when she found trucks and machines and satellites and whatnot encompassing the crater. At once, she dropped the whole ball of toilet paper.

"Holy kazoos!"

Being the nosy gnat that she was, Sara trotted over webs of wires to check things out. Twice, she snagged her foot into a knot of cord and nearly tripped over herself, but quickly shook it off. At that point, Silpheed insisted that he walked alongside her, rather than ride on her shoulder and risk banging up his pretty, feathery face.

Men in bleach white lab coats dotted the vicinity; they huddled together in groups of two or three, exchanging technical talk amongst each other. Her brain twitched something fierce just from listening to it. Were these guys UFO hunters, like the ones she'd seen on T.V.?

Sara whispered, "Hey, Silpheed, where're the Men in Black? If they're hunting aliens, they should have the Men in Black with them, shouldn't they?"

"_RAWK! _Men in White, Men in White!"

Sara crammed her tongue into her cheek. "Never heard of those guys. They must be a less popular alien-hunting agency, and nerdier. Though they don't look nearly as nerdy as Uncle Bert." Just then, she saw two scientists walking towards them. To avoid being seen, she pulled Silpheed aside and scurried behind the corner of a truck. The two men didn't seem to notice them, for they continued on their way without even shooting a glance. One of them mentioned something about Duel Academy, which caused Sara to lean in and try to eavesdrop.

The first scientist pushed his glasses back up on his face. "Remarkable, don't you think? Dr. Eisenstein might be right about his twelve-dimension theory, after all."

The second took a sip of his water bottle. While he screwed the cap back on, he said, "But how do you suppose those kids were transported into the other dimension?"

As they went further away, their voices began to fade out. So Sara motioned Silpheed to follow along as she tiptoed behind them, trying to match their stride with theirs. She and Silpheed kept their distance far enough to keep from getting caught, but close enough to hear what the two were saying.

The first scientist shook his head. "I think what's more important is how we're going to get them back home. The Doctor said that once Pegasus finds the Rainbow Dragon and designs it as a card, we can send it through that gap between our world and theirs, and it can help the kids get home. But we need a lot of duel energy in order to widen the gap, and we'll need it fast. Inter-dimensional gaps are fickle things, they are."

The second touched his chin. "In that case, we'd need one powerhouse of a duelist: someone who lives for the duel and duels only to win. Someone with a blood lust that could make a vampire look harmless."

Sara's toes ached from creeping on them for so long, but she and Silpheed pressed on. She squeezed her tongue into her cheek. Funny, she expected these two to be discussing aliens, but they were talking about dimensions and Rainbow Dragons and duel energy, instead. Did the alien robot vampire werecats take them to another dimension, their dimension? Sara shuddered to think what they could be doing to them. If not tearing their faces off, were they turning them all into slaves to work in their sardine mines? Or making them watch re-runs of that drab soap opera, _Days of the Duelists_?

She knew not what a Rainbow Dragon was, nor did she know how dueling would launch it into this "other dimension," but then, she was no scientist or government agent. All she understood was that these guys needed help. Unfortunately, this task didn't sound like something she could take on. After the day's previous events, she'd decided never to resort to fighting again. She was a joker through and through.

On the other hand…after running the criteria over through her head again, she believed that even though she couldn't help, she did know someone who could. When she opened her mouth to say something, however, her toes snagged on a cord. Plummeting towards the ground, Sara seized the first scientist by the legs of his pants.

_Whoosh! _

She still got a face full of dirt, but she wasn't the only one that had fallen. There, for the whole team to see, the poor man was caught with his pants down, literally! Only Silpheed whistled and cackled with laughter at the exposure of the man's baby blue boxer shorts.

"My claw's bigger than that! _RAWK-AWK-AWK-AWK!_"

Thankfully, scientists were rational folk, almost never letting emotion getting in the way of their logical business. Instead of dying of embarrassment or blowing a fuse, the man took a deep breath, then leaned in to grab his pants from around his ankles and pull them back up.

In the meantime, Sara got up and dusted herself, her face flushed into a ticklish shade of pink. "Whoa! Sorry about that, mister; didn't mean to pants you!"

The second man stuffed his water bottle into his pocket. "All right, kid, this isn't a playground. Run along before you break something." He started to brush Sara towards the exit. Despite this, she continued to talk all the way. Silpheed tagged along at their feet.

"Okay, but if you badly need this duel energy, I think I know who you can call. See, Ziti--"

"I'm not hungry, right now, thank you," said the scientist dryly.

"No, I'm not talking about food! Ziti's in the Pro Leagues! He lives on my old paper route! You might know 'im as the guy that--"

He wouldn't hear any more. Soon, she and Silpheed were on the outskirts of the site. Without another word, the scientist turned around and marched back in a fashion that looked almost robotic.

"Wait, come back! I didn't give you his address!" called Sara. "It's up in Dom…ino…"

When she received no answer, her shoulders slumped a little. "I don't get it. Why don't they believe us? Don't they know who Ziti is?"

"Know-it-all butt-cracks! _RAWK!_"

Sara let Silpheed crawl up her arm and resume his place on her shoulder, since they no longer had to worry about wobbling over wires. She dug into the dirt with her toes, her tongue jabbing into her cheek as hard as it could. Suppose the two of them could go back to mainland and bring Ziti back to the island themselves? Technically, they wouldn't be skipping school, because there was no school to skip. Plus, this sounded like a chance to make things right. With that in mind, Sara rushed to put on her Sonic Duck ensemble. If she was going to play messenger, it was only logical to dress like one, especially one so speedy and dependable.

Unfortunately, there were no giant mutated peaches in sight; even if there were, how could they capture all of the birds on the island to make it airborne? They needed a boat, so the two trotted to the docks on the far northwest side of the island to see if there were any available. Sure enough, the first boat that they laid eyes on was the longest, shiniest, and smartest-looking yacht either of them had ever seen, as sharp and white as a big, clean canine tooth.

Sara reached out and touched the tip of the smooth bow with her index finger, her eyes as wide as marbles. "Whoa. Whoever owns this boat must be loaded," she marveled.

Silpheed rolled his eyes. Guys only owned fancy crap like sports cars and yachts in order to compensate for their incredibly small dragons. He didn't hesitate to share this piece of wisdom with Sara: "Long yacht, small fry! _RAWK!_"

She passed her cockatoo a quizzical look. "You mean small as in short? Hmm, he could be. The port and starboard are set kinda low…"

"…Can I help you?"

Sparked by surprise, they whirled around and found themselves face to face with a young blued-eyed man in a sleek white suit and tie. His face had a prim and polite but detached kind of look to it.

Whispered Sara to Silpheed, "Did we walk in the middle of a James Bond movie or something? He sure looks a lot shorter in person, and grayer."

The boy raised an eyebrow. "Can I help you?" he repeated. Neither of the two realized that they were having an encounter with the one and only Aster Phoenix, an encounter that most girls would kill to have, though probably wouldn't make it halfway through because of the excessive swooning and sighing that his dashing good looks incited.

Sara pointed at the yacht swaying in the still waters behind them. "'Scuse me, Mr. Bond, is that gonna blow up any sec now?"

Aster raised both eyebrows, but shook his head. "I think you've got me confused with someone else. I'm Aster Phoenix. And don't worry: there's no bomb on that boat."

"Oh. Are you guys cousins?"

"…No." The way Aster said "no" sounded more like a question than an answer.

"Huh. Well, anyway, is that vessel over there yours?"

Aster nodded. "How else did I get here? It's not like I can fly faster than a speeding bullet." He stole a glance at the island behind him. "Though I guess if I did, I probably could've gotten here before it was too late…"

Sara cocked her head to one side. "Oh, are you Superman? Is Aster your alias?"

Aster turned back to pass her a mild, disapproving look. "Superman's alias is reporter Clark Kent. I'm Pro Duelist Aster Phoenix. So, how could I be Superman?"

Sara grinned, waving her hands in front of her. "Okay, okay, no need to get testy."

"Testes! _RAWK!_"

"So if that boat's yours, d'ya mind if we borrow it?"

Aster placed a hand on his hip, examining her with a suspicious eye. If one owned a lovely yacht, it wouldn't sound safe to drop the keys into the hands of a girl who dressed like a monster. "Why?"

"'Cause Silpheed and I gotta go back to mainland and fetch Ziti!" Sara declared, tipping her bucket-hat into her face.

"Why would you want to run off into town to pick up casserole when the cuisine over here is just fine?"

Sara clucked her tongue sympathetically. If this kid was in the Leagues, she would've expected him to know who Ziti was. Poor fruit loop was too secretive, she guessed. "Man, I woulda thought that since you beat him once, you'd at least know his name."

"And his huge Cyber Dragon, _RAWK!_" chimed Silpheed.

Aster let go of his hip at once. "Hold on, you're not talking about _Truesdale_, are you?"

"Yup! We heard the Men in White say that they need his duel energy, or something. They think it can help save the others. But when we tried to tell 'em where he lives, they wouldn't listen."

"You know where he lives?"

"He's on my old paper route, no joke. So how about it, friend? Can we borrow your boat? _Please?_"

Aster was quiet for a minute or three; he mulled over whether it would be wise to lend his yacht to a girl wearing a latex beak over her face. The part about needing duel energy to bring Duel Academy back sounded semi-plausible, but the part about knowing where Truesdale lived didn't. He didn't think that the brooding duelist would let anyone know him that intimately, unless Sara was a crazy stalker who was simply making up an excuse to go back and bother him. Besides that, rumors could spark if anyone saw him escorting a girl to Domino.

Then again, it wasn't in his character to turn a deaf ear to a cry for help. On top of that, seeing a girl pestering Truesdale could be entertaining.

"Well, if the team needs Truesdale that badly…I_ guess_ I could arrange something…but I'm driving."

"_AWESOME-NITY! _Thanks, buddy, you're a peach!" As thanks, Sara hugged him around the shoulders, not hesitating to give him a friendly noogie in the process.

"Thanks, Little Johnson! _RAWK!_"

Once Aster managed to pry her off, he smoothed out his silver hair, all the while trying to remain courteous. "Erm, you're welcome. But please, if you can help it, I'd prefer that you didn't do that."

It just so chanced that Missy was emerging from the store, disgruntled that it lacked products that could help fix her hair. When she heard the name "Truesdale" pass from Aster's lips, however, her remaining antenna perked up, like she was a she-cricket who had just heard a cricket love song. And like a cricket, she sprung right over.

"Do my ears deceive me?"

"Hi, Missy! We're gonna go bring back Ziti!" Sara cheered with a wave of her hand, only to be startled when Missy reached out and grabbed her wrist. She leaned in with a menacing glimmer in her eye, her nose touching the tip of Sara's beak.

"Really? Or are you just going to try messing around with my boyfriend?"

Sara stared at Missy as though she was speaking Dutch. "…Are you still mad at us for beating ya up and stuff? 'Cause I think I know how to fix your hair."

Missy pulled away. "Is that so?" she snarled.

"Yup!" From behind her back, she pulled out a pair of scissors. Before Missy could utter a sound, Sara swiped them over her head with the swiftness of an owl.

_Snip!_

"There! Even Steven!"

Missy watched in sheer horror as the other lock of hair floated to the ground and landed at her feet. Noticing the fierce crimson shade on her face, Aster took two steps back. This was going to get ugly.

Wondering what was the matter, Sara jiggled the insect duelist by the shoulder. "Um…friend? You all right?"

"…_**YOU!"**_

Spitting like an angry tiger, Missy swiped her hands into Sara's face in an attempt to claw her eyes out. She and Silpheed ducked in the nick of time, but Missy didn't stop there. Before long, Sara and Silpheed dashed for the port side of the yacht and climbed over it, shrieking all the way while Missy struggled to catch up. It was rather difficult to climb into a yacht in high heels.

"Maybe we should've just settled for the apology cookies!" cried Sara.

"_RAWK! CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!"_

"Cats?! Where?!"

As the girls chased each other around the deck, Aster kept his distance, beginning to have second thoughts about this whole deal.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	18. Act Eighteen

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT EIGHTEEN**_

"You should know better than to walk off the premises, Mr. Truesdale," chided Dr. Noose, who stood at Zane's bedside with a clipboard in his hands. "In your present condition, that's incredibly dangerous; you could've keeled over. And without the proper paperwork?"

"There's nothing wrong with my head, doctor," Zane replied impassively. "And if it's my heart that you're concerned about, don't be. I've got my medicine. I just want to go home."

Dr. Noose shook his head. "Your medicine won't cure your condition; all it can do is control it. Another thing: when you leave the hospital, you should always leave in a wheelchair. Patients _never_ walk home."

Zane couldn't tell whether Dr. Noose meant that, or was just being sarcastic, but either way, he gave a quiet, disparaging snort. As long as he had use of his legs, he would use them. In the back of his mind, he associated wheelchairs with the weak and the lame. He would never stoop to that level of vulnerability, even in his present condition. In a tragic sort of way, he deemed it better to burn out in a duel, rather than wither in a damned wheelchair.

"Now don't worry, Mr. Truesdale, we'll just keep you here for one more night or two, for observation. When we're sure that it's safe to, we'll let you go." With a bow of his head, Dr. Noose turned around and left the room. The way he had said that made Zane wonder if these people thought of him as a science experiment, or a convict, or simply a cow that they milked huge chunks of change from. Not that it was his money that paid for all of this; being a Pro Duelist had its medical benefits, like most other jobs.

Nevertheless, he did not intend to wait another night to go home. He glanced towards the window on the right side of the room. He noted how close his bed was positioned next to it before turning his gaze to his sheets. His grip on them tightened.

Zane shook his head in disbelief. _I didn't think I'd have to do this, but if I ever hope to get out of here, I guess I'm going to have to sneak out of the window. Let's see…I'm on the second floor; that's not too far from the ground. Still, I better make sure that I've got enough sheets, first. Don't want to wind up with a broken leg._

Before he put his plan into action, he waited until a little later that evening. By that time, he didn't count on too many people seeing him dangle out the window by a rope of bed sheets.

* * *

"_I would like to hold my lard!_

'_Cause it'll run if left_

_Out for too long, it will!_

"_I would like to hold my lard! _

_Or it'll run, it will, _

_Under the suuuuuuun...SIMIAN WAY!"_

"_Come to me!" _

"_Simian way!"_

"_Come to me!"_

Silpheed squawked his part of the duet on Sara's shoulder, while Sara held on to the railing to support them. She let her legs dangle over the edge, her feet swinging to and fro to the rhythm of their song.

Missy stormed up to the duo with a hairbrush clutched in one hand; the other held an aluminum can of mousse. "Okay, first of all, that's not how the song goes! And second, could you cut out the wailing? What're you trying to do, give everyone in the world a migraine?" Her face was flushed into as dark of a mahogany shade as her hair.

"Singing helps the time go faster," Sara replied, turning her head to smile at Missy. "Oh yeah, do you know what a simian is, by any chance?"

Missy crossed her arms and huffed, "A simian is what you are: a hairy, drooling, simple-minded simian."

Sara hiked up a leg and thoughtfully looked at it from toe to knee. "Aw, shaving's for guys! I like my legs fuzzy."

"_RAWK! _Fuzzy for the win!"

Missy scowled. "Oh, you don't like shaving, but you don't flinch at butchering some poor girl's hair, huh?" Honestly, nothing about her looks had changed except for the lack of "antennae." Other than that, she still looked very much like the insect princess of Obelisk Blue.

Aster had been watching this all from the safety of the control panel inside the yacht. He came outside to intervene before the girls could try throwing each other overboard, gesturing for them both to settle down. "All right, ladies, let's just relax. We're almost there, so let's try to keep our heads on straight, all right?" It felt more like he was talking to two whiny little kids rather than to two teenage girls.

Missy gave a pout and looked out towards the rolling seas that encircled them from all sides. "I've got _my_ head on straight; can't say the same for this chump, though."

"Hey, uh, girl, I think you might want to get off of the railing," Aster warned Sara. "You might fall off."

"I hope she does," Missy mumbled under her breath.

Aster noticed the can of mousse that Missy held in her hand. "Is that my mousse?"

Sara pointed at the can. "That's not a moose! Mooses are big and furry with giant antlers and they make great friends with flying squirrels. What you got there looks more like a can o--_whoa-oa-oa-oa!_"

At the instant Sara began to teeter back and forth, Silpheed jumped off of her shoulder and landed on the deck. Luckily, the crisis was averted when Aster lunged forward to grab her by the arm and pull her back to safety. _Thump! _Onto the deck did she land on her back, her knees buckled.

"I told you that you'd fall off."

Propping herself up by an elbow, Sara sat up and tipped her bucket-hat out of her face. "That was awesome-nity," she laughed. "Let's do that again!"

"How about we don't?" said Aster. He didn't want to be held liable if one of the passengers fell off the boat and drowned. The mere fact that they were on his boat in the middle of the ocean was a liability.

Fortunately, Sara didn't climb back on the railing. Instead, she snatched the mousse out of Missy's clutches. "As I was saying, what you got here is a can of foam." As though she were selling it on Home Shopping Network, she held up the can so it could catch the gleam of the setting sun. "Foam has many uses: to wash your hands, to style your hair, to clean off your desk at the end of the school year, to shave your…um, fuzz, and my personal favorite…"

She paused to pop the cap off and squeeze the nozzle. A thin, swirly stream of white foam hissed out of the can like a snake, splattering along her beak until she looked like a Sonic Duck with rabies.

"…it makes a great plaything, with its versatility and messiness! But don't confuse it with whipped cream, because you can't eat it. Believe me, I've tried." Sara bent over Silpheed and applied a trifle of foam on the top of his head. With two fingers, she pinched all of his crest feathers together and shaped them into a point.

Silpheed fluttered over to a window to admire his reflection. "Oooh…phallic! _RAWK!_"

Aster and Missy rolled their eyes. "Well, I admire your…creativity," said Aster, "but that's my hair mousse, and I'd like it back, if you please."

Sara agreed to give it back, but not without smearing foam around her eyebrows to make it look like she had a wavy uni-brow. As she handed it back to Aster, she playfully wiggled her "brow", failing to recognize that she was squeezing the nozzle again until--

_Sssss!_

A thick, foamy squiggle landed on Aster's face. For a moment, he stood there and gazed at Sara through glazed, half-lidded eyes, while Missy drew back and made a face.

"_RAWK! _Pearl necklace!" squawked Silpheed, bobbing his head up and down.

Piped Sara with a blush, "Whoops! Hang on, I can fix that!"

"No, no, that won't be ne--"

Too late; before Aster could back away, Sara wrapped her feathery cape around his head and practically smothered him. She scrubbed him as if he were a stubborn food stain stuck on a plate, as his hands locked on his wrists and tried to pry her off.

"My God, it's not enough for you to slaughter hair; you get off slaughtering _people_, too!" Missy shrieked, diving into the fray to seize Sara by the shoulders. For at least thirty seconds, the three of them shuffled around the bow in a frantic kind of tango, stepping on each other's heels or toes, with plenty of shouting, gargling and maybe a tad of cursing echoing throughout the vacant seascape. Silpheed perched on the railing and cheered them on.

Eventually, Aster managed to rip Sara and her cape off of his face. With Missy tugging from behind, she and Sara wound up stumbling backward like two Dizzy Angels until Sara stomped on Missy's foot and plummeted to the ground, with poor Missy squashed beneath her. Her disheveled cape fell across Missy's face. None of them said a word for a moment or two; they simply took advantage of the peace to catch their breath.

Aster remained on his feet, but my, what a mess! His face was marred from brow to chin with mousse, his once-perfect silver hair now protruding in all directions, with green feathers stuck to his cheeks and hairline. He looked like a punk rocker that had gotten into a pillow fight and lost. In spite of that, he still didn't blow his top; one really should give him credit for keeping his cool.

Sara tilted her head to one side and shoved her tongue into her cheek. "Hmm, you still got the white stuff here and there. Want me to get it?"

Expelling a lone feather from his mouth in one dignified puff, he snatched up the abandoned mousse that had rolled to one corner of the vessel. He headed back inside the yacht, his face as stiff as a mask. In the meantime, Missy shoved Sara off of her lap in disgust.

"Now look what you did, jackass," she snarled. "You ruined my make-up! I can't see Zane, looking like this!" Staggering back on her feet, she retreated to the stern of the yacht, grumbling under her breath about Sara needing to go to Hell.

"Hey! Ya need help with that?" No answer.

In the brief time she and Silpheed were alone on the bow, Sara turned to him and whispered, "Do you think they'll come back? Gosh, I hope they do."

Missy stayed at the stern, but soon Aster emerged with a small, sleek DVD player. Sara couldn't up but marvel at how well he had cleaned himself up in such a small time frame; he looked as if nothing had happened. Working up a smile, he offered it to Sara.

"I know that you weren't really trying to kill me, and I'm willing to let bygones be bygones…if you promise that you'll behave yourself for the rest of this trip. Do you like _The Master of Oz_?"

At once, her eyes lit up like white Christmas lights. "Do we?" she squealed. "It's one of our most cherished childhood cinematic experiences! Ain't that right, Silpheed?"

Silpheed scratched the side of his head. "Good if you're trippin' on zombie, _RAWK!_"

"That's great, because I've got it right here, if you want to watch it. Can I trust you to stay put and not touch anything else?"

Sara made an L-shape with her hand over her head, her grin stretching from ear to ear. "Cross my heart and hope to fart!"

Aster nodded in approval. "Wonderful. And in case you get hungry, here are some raisins." He paused to fish a small red box of raisins out of his pocket. Silpheed made a face.

While holding the raisins up to her face, Sara said, "Silpheed doesn't like this kind of raisin."

Aster folded his arms across his chest. "Is that so? What does he like?"

Silpheed answered that one himself with a ruffle of his feathers: "_RAWK! _The pink kind!"

What with having two PhDs, Aster was--needless to say--a smart boy; it only took him a second to recognize the innuendo behind the bird's statement. Not that he found it amusing. "Sorry, I don't have that kind. But I think I might have some mixed nuts."

Silpheed flapped his wings in excitement. "_RAWK! _Nuts, nuts, nuts, nuts!"

Not being the type to argue with a cockatoo, Aster shook his head. "You still remember Truesdale's address, don't you?"

Sara flashed a thumbs-up. "Of course, I remember where Ziti lives! Room 113 at White Magical Hat Apartments! Why would I forget?"

"Just checking. Enjoy your flick." With a wave of his hand, Aster turned to head back inside.

"Hey! Aren't you gonna watch it with us?"

Aster stopped in his tracks. "You know, I would love to, except somebody needs to steer this yacht. I hope you don't mind." With that note, he disappeared, neglecting to tell her that he had in fact set the controls to auto-pilot before he ever came outside.

With a shrug, Sara helped Silpheed back on her shoulder, with the raisins in one hand and the DVD player under her arm. The cool, salty evening breeze teased her hair. "C'mon, Silph! Let's go see if Missy will watch with us!" With an extra bounce in her step, she skipped her way towards the back of the boat, belting out the lyrics to a song from the movie: _"We're off to see the Master, the tough ol' Master of Oz, with a scratch on his eye and giant boxing paaaaaws…"_

* * *

Most folks found it frightening to wander the city streets in the dead of night. Zane was not one of those folks; on the contrary, having done it for practically all his life, he always found it mildly pleasant, with the cool evening breeze and the lack of people to harass him. In his black attire, he could've easily passed off as a drifting shadow to a naked eye.

He had only the dim white streetlights to guide him through the darkness. The buildings towered overhead like giant pillars adorned with sequins of light, holding up the stark black vault that was the sky. Aside from an occasional speeding car or the scraping of a stray cat scrounging through a trash can, all was quiet. Nevertheless, he kept his ears up for an ambulance siren. He wasn't sure how long it'd take them to realize his absence, or if they'd ever notice at all; all that mattered was that he would make it home.

A mild spell of dizziness clouded his mind; to ease it, Zane took deep breaths, one breath for every two steps he took. Since he had come down with this condition of his, he was accustomed to feeling dizzy. And not being the type to stop and rest until he got to where he was going, he pressed on.

His perseverance paid off when his eyes focused on the faintly illuminated sign with a white top hat on it. He was home. He could finally drop his guard…well, not really. He never let his guard drop too far. As soon as he trudged up to the threshold of his door, he pulled out his key and undid the lock.

_Click. _

_Creeeaaakk…_

When he stepped inside, he softly shut the door behind him, careful to lock it again. Though it was even darker in his apartment than it was outside, he didn't bother to turn on a light; he had begun to quiver from exhaustion. Instead, he eased himself onto the sofa, the nearest piece of furniture. His heart wasn't hurting this time, but nevertheless, he felt limp.

With his head hanging down, Zane shut his eyes, listening to his own breath echo across the room. He was on his way of falling asleep, when--

_Zzzzz!_

His doorbell shattered the silence and jolted him back into total consciousness. Who on Earth could be ringing his bell at such a late hour? The paramedics? Had they followed him home? No, that couldn't be; he would've heard their siren, if they had.

_Zzzzz! Zzzzz! Zzzzz! _

Apparently, whoever was at the door didn't intend to leave until he got an answer. Rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes, he staggered back on his feet. His fingers laced around the cold door-knob, he opened the door.

_Creeeaaakk…_

There at his step stood the silhouettes of three demon-children sent to torment him! Or four, if one counted the bird that perched on one of their shoulders. Actually, no, they weren't demons. But they certainly weren't people Zane wished to see, especially this late at night.

_Zzzzz! Zzzzz! Zzzzz! Zzzzzz! _

The figure on the right kept ringing the doorbell, even though Zane had opened the door. So his free hand wandered around the inside wall until it rested on a light switch. With a flick of his switch, his porch light sparked on, showering a hazy, yellow light on his visitors: Aster, Missy, Sara and Silpheed. Just seeing them made his heart sink, while the bell made his head throb.

_Zzzz-zzzz-zzzz-zzzz! _

Sara probably would've kept going until the batteries ran dry, had it not been for Silpheed's nipping her on the ear lobe.

"Ow!" She didn't stay in pain for long, for when she noticed Zane scowling at her in the doorway, she flashed him the biggest and cheekiest grin he had ever seen. Missy's grin looked even creepier, the glint in her eye indicating that she was dangerously close to tackling him. Sara, on the other hand, beat her to the chase; before Zane had the chance to slam the door on them, she locked his head in her arm and gave him the most enthusiastic noogie she had ever given him. Missy's eyes instantly set ablaze with envy.

"Ha-ha, Ziti! Are we happy to see you!" she rambled like a sugar-high squirrel. "Didja miss us, didja, didja, _didjadidjadidja?_ 'Cause man, did we miss you! We missed everyone on his whole livelong planet!"

"_RAWK! _'Specially the chicks!"

Her grip on him was almost as tight as a Chinese finger-trap's, but he managed to pry her off of him. He waved a hand in front of her face to mutely demonstrate his personal space.

But as usual, she got the wrong message. She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. "Are you miming?"

Aster cupped his chin between two of his fingers and smirked. "All you have to do now is paint your face white, dab on some eyeliner and dress like a black-and-white queer. Oh, wait…you already do."

Both Missy and Zane fired bitter looks at the quip-cracker, though Missy had more of a streak of murderous intention flashing in her eyes.

With a shrug, Aster added, "I'm just kidding. Anyhow, sorry we didn't get here sooner. Miss Bundle-of-Sunshine here had to stop and hug every stranger we passed. Got us in trouble once or twice…"

Sara rocked on her heels and beamed. "We're just grateful to not be the last people on Earth, is all."

Aster turned to look Zane in the eyes. "Yeah, you're probably wondering what we're doing at your place at…" He paused to glance at his digital watch. "…two-fifteen in the morning. So I'll just cut to the chase: we—"

Suddenly, Sara clapped a hand over Aster's mouth. "Wait, wait! Let _me _tell 'im! I'm the one who's dressed like a messenger!"

Missy snorted, "You're dressed like a moron."

Taking a deep breath, Sara opened her mouth to speak, only to freeze up instead, like a video game character about to deliver the coup de grace when the game experienced an error.

The scowl on Zane's face deepened. "You forgot why you're here, didn't you?" he guessed coldly. He could tell this by her blank face and gaping mouth.

Hastily, Sara shook her head. "No, wait! I _do_ remember why we're here! We were s'posed to tell you something important, and it's _really _important because I remember it's being really important. Now…if I can just remember what the heck that really important thing was." Tongue thrust into her cheek, she tapped on her bucket-hat. "Silpheed, do you know?"

Silpheed shook his head, a dreamy gleam in his eyes. "Nope! Too busy chasing booty all day, _RAWK!_"

"Missy?"

"Don't look at me; I just came along because I heard that you were going to see Zaney." She spared a flirtatious wink in Zane's direction; it triggered a nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he remained stony-faced.

Sara cupped a hand behind her head and grinned sheepishly, her face as pink as the inside of a watermelon. "I'm sorry, we've been through a lot. Hiding in a dark hole, then being the last two people on Earth…yeah, it's been nuts."

"NUTS! _RAWK!_"

"You understand, right? Heh-heh-heh, no big deal; I just need to jog my memory, is all. Ziti, you got a frying pan?"

"Why would you need a frying pan?" asked Aster.

"If I bonk myself with it, then I'll remember," said Sara matter-of-factly. She didn't bother to ask Zane if she could come inside; she just dipped underneath his arm like an eel through an arch of coral. Missy followed suit, not being the kind of girl to turn down the chance to enter a celebrity's abode, particularly if she was crushing on him. On her way, her surfboard-sized hair whacked his side with the force of a plank of wood. Not willing to express weakness in front of company, Zane forced himself to refrain from wincing or gritting his teeth. Believe it, that wasn't easy.

He turned around to kick the girls out of his apartment, when Aster grabbed him by his broad shoulder. "Let them go. What're they going to do, burn down the whole building? Line's got to be drawn somewhere."

"…Phoenix, this isn't your apartment they're running around in. It's _mine_."

"Well, you didn't have to carry them across the sea on your yacht. Look, do you want your message now, or what? Are you too busy to come back to Duel Academy for a while?"

At the mention of his old school, Zane fell still. "…Why?"

Aster's lips tightened into a thin line as he let go of Zane. "I realize how strange this is going to sound, but…the school has been sent to another dimension."

Zane remembered the news segment he had seen on T.V. back at the hospital. It didn't sound so strange, hearing it the second time around. "…And?"

"The team needs your help. They need someone who can generate enough duel energy to help bring them back home."

At once, "Strange" stamped itself into Zane's head in bold black ink. This was a joke, right? "How's that going to work?"

Aster blinked. "I don't know; that's all I heard about the whole situation. I'm sure you'll get more details about it when we go back, provided that you'll go with us, of course."

For a moment, neither gentleman said another word. While Aster waited for an answer, Zane meditated over the proposal. In a way, it felt ironic for reasons that only he would understand (Unrealistic, huh?). But at the same time, he sensed an opportunity, an opportunity in favor of his personal quest. Though it was too soon to determine if it would work out exactly the way he wanted, Zane couldn't let this pass him by. Instinct jolted him to full alertness.

Of course, rather than appear excited, he looked the other way. "Whatever. What have I got to lose?" he grumbled nonchalantly. Zane was a strange fellow.

Aster made a smug half-smile. "All right, then. In that case, we'd better get over there right away. You mind going out in the middle of the night?"

_Thump! _

Both duelists peered into the apartment, finding practically every light flicked on. The thump had come from—not-so-surprisingly—Zane's bedroom. The two dashed towards the open room, where they found the girls and cockatoo helping themselves to the contents in his closet. Well, the girls were in his closet; Silpheed had broken into his drawers and was now parading around the floor with a pair of blue boxer-briefs over his head.

Missy stuck her nose into the sleeve of one of the sleek black coats that she had snatched off of its hanger. She inhaled deeply and stumbled backward, as if she'd sniffed a container of paint thinner. Zane was just plucking the underpants off of Silpheed when he saw Missy tumbling towards him out of the corner of his eye. Only for his own sake, he caught her from underneath the arms.

She looked up at him, a dazed smile creasing her lips. "My dream come true: my prince catches me when I fall."

Aster stifled a snicker. "Well, at least they're not burning the place down."

In the meantime, Sara popped out of the closet. "Why do your clothes all look the same? Why not just wear the same thing every day, if you like it so much? Back at school, they only let you wear your uniform. So I make the best of it. And when it's laundry day? Heh, I just climb into the washer and take a _spin_!"

She rapped on the wall: _ta-tap, RAP!_

That was when Zane noticed that Sara had taken the bucket off of her head and replaced it with a crown…which wasn't a crown at all, but actually one of the electric collars that he kept in his briefcase. Heaven knows how she'd gotten into it, or why she wasn't trying to find a frying pan; she'd probably forgotten about that, too.

He set Missy on the floor and stormed after the girl. "Scinner, take that off your head," he growled.

"Aw, come on, Ziti, there's no shame in playing a little dress-up!" Sara climbed on top of his bed and started to bounce on top of it. "Get this, I'm Princess Sara! I decree that everyone do the Toon Hop." The bed squeaked dreadfully under her feet.

Zane made a grab at her. "Give that back, you'll—"

He stopped before he could say "hurt yourself." Nevertheless, if she did hurt herself, he'd be held liable. He grabbed at her again; she simply jumped to the other side of the bed.

"Nuh-uh-uh! You can't play card games if your fists are always clenched."

Why was it that people loved to waste Zane's time?

"And that means, 'don't be such a selfish shellfish, silly!' This, I decree because _I'm the princess of the castle!_"

From the floor, Missy mumbled, "More like the dirty—"

_ZZZZZZT! _

A ring of brilliant red energy whirled around her head. Without so much as a yelp, Sara collapsed on the wrecked bed like a fallen deer. The room fell deathly silent.

Silpheed fluttered up to her side and nudged her under her cheek. "Sara! Sara! _RAWK! _Sara!"

"Oh, boy," muttered Aster.

_She's not dead. These collars have yet to directly kill anyone. But at least she's not jumping around, anymore. _

Zane reached out to pluck the collar off of her head. Her hair had shot out in every direction until she looked like Harpie Lady Three. Indeed, she wasn't dead. In fact, rather than gradually gaining consciousness like most others would if they were electrocuted, she snapped upward like a mouse trap, arms at her sides and eyes as wide as Frisbees.

"Sweet Mother of Mirth, what was _that?! _Whoa…why does everything look blue?" She reached up to touch the top of her head.

_Zzzt! _

"Ow! The hell, did I just get a haircut?" Sara scrambled off the bed and into the bathroom. Moments later, she returned with a latex shower cap over her head. Picking up her bucket, she pulled it over the cap.

"Okay, Ziti, you can be Princess. I just want to be Sara," she said with a wince.

Zane clicked his briefcase shut. "Wouldn't want it any other way," he mumbled under his breath.

"In the meantime, you don't mind if I borrow this here cap, do ya? I dunno how or why, but rubber nullifies electricity, right? Ooh, and P.S.: It's a miracle! I just remembered what I was gonna tell ya! I—"

He shot out a hand. "Save your breath. Phoenix told me everything."

"…Oh. Um, okay." Sara seemed to shrink a little with disappointment. As she hoisted Silpheed up to her shoulder, she asked, "So that means you're coming with us?"

Missy got up and dusted herself off. "Of course, he's coming! Because he loves me!" She followed closely behind Zane, trying to lock arms with him. He simply shook her off without sparing even half a glance at her.

"Can you all just get out of my apartment?" He slipped around Aster and led the group out of the room.

With a nod, Aster replied mockingly, "Ah, sure thing…_Ziti_."

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	19. Act Nineteen

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT NINETEEN**_

The two men stood at the bow of the yacht, coffee mugs clutched in their hands; even with the lack of sleep, they needed to remain awake for the task that lay ahead of them. Exhaustion clouded their eyes, but neither would acknowledge it. Behind them, the sun was just starting to crown the horizon, washing the darkness out with blends of violet and orange. The waves gently rocked the yacht back and forth like a cradle.

By the starboard, Missy applied fresh mascara to her eyelashes, watching Zane from out of the corner of her eye. Sara twirled about on tiptoe, belting out sour notes to a song she and Silpheed had made up to pass the time.

"_Don't you kinda love the mornin', _

_When the sun looks like an egg_

_Sunny-side-up on a plate, _

_And the clouds look like bacon?_

"_The sky's like spilled orange juice, _

_Only the mess looks pretty, _

_It's breakfast for the eyes--" _

"_A time for love-makin'! RAWK!" _

Missy huffed as she put away her make-up. She whirled around and pointed towards the stern. "You want to sing about the sunrise? Go over there, where the sun's rising. And if you think about jumping off, please do."

Zane turned to Aster. "Why did you bring them along, in the first place?"

Aster shrugged. "Duck Girl said she knew where you lived, which is remotely odd." He paused to take a sip of his coffee. "Especially since she turned out to be right. Does she stalk you in her spare time, or what?"

Though Zane refused to acknowledge knowing Sara in any way, he thought to himself, _In a way. _

"And the other girl's a fan girl of yours. She wanted to see you. I don't say no to a request, so long as she isn't a fan girl of mine. You know how it is…Ziti," Aster added with a smirk.

Zane glowered at the younger one, but didn't say a word. Phoenix was trying to rattle his chain. Speaking of "rattle," just then, Sara squeezed in between the two, jarring Aster's elbow with her own and--

_Splat!_

--splashing steaming black coffee all over the front of poor Aster's suit. Watching him recoil gave Zane a turn to smirk.

Sara set a foot on the railing and squinted at the horizon in front of them. Her grin seemed to stretch up to her ears and a little behind them. With a finger pointing towards the open sea, she declared, _"LAAAAAND-HOOOOO!" _

Silpheed bobbed up and down with anticipation. "Hoes?! Where, where? _RAWK!_"

"Over there, buddy! See that little triangle on the horizon?"

The cockatoo leaned forward for a closer look. "Looks like Mai's boob! _RAWK!_"

Sara spun around to face the Pro Duelists, lifting her hands to offer high-fives to each of them. "Boys, our years lost at sea are done and done!"

Neither of them shared a high-five. Instead, Zane said, "We've only been out here for a couple of hours."

Not wanting to be left out, Missy sauntered up to the bow and scooted close to Zane's left flank. "With _her_ on the ship, it's sure felt like years."

Aster could not contribute to the conversation, for he was preoccupied with the dripping black stain. Sara noticed this, and advised, "Whoa, coffee catastrophe. You should suck it out before the stain sets in. That's what I do when I spill juice on my shirt."

Aster shot her a look, a funny look in an Aster-esque kind of way. "I'll keep that in mind. If you'll excuse me, I need to change." So he departed for the cabin with his head held high. In the meantime, Sara punched Zane in the shoulder.

"Skies are crystal-clear; that's a good omen, pal. So, Ziti, are you psyched about going back to Duel Academy, bringing everyone back home and all?" He didn't answer; he kept his gaze fixed on the island that grew ever larger as the boat crawled towards it. If the team planned to harvest energy from him, he guessed that he would have to duel. But who would he duel? Would it be worth it? A gentle morning breeze teased his hair.

Sara raised an eyebrow. "Um…Ziti? Earth to Ziti?" She snapped her fingers in front of Zane's face. He didn't even blink.

Silpheed ruffled his feathers. "Dead? _RAWK!_"

"No, he can't be dead, or else his old dead self would be up there where all the dead people go when they die."

Missy pouted. "Of course, he's not dead, idiot. Can't you tell that he's busy being cool?"

Sara shoved her tongue in her cheek. "So this is what cool people do, huh? Nothing?" Just to see if she could elicit a reaction, she made a variety of strange faces at him. She pulled on her eyelids. She made an O-shape with her mouth and slapped her cheeks like they were bongos. She even got daring enough to cross her eyes and pick her nose…with her tongue. That was a trick of hers that she was especially proud of, since she didn't know many people who could touch their nose with their tongue, much less pick it.

Missy begged to differ; she turned as green as a Pinch Hopper. Clapping a hand over her mouth, she gagged, "_UGH! _What the hell's wrong with you?!"

Sara pulled her tongue out of her nose and grinned. "Well, you know the old saying: you gotta keep your nose clean. Ain't that right, Silpheed?" As though this were a joke, Silpheed tapped against Sara's bucket-hat:

_Ta-tap, RAP!_

Missy turned away with a flip of her hair. "Hmph, it's painfully obvious that you've never had a boyfriend in your whole pathetic life."

Sara sidled around Zane to sling an arm around Missy's shoulder, much to her annoyance. "Oh, quite contrary, Mary! I've got plenty of boy-friends, like Farley from back home, and my dad, and my Uncle Bert, and my grandpa, and of course, Silpheed--" she paused to pat the cockatoo on the top of his head, "--and Sheppy, and Ziti--"

At once, Missy ripped Sara off of her shoulders, her face twisted up in a grimace. "Hon, I always knew that you were sick, but come on! Leave Zane alone; he's mine! And stop calling him 'Ziti!'"

As she rocked on her heels, Sara chuckled, "Hey, hey, hey, I never said that we couldn't _all_ be friends."

"_RAWK! _Friendship orgy!"

Missy placed a hand on her hip. "Yeah, sorry, but that's one association I can live without, thank you very much."

Zane still didn't say a word. In fact, rather than watching Sara excavate her nose, or listening to the girls bicker, he focused on the dock, which was now a mere half-mile away. Couldn't this yacht of Aster's go any faster?

Speaking of Aster, the boy re-emerged from the cabin in a clean white suit. He strolled up behind Zane with a tiny smirk on his face. "Ah, looks like we're almost there. Hope you're at the top of your game, Truesdale; the fate of Duel Academy depends on it. Feel angry enough, or do you need a little more encouragement?"

* * *

"Ah, Zane, jou could not have picked a better time to show up!" exclaimed the frizzy-haired Professor Eisenstein, who was the first to greet the gang at the instant they touched land and found the crater where Duel Academy used to stand. "Ve vere just about to contact jou. How did jou know about zis arrangement beforehand?"

Sara leapt in front of the others with a smile. "Easy: by way of the Quick Quack Express, Doc! Told ya that we knew where he lived, didn't we, Silpheed?"

Ignoring what she'd said, Eisenstein beckoned the gang to follow him. "Vell, ze important zing is zat jou're here. Now, jou are probably vondering how zis will work. If jou vill come viz me, I vill explain everyzing." So they followed Eisenstein, with Sara and Silpheed trailing behind the others. While Eisenstein relayed the plan involving the fabled Rainbow Dragon, a fit of giggles overwhelmed them both because of how funny the professor sounded.

"You think that guy's a cousin of Einstein's?" Sara snickered.

"Or identical twins, _RAWK!_"

"Yeah, he looks old enough to be, huh? And science-y enough."

The professor stopped in front of a heavily armored truck parked near the front of the crater. A member of his team burst from the back of it with an urgent message: "Professor, come quick! We believe to have found a way to contact the students!"

Eisenstein's grey eyes lit up. "Oh, my! Zane, vait here. If everyzing is to go according to plan, ve'll need the students' cooperation." He disappeared into the back of the truck, with Aster following him for some ambiguous reason that Zane honestly couldn't care less about. On the other hand, he was left with two obnoxious girls and a cockatoo.

Missy scooted up extra-close until her hair brushed against his back side. "You know, I've watched every single one of your duels," she told him sweetly. "Even when you were on that losing streak, I still thought you were hot."

Zane stepped five paces towards the truck. Seeing him do this turned Missy as pink as a peach. "Oh my gosh, I didn't touch a nerve, did I? I-I'm sorry!"

Meanwhile, Sara and Silpheed stood at the edge of the hole and gazed into it; they still couldn't get over how deep it was. "I swear, this thing must go all the way to Albuquerque."

Missy shouted after them, "Well, how about I push you in there so you can find out for yourself?"

_Beep, beep, beep, beep…_

Everyone turned their attention to the horizon, over which a long, massive platform rumbled with a great white satellite dish attached to one end of it and hologram projectors on the sides. A man with two flags waved his arms in every direction as he led the device to the spot the team had intended it to go.

Fortunately, Sara was smart enough to dash well out of the way in the instant she realized that the thing was rolling her way. Hiding behind a white marker, she and Silpheed peeked out to watch the platform slow down to a halt over the edge of the crater. It looked like a giant diving board over an empty pool, or a runway for an airplane to take off from.

"Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, that's the biggest thingamajig I've ever seen," breathed Sara. "And the longest!"

"_RAWK! _I'm longer than that!"

As Zane ambled past them, he mumbled, "Those sex-jokes of yours have gotten stale since chapter one, I hope you know that."

Silpheed ruffled his feathers, his crest feathers falling flat on his head. "Someone needs to get laid, big time!" he barked, which was strange, because birds couldn't actually bark.

Dr. Eisenstein climbed off of the truck--Lord knew why he had climbed on top of it to begin with--and called to the duelist: "Zane, we are waiting for your opponent to get in position. In the meantime, get into your position on the inter-dimensional duel synchronizer and wait for further instruction."

Zane didn't like being ordered about; nevertheless, he climbed onto the platform, duel disk on his arm, and stood on the end of it, in front of the dish. He fixed his gaze on the opposite end, expecting a holographic image of his opponent to show up some time within the next three minutes.

Aster emerged from the truck and leaned against a marker to see how this would play out. Sara and Silpheed climbed on top of the marker they were hiding behind, while Missy squirmed at Sara's right flank. Suddenly--

_Zzzzt! _

A fuzzy, pinkish image appeared at the end of a platform. A boy with wild cerulean hair and a blue vest stood at the center of this image, smirking at Zane; he recognized him immediately to be none other than Jesse Andersen.

Sara and Silpheed fidgeted with excitement. She waved an arm in the air. "Hey, look, it's that Jesse guy! Hi, Jesse! The aliens haven't ripped the others' faces off already, have they?"

_Yes! _He'd get his wish to duel the boy with the Crystal Beasts, after all! This alone was enough to spark that white-hot fire in his being that ignited every time he was about to duel a worthy opponent. Zane's lips curled into a replying smirk. "Andersen, we can't hold anything back! The only way to generate enough energy is to duel like we're mortal enemies…and that's just what I plan on doing. All right, Jesse, I hope you're ready to duel."

Jesse's image nodded. "You know it!" His voice was slightly distorted into an echo by the transmission, but this took almost nothing away from his coherence or accent.

"Now remember what Professor Eisenstein said. This duel has to create enough duel energy to expand the portal between our two worlds, so that we can send you the Rainbow Dragon card."

"Then let's git our game on!"

However, the two did not get their game on right away. First they waited for the signal, whatever the signal may be, staring each other down while they did. Blankets of dark clouds billowed overhead, blotting out the previously clear skies. Save for the helicopters that hummed above them like dragonflies, the island fell into a momentary but deafening silence, as though they were in the midst of the eye of a storm.

Eisenstein's thick German accent slashed through the silence like butter: "Attention! Ve have ze Rainbow Dragon! Now you must both duel like you've never dueled before. Realize zat if one of jou should forfeit or drop out, ze portal vill be lost, as vill ze chances of jou getting home."

"You ready?" Zane called out to Andersen.

"Ha, more thin ever!"

"Then let's do this." So the two unlocked their duel disks and each drew their six cards. Already, everyone was at the edge of their seat.

Zane claimed the first turn, since…well, he just called it. "I play the Spell, Graceful Charity! It allows me to draw three cards from my deck, and in return, I send two cards from my hand to the Grave." He discarded two monsters: Cyber Phoenix and Cyber Ouroboros.

"Why throw two perfectly good cards out? Heck, you know what's an even graceful-er charity? Drawing three cards, and then taking the two back for store credit."

Silpheed tapped on the side of her bucket: _ta-tap, RAP!_

Aster and Missy glared at Sara. Zane, on the other hand, did not hear a word she said. When he dueled, all of his senses remained on the duel and only the duel, like standing in a tunnel. Thus, he continued his turn by holding up a monster card. "Now I summon Proto Cyber Dragon!"

**ATK: 1100**

**DEF: 600**

An eyeless, mechanical snake coiled behind Zane, its mouth agape. But it didn't stay there for long. Moments after it appeared, Zane played another Spell. "Next, I activate Overload Fusion! This allows me to remove any Fusion-material monsters from my field or Graveyard. Then I can summon a Machine-type monster."

"That's quite a move. Jesse's sure got his work cut out for him," observed Aster.

"Well, it's not Zane's fault that he's the better duelist," snorted Missy, her fingers laced around her locket. "Go, Zaney!"

With his clenched fist up to his chest, Zane declared, "By removing, Proto Cyber, Cyber Phoenix, and Cyber Ouroboros…I can then summon Chimeratech Over Dragon! By sacrificing those three monsters, my Chimeratech gains 800 Attack Points for each one, for a total of 2400 Points." Sure enough, as soon as the black mass of steel arose from the ground, three snake-like heads roared out from three of its orifices, all of them enraged.

Silpheed bobbed up and down, like he'd seen something arousing. _"RAWK! Sausage fest!"_

"Yeah, bratwurst bonanza!" Sara chimed in.

"But it doesn't stop there: my Over Dragon can attack you directly three times per round."

Jesse's eyes shimmered with mild anxiety. "Um…did you say 'three attacks a round'?"

Rather than confirm this, Zane selected a monster from his hand, Infernal Dragon, and discarded it by way of his Ouroboros's ability. "And there's more: by removing my Ouroboros from play, I can send a card to my Graveyard and draw." He drew a new card, the Spell known as Future Fusion. The mere sight of it broadened the smirk on his face. With this card, he'd soon have _two _powerhouses on his side of the field.

"Now I play _Future Fusion! _With this, if I send Fusion-material monsters from my deck to my Graveyard--" he paused to pull out his deck, "--when I'm in my second Standby Phase, I can summon my Cyber End Dragon!" Finding the three Cyber Dragons he needed amidst the rest of his cards, he promptly discarded them in the slot on his duel disk that was the Graveyard.

Even Aster grew wide-eyed at how much Zane in done in a single turn; the first one, at that. "Wow, Cyber End Dragon? Zane's definitely keeping up his end of the bargain. Now it's up to Jesse; hope he's ready. Because if he doesn't fight back, we might not be able to get him back."

Sara slid off of the marker and hopped over to Aster. She tapped on his shoulder. "Hey, you got a piece of paper and a pencil?"

He looked back at the jokers. "Dare I ask, why?"

"Silph and I wanna put Zane in the record books for the longest turns in dueling history."

_Ta-tap, RAP! _

Aster narrowed his eyes. "You're just a joke a minute, aren't you?"

"What? It's not like we want to put him down for the boring-est turns in history."

On the platform, Jesse's anxiety quickly melted into a burst of confidence, not mere bravado, but genuine boldness. His smile returned to his face as he pumped his fist into the air. "I gotta hand it to ya, Zane! Ya see, I herd that you were good, bu' so far, you've been great! Yer Cyber End Dragon's gonna be quite the challenge! Hope ya don' lose, 'fore I git a chance ta take it down."

For a moment, Zane couldn't help but notice how similar this boy was to Jaden, from the twinkle in his eyes to the brash smile on his lips. That alone showed much promise, but what with the duel having just started, he had yet to see if Jesse's skills were as brilliant as Jaden's.

He snarled, "How dare you talk to me like that! Hope that deck of yours can back it up! Now let's see what you're made of."

As Jesse drew a new card, he exclaimed, "You want it? Then you've got it; I summon Crystal Beast, Amethyst Cat!" Playing the card he had drawn, a jagged purple gem materialized out of a circle of light, only to shatter into the form of a nimble pink panther, crouched into a hunting position and growling.

**ATK: 1200**

**DEF: 400**

Predictably, Sara and Silpheed gave a simultaneous yelp, leaping behind Aster's back to cower from Jesse's monster. Aster looked at the two and rolled his eyes. "I'm not even going to ask."

Next, Jesse activated a Spell. "Now I play Crystal Release, which gives my kitty some extra claws, as in 800 additional Attack Points."

**ATK: 2000**

With a fist raised up to his face, Jesse stepped forward. "And check this out: due to 'er special ability, if I slice 'er Attack Points…she's allowed ta attack right now!" With a wave of his arm, his Cat bounded towards Zane with 1000 Attack Points, its eyes glowing like the jewel it was named after. It gave a vicious snarl just before it appeared over Zane's head, where it hovered for only a heartbeat before it slashed right through his torso with its claws outstretched. Since it was just a holographic creature, it passed through him like a phantom. Still, it left a twinge in his chest that made him recoil on contact. But as soon as the Cat disappeared, Zane quickly shook it off with an inaudible chuckle and a smirk.

**Zane's LP: 3000**

**Jesse's LP: 4000**

Despite their irrational fear of cats, Sara and Silpheed peeked behind Aster's shoulder and had seen the attack; it scared them right back into cowering. "M-M-Mother of mirth, it gave him cat scratch fever!"

"Oh my gosh!" gasped Missy with her knuckles up to her mouth. "Zaney, are you all right?!"

"I place this card face down an' end m' turn," Jesse concluded once Amethyst Cat returned to his side.

Zane glanced down at his hand: Polymerization, Cyber Dark Horn, Cyber Dark Keel and Cyber Dark Edge. With that in mind, one can easily guess what he intended to do for his next turn. He huffed, "Please, I doubt any face-down you have can stop this. I fuse my Cyber Dark Horn, Dark Keel and Dark Edge…to create Cyber Dark Dragon!" A grotesque, spiny serpentine beast materialized behind Zane, shaped almost like a dragon's skeleton.

**ATK: 1000**

**DEF: 1000**

"With its special ability, if there's a Dragon-type monster in my Graveyard, it absorbs its Attack Points. So that means Cyber Dark Dragon's strength intensifies!" Intensified, it did, as soon as Infernal Dragon appeared in Cyber Dark's stubby legs.

**ATK: 3000**

"And then, for every monster in my Grave, it gains another hundred Points, so my Dragon gets even stronger!"

**ATK: 3600**

"W-Wow, that thing's like a sheet of Bounty: it's a super-absorbent quicker picker-upper, only it's not quilted," exclaimed Sara.

"_Sssh!_ Here comes the good part!" hissed Missy.

"Cyber Dark Dragon, attack with Dark Cyber Stream!" A spectrum of black energy fired from the howling monster's six horns, directly into Jesse's image. Zane must've been right about Jesse's face-down being useless against his assault, for even as the stream reached his Amethyst Cat, he did not activate it.

_KA-BOOM! _

**Jesse's LP: 2400**

**Zane's LP: 3000**

Thick clouds of smoke billowed across the screen. From somewhere in the background, Zane thought he heard a faint scream about a portal. Had his attack widened it? It better had, even if only slightly.

Missy bounced up and down like a cheerleader. "Yeah, you got a bull's-eye!" she squealed with delight.

Silpheed watched her dance in place with a raised brow. "_RAWK! _Shake your money-maker!"

As soon as the smoke cleared, Jesse was back on his feet--though a bit out of breath--with a jagged amethyst occupying the spot where his Cat used to be. "W-With my Amethyst Cat destroyed, she becomes a Crystal in my Spell and Trap Zone. And because Cyber Dark also took out Crystal Release, I'm allowed to search my deck for another Crystal…like Ruby!" On the left of the Amethyst, a smaller and vivid red ruby appeared.

"Those won't help. Nothing can stop my attacks," Zane taunted. "After all, you're wide open. Chimeratech Over Dragon, _attack!_" All three of the Dragon's heads unleashed a hissing stream of white lightning from their gaping jaws.

As he watched the attack penetrate the screen onto Jesse's side, he added with a scowl, "Don't forget: this attack is for your own good."

But like a cowboy, Jesse was quick on the draw…or rather, the activation of his face-down. "Not so fast, I reveal m' face-down, Crystal Pair!" The spirit forms of a white tiger and a winged horse sprang from the card and landed in between Jesse's Crystal and the assault, serving as a barrier against it. The light shot in every direction like sunlight on a mirror.

Zane saw this through widened eyes. Perhaps it'd been a misnomer to pronounce his field as "wide open?"

"Sorry, Zane, but with two Crystals on the field, my Crystal Pair Trap card cancels yer attack. It also lets me pick out another Crystal." Joining the first two gems was an oval-shaped emerald half-buried in rock, but its crustiness took nothing away from its elegance.

"Ooooh, you got Rick-rolled!" said Sara, pointing a finger at the dark duelist.

"Hn, not a bad combo," Zane commented casually. Jesse should've felt honored; Zane hardly said something like that to anyone he had ever dueled. Suddenly, he heard a boy on Jesse's side cry out something about "Duel Ghouls," and how they could stop this duel. He had no idea what was going on over there, but he did know for sure: they could not stop this duel, under any circumstances. They still lacked the amount of adequate duel energy. That, and this duel--though he dared not say it aloud--was becoming quite interesting.

"We don't have the duel energy we need! Buy us some time," he barked. He couldn't see if they did just that, nor was that really in his control. All he could do was carry on dueling.

"What's going on over there?" Sara chirped, her head raising a little higher over Aster's shoulder. "Are they getting harassed by aliens? T-Tell 'em to watch out, or they'll rip off their faces!"

"_RAWK! _Bite 'em in the 'nads!"

In the meantime, Jesse drew a card. "It's still my go, so I summon Crystal Beast, Sapphire Pegasus!" From a deep blue sapphire hatched a magnificent white horse with wings outstretched and a horn in the center of its forehead as shiny and blue as the jewel it was named after.

**ATK: 1800**

**DEF: 1200**

Jumping off of its hind legs, it took to the air with a triumphant whinny, its horn glowing like a signal. "Zane, in case you di'n't know it, when m' Pegasus is summoned to the field, another Crystal gits summoned, like so!" A fourth gem, a smooth, round amber, shimmered in between the emerald and the ruby.

At once, the ruby began to glow. "And now I activate Ruby Carbuncle's special ability. See, when she's in my Spell and Trap Zone, I'm allowed to summon every Crystal Beast that's thar, as well. Go, Ruby Rampage!"

**ATK: 300**

No sooner had a tiny, purple four-eared fox broke out of its prison, it flagged its tail, the jewel at the end glaring like a ruddy beacon. Its light showered life into the other three jewels.

"Allow me to innerduce…Amethyst Cat--"

**ATK: 1200**

"--Emerald Turtle--"

**ATK: 600**

"--and Amber Mammoth!"

**ATK: 1700**

"And finally…I'll throw down a couple of face-downs."

Sara rubbed her eyes out, as though she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "Whoa! Lions and tigers and bears!"

"Oh, my! _RAWK!_"

By this point, Aster and Missy had had about enough of their mouths. "Hey, shut up, will you?"

"What? We're just trying to make things funnier," said Sara with a sheepish grin.

"Well, cut that out; it's obnoxious," Aster scolded. "What're you trying to do: make the guys lose their focus so they can't bring the others back home?"

Sara looked at him as if he'd spoken in Turkish. "Oh, that's why they're dueling?"

Missy slapped herself in the face, while Aster looked almost sympathetic. "…Yeah. That's the whole reason why we're here. Where've _you_ been?"

Replied Sara blankly, "I've been everywhere, man, I've been everywhere." Silpheed nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, things were heating up; in Zane's eyes, anyway. "Nice move. Now this was I was hoping for: a challenge." He drew a new card with a swipe of his arm. "Now prepare yourself; this is the moment you've been eagerly awaiting. With the effect of Future Fusion, I can now summon…_CYBER END DRAGON!_"

From a vortex of swirling clouds, a pillar of blinding light shot into the platform, swallowing Zane and his monsters whole. From behind him, the light gradually took shape of a metallic, winged, three-head serpent: the largest of all of his beasts.

**ATK: 4000**

**DEF: 2800**

Missy was on her knees, bowing to the monster as though it were a god. "I've gone totally blind by its radiance!" she shrieked.

"_RAWK! _We got flashed!"

"_Puff the Cyber End Dragon lived by the sea, _

_And frolicked in the autumn mist of the island, Duel Academy…!" _

"All right, that does it," Missy mumbled to no one in particular. From out of her jacket, she pulled out a bag of candy, a bag of monster-shaped gummies, and started to make a trail that led to a nearby tent. It didn't take long for the jokers to spot the colorful assortment on the ground.

Sara grinned with a lick on her lips. "Well, aren't we lucky, Silpheed? I spy a piece of candy!" Disregarding the five-second rule, she picked a red gummy shaped like Big Shield Guardna and popped it in her mouth.

"Ooh, another piece of candy!" She picked up a second gummy, a yellow one shaped like Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts. She would've shared with Silpheed, except that birds could not eat gummies. They followed the trail that way until they found themselves in front of a large, olive-green tent, twenty-two feet from their original spot. They didn't suspect a thing as they crawled inside to find any more fruit-flavored gummies…

_Swish!_

From behind them, Missy unrolled the tent flap, sealing them both inside. "Sorry, kiddo," she grumbled, "but you're going to have to stay out of the way until this is over." As she raced back to the platform so she wouldn't miss any action, she added, "By the way Zaney is playing, that shouldn't take long."

Jesse had just activated one of his face-downs, the Trap known as Crystal Fortress. "Ya see, win this card is activated, each Crystal Beast that I have on the field is counted as 1000 Points," he explained. "And a monster with total or less Attack Points can't attack."

"So Jesse's safe from Zane's Dragon," said Aster.

An unpleasant smirk reappeared on Zane's lips (his facial expression tended to fluctuate between smirking and scowling, especially when he dueled). Indeed, anyone who challenged him had no solid guarantee of refuge. "Aster, let me redefine the definition of the word 'safe' for you. Now I cast…Power Load!" One should've seen the stars in Missy's eyes by the way he said that. Once he played the Spell, a gadget appeared in mid-air that separated into two bolts that each attached themselves to either side of Cyber End. From out of each of the bolts sprang two plugs that struck Chimeratech and Cyber Dark by their sides. Blue electricity pulsed through the plugs and charged Cyber End like a battery.

"Thanks to this Spell, my Cyber End Dragon gains 400 Points for each attack that my Chimeratech and Cyber Dark Dragon can make. So with an extra 1600 Attack Points," he roared above the hissing energy, "Cyber End is strong enough to send a little fury your way. You came close to putting an end to my Dragon, but too bad you and your Crystals came up short! Looks like your Crystal Fortress is about to be conquered!"

**ATK: 5600**

Right, he was. Crystal Fortress only worked against monsters with a number of Attack Points equal to or lower than 5000. With that in mind, the five gems circling above Jesse's head faded into oblivion. "Shoot, not good!" he grunted.

"Yaaaay, Power Load! You're T.N.T.!" yelled Missy with both fists in the air. "Now go on and explode!"

Judging by the way Zane's coat fluttered as his beast charged up for an attack, the way the wind tousled his hair, he may have been on his way of doing just that. "This should provide a nice spike in duel energy! Here it is: Cyber End Dragon! _Super Strident Blaze!_"

_RRRRRRRRRZ!_

As the three beams of electricity bathed the area in a piercing white glow, Zane felt his own pulse thundering in his ears; a spell of dizziness clouded his mind. But it was not the bad kind of dizziness, oh no. What he felt at that moment was the sweet, exhilarating type of disorientation that accompanied the rush of adrenalin flooding through his being like rapids, the kind that he had felt only one other time: with his duel with Jaden Yuki.

In spite of this euphoria, his attack did not make its mark. Jesse still had another face-down, and just when his husky, tour-tusked mammoth stared into the face of certain death, he triggered it:

"…I'm playin' Amber Crystal Circle!"

His Carbuncle, his Cat, his Pegasus and his Turtle transformed into four beams of light. They arched over Amber Mammoth like single-color rainbows, ending at the amber jewel in the center of the Mammoth's head. At once, his jewel shimmered like a complete rainbow.

"Ya see, when my Amber Mammoth is attacked," shouted Jesse, looking as fierce and determined as ever, "and this Trap is played, his Attack Points git pumped up to the number of Attack Points that the rest of my Crystal Beasts total…and that gives 'im the same strength as your Cyber End Dragon's attack!"

An array of colors encompassed the Mammoth like a barrier, sending Zane's attack in any and all random directions. The impact was much too great to remain on Jesse's side; even Zane had to shield his eyes from the all-consuming brightness. His ears popped from the energy's deafening hum…and the distant shot of a missile.

That only meant one thing: the portal had been widened. The Rainbow Dragon had been sent through it. He had done his part.

Unfortunately, as soon as the light died down, he realized to his dismay that Jesse's image was becoming fuzzier and more distorted. They were already losing the transmission, and they hadn't even gotten the chance to finish this spectacular duel.

All Zane could say as the screen faded out was:

"Well played, Jesse."

He dismounted the platform, trying to shrug off the residual dizziness. His stoic expression masked the part of him that continued to burn with longing unfulfilled, hot enough to manifest itself in chest pain. It wasn't fair: how could he have finally met such a worthy opponent since Jaden Yuki, yet not even get to finish a duel with him? With the circumstances they'd played under, he probably should've expected it to be cut short.

But it was no use mourning about it. What became of the kids of Duel Academy was up to them, now. _Those kids better not screw it up_, he thought as Aster and Missy approached him.

"Nice work, Truesdale. I didn't expect anything less from you," said Aster.

Missy continued to jump around like a cheerleader on amphetamines. "Zane, that was _hot! _I was…I-I was…completely blown away! And-and-and…_God!_"

Zane could tell that she was too excited to say anything intelligent; a lot of girls were like that. He said nothing to either of them. Suddenly--

_Rrrrrip! _

Sara and Silpheed stumbled to and fro, mummified in the severed tent flap. The two seemed to be squealing for help, but were incomprehensible due to the fabric over their heads. Zane and Aster calmly stepped out of the way, but Missy was not as quick.

_Whump!_

She and Sara became a sloppy pile on the ground, grunting and kicking and cursing. They could've gone on like that for the rest of the day, had Missy not found her grip on the tent flap and rolled Sara out like a yo-yo. She sprawled out on the ground like a dead duck, while Silpheed tumbled out over her back, utterly out of it.

Sara, however, babbled up a storm. "Th-Thank the Lord of Laughter, we're alive! The tent tried to eat us!"

"Honestly, can't you do anything without dirtying someone up?" Missy grouched, getting up to dust herself off. Aster and Zane exchanged looks.

As Sara glanced up at the two Pro duelists, she flashed a lopsided smile. "Oh, hi, guys! What'd we miss?"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

**If it looks like I copied episode 128...I kind of did. I said I'd stick to canon, didn't I? **


	20. Act Twenty: Finale For The Moment

_**Disclaimer! **__**All fictional entities featured belong to Kazuki Takahashi and were rented by me. Except Sara Scinner and Silpheed the cockatoo; they're mine. This story has been beta-read by Pidge-san, AlukaKaiserin, and ChazzyLuverGurl. **_

**It pains me to say that this is the last chapter to this fic, folks. But don't worry, I'm picking it up again in the sequel. With what I've got in mind, I thought it best to separate it into two different stories. **

"_**CHEAP LAUGH" **_

_**ACT TWENTY**_

_**Finale (for now)**_

Two hours had trudged by since the team had launched the card through the portal. Everyone on the site watched the white hole in the dark sky in a unanimous apprehensive silence, waiting, wondering if the students of Duel Academy had received the Dragon, hoping they'd know what to do if they did.

Whispered Sara to Silpheed, "Gosh, I sure hope the aliens didn't intercept the missile."

"With a giant condom? _RAWK!_"

"Any way at all…ah, doi, what're we thinking? We need to be positive. Like Daddy would tell me: with positivity comes possibility." Beside the marker she and Silpheed perched on, Missy sat curled up on the ground with her face buried in her knees. She'd been under a sulking spell for most of the time, since Zane had discourteously rejected her offer of a water bottle.

Sara hopped down to Missy's level. She tapped on the top of her head. "Missy, what's the matter? Our friends are coming home; we should be happy."

Missy responded with a swat at Sara's hand, without so much as a brief glare. "Don't touch me."

That shut her up, though only for ten seconds to shove her tongue in her cheek and cook up a joke. Jokes always lightened up a situation. "So, what's the deal with Insect Princess? Is she and Insect Queen related or something? But the Princess is a butterfly, and the Queen's a spider…is she adopted?" She leaned back with a broad smile on her face.

"Man, I can only imagine what life is like for those two." Throwing her voice to a higher, squeakier pitch, she piped, _"Mooooom, can I go to the Honeydew Ball?" _

She then threw her voice to a lower, hoarser snarl: _"Absolutely not! You break curfew again, and I'll bite your head off, just like I bit off your father's!" _

_Ta-tap, RAP! _

Missy looked up at the two, not looking any happier. In fact, her face looked even redder, puffier and more unattractive, not from tears like before, but from rage.

Failing to notice that, Sara scratched her chin. "Which brings me to wonder: where's the Insect _King_? I guess that big ol' Great Moth is closest to being King, huh? That would explain a lot…"

Silpheed contributed to the joke with a squawk, "Insects are lesbians! _RAAAAWK! _Hot, hot, hot..."

Well, that was more than Missy could bear. In one brisk movement, she was up on her feet again, never realizing it as her hair--_WHAP!_--knocked Silpheed off of Sara's shoulder. Digging her high heels into the dirt, she yanked a startled Sara up by the collar of her jacket, holding her dangerously close to her tear-stained face. She shook a fist in front of her nose, barking, "How _dare_ you insult Her Majesty! It's terrible enough that my Prince is giving me the cold shoulder, but come on, wh-where do you get off, pouring sand into people's wounds?"

Sara just blinked, wondering what on Earth had gotten into the poor girl. "I'm not pouring sand." As she eased out of Missy's grip, she bent over to scoop up a handful of dirt from the ground.

"Now this," she chuckled, "this is pouring sand." Cupping the dirt in both hands, she let it fall out through her fingers in a thin, dusty stream. "Technically, this is dirt, but you get it, right?"

Missy must not have gotten it, because in the next second, she made a grab at her face. Barely managing to escape the tips of her pointy nails, Sara took off like the monster she was dressed as, scooping up Silpheed in a whirlwind of feathers. Though it was inconvenient to run in high heels, Missy still bounded after them, screaming about getting her shoes dirty or something along those lines.

"Help, help, she's trying to rip my face off!" Sara squealed, cradling dazed Silpheed in her arm like a baby. After two laps of this nonsense, she eventually climbed on top of a truck that Aster and Zane had been loitering about by since after the duel, neither of them saying a word.

Luckily, Missy was wheezing for breath by the time she had slowed down in front of the truck, her feet blistered something awful between her toes and on her heels. _THUD! _Like a newborn calf, she tripped over a web of wire, hair flopping over her face.

At that point, she'd given up on trying to kill Sara; she couldn't bear to have Zane see her with her make-up running. Mustering as much dignity as she could, she staggered back on her feet, wagged a warning finger at Sara and Silpheed with a sneer, and started to limp away, careening side to side, cursing to herself all the way.

As soon as Missy disappeared, Sara peeked over the side of the truck. "Wow, she looks terrible," she muttered. Noticing the two duelists standing beneath her, she hopped down the ladder. Silpheed was placed on her shoulder, too shaken up to say a word, for the moment, anyway.

When she scooted up next to Zane, she paused for a second before squeezing his shoulder. Sensing her presence, Zane shot her an unfriendly look. "Get your hand off my shoulder."

"Gosh, Missy's right. Your shoulder does feel kind of cold…were you being cold to her?" she asked in a curious and pseudo-demanding kind of way.

Zane promptly shook her off. "So what if I was?" he huffed.

"She really likes you, doesn't she? She's got a picture of you and everything."

"…A lot of girls do."

Sara leaned against the truck with a hand behind her head. "Well, don't you think you should be nicer to her?"

Zane shook his head; Sara clearly had no insight on the nature of fan girls. "If I honestly wanted a date, I would've asked Atticus to set me up."

"Hey, now, I'm not asking you to date her, Ziti; you shouldn't do stuff you don't want to. I'm just saying that you should be nicer about not liking her the same way she likes you. At least be friends."

"Or friends with benefits, _RAWK!_"

Sara scratched her cockatoo on the head. "No need for redundancy, Silph. Everyone already knows the benefits of having friends."

Zane rolled his eyes. Sometimes it seemed that the bird was more intelligent than his master. "Maybe I don't _want_ to be friends; you just said I shouldn't do things I don't want to."

Judging by how Sara was cramming her tongue in her cheek, her face as scrunched up as a pug's, Zane assumed that he'd just punched a giant hole in her logic. "Well, y-yeah, but why…how could…who the heck doesn't want friends?"

Even though Zane generally kept to himself, he had the slight habit of twisting others' brains by pointing out the flaws in their thinking, not for the sake of malice, but because someone needed to tell them they were wrong. Whether they'd heed him or not was not his problem; still, most people whose bubbles he had burst turned out better than before, like his brother. Why, if his own bubble hadn't been burst, he probably wouldn't have become what he was at the present.

"The world isn't made of sunshine or feathers or whatever you think it's made of; if it were, we probably wouldn't have lost Duel Academy. Not every random stranger you meet will be a friend; some of them never will be. It's that kind of trusting attitude that'll have you eaten alive."

Silpheed scratched the side of his head. "_RAWK! _Eaten, eaten!" he cackled.

Sara's eyes narrowed as she tipped her bucket-hat over her brow. "Well, that sounds awful selfish."

"It can't be any more selfish than wanting everyone around you to laugh like mindless hyenas."

Aster glanced at the two of them with mild interest, as though he were expecting a violent squabble to erupt. Indeed, the way Sara reacted looked like Zane had struck her in the face. She stumbled backward about four inches, hands over her mouth. She looked as white as Silpheed's feathers.

"…H-H-How is wanting people to laugh…s-s-s-selfish?" she gasped, practically choking on the word "selfish." He'd hit her where it hurt the most, which crossed him as a bit of a surprise, since Sara hadn't before taken much of anything that'd ever been said to her seriously.

Zane didn't stop there. "Exactly: _you _want people to laugh. I'm sure that you haven't once stopped and wondered if _they_ wanted to laugh. Why else was Bug Girl over there trying to kill you? And frankly, even if they did need a cheap laugh, you're much more talented at bringing grief. I mean, it's one thing to honestly duel like a wimp, but someone who does it on purpose just so they can amuse people needs to get committed."

Sara and Silpheed fell silent, more silent than any other time Zane had encountered them. Sara held up a finger and opened her mouth to shoot something back, but all that came out was a weak squeak. Slipping her hands behind her back, her neck shrunk into her shoulders, her face burning as red as her wrinkled scarf. Whether from anger or shame or whatnot, Zane didn't know, and couldn't care less.

The last words she stammered were: "Oh, yeah? W-Well…y-you can't wear shoes if you ain't got no _sole!_" The lack of relevance to the conversation only proved that she had nothing to say. With a flustered smile creeping over her lips that seemed almost uncharacteristic of her, she whirled around and zoomed off in the opposite direction so quickly that Silpheed almost lost his footing, and so hastily that they nearly tangled themselves up in the vast mess of cords.

Aster looked at his fellow Pro with a raised eyebrow. "Wow. Looks like someone's going through a nasty half-duel withdrawal."

That may or may not have been true--come on, that duel with Jesse was an utter thrill-ride, to say the least!--but Zane meant every word he said. He always did. And once he'd gotten that off his chest, he looked away from Aster and said nothing more for the rest of the time they spent waiting for a change in the portal…which turned out to be but ten seconds more.

…_SSSSSHHOOOOOOM._

He and Aster looked up to find the great white hole in the sky showering them all with ribbons of rainbow light. From the center of the hole, an arrow of piercing white light shot down to earth, right into the crater where Duel Academy had stood. At once, the ground rumbled underneath their feet; they shielded their faces from the incoming impact that followed the light. All was bathed in a sheer white glow.

From somewhere up in the heavens, Zane thought he could hear the thundering screech of a beast soaring by, heralding the safe return of the lost students. He assumed it to be none other than the fabled Rainbow Dragon. Oh, if only he was able to look up to see such a magnificent creature! Provided that that was what it was.

But the moment ended as soon as it began. As the light died down, everyone on the site dropped their guard. With it, the light had washed away the black clouds, leaving behind crystalline skies…and sure enough, the entire school building in place of the crater, like a miracle.

"It's returned!" exclaimed Aster.

_Thank you for pointing out the obvious._

The lost students circled around the building, unconscious between dislodged benches and small dunes of grey sand. Among them, Zane spotted his little brother and his group, leaning against the pillars. He did not step forward to wake them; there was no need to. One by one, the kids came around, each of them in one piece.

It didn't take them long to recognize that they were home, and when they did, their faces lit up like a string of Christmas lights. They scattered all around, some of them embracing each other, others charging onward to greet the team. Despite the mood, Zane and Aster stayed well out of the way, for neither of them were fans of joyous reunions.

* * *

Soon after the students had returned home, they immediately held a celebration in the Blue Dorms, all cleaned up for the occasion; everyone was there, Obelisk, Ra and Slifer student alike. Its tables were decked with all sorts of gourmet soups and sandwiches, and having been lost in an alternate dimension for almost a week, they feasted like ants over an abandoned sandwich crust.

Everyone, that is, except Sara and Silpheed, who hid behind a pillar while everyone else buzzed with chatter. Make no mistake, she was faint with delight about having everyone at home, sweet home, and she adored parties. Yet her happiness was watered down with the memory of what Zane had said to her. It stayed on her mind like a dreadful itch that was too far to scratch, the kind between one's shoulder blades.

"Silpheed, I'm not selfish, am I?"

Silpheed ruffled his feathers. "No. _RAWK!_"

For some reason, that did little to console her. Silpheed was her best friend; people closest to someone were obligated to reassure them. Actually, "I'm not selfish, am I?" sounded a bit selfish all by itself, when she ran it through her head again. Her stomach squeezed up like an accordion.

She reworded the question: "Silpheed, do _you _think I'm selfish?"

"_RAWK! _Don't be redundant!"

Sara shoved her tongue into her cheek. She hadn't before considered the concept of people not always being in the mood for a laugh. Why wouldn't they? How could they be content being miserable? Laughter prevented cancer, after all. It brought the world closer together.

Then again, maybe having a pie land in one's face wasn't all that pleasant, even if it was cherry-flavored. And perhaps running off while someone else got the beating was…

_Selfish? Me? Huh, I've been called a lot of things, but I've never been called _that. _I'm not selfish! Am I? _

While he preened his feathers, Silpheed pointed out, "_RAWK! _Ziti's a sad sack!"

"You've got a point: Ziti's such a big sad sack, he probably doesn't know what he's talking about, the poor fruit loop," nodded Sara. Taking a deep, thoughtful breath, she decided to join in the festivities. She hadn't even gotten around to welcoming anyone back yet.

So she jumped out from behind the pillar with her arms outstretched and a toothy grin. "Friends, teachers, countrymen, lend us your hands! 'Cause we've missed you, dang it!"

No one acknowledged the duo's presence. But then, everyone did look quite content with their drinks in hand. Sara scratched the tile floor with the tip of her toe. "Ah, that's okay! We understand that you need to take the load off. Please take your time, we insist!" she declared a little louder than she intended to.

No one said a word to them. Still, Sara felt that she needed to add something else: "And if you guys need a dose of something sweet, there's the dessert table, to the left. My left--I mean, _our_ left! And everyone can eat first, because we're not selfish shellfishes, are we, Silpheed?"

Someone finally poked their head out of the crowd. "Aw, shut up, already! What're you trying to do: draw all of the attention to yourself?"

_Yourself…self…selfish…shellfish._

Silpheed was on his way to jump off of her shoulder and re-acquaint himself to all of the ladies in the crowd, when Sara shrunk back behind the pillar.

"Um, sorry," she called out, "k-keep smiling!" She leaned her forehead against the cold marble pillar. She probably would've stayed there for the rest of the day, had she not heard the voice of her beloved principal conversing with someone at the front of the room.

"Study? Pegasus, there are still people missing: Professor Viper, Jesse, Adrian…"

"Of course, how insensitive of me."

A spark of recognition ignited in her mind when she heard that name, and for a moment, she forgot about her predicament.

"…No way! _The_ Pegasus is here at our school?!" She and Silpheed peeked out towards the portrait of Obelisk the Tormentor. Sure enough, there the man stood with Sheppard and Dr. Crowler, looking as fabulous as ever; camp, but fabulous.

"_RAWK! _Dude looks like a lady!"

Seeing one of her heroes in the flesh, Sara just had to dash across the foyer to bask in his essence. Imagine the look the founder of Duel Monsters adopted when he found a girl dressed as Sonic Duck hugging him around the torso! Silpheed was looking around for bodyguards.

"Sara? What in the world--"

"Peggy, Peggy, Peggy! Remember us from Pegasus World?"

"Er, can I help you?" he asked with a sheepish smile. His inexhaustible charisma was only one of the traits that Sara admired.

"M-Maybe I didn't tell you this last time, but _YOU…ARE...GOD!_ I mean, here you are at our school and here we are next to you and you're freaking awesome-nity in frills and-and-and--"

Dr. Crowler rushed over and quickly pried her off of Pegasus before she could finish her run-on sentence. "Young lady, that's no way to approach Mr. Pegasus! Yes, we all love him, but that gives you no right to be selfish, or crazy."

One minute, Sara was flailing her limbs all over like an upturned beetle; in the next, she fell almost completely limp at the word "selfish." That burst of euphoria was gone, blown out like a candle.

"…Sorry, Peggy," she mumbled, barely loud enough to let the company hear her. She extended a hand towards him. "Peace?"

Pegasus nodded with a warm smile what would've made her day any time, but for this time, did no such thing. "Why not?"

Before he could shake her hand, however, Crowler pointed her towards the refreshment table. "Why don't you go back and mingle with your friends? And try not to pounce on anyone, this time."

This crossed her as a surprise; before, Crowler would grant detention for every single time she acted out. She really couldn't help but pipe up, "You mean, you're not gonna give us detention?"

Sheppard shook his head. "Well, it only seems fair to let you off with a warning, since you've already been given four weeks' worth of detention."

She drooped like a thirsty flower. How could she have forgotten about that? And unless she was mistaken, she would start doing her time as soon as everything got back to normal. Suddenly, Sara didn't feel like partying anymore. So instead of mingling, she shuffled for the exit, paying no heed to the way Silpheed turned back to exchange any girl they passed "the eye," since he could no nothing else at the time being.

Sara tipped her bucket out of her face, only to have it slide back down; perhaps because her whole upper body was slouched. "Silpheed, I can't seem to keep my party hat on. I can't stop thinking about what Ziti said before everyone came back."

"Sad sack!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know he is. And yet, I'm starting to think that maybe he's right; maybe I _am _a selfish shellfish. Even the teachers think so. I dunno, Silpheed, my head is so confused…" She rubbed her temple in an attempt to ease the whirling sensation in her head.

"I don't care if people think I'm weird or dumb, because that's how comedians are supposed to act, anyway. But _selfish _is the last thing I wanna be. What should I do?"

She stopped to pace around in a circle, her tongue crammed into her cheek. If she couldn't stop herself from being selfish, maybe she needed help to learn how, help from the most selfless guy she knew. But who could that be?

_...Why, who else but ol' Jaden? _

Jaden had a knack of helping people out. He was like the Underdog, only with less body hair. Surely, if a trifle of his pure selflessness could rub off on her, then…well, things would be plain hunky-dory, wouldn't they?

Thus, Sara and Silpheed made the trek through the woods to the outskirts of the island where the Red Dorm stood. The trip didn't feel as long because as long as the two maintained at least an ounce of positivity, possibility awaited them. Unfortunately, when they braked in front of the stairway of the small, two-story building, they did not find Jaden, but two of his chums, Syrus and Hassleberry. They didn't look too happy.

Jogging in place, she called out to them: "Hey, you guys! Where's Jaden? I gotta talk to him!"

They looked up and shared a frown. "Sorry, but Jaden won't talk to anyone, right now," said Syrus.

At once, Sara froze, one foot hiked up in the air. Odd, Jaden was one of the most gregarious kids she knew. Why would he want to be alone? "But I _really _need to see him! It's urgent!"

Hassleberry narrowed his eyes at her, like she was a crook. "And what in Sam-hill would you want from 'im?"

As she tried to squeeze her way in between the boys, Sara grunted, "I just wanna talk to him about something. Come on!" But the combined strength of the two was like battering a brick wall, and ultimately, the two wound up shoving _her_ away, instead. Silpheed almost fell off of her shoulder; he clung onto her cape for dear life by his claw.

"Look, soldier, the Sarge is already in a funk! He don't need you to add to his burden," snapped Hassleberry.

"Yeah, just because he solves other people's problems, doesn't mean he doesn't have his own to deal with," scolded Syrus. "And he got us back home; what more do you want?" As the two headed inside, he added something that made Sara's stomach squeeze up even tighter than an accordion:

"Sheesh, people can be so selfish, sometimes."

That made her knees as wobbly as gelatin, the kind with fruit in it. She had to lean against the nearest support beam to keep on her feet. "For the love of gaiety! Is it in my blood, or what?" Silpheed stayed quiet; at this particular time, a sex-joke probably wouldn't make anything funnier.

The whole concept of Jaden being miserable sounded pretty foreign. Even so, she felt that she should go up there and cheer him up. But if she did, would he want her help? Would it make her selfish?

Sara peeked up at the balcony. Whatever had dampened Jaden's sunny disposition must've been awful heavy; she could sense the rain clouds hovering around in his room from down here. She then turned her gaze to the entrance of the dorm. His friends had gone inside. Maybe they wouldn't notice…

With one hand, she reached out to grab the railing of the stairway. Feet dragging through the dirt, she pulled herself over to the first step.

_Creak. _

Hassleberry must've had the ears of a bloodhound, because at that measly groan, he popped his head out of the door. "Hey! Stay away from the Sarge, or consider yerself dishonorably discharged!" he roared.

From the reptilian-like snarl that traced his tone, Sara assumed that he meant that. She and Silpheed hopped right off and cowered underneath the steps.

* * *

What a shame that Jesse Andersen hadn't returned home; Zane was hoping on catching up to him for a chance to finish that duel. Since he was no party animal, he had wandered out to the outskirts of Duel Academy, where all of his old friends had gathered. When he arrived, the first thing he noticed was old Sara and Silpheed shivering underneath the stairway.

He shook his head, strolling past her without even a second glance, or a second thought. The second thing he noticed was Aster standing by the door with his arms folded over his chest. There seemed to be something going on inside, and Aster was eavesdropping on it. Rather than going right up and asking what was happening, he stopped around the corner and listened for himself. From beyond the rugged walls, he could hear the somber voice of his former master and principal.

"…The doctors ran all sorts of tests, but they could find no explanation for his condition, medically speaking."

"Do you mean to say…that it was _Yubel?_" gasped his old friend, Atticus. They hadn't even spoken since last year, when Atticus had tried to "snap him out of it."

"Nobody can know, for sure. But I do know that each time Jaden put Yubel in his deck, bad things would happen to his opponents. Eventually, everyone in the neighborhood got spooked and refused to duel Jaden, so long as he had that card."

"So then, what'd the Sarge go and do?"

"Well, as luck would have it, Kaiba Corp was accepting card submissions at that same time. The winning designs would be shot into space and be infused with special cosmic matter. Jaden submitted a design for Neos, which was accepted. But he also convinced Kaiba Corp to send up Yubel. He loved that card so much, he could never get rid of it. Instead, he hoped that the cosmic infusion would make her safe to use.

"And so, two satellites were sent into space: one with Yubel, the other with Neos. The cosmos did their thing, and made Neos a great success. But Yubel, on the other hand…well, we're just now learning the effects: effects that are quite troubling, and that perhaps only Jaden has any true insight into."

In spite of his reputation as a duelist, Jaden was sort of like an onion: so many layers to his story; the more one peeled away at them, the deeper his character got…and the more it reeked with nonsense. Still, hearing about this "Yubel" monster struck Zane as intriguing. It was one of those high-level creatures.

"So it wasn't just Jaden's Neo Spacians and my Destiny Heroes that were touched by the cosmos, but Yubel was, too. Very, very interesting." He recognized this new voice to be Aster's. At that point, he decided to pop out of the corner.

"Hmm, that you, Zane?"

"Tell me, you wouldn't happen to have any interest in that Yubel card, would you now, Aster?"

Aster gave a nonchalant shrug. "Of course not. Why would I care about some A.W.O.L. Duel Spirit?"

"Hn, you tell me." Right when he said that, something terrible happened: a spell of sharp pain in the center of his chest, like someone was stabbing needles through his heart. Having not felt it for a while, he thought that he had it under control. In the midst of all this excitement, he realized that he must have neglected to take his medicine with him. Zane took a sharp intake of breath as his hand darted right over his chest.

Aster raised both eyebrows. "You okay? What's wrong?" How embarrassing, to display weakness in front of a rival.

Zane quickly took his hand off of his chest. "Nothing, I'm fine," he covered up with a smirk.

Fortunately, Phoenix didn't pursue the matter any further. He looked away and dismissed, "Whatever. It's not like I care, anyway."

_Yubel…a high-level Duel Spirit. She'd make a fitting opponent for a duelist of my caliber. _If Jesse couldn't be recovered, he could go for the next best thing.

Just then, he felt someone tug on one of the straps to his jacket. Aster was ten feet in front of him, Jaden was sulking in his room, and everyone else was inside. That only left one person.

He peeked over his shoulder; sure enough, Sara was yanking on his jacket, her face crumbled with anxiety, the kind that came with chronic indecisiveness. "_Pssst!_ Ziti! You got a minute? Can you, like, go up there and ask Jay if he needs some cheering up, please?"

Zane glared at her like she's just spat in his face. He ripped her hand off his jacket. "Do it yourself."

"I can't. General-saurus in there said he's gonna come out and dishonorably discharge us, whatever that means. But it sounds pretty bad." Funny; Sara hadn't before come across as the type to worry about consequences.

"The bird can fly, can't he? Make him do it."

"He's being chicken, right now," Sara mumbled, pointing at her cockatoo some feet away, who was scratching at the ground and poorly imitating chicken squawks.

"_Rawk-rawk-ra-KAWK! I'm a cock…erel!" _

"I have _got _to remember to restock on Silpheed Snacks," she sighed. "All this excitement's been having me blow it off."

"…Why would you want to know how Jaden feels, anyhow?"

With her beak stuck up in the air and chest puffed out, Sara tipped her bucket out of her face. If she was trying to look noble, she was doing a poor job at it. "'Cause I'm not selfish, that's why. I'm not trying to be…"

Oh, _that _was why she was acting dumber than usual? Zane certainly wasn't going to do any favors, but he also didn't feel like arguing, especially since his heart began to bother him again.

So…

"Kid, if you're looking for self-improvement, I'm the wrong guy to turn to. And I doubt that Jaden's in any mood to be anyone's guru, right now. But if you want answers, there is someone you should look for."

Aster leaned in just a little further to hear what Zane was going to say.

Sara's face lit up like a stained glass lamp. "You do?"

"Her name's Sara. Sara Scinner. You can find her back at Duel Academy." He pointed back at the building. With the sun setting behind it, it glowed an ethereal orange, almost like a beacon of hope.

Predictably, Sara jumped up and down, clapping her hands and grinning like a seven-year-old. "No kidding? Awesome-nity! Maybe this Sara character can help me out! Come on, Silpheed, let's fly! We'll be right back!" Snatching up Silpheed as a falcon snatched up a fish, she sped on down the dusty road until she became nothing more than a dot on the horizon.

Aster cocked his head to one side, his lips in a half-smirk. "Wow, Truesdale; you just told her to get lost. I didn't think you were capable of sounding so nice about it."

Zane simply folded his arms and propped himself against the wall. His eyes focused on the blanket of darkness that continued to spread across the sky. _If I'd known that that was all it took, I would've done that a long time ago. But, at least she's gone…_

"Hey, Zane, check it out. Where's Jaden off to in such a hurry?" Aster motioned to the staircase, where Jaden was indeed running down its steps. On his back, he bore a backpack; on his face, he bore an anxious frown. As he vanished around the corner, he didn't stop to greet either of the Pro duelists. Something must've been up.

…_and by the looks of things, I can consider myself gone, too. _

Zane's thoughts were confirmed when Aster picked up his briefcase, his amused expression replaced with a sense of curiosity, urgency, even. "I don't know about you, but I think we should follow him, see what he's up to."

* * *

By the time Sara and Silpheed had arrived in the vacant schoolyard, the sun had sunk completely into the sea. She slouched on top of an upturned bench, panting like a mackerel left on the pier. Silpheed took advantage of the stop by reclaiming his spot on Sara's shoulder.

Sara wearily looked up into the evening sky. "Aw, nuts! It's gotten dark. Everyone's probably gone to bed, by now."

"_RAWK! _Sara?"

She straightened up and placed her hands on her knees, her tongue shoved into her cheek. "She must live at our dorm, what with being a girl, and all. So I guess we'll just go back and find her room."

"Sara!"

"Yep, Sara. Sara Scinner."

Silence.

That's when it dawned on her. Her head shot up with the velocity of a spork when it was used to chuck foodstuff across the table.

"_Heeeeey_, hold the phone! _I'm _Sara Scinner! And I'm just as confused as…well, me! Wh-What just happened?"

Silpheed rolled his beady eyes. "You got hosed, Sara, you got hosed, _RAWK!_"

Rather than get upset, Sara took a moment to tap on her chin and appreciate the ingenuity behind this hosery. "You know, for a sad-sack, Ziti's quite the prankster. He got us good. But still!"

She sprang back up on her feet with a pout. Instead of heading back to her quarters, she swerved a hundred-eighty degrees, back on the path to the Slifer dorm. The cool breeze teasing her hair and Silpheed's feathers made the trip more bearable for them both; all that sweat had made her neck itch and clam up in her scarf. She pulled off her beak to indulge in the fresh air, stretching out her arms like wings to catch the wind underneath them. That was the way she usually ran; it made her feel like she could fly, or at least go really fast, just like Sonic Duck. And all Silpheed could do was hold on for dear life, dangling by the tips of his talons like a fake raccoon tail hanging off the back of a hot rod.

But like her monster, she couldn't slam on the brakes as soon as the Slifer dorm rolled up ahead of them. Funny thing, though; all the windows had gone dark. She wound up sliding into the dirt like a baseball player diving for home plate, skidding to a halt in front of the staircase--_CLUNK!_--making contact with the first step. A cloud of dust and fake green feathers remained in her wake.

Silpheed had leapt off to safety seconds before she had tripped. He hopped all around her, shrieking about whether or not she was dead, which, fortunately, she wasn't. Lucky she wore a bucket, yes?

Sara winced from the combined ache in her cranium and the pain throbbing from her skinned extremities, but it didn't stop her from wobbling back on her feet. Shaking like a wet dog, it took the background in front of her seven seconds to get back into focus.

But to her surprise, no one was there. No Ziti, no Aster, no Hassleberry, no one. Had they turned in?

"Awright, Ziti, I--huh? Aw, man! I said we'd be right back!" she sputtered, her sore tongue hanging out of her mouth since she'd bitten down on it. "Phoenix! Jaden! Ziti! Anyone home?"

A Slifer boy tore open his door. "Yo, whoever's out there, pipe down, why don't ya?" Sara could not see his face with the lack of lighting, but he was no Jaden, that was for sure.

"Where's Ziti? Where's anyone? Are they here?"

"How should I know? Why don't you go look for them, and get lost, while you're at it?" Before long, several other boys poked out of their windows and doors, cursing out the noise-makers.

"_RAWK! _Bite us, bite us hard!"

"Um, thanks, anyway, friends! Sleep tight! Don't let the cockroaches bite!"

Sara picked up her feathered companion and dashed back down the path before a full-fledged riot could ensue. That Ziti: one of the weirdest sad sacks she'd ever met, and as slippery as the coat he wore. But no matter where he went, she would find him. After all, even though that joke of his was clever, she still didn't quite get it (and she usually got a joke when she heard one). Why would he tell her to turn to herself? Wouldn't that only make her more selfish?

Had she gone in the opposite direction, however, she probably wouldn't have missed the mysterious flash of light crowning the tree-line, from some hundred feet away. Which was exactly where Ziti had gone.

_**END…?**_


End file.
